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Old 2009-08-15, 19:14   Link #261
Galatea33
the opposing wind
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Jakarta. (Europe soon ^u^)
Age: 30
Hello, I recently stumbled onto the thread and have a poem to share, it's not new- I had this in an online poetry site, but rarely write again now, hope I can gain constructive thoughts from here ^^

Document to Kill

Why do we live in grief?
And regularly breathe in our constant kill

Why do pleasures play men like dogs and bones
Poured on their face, a plague marched asunder

I’ve taste the sensitivity of sin and bliss
Crappy as my bones now ready to croak
And my teeth shrinking off my jaws
I could’ve shrieked like a fool girl!

May I let my ego float over these centric cities?
And meet the very name of
Karma, Karma
Life, she spit me out her breath
Wise as I am
A little girl, a little girl I am

Karma, Karma
Love, she hung me on her neck
Wild as I am
But Mommy doesn’t know her name…

I’m now halfway more to the moon…
Now I’m halfway more to the moon…

Dear citizens, please mark your plate;
Singular verse in every order
Symptoms are for lunatic
Robotic mercantilism

Dear citizens,
You are now reaching an unknown era;
Madmen are flawless
Poets are enchant less
We are the mannequins of our devilish wisdom
The un-admitting widower
Thus we could’ve slept slower
Into the arm of our Hungarian lover
So sleep, sleep late ‘til you dead

Planetarians subsidiary
Directory underwater
Equilibrium Management
Numerous incentives

The fairy is burning
The monument is breaking
The temples are lacking
And dancing us in

Mad. Yes… let’s be mad with
Our sensual harassment consistency…

Kill, Kill

That flavor… that wills us to kill

This Document,
....................is to Kill.


Pity

I Pity

...us for this.



*Author's note :
Since my childhood, I've been very sensitive to what's happening around me. Sometimes I just sit amidst the crowd at let all the emotions pouring in... yet this is what I gaze as I see our Human value..diminished slowly as we enter the world's new age...
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Last edited by Galatea33; 2009-08-18 at 06:45. Reason: correcting grammatical error
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Old 2009-10-07, 20:24   Link #262
Guernsey
The GAP Man
 
 
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Age: 26
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I am attempting to create a fic where I can deconstruct a genre of anime specifically the mahou shoujo/magical girl genre. I had read Sailor Nothing and watched Mai Hime however I still feel as though I can use more research on the topic of magical girl or deconstruction. I am not trying to create another Watchmen or Evangelion, I am not really all too sure that I create something at that level but I seem to want to subvert, avert and and possibly invert quite a few tropes in the genre. How much research do I need on magical girls, deconstruction or just about any on storytelling? What would be a good idea for magical girl story that takes something and twists it? And do I need all that mind boggling symbolism that I find prevalent in such literature?
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Old 2009-10-07, 20:42   Link #263
ClockWorkAngel
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I would say it'd take alot of planning.

The first thing you've gotta establish is the message; what are you trying to say about Mahou Shoujous? Once you've gotten a clear message you want to project through your writing, you'll have a much easier path.

The necessary world would depend on the message and the characters I would assume. At the worst case you could do something on the lines of Anti-Heroes.

But hopefully you'll create an entertaining story too; so I would actually recommend reading actiony stories, things with decent combat or something along those lines.

Good luck with brain child, keep at it and so long you don't give up you can achieve whatever's in your head right now
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Old 2009-10-07, 21:05   Link #264
GuruSharky
The Muffin Man
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: The magical land of Sugar Dust and Fairy Droppings.
I myself am a very experienced writer. For about 8 years now. I write poetry, novels, short stories, and rants. I'm also a journalist.

I'll post some of my poems and stuff ^^

that document to kill on a few posts up, that's a real beautiful poem.
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Old 2009-10-07, 22:29   Link #265
Ricky Controversy
Frandle & Nightbag
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Did a free-writing exercise last night, gave two minutes over to it, here's the resulting dribble.

Seven Ten Ought Nine

One man to another says, "This suits you better than you'd care to admit," gesturing up at the laden clouds. They've not broken yet, there's still time...still time. The other man, putting up a wall of quiet indignation, is nevertheless partaking in a dialogue with his fellow. He knows it, clearly, because the articulation of his silence would still be in quotes. It's a curious notion, he is thinking, that when people say nothing, we are taught in grammar school to note that as if it has meaning all its own.

Another, we shall call him, wonders to himself precisely what sort of wordless statement he has conveyed to his accuser and is baffled by the myriad possibilities lying there until his anxieties compel him to clarify.

"I'm of a rather light disposition today, I'll thank you not to assign me moods."

"Truly? Hm, and yet all of lecture you were biting your lower lip. What does this mean~?" this harasser, this imp seems more a boy as he sings his inquisition. Somehow it only makes the whole process more unsettling.

"Is that where your eyes were at for two hours?" the poor blighted soul retorts, hoping to create distance by offense. It doesn't work.

"You know tension's magnetic to me. It's so delightful watching each set of muscles articulate anguish in its unique fashion. So tell me, that first furrowing of the brow was...?"

"..." In this instance, we should note, the long-sufferer knew full well what that ellipse said. Nothing, and can't you understand that's why?

"Ah!" the jester-like youth drops to the ground, throwing the back of his hand against his forehead and writhing about. More looks come his direction than our victim is comfortable with. He seems taken with a hex, and we all would look on in wonder, of course, at the closest person to the afflicted. That is how a scapegoat is determined; the first thing which comes to mind. "Dear God, it is the melancholia!" the man-boy shrieks.

"What."

"The melancholia," he reiterates, pausing in mid-twist and looking genuinely surprised. "Ah, could it be my love doesn't know? It is the curse of the artiste, the raison d'etre, the wabi and sabi by which we are driven to give birth to that which is called beautiful!" he says with a flourish. Ham acting; amateur player on the streets of Boston. If it is possible for a man to be crafted entirely out of bombast, then Science shall behold that we have found him here. That sentence was ironic, so you should laugh now.

"Get up, get up," the victim grunts, extending a hand to his tormentor and yanking him up too roughly. "It's nothing quite so elaborate."

A long silence is spent, evaluating, perhaps.

"Is that so," the scoundrel murmurs, then nods, satisfied. "Yes, you're right. Something else, isn't it, something shapeless. Yes, yes...that's less cliche, isn't it, but not so much so that you could be condemned as too experimental. So savvy of you, perfect."

The patient drags his hand across his face, feeling the contours of his weariness upon it. They walk on in a sort of silence through the city: not traditional, for the bastard continues to expel air from the largest hole in his face, and sometimes it even sounds like words, but it counts for silence in that nothing true is said. Finally, the victim stops.

"You're just too clever for me, I guess," he says, spinning on his heels and walking the other way. The imp smiles. "I'm going home."

"That's good, my friend, that's exactly right," he whispers. "Sooner or later, all the talking becomes self-indulgent and when that happens you are dangerously close to..." A beat. "Oops."
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Old 2009-10-08, 06:17   Link #266
GuruSharky
The Muffin Man
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: The magical land of Sugar Dust and Fairy Droppings.
It's really good!

A teensy bit wordy in some parts but it is an engaging read.

Your imagery is stunning
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Old 2009-10-08, 16:33   Link #267
ClockWorkAngel
Aspiring Aspirer
 
 
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Location: Somewhere Over The Rainbow, Canada
Age: 22
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I have began going back into the dread genre of action for a short long story.

The story could be described as a story about disembodied souls and the lives they are trying to live again.

Spoiler for Ghost Story:


The story however truly begins in Chapter 3
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Old 2009-10-09, 00:36   Link #268
Galatea33
the opposing wind
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Jakarta. (Europe soon ^u^)
Age: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post

Edit...

"The melancholia," he reiterates, pausing in mid-twist and looking genuinely surprised. "Ah, could it be my love doesn't know? It is the curse of the artiste, the raison d'etre, the wabi and sabi by which we are driven to give birth to that which is called beautiful!" he says with a flourish. Ham acting; amateur player on the streets of Boston. If it is possible for a man to be crafted entirely out of bombast, then Science shall behold that we have found him here. That sentence was ironic, so you should laugh now.
The bold part = my favorite

Quote:
"That's good, my friend, that's exactly right," he whispers. "Sooner or later, all the talking becomes self-indulgent and when that happens you are dangerously close to..." A beat. "Oops."
b I feel the excitement for sure

@ ClockWorkAngel
I really like your writing => but first, m-m-m- more pages please
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Old 2009-10-11, 12:27   Link #269
ClockWorkAngel
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Chapter Three, I'll be thinking of archiving this somewhere probably... we'll see :/

Spoiler for Chapter Three:
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Old 2009-10-11, 19:14   Link #270
Ricky Controversy
Frandle & Nightbag
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
A humorous poem written when I was 17.

--- --- ---

a letter written upon returning to life

to my most esteemed hostess
the charming, incomparable, generous Lady Dirt

hello, how are you?
you know, your generosity proved true.
you took me in while i slept
you kept me warm within, at such you're adept
i'm sure it wasn't easy in your busy spring state
with other tenants oh so sleazy, you can scarcely bear the weight
of your own sins

the truth is very plain, you are the Wife of Bath
with what weed without a name have you not done some reproductive math?
such dirty dirt, away with you. babylon was built on such dirt.

but i digress

i pray you'll smile and one day see me
not along your tainted mile, but through potted confinements made free
there the chaste soil married me, and again i found the strength to bloom
my true name—you'll learn—is Glory, which i'll show with my new elbow room

i hope you keep your lovers warm
until you're the home of an insect swarm

all due respects, compliments, favors, flatteries, etc.
Sir Morning Glory
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Old 2009-10-12, 02:19   Link #271
Miko Miko
Imouto-Chan♥
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: England
Age: 20
Hey! My first ever post in this thread I do believe!

I haven't been writing very long and would like some constructive criticism on this please.



A Broken Feeling
Music CD's skipping,
To the beat of my heart,
Violins playing,
To the rhythm of my tears.

And I curl up in a ball,
I know you'll catch me when I fall,
And I'm sure, We've been through it all..
But now I know..

The trust is here,
There's nothing to fear,
I tell you it all and we'll see,
Is it real or fake?
Will I ever be awake?
Or will I live A broken feeling.
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Old 2009-10-15, 18:33   Link #272
Ricky Controversy
Frandle & Nightbag
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
in the image of our affections

when we have satisfied mandos
and taken up the reins for our self
when we live solely by choice
and the wheels turn by the blink of the mind's eye

we will set adrift in the infinite sky
a sun, a moon, a sea of days
we will set apart these things
in the image of our affections

that we might look to them when we have nothing more to dream of
and perhaps, in that moment, silence our trembling hearts
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Last edited by Ricky Controversy; 2009-10-15 at 18:51.
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Old 2009-10-17, 05:58   Link #273
StefDeathNote
Junior Member
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Southern Italy
Heya people I've wrote 3 poems,I'll let you read them, tell me what do you think.

Thinking
We are sat on a hill
Looking at the sun
Which lends the sky to the night
We have been thinking
Of what could have been happening,
But the gentle violence of our thoughts
Is infecting our souls.
We have been thinking
Of our deepest dreams,
Sharing the inner meaning of them
With the person we love.
We have been thinking
Of what's wrong,what's right, what's the best,
But the important is what our heart suggests.

A Not Lived Romance
A gloomy day is coming thruough my heart.
I keep asking why.
Why I cannot like my romance.
I want to know the reason why
My breaths can't reach his mind.
Falling in my own world
I just can't stop asking
Why i cannot live my romance.
Do i deserve all this?
Do i deserve to get hurt by a dream?
DrOps of memories softly touch my soul;
And whispers are crossing my spirit.
At last, I hope one day I'll live my impossible romance.


Based On Death Note: Wait.Think.Act.
Justice.Seen in opposite ways.
Wait.
Think.
Act.
This is only a game.
Who is going to lose?
Who is going to leave this world?
This is a challange.
Just one will win.
Take a deep breath.
Chasing events,time,lives.
Playing with death.
Waiting for every move.
Thinking up how to beat the rival.
Acting before it's too late.
No time for mercy.
Wait for the future, Act in the present, Think of the past,
Until the game will last.
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Old 2009-10-24, 21:03   Link #274
Ricky Controversy
Frandle & Nightbag
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
drop, guest

when she is in freefall
arms, fingers spread
from the peak of the other, silver side
to the concrete floor

plays me a song on bohemian instruments
bowls for percussion
plaintive chords from glass

chance not to sleep
or tomorrow your guest was gone
in two days time (one if it's hot) never was there

the only one who sustains her
after the fall, after the marriage with the ground
is the witness
drop, guest, while everyone's looking
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Old 2009-10-25, 23:33   Link #275
prometheus126
king of the fire
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: The land of tourist traps, old people and oranges. oh! and also spaceships!!
I've been Writing on a seven-book series for awhile now. I'm only on book three and still trying to get every little wrinkle out of it. people have told me to publish the damn things but I'm still terrified of the prospect at this time. I've written five short stories on the main character of the books and each and every place I send them to tell me they're too violent so it doesn't bode well with my feelings of publishing the books -_-;
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Old 2009-11-01, 15:22   Link #276
ClockWorkAngel
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Age: 22
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There's a line between tasteful violence and tasteless violence.

You should look at how the violence contributes or detracts from your message and your story. The violence should have some sort of meaning, not something you add in to excite or disgust. It should be something that makes itself important to the story.

I find that the world authors describe are seemingly without violence and cruelty, and sometimes only full of violence and cruelty. Because those things make the setting or do something else other than spill blood.

There's no problem focusing on violence, a lot of books do, but the violence is used more as a plot device than anything.

I wish you luck and I'm impressed you got a lot done, I was never a one to finish long projects and I gotta say you got some real commitment!
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Old 2009-11-01, 15:50   Link #277
Electric Moon
Zapped by Magic Moonlight
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHERE I LIVE, YOU STALKER!! X3
Age: 18
THE FOLLOWING IS COPYRIGHT©

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2586748/1/Ode_to_Cookies

THE ABOVE IS COPYRIGHT©
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Old 2009-11-01, 18:47   Link #278
ClockWorkAngel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Electric Moon View Post
THE FOLLOWING IS COPYRIGHT©

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2586748/1/Ode_to_Cookies

THE ABOVE IS COPYRIGHT©
It's good to show an interest in poetry at a younger age I think its crucial for creative writing, a big thing; don't let people tell you what's good or bad; they never understand generally XD!

I've finished my preface; its quite self-demeaning :/

Spoiler for Preface & Chapter Four:
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Old 2009-12-04, 18:34   Link #279
ClockWorkAngel
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Live thread, live!

Spoiler for Chapter Five - Say Nothing:


And hopefully we'll see more of the rest of the community too.
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Old 2009-12-04, 19:19   Link #280
whitepearl
Dietrich fan #681675
 
 
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I'm alive!

I haven't posted in this thread since I haven't been updating my story and I have little time and interest to do so because of work.

I was never happy with my story. It's a shame, really, since it had so much potential.
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