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Old 2009-01-23, 07:45   Link #121
Mystique
Honyaku no Hime
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Quote:
Originally Posted by USB500 View Post
Well, thanks for the feedbacks. I must admit the story was somewhat cliched, but please take note that it was done solely for submission purpose so I had limited times for details and such. I'm currently planning to expand the premise to cover things I had left behind in the original storyline. Can't guarantee when it will be done, as it all depends on my willpower.
Okay, my comments for USB500's story.

Spoiler for widuri:


@ TRL - i think if i were to take this seriously, I'd re write a bit of my story before giving it up for editing. But i have spotted a fair bit of grammar mistakes, apologies for the mental pain

Here's part two for ya all.
Spoiler:
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Old 2009-01-23, 15:08   Link #122
ClockWorkAngel
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Always nice to see people write, its something people have given up during their youths.

Spoiler for A Short Story:


C&C please, I finished another short one a while ago :/
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Old 2009-01-24, 10:25   Link #123
Spectacular_Insanity
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Well, I had kinda forgotten about this thread, but I wanted to post the first chapter of my story, "Mystic Emblem" that I had first presented here.

Spoiler for Mystic Emblem, Chapter I: New Beginnings:

But yeah, talk about a cliched title.
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Old 2009-01-25, 01:16   Link #124
whitepearl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClockWorkAngel View Post
Always nice to see people write, its something people have given up during their youths.

Spoiler for A Short Story:


C&C please, I finished another short one a while ago :/
Spoiler for my thoughts:
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Old 2009-01-25, 03:21   Link #125
shelter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spectacular_Insanity View Post
Well, I had kinda forgotten about this thread, but I wanted to post the first chapter of my story, "Mystic Emblem" that I had first presented here.
.
.
But yeah, talk about a cliched title.
Not sure if its a review you're seeking, but here's my thoughts:

Spoiler for Review:
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Old 2009-01-25, 11:11   Link #126
ClockWorkAngel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
Spoiler for my thoughts:
It was hinted in the story that it was supposed to be a
Spoiler for I wonder :D:


Now the big question is;
Spoiler for Big Question:


Of course it's your choice

My style relies on subtle hints because its first person narration. If you catch onto them you'll often see a radical diference in a situation.
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Old 2009-01-25, 11:39   Link #127
Spectacular_Insanity
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelter View Post
Not sure if its a review you're seeking, but here's my thoughts:

Spoiler for Review:
Thanks. I'll try to keep exposition to a minimum in future chapters. Hopefully that will help make my writing a bit less... wordy, so to speak. I might want to consider describing my characters a bit more, though I'm not sure how I'll do it. Maybe through the eyes of other characters. I'm not much for "direct description", though I read books with it quite often.

I'll definitely give your critique some thought. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.
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Old 2009-02-03, 21:56   Link #128
darkfreya
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my poem which is called
Rose
What a beautiful flower you are
with colors of red,white,black and yellow
you symbolize love,life and beauty
you make people smile with you're wondeful scent
you make the world a beautiful place to look upon
for a single rose can say many things
it can say i love you
it can say i miss you
and it can also say thank you
for a rose is one of god's greatest gift to us all.
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Old 2009-02-03, 22:03   Link #129
Nerroth
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I have a number of fan works I update on other boards - but they are tied to specific settings (or in one case, a hybrid of settings).

Is this the kind of thread to post links to them in, or more for posting the fics themselves - or rather, is this thread intended for stories with distinct settings only?


The settings in question seem to have no dedicated fan fiction threads on AS, so I wasn't sure where, if anywhere, to do anything on this site with them.
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Old 2009-02-03, 22:34   Link #130
ClockWorkAngel
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I wouldn't see anything wrong with that.

Also, something I'm writing for valentines's day C&C?

Spoiler for Romance!:
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Old 2009-02-03, 22:36   Link #131
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I had almost forgotten about this rewrite of this old story until I saw this thread up top here, so I thought I may as well wrap up Chapter One with a few edits and begin the bulk of the actual story.

I've pasted the parts together and edited it for some better flow into the two.

Spoiler for Chapter 1:


Spoiler for Chapter 2:
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Old 2009-02-03, 22:37   Link #132
TinyRedLeaf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerroth View Post
I have a number of fan works I update on other boards - but they are tied to specific settings (or in one case, a hybrid of settings).

Is this the kind of thread to post links to them in, or more for posting the fics themselves - or rather, is this thread intended for stories with distinct settings only?

The settings in question seem to have no dedicated fan fiction threads on AS, so I wasn't sure where, if anywhere, to do anything on this site with them.
I'm not sure. So far, it seems that we've posted only one-off stories in this thread, rather than stories set in a larger narrative. I don't see the harm in posting links to such stories if you have them, although I'd suggest that the Fan Creations sub-forum is a better place to post and arrange entire chapters of a full-length story.
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Old 2009-02-04, 00:48   Link #133
whitepearl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClockWorkAngel View Post
I wouldn't see anything wrong with that.

Also, something I'm writing for valentines's day C&C?

Spoiler for Romance!:
Nice poem, although the title is technically incorrect...should be "Between You and Me."
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Old 2009-02-04, 12:20   Link #134
Nerroth
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Okay then - thanks, guys.


First off are a few bits and pieces set in the Type-Moon multiverse... more or less:

*A Moment of Truth - a fairly long-ish fic set two or three years after the UBW-Good ending of Fate/Stay Night, this tale introduces Seonac (Jonathan) Ó'Conaill, an Irish magus with the gift (or curse) of telepathy, as his interactions with the victors of the Fifth Grail War lead to a set of events in which things are not quite as they seem...

*Crystal Valley - a follow-up to A Moment of Truth. This story charts the course that Seonac, Sakura, Rin, Saber and Shirou will follow, as they pass through the Amazon basin on their way to a fateful series of events... at the Crystal Valley.

*Crystallized Moments - Set in the same timeline as A Moment of Truth and Crystal Valley, this collection of stories is intended to show certain events of note between November 2003 and November 2006; to lay the groundwork for the relationships seen in the larger works above.

*Fate/Trans Form - another fairly long-ish fic (it's longer than AMoT) hybrid universal stream taking elements from both the Type-Moon and Transformers settings, a dramatic end to the Fifth Heaven's Feel sparks the onset of a new era.

(This one will be followed by Fate/Trans Form: The Era of Consequence... eventually.)

*M3 - Only one part in this one done up so far, which may or may not be followed up on, it introduces Michael Mackenzie, a Nova Scotian with an unorthodox set of sorcerous abilities, who is sent by Waver Velvet to keep an eye on Fuyuki-shi - but while present, finds that he is drawn into the flow of events to a greater extent than he had realised.

*When Types have Troubles - A rather less than straight-laced one-shot, in which a trouble Gaia gets on the line to talk things over with her fellow Aristoteles...

*Drift Extra - A case of what happens when the author gets one too many odd ideas when constructing a photo gallery for Generations Drift, this piece takes a less-than-serious (but somewhat pic-heavy) look at what happens when one seeking to become the just sword ends up dealing with something... extra.

Away from T-M-related stuff, there is also:

*Transformers Redemption: Worlds Distant - set in the same timeline as the excellent fan-made 3D series TF: Redemption, this story tells of the fate of the last survivors of Earth, and of Earth's Autobot residents, as they make the most of life among the many species and cultures of Nebulos and its allied worlds.

*A few random works, contest entries and one-shot stories which don't always quite fit elsewhere.

Oh, and to give an example or two of something I've written up, here are a couple of short pieces I had entered into a short writing competition elsewhere.

Spoiler for Oni:


Spoiler for Priorities:
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Old 2009-02-05, 03:35   Link #135
rio
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i am going to post in this thread for the first time.
i have started to write this story about 4 years ago, so the story is a bit shameful for me, but i think i am going to post .

My English isn't perfect at all, so i have a lot of mistakes. So i am sorry if it is very annoying for you.

The story is very long, and a novel i wrote for the first time. At first, i tried to write that to study English, but eventually, the story became important for me .


Spoiler for novel:
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Old 2009-02-05, 11:47   Link #136
TinyRedLeaf
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@Nerroth

Great work on some of those pieces! My favourite's Transformers Redemption: Worlds Distant. You've got a good narrative flow going, and you demonstrate an intuitive command of the language — I can tell you're writing in your own voice instead of forcing yourself into an artificial style. (Er...except for When Types have Trouble, that's more like a rough sketch than a completed work, I gather?)

Keep it up. Have you tried posting in fanfiction.net? That seems like a better place to compile your stories rather than a forum. Speaking as a reader, I certainly find it easier to browse extended prose on fanfiction.net than on a message board like AnimeSuki. The bulletin-board format is better suited for short comments rather than huge walls of text.
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Old 2009-02-05, 14:06   Link #137
Nerroth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rio View Post
i am going to post in this thread for the first time.
i have started to write this story about 4 years ago, so the story is a bit shameful for me, but i think i am going to post .

My English isn't perfect at all, so i have a lot of mistakes. So i am sorry if it is very annoying for you.

The story is very long, and a novel i wrote for the first time. At first, i tried to write that to study English, but eventually, the story became important for me .

Hajimemashite!


You know, if you were interested in a 'lost realm' in the 1200s, you could read up on the medieval Norse settlements in places like Greenland and Iceland.

The Norse had a string of settlements across the North Atlantic, stretching from the Faroes to Iceland, and on to Greenland, and even for a short time, the shores of Newfoundland.

At that time, the climate was a little more reasonable than it is at present in that part of the world, so parts of southern Greenland were more amenable to the kind of settlements that the Norse at the time could sustain.

However, as the climate shifted over time, the Norse luck ran out - which wasn't helped by their near-perpetual state of antagonism against the Inuit on the island... who were far better adapted to the conditions than the Norse were, and from whom the Norse could have learned had they, to paraphrase a certain chief executive, unclenched their fists to offer the hand of friendship.

Iceland, in contrast, managed to survive, though things weren't great for quite some time there.

A good source is Jared Diamond's Collapse - which includes the North Atlantic Norse as one of their examples.

I'm not sure what non-English languages it is available in, however.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinyRedLeaf View Post
@Nerroth

Great work on some of those pieces! My favourite's Transformers Redemption: Worlds Distant. You've got a good narrative flow going, and you demonstrate an intuitive command of the language — I can tell you're writing in your own voice instead of forcing yourself into an artificial style. (Er...except for When Types have Trouble, that's more like a rough sketch than a completed work, I gather?)
Well, WTHT is supposed to read almost like a record of a phone conversation - and it's also meant to be a short piece - so I would ask it be considered a little differently to the others!

Glad you liked Worlds Distant! If you have more time to check out the two longer works in more detail, feedback would be most welcome on those, too.

Quote:
Keep it up. Have you tried posting in fanfiction.net? That seems like a better place to compile your stories rather than a forum. Speaking as a reader, I certainly find it easier to browse extended prose on fanfiction.net than on a message board like AnimeSuki. The bulletin-board format is better suited for short comments rather than huge walls of text.
I haven't registered there yet, but I may do.
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Old 2009-02-05, 20:35   Link #138
Shadow Angel
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I've got a question I've recently spent the past 20 months writing fantasy based story. With a friend online and what I was wondering what would be a good site to post on? I know of fanfiction.net but am not sure if how the whole accepting process is.
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Old 2009-02-06, 05:23   Link #139
rio
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerroth View Post

Hajimemashite!


You know, if you were interested in a 'lost realm' in the 1200s, you could read up on the medieval Norse settlements in places like Greenland and Iceland.

The Norse had a string of settlements across the North Atlantic, stretching from the Faroes to Iceland, and on to Greenland, and even for a short time, the shores of Newfoundland.

At that time, the climate was a little more reasonable than it is at present in that part of the world, so parts of southern Greenland were more amenable to the kind of settlements that the Norse at the time could sustain.

However, as the climate shifted over time, the Norse luck ran out - which wasn't helped by their near-perpetual state of antagonism against the Inuit on the island... who were far better adapted to the conditions than the Norse were, and from whom the Norse could have learned had they, to paraphrase a certain chief executive, unclenched their fists to offer the hand of friendship.

Iceland, in contrast, managed to survive, though things weren't great for quite some time there.

A good source is Jared Diamond's Collapse - which includes the North Atlantic Norse as one of their examples.

I'm not sure what non-English languages it is available in, however.


Hajimemashite!
Thank you for telling me that

i was supposed to write the story about the place where , the places like Ireland or England is at at present..

But North West is seen as the place of Iceland and green land..o_・;;

How do you think i should call the place..?
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Old 2009-02-06, 06:23   Link #140
Mystique
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Talking

Intro + Part 1

Here's part two for ya all.
Spoiler:

Final part is in here.
Spoiler:


Woooooooow, so many new entries and people participating, kinda makes a bookworm all happy. There’s tons to read. x.x

For now, I’m gonna critique a few from the beginning, the 3 being:

ClockWorkAngel’s
“A short Story”
Spectacular_Insanity’s “Mystic Emblem, Chapter I: New Beginnings:”
And darkfreya’s “Rose” poem.

The others I’ll get to soon.
Narroth, if there’s one story out of your collection you’d like a review for, let me know otherwise I’ll just lurk and read them.
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