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View Poll Results: Can a Man and a Women be Just Friends?
Yes 269 83.02%
No 55 16.98%
Voters: 324. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 2008-05-06, 19:57   Link #81
kayote
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i don't claime it to be for all of the friends, for the select few that just happens.

i have great friends and some of them the reason i know them is because of that fraction of a second. we are friends and nothing more but, if it had not been for that i would not know them.
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Old 2008-05-06, 22:21   Link #82
Demongod86
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Actually I forget who said this but on an MTV or 6 ABC show I heard one guy say this:

Science says if I find you attractive I want to have sex with you.
Social norms say I shouldn't.

Essentially it's nature vs. nurture, and he's saying that nature is always there, which I am inclined to agree with.
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Old 2008-05-07, 00:47   Link #83
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Demongod86 View Post
Actually I forget who said this but on an MTV or 6 ABC show I heard one guy say this:

Science says if I find you attractive I want to have sex with you.
Social norms say I shouldn't.

Essentially it's nature vs. nurture, and he's saying that nature is always there, which I am inclined to agree with.
So MTV is the place to pick up scientific information now, is it? I think it's total BS, and if there's a scientific paper that says otherwise I'd like to see it and scrutinize it for myself. I don't see how it's possible. Attractive isn't a black and white aspect. Just because I think someone has very nice eyes doesn't mean I want to screw her, yet that would be a form of attraction.
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Old 2008-05-07, 00:53   Link #84
Kang Seung Jae
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Demongod86 View Post
Science says if I find you attractive I want to have sex with you.
Social norms say I shouldn't.

Essentially it's nature vs. nurture, and he's saying that nature is always there, which I am inclined to agree with.
Attraction = Sex Appeal?


That would be BS, according to my logic.
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Old 2008-05-07, 00:54   Link #85
Reckoner
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I think it's total BS.
BS makes the flowers grow and I think that's beautiful .

No but really, although some psychologists and scientists try to oversimplify the human mind to just primitive thoughts, the basic fact of the matter is that we have control of our mental state of mind, while our bodies physically may want something, my mind will say no and I think that is what truly matters and not basic human instincts.
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Old 2008-05-07, 03:01   Link #86
Areguzanda
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I can see the difficulty for a guy to just be friends with a girl, IF he doesen't have a GF. But if the guy is a reasonable fair guy, and the girl just want to be friends and nothing more, then I don't see the problem, because (normally) a guy can't force a girl to be his GF. (Unless he's an total moron that is).
I myself have a lot of friends, acctually mostly girls at the moment since a lot of my guy friends have moved away to schools and stuff. An since I'm really just interested in one girl at the moment I have no problem what so ever to just be friends with other girls.
I guess it just dipends on the situation, though it is absolutely possible for a man and a woman to just be friends.
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Old 2008-05-07, 10:27   Link #87
Solais
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So, maybe Freud was all wrong, after all?
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Old 2008-05-07, 11:32   Link #88
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by Areguzanda View Post
I can see the difficulty for a guy to just be friends with a girl, IF he doesen't have a GF.

Out of curiosity; why would it matter if he has a GF?

Do you suddenly become incapable of having friends of a particular gender when you get into a relationship?
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Old 2008-05-07, 11:35   Link #89
King Lycan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Solais View Post
So, maybe Freud was all wrong, after all?
I think he is right when he said everything we do is sex related
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Old 2008-05-07, 11:50   Link #90
Kyuusai
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Solais View Post
So, maybe Freud was all wrong, after all?
Freud brought many good concepts to acceptance of the neurological and psychiatric community, but he's remembered more for being influential than being right. Like so many who go into psychiatry and psychology, pretty disturbed, himself, and projected his personal issues into his work enough that he was wrong on many, many things. But hey, there's a reason it's called a "soft science".

A Newsweek article referred to him as "history's most debunked doctor". I can't say that's inaccurate.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheyannew View Post
Out of curiosity; why would it matter if he has a GF?

Do you suddenly become incapable of having friends of a particular gender when you get into a relationship?
No, but without the emotional (and perhaps sexual) outlet, there is a greater drive to seek such an outlet. That extra little tinge of "desperation".

Quote:
Originally Posted by King Lycan View Post
I think he is right when he said everything we do is sex related
With the caveat that I've already stated that human sexuality plays a pervasive role in life...

You think so because you're obsessed. One day you'll have something you value that isn't pornography and you'll reevaluate.
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Last edited by Kyuusai; 2008-05-07 at 12:25.
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Old 2008-05-07, 12:44   Link #91
TinyRedLeaf
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*Strictly speaking, this post would be out-of-topic based on the new rules. It's up to the mods' discretion whether it should be allowed, I suppose.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyuusai
Like so many who go into psychiatry and psychology, pretty disturbed, himself, and projected his personal issues into his work enough that he was wrong on many, many things. But hey, useful as the field is, there's a reason it's called a "soft science".
Spoiler for sideline discussion that is out-of-topic:


========

Back to topic. I'm very reluctant to vote on the poll. My gut feel is "No". In my experience, it is actually quite difficult for men and women to be "just friends". I'm working on the assumption that if the friendship becomes deep enough, romantic attraction inevitably creeps in at one point or another.

Now, the attraction might be there, but it doesn't mean that either party would automatically act on it. This hence gives rise to the general impression that normal friendship is indeed possible.

I honestly don't think so. Rather, I think that what usually happens is that you're putting that person, man or woman, in "cold storage". That is, if the possibility of romance does indeed arise, you'd probably go for it.

Note: In my mind, romantic attraction =/= SEX. Sex is a part of romance, but it is by far and away not the only factor.

But my opinion is hardly politically correct, is it? Hence, you'd be hard pressed to make me admit it in public to my female friends. They'll lynch me before I can say "sorry".
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Old 2008-05-07, 12:53   Link #92
2H-Dragon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Demongod86 View Post
Actually I forget who said this but on an MTV or 6 ABC show I heard one guy say this:

Science says if I find you attractive I want to have sex with you.
Social norms say I shouldn't.

Essentially it's nature vs. nurture, and he's saying that nature is always there, which I am inclined to agree with.
Well in Nature we'd want to make babies, but how do you explain gay people then?
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Old 2008-05-07, 12:58   Link #93
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by 2H-Dragon View Post
Well in Nature we'd want to make babies, but how do you explain gay people then?
Because if all animals were trying to compete and reproduce, society would rip itself apart. Homosexuality occurs in nearly all animals, believe it or not. One theory (which I find someone viable, although it may be offensive to homosexuals) is that nature deemed homosexuals to be the "drones" of society. In other words, instead of using up time and energy attempting to fight for mates and raise children, these individuals simply work within the society and help to advance it forward by contributing their energy toward the rest of the members.

One explanation among many. Stating that "we exist to reproduce" is to take a very simplistic look at biology and nature.
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Old 2008-05-07, 13:32   Link #94
tripperazn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2H-Dragon View Post
Well in Nature we'd want to make babies, but how do you explain gay people then?
There are a multitude of theories on how people "become" gay. I believe the currently leading theory is an abnormal influx of estrogen into the male fetus (or androgens into the female fetus) during prenatal development that "causes" homosexuality. However, many ancient civilizations practiced homosexuality on a large-scale (most famously the Greeks), so I don't know if it's genetics at all.

Anyway, that's really not the point of this discussion. I think the central question could be rephrased as: Could two people feel some level of mutual attraction and remain friends? Whether that be two homosexual individuals of the same sex, or 2 heterosexual individuals of the opposite sex.

I do think so, but only under certain circumstances.

1. One or more of the individuals involved is in a relationship. This definitely doesn't apply for everyone, but I personally am less aware of attractive female friends when in a relationship. Also, the "off-limits" feeling you get when the other person is not currently available usually prevents you from making the first move.

2. If the girl values the worth of your friendship more than the worth of your potential as a boyfriend. I think this is really the basis of the infamous Ladder Theory, or at least, this is what I would take away from it (ie. NOT the misogyny or bitterness). By actively pursuing a friend romantically, you are risking your mutual friendship. If that risk isn't worth the reward, this isn't going to happen.

I think the reason that a lot of people think this is impossible in the long term is that these circumstances change with time. Two people may have become close when one is in a relationship. When that changes, it's possible that they may no longer seek to be "just friends". Some people, especially the shy ones, may have an extremely attractive personality when he feels comfortable with another person. At that point, maybe his worth as a friend to the girl is not as high as his worth as a boyfriend. I've seen both of these happen many people, including myself.
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Old 2008-05-07, 17:24   Link #95
Kang Seung Jae
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Solais View Post
So, maybe Freud was all wrong, after all?
I'm one of the people who would say: He generalized too much.
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Old 2008-05-07, 19:27   Link #96
FireBorn
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believe it or not, there are some people who don't care about sex.

Quote:
So, maybe Freud was all wrong, after all?
it's hilarious how these sorts of topics always end up in a debate about Freud or some kind of genetics. sigh lol
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Old 2008-05-08, 00:04   Link #97
Vexx
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Freud is pretty well discredited. He just happens to be one of the early ones to take a shot at psychology as a science.

Whats interesting is how few people can name any modern day researchers. A few people can recognize Skinner though his work has also been shown to be limited (black box analysis and what-goes-in-equals-what-comes-out).

Most of the soft sciences involving psychology, sociology, or anthropology are still in their infancy.
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Old 2008-05-08, 00:43   Link #98
HayashiTakara
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Heres a little fun fact... I forgot where I read it from, but I was interested in finding out why there are gay men and women, as I myself don't quite understand it. So I wanted to read whatever "scientific" research I can find. But, heres the little fact. It was found that gay men had the same brain mass density as a women, while gay women had the same brain mass density as a man... basically, its a man who was born with a female's brain and vice versa.

Anyway, lets not go anymore into this, as its a bit OT. But, I believe it is nurture that affects whether a man and women can be friends. Its dependent on how your parents raised you, and the type of friends you associate with, and several other things.
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Old 2008-05-08, 01:26   Link #99
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HayashiTakara View Post
Heres a little fun fact... I forgot where I read it from, but I was interested in finding out why there are gay men and women, as I myself don't quite understand it. So I wanted to read whatever "scientific" research I can find. But, heres the little fact. It was found that gay men had the same brain mass density as a women, while gay women had the same brain mass density as a man... basically, its a man who was born with a female's brain and vice versa.
I'm not familiar with the exact study you're mentioning, but what you may be referring to is the corpus callosum, or the bit of the brain that connects both brain hemispheres. In women this structure is thicker than it is in hetereosexual men. In homosexual men, the structure was found to be thicker than in hetereosexual men, although not quite as thick as in women. (Lesbians had no notable difference, according to what I read.) It isn't definite proof, but it may serve to show that your sexuality isn't a choice, but physiologically determined.
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Old 2008-05-08, 02:35   Link #100
Astrana
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i am a man, and I go watch chick flicks with my female friends sometimes.
and we are just friends.
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