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Old 2007-05-08, 16:02   Link #1
Skyfall
Lost in my dreams...
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Age: 28
Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Character Creation and Discussion (second reincarnation)

Welcome to MGLN Character Creation and Discussion thread.

This thread is a place where you can discuss the already existing characters of Nanoha-verse, as well as your own Original characters, created by taking the principles known about Nanoha-verse into consideration.

As most other threads, this is a discussion thread, thus you are expected to comment on other people's creations in case you submit your own character. Do not simply drop by to submit your creation.
Posts that serve only to submit a character without contributing anything to the discussion will be deleted. If you happen to come across such posts, feel free to use the Report button , so we can keep the discussion going.
Discussion means that people will disagree with you. Try to listen to them before ignoring them for trying to ‘kill your darlings’

Remember: when creating a character it is important to give as much specific information as you can come up with. This will keep things more interesting for every one. Some basic things are:
  • Character's name
  • Gender
  • Looks (Hair style, color/eyes/physical profile/etc...)
  • Alignment (good/evil/chaotic/lawful etc...)
  • Personality
  • Powers (Device/Spells/Specialization/Combat Style/etc...)
  • Background (What hole did he/she crawl out of)
  • Anything else you can think of

Please avoid DBZ-like characters. Unstoppable gods with enough power to blow up a planet by accidentally sneezing doesn't make for a very interesting discussion, and is not faithful to Nanoha-verse Try to have the character as realistic as possible in term of ability and magic usage (example: she might get easily tired after casting a powerful area-affect spell). If possible, try not posting too many characters in one post.

How detailed you describe everything is up to you, but the more details - the more things to discuss.
Have fun!

Here is a link to a post that contains a compilation of all the original characters created at this point of time. TEH LINK
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Old 2007-05-08, 21:28   Link #2
ghazghkull
The Dang-meister
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Age: 25
Send a message via MSN to ghazghkull Send a message via Yahoo to ghazghkull
This is a compilation of all the Original Characters created in this thread, with links to their original posts, made to make it easier for newcomers and everyone else to find other people's works.

IF THERE IS ANYTHING THAT IS OUT OF DATE, MESSAGE ME WITH THE APPROPRIATE LINKS, AND THE NAMES ATTACHED TO THE PROFILES

Requirements:
1: Link to the profiles of course
2: If it's a new profile, it requires to have been approved by Keroko, Liingo, or by majority


~~~
Timelines

Official Nanoha Timeline, translation courtesy of Nightengale.

OC Thread's Fanon Timeline, compiled by Kha.


~~~
The OC List

Created by -Fate- (Complete OC List)
Created by Aaron008R (Complete OC List)

Created by Admiral Tigerclaw
Created by AImost Pure
Created by An Hero in Disguise
Created by AtomicoX (Complete OC List)
Created by azuma-blade
Created by Chaos2Frozen
Created by dkellis (Complete OC List)
Created by Dream_Traveller (Complete OC List)
Created by EnigmaticThief
Created by Erio
Created by Evangelion Xgouki (Complete OC List)
Created by FieryAeon (Complete OC List)
Created by FlameSparkZ (Complete OC List)
Created by Fuyu no Sora
Created by ghazghkull (Complete OC List)
Created by haiz123321
Created by johnishida
Created by Kagerou (Complete OC List)
  • Erick von Long
  • Glen Schattenman
  • Emili Nailo

Created by KBTKaiser (Complete OC List)
Created by Keroko (Complete OC List)
  • Takamachi Georashi Keroko
    - Mid/long-range Dogfighting Mage; Mage Rank: S; Magic System: Aspect/Velka mixture; Military Rank: Commander
    - Preview: Adopted sister of Nanoha and 'the fourth Ace', has been fighting alongside the group since the beginning.
  • Knight of the Sky, Tesla
    - Mid Range Combat Tactician; Mage rank: AAA; Magic system: Velka; Militairy Rank: Lieutenant.
    - Preview: One of the Wolkenritter, Tesla is the group's tactician and ranged support.
  • Syn Virage
  • Eden Acura
  • Lady Alistina Carter
  • Chevelle Montier
  • "Rogue Squadron"

Created by Kha (Complete OC List)
Created by Kyral (Complete OC List)
Created by Lelouch
Created by Liingo (Complete OC List)
Created by LimitedEternal (Complete OC List)
Created by Loner
Created by LoweGear (Complete OC List)
  • Kaylin "Kay" Mathis
  • Glock Heckler
  • Mai Enna
  • LineBackers
    • Remington Smith
    • Colt Wesson
  • Rhythm Edge (Device)
  • Matsuri Miyama
  • BelkaRangers
    • Asagi Colwell
    • Mayura Labatt
    • Julie Liu Ming
  • Epsila Synaisthima

Created by Melodius Trueheart (Complete OC List)
  • List Under Compilation

Created by Meophist
Created by Mow Yun
Created by Nightengale (Complete OC List)
Created by Pheonixfyre
Created by PhoenixFlare (Complete OC List)
Created by Ratler
Created by Reiji Tabibito
Created by Riddly
Created by Ryand-Smith (Complete OC List)

Created by Saint X (Complete OC List)
Created by Satty
Created by Serenity85
Created by Shadow Angel
Created by Sheba (Complete OC List)
Characters:Factions:
Created by SpaceBrotha (Complete OC List)
  • List Under Compilation

Created by stormturmoil
Created by Tempest Dynasty (Complete OC List)
Created by Timeless Enigma
Created by TheShinySword
Created by Tk3997 (Complete OC List)
Created by Tormenk (Complete OC List)
  • Katrina
  • Gen Ealin
  • Jack Kell
  • J.G. Jag
  • Jas Ellen
  • Jec

Created by tshouryuu (Complete OC List)
  • TSAB Central Science & Development Bureau
    - Located on Mid-Childa, the CSDB is the main research facility of the TSAB. Consist of some of the greatest mage scientists around who constantly creates new technologies for the use of the TSAB members.
    • Tais Scien
      - Short to Mid range combat mage; Mage Rank: D+; Magic System: Mid-Childa
      - Preview: Full time designated field operator for E.V.A device. Weird person who has very, very bad luck and a major crush on Ginga Nakajima. Has nickname of "Biggest Loser of the TSAB".
    • Seles
      - Unbond familiar of Tais; Mage rank: Unknown - Assuming D+; Magic system: Unknown - Assuming Midchilda
      - Preview: Like the master, very weird. Looks human with no sign of animal parts. Very popular with the guys but girls hate her at first sight. Currently staying at the CSDB.
    • Shouryuu Tsuzuki
      - Mage scientist; Mage rank: A mixed; Magic system: Mid-Childa
      - Preview: The current director of the CSDB. A smart but crazy, sick, equal opportunity pervert of the greatest caliber.
  • Others
    • Vidalia "The Blasphemer"
      - Mid range combat mage; Threat level: S+; Magic System: Runic
      - Preview: Familiar of a dead mage who believes in heresy. Mission in life is to spread and prove her master's heresy where ever she goes.
    • Clio

Created by USB500 (Complete OC List)
  • Annabelle Gato
    - Long-range Bombardment/Defense Support Mage; Mage Rank: A; Magic System: Mid-Childa
    - Preview: Granddaughter of General Armstrong, Annabelle is very protective towards her friends and will not hesitate to unleash the strongest attacks if necessary.
  • Leopold Grandeur
  • Joshua Merlin
  • Alexandra Enfield
    - Close Combat Knight; Mage Rank: C+; Magic System: Visalia (also reflects Belkan system)
    - Preview: The gentle Narulian village girl, she finds herself destined to carry on the legacy of the legendary King Arthur after accidentally unlocks the Intelligent Armed Device Excalibur.
  • Kazahana Shinnosuke
    - Long-range Support Mage (Healing/Protection); Mage Rank: AAA+; Magic System: Mid-Childa
    - Preview: The Great Teacher of TSAB, Shinnosuke doesn't see himself superior to his students and always treats them with equality.
  • Hikki Kokurabuji
    - Close Combat Knight; Mage Rank: S; Magic Systems: Mid-Childa/Belka/Narulia hybrid
    - Preview: The only living Gale Whistler and owner of the secretive Chronograph, Hikki does not care of everything around him as long as he can care of his own survival.
  • The Belkan Gunslingers
    • Takeru
      - Description: a young sniper who gains the moniker "Silent Bullet", he excels at striking target from long distance without being noticed by target. He owns a powerful Armed Device named Silberkugel (Silver Bullet).
    • Frieda Johansson
      - Description: one of the leading Belkan Knights, she is the only known practitioner of Gun Kata and among the best gunslinger of her class. Her Armed Device, a Gunblade, is named Beowulf.
  • The History of Britannia
    • Arthur
      - Description: the king of Camelot and unifier of Britannia, he is the owner of the coveted Intelligent Armed Device "Excalibur".
    • Lancelot
      - Description: the fallen Knight of the Round Table, he betrays Arthur and kills his wife Guinevere before challenging him in a fated duel at the Ice Desert.
    • Guinevere
      - Description: Arthur's beloved wife, she sacrifices her life for the good of her husband and the kingdom.
  • The Wind Talkers
    - Description: the Wind Talkers (271st Special Operation Unit) are also known as "The Whisperers" and very famous for their role in deciphering secret codes and ancient languages. They are also proficient in many languages and often selected as the bureau's unofficial interpretors.
  • Frederick Khan
  • Ninja Wizard
  • The Gemini Sisters (Aura & Freya)
    - Nobody knows who they come from or what is inside their mind, but they (along with a Lost Logia named Poseidon) are dangerous opponents who have eluded Belkan Knight capture for many times.
  • Aces of the Free Sky
  • Swallow 7
  • El Cid 1
  • Aurelia: Fliers' Heaven (World)
  • Kagami
  • Yuuko
  • Simone
  • Kagura Harrier

Created by Wibbles
Created by Wild Goose (Complete OC List)
  • List Under Compilation

~~~

Other miscellaneous and useful information found in the thread:

Last edited by ghazghkull; 2010-05-18 at 22:39.
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Old 2008-05-18, 07:35   Link #3
PhoenixFlare
The Resurrector
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Satte ... In a bid to oust Aaron out of his seat ...

MAXIMUM BACKLOG BREAKER!

(This combines everything I've missed for the past two months till the current day )

Replies are sorted according to person, so it's easier.

==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoweGear View Post
FINALLY

Managed to finish another update to the Blue Magician Julie Liu Ming's profile, here's Part V

Spoiler for Spells:


The Wizard Spells make Julie the Ninja of Ninjas indeed.

Strike Balls made me cringe at first, but luckily the spell's effect wasn't what I had in mind.

And thumbs up for the creative Infinite Effects Studio! It'd be a great distraction indeed when suddenly a sword is on fire but no heat is felt ("GHOST FIRE!").

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoweGear View Post
YATTE YARUZE!!!

Final Update of Ninja of Ninja Julie Liu Ming's profile is up!

Spoiler for Special Moves and Trivia:
Somehow, Seven Swords remind me of the Chinese movie, though the link seems to be absent here.

Anyway, this profile is LOVE and WIN!

Cannonball Shoot is a neat move (I was sort of imagining a trampoline ), Iron Blizzard is most painful from the description (and using three rings is scary, the speed must be hypersonic ), Sturm Bolt is quirky as it is effective (anti-stupid ), Buster Homerun is most nicely thought out , and OMNI Blade is scary (*sends a prayer for whoever gets hit by that for invoking the persona Trisha out into the battlefield, including Sven* ).

Julie's interpersonal relationship is very much understandable (but Trisha is just plain scary! ), but hopefully, Gilliam Aker can help resolve that once and for all. And this calls for MUCH WANT NAO!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoweGear View Post
SURPRISE PROFILE POSTO!!!!!!!!!

Now for something the IRC guys know, and now posting the first part now:

Spoiler for The Shattered Girl:
I'm surprised you actually use the names, and combining the two as well.

Anyway, Eppy-chan is made of sweet love and niceness . Despite her shattered self (apt name, by the way), she finds herself an optimistic girl and happy-go-lucky (well, practically, unless Anger, Sadness, and/or Fear gets agitated) under the care of the Belkarangers. I originally thought she'd be more attached to Julie because of the similarity in their personality, but Mayura seems to take the role of her mother very nicely.

Working in a museum sounds like a fitting job for Eppy (and she can filch multiple entry fees to boot ).

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoweGear View Post
... I don't know what possessed me to finally write this, but DAMN do I feel good doing so, even though it may not be my best work.

And now, without further ado...

"Super Hero Time!

Starts Now!"


Spoiler for Prologue:
I laugh a lot in this short chapter, especially about Asagi's antics with Sergeant Griggs . And their burning and explosive fire is quelled not by such a small fry like Griggs apparently .

GO GO MADOUKISHI SENTAI!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoweGear View Post
And continuing from the last chapter...

Belkarangers Task One, Hajimarimasu!

Spoiler for Part One:
At first, I thought the narration was about the antagonist for the Belkarangers, but it ended up being ... Gilliam Aker?!

Definitely nice save as Mayura has said! And no doubt, in a newly-wed bridal position ... *cries tears of joy for Julie*

*runs*

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoweGear View Post
*sneaks in*

*drops package*


Spoiler for Confinement:
This made me go and at the same time. It's a nice opening to Kaylin and Glock's meeting. Though it started out with bad blood, I'm sure the improvement is underway for the eventual *static*. Nice going with Glock manhandling Kaylin () and getting access to her private storage. I wonder, what does she keep in there ... maybe *static* and *static* or *static*?

*flees*

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoweGear View Post
Now for something new... it's kinda rare for me to dwell more on worlds than on characters, but this bit is related to TASK ONE

Thus, without further ado:

Spoiler for Rainbow Mirage:
*thumbs-up!*

It's not everytime that we see a world is described in detail, the only one I've read so far is TK's Planine. This presents yet another bloody conflict instigated by the Book of Darkness back before it went to Earth, and TSAB's darker side in employing the Arc against the Logia. Is Kaylin simply prejudiced against the Bureau after what Glock did to her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoweGear View Post
[Master Arm Locked]

Considering the initial concept, I kinda feel this next scenario is somewhat... rushed. Then again it wasn't meant to be long so...

Presenting a short humble scenario entitled:

Spoiler for Thirst:
LOWEPIC! MAIXSMITH! SWEETCHEESIUM!

The scene builds up very nicely, and I can certainly understand the indirect kiss-u. I went "Awww~" when Mai went for more.

Nice Wesson-Julie combo double team to make the scene possible! (And thanks for the clarification for that )

MOAR!

P/S: Are you sure you don't want to change the title to "Lust" instead?

*flees at ludicrous speed*

==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post

Keroko-kun:
Wow, I didn't think he'd actually do it, concidering I've got... what? 3 incarnations of myself in the thread already?

Keroko-chan:
No kidding, there's me, the impulsive think-before-you-act side of you, not to mention the *ahem* feminine side. Then there is Kerokun, your laid back 'lets not worry about that today, maybe tommorow' side, and then there is Keroko-tan, which is, well...

Keroko-kun:
Me in a nustshell when playing games.

Keroko-chan:
Yeah, that. Small tip people: When Keroko is building superweapons, he's not doing it without a reason. You can bet that as soon as the timer reaches zero, he'll fire the damn thing.

Keroko-kun:
Or several.

Keroko-chan:
You mean like when you payed Generals Death Valley with the China Nuke general and let your comrades handle the defenses while you leisurely build nukes?

Keroko-kun: Yup. Hmmm, fifteen nuke timers counting down. Ah, I loved that match.

Keroko-chan: .... yes, I can see where Keroko-tan gets it.


The sheer number of Kerokos is ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Type-0 Sentoukijin

Rebuilt of Uomo



Spoiler for Uomo:
The Rebuild of Uomo certainly features some nice (and quite flawless) integration of this combat cyborg into canon storyline. I thought she's a he, but I was proven wrong at the outset (it's the other way around). I like the trait about his deceptive capability, makes him a very efficient spy indeed .

I was wondering about the part where he gets personal growth from Subaru and Ginga, and then him doing infiltration that goes against these two. Wouldn't he be suffering from ... say, some sort of guilt? Being a double-faced member of both TSAB and NOD can be difficult most of the time.

His skills and spells are wonderful and certainly complement his role as spy and infiltrator and assassin . I personally think that if Kratos and/or Leona ever faces Uomo, an interesting battle of intelligence and counterintelligence is going to happen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Whoogyaaaah! Long read! Action, drama, did the others survive? Will the Templars manage to escape? Questions questions.
Most questions will be answered in the next few chapters.

That is ... if my bluecheese juice supply didn't run out halfway through.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Needless to say, the best part in my eyes is of course the awesome Signum/Tesla battle against Grandia. And it was ended with true finishers. Definetely has my Seal of Aproval. :3
Ah, yes, thanks for the seal!

I was kind of worried that it might have led to Tesla being shafted in some scenes and that's kind of bad of me to do so <_<. Frankly, I have no idea how a tactician is supposed to function in frontline, except executing some moves that complement their allies', thereby boosting their battle prowess and chance of victory. All in all, the thinking cap managed that, somewhat, though I'm still feeling bad that Tesla isn't getting enough screen-time. Signum seems to be dwarfing Tesla in her shadow. Sorry. >_<

==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by humbug23 View Post
I swear, at this rate a songfic will come out based on these lively characters alone...

Not that this was swirling in my head while on a 45 minute ride which left my rear aching...
Now to recall those darn thoughts.
This song is a GREAT WIN!

==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlameSparkZ View Post
I just finished the drawing

Spoiler for somewhat big...:



Too bad I couldn't fit Altea there
Oh, well, I'll just do one with Koji and her

*runs*
... ULTIMATE CARAMELLDANSEN!

And that's a very nicely drawn pic!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlameSparkZ View Post

It's amazing how a simple question can trigger all this...

Anyways...here's Chapter 23!

Spoiler for Chapter 23 - Codename: Heart Waver - Part 1:

Why does this chapter has this name? You'll find out in the next part

That's it for now
The next part should be posted soon, sicne most of it is already written, just needs to be revised and updated

But right now, I'm tired...
*goes to bed*
Very intriguing chapter. Me wonders what Koji wants to ask.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlameSparkZ View Post
Well...seems like I can't finish this chapter in 2 parts

Anyway...here's part 2

Spoiler for Codename: Heart Waver - Part 2:


Mucho surprises indeed, especially Treize's condition. I didn't know the sleepiness and blur personality is a direct effect of her genes. Well, let's not get her grow up so fast .

And Koji's Heart Waver is a greater surprise, and an apt name for the skill. Guess Koji realizes that everyone likes him not because he's likable, but because of his power, and that's quite a blow to his psyche. The part on Relic #11, though, had me going , because it seems to go against canon. Then again, Jail might be conning Lutecia to believe that the Relic is needed to revive Alpino when it isn't really the case. :3

Very nice chapter, we need MOAR!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlameSparkZ View Post
Okay, time to get the chapter over with

Here goes...
Spoiler for Codename: Heart Waver - Part 3:

It's not too cheesy, is it?
I hope this cleans things up...and maybe no hammer will fall down on me

Final Boss was somewhat revealed...I hope its 'partnership' with Scaglietti doesn't bring more problems...

And yeah, Koji has a weak spot for girls with long hair

~~~~

I'm thinking of making an inbetween chapter (aka Chapter 23a) focused on Zafira, as in "A day in the RF6", maybe even from Zafira's point of view.
To, you know, unshaft the Shafted One for a while

After that, work on the following chapter, "Second Date", that takes place a week or so after this chapter, jumping back into Maren's Route.
And with this chapter, Maren's older sister, Scarlet is finally introduced

Well...I'm gonna go relax over there...
*walks to a quiet spot*

EDIT: Changed the infirmary scene to adapt to the changes in the previous part
... Now, who's the one talking with Jail? This is sounding like the prelude to something really big.

Maren and Koji are sharing a closer relationship, it seems, after the meeting with Jail, which is a very good thing. Maren's female instinct is perking in the right wavelength, though, especially about Koji liking the "long-haired" females .

And to unshaft the Shielding Beast Zafira is a must!

Zafira: *growl* Finally, my own scene!



==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
Wee New chars!

Spoiler for Daisy Thorn:


Daisy is certainly an interesting one. And her past-times made me go . Praying on Alan's "defective dating gene" had me laughing silly.

Nobody messes with this girl and gets away unscathed. Maximum firepower indeed .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
Spoiler for Rose:
I like Rose! Daisy is mean for shoving her to the front to tank fire, but that's what Rose is good at . Her spells would make head aches for the enemy, no doubt.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
-snip-[/spoiler]
This is a nice dish to let us have an overview of Kou and Shin, and my, aren't their tempers explosive? (I think this applies to most in the series, though .)

Nicely written aerial battle, but Vita and Felix botched this capture in a most unlikely and funny way . Nice save on the boy, and even nicer remark by Felix. I love "red-headed little shrew" a lot!

And the drive-through scene is funny like hell!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
Spoiler for Part 3 YES THREE:
Zubov is a tricky guy, all right. No wonder Felix got a bit miffed at his reappearance.

I have to love the "interview" between Felix and the captive. Well done on the part! Pixy's mention of the good steak Felix cooks certainly is a nice addition to his already rich personality. Mm, and the everpresent Vita x Felix vibes feel doubly awesome!

And response team, go, go, go!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
Since we seem to be on the topic of magic and such I might as well throw some of my own recent stuff into the fray to give some examples of new magic systems that are IMO at least balanced.

First off we have a very partial profile of a new OC but the big focus is the shooting arts of Planine.

Spoiler for Emil:
This is such a surprise. I thought I was reading about a person, but instead it turned out to be a profile of the world . You need updates!

Anyway, Planine certainly is an interesting world. It's medieval and modern at the same time, combining elements of both the Eastern and Western worlds. I like it that they use conventionals coupled with magic, especially when they launch bullets and arrows and magically amplify the speed for greater impact (reminds me of Lowe's Wizard Ring ), and it even allows them to circumvent TSAB's policies .

Very good thought in this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
Spoiler for Shin:
Ah, Kou's partner-in-crime . Quite the antagonist of Kou's more explosive temper, but that's what make them click, no doubt . Cracking jokes in the middle of combat is a plus point for his carefree personality .

I see that this style focuses on speed and stealth, as compared to the power of the Belkan style. And Shin makes the first character to ever use a kusarigama, I think. Very good!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
Of course a magical world can't live on melee along so on that note we take a look at another school of magic from the 14th world via another of it's practitioners you all might also know.
Spoiler for Kou:


And this ends our little look at the magic stylings of the 14th world as envisioned by me I have one more OC from this world, but she'll be written up later and won't intro anything drastically different.
Ah, so this is why Kou is such a snappish and temperamental person. Dysfunctional family almost always has that kind of effect. But, I guess, if he wasn't in that kind of situation, he wouldn't have become the person he is today. That, plus he wouldn't meet the Whispering Death instructor if he's a happy little kid.

The school of Whispering Death being targeted as evil and slaughter-on-sight surprised me, but understandable. Assassins tend to get bad ratings even if they did a good job.

Kou's number of arrows is amusingly handwaivium (), but his spells are good and practical. One question though, what's the difference between Obstructing Fog and Concealing Haze? They sound and work similar effects to my understanding.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
Alright PF here you go Cipher mostly finished Profile, the history will be filled in soon:
Spoiler for Cipher:
EXCELLENT WORK!

This delicious profile I can put to good use. The background is short and sweet (glad he's a purist ). And ranged specialist, roger on that account.

I must say his icy arsenal is going to prove very useful in the scenario I have. Expect a few Arctic Blasts and/or Breakers . North Wind had me laughing a bit, though .

"Subject to change" if you think up something wicked cool caught me off-guard there. Don't do anything drastic, or I'll hunt ye down!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
Those of you on IRC might recall I mentioned this before, well I was serious and so I present the initial profile of someone that most of you might find a bit familiar with...
Spoiler for Albrecht Freiherr von Richthofen:


He'll be serving as a somewhat morally ambiguous antagonist in my new fic though he won't appear for a bit.
Ah, the Red Baron finally makes an appearance, and ... ANTAGONIST?! Oh dear, seems like Felix and company will be having their hands full handling him.

The history is rich and well-written, I certainly like the part where he retorts to his superior ("My dear Excellency, I have not gone to war to collect cheese and eggs ...") to get a reassignment, but his combat ability certainly shines during the battles he participated. His meeting with the Garm squadron is quite expected .

I'm surprised that being an antagonist, he's has a good sense of modicum and respect for his foes. Nice touch on him working with the lower classes despite being a higher-class.

The fated battle (if any) between him and the company is much anticipated.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
Threads a bit slow at the moment isn't it?

Well whatever now seems as good a time as any to post up another random profile of someone that won't appear for like another two chapters in the story. Anyway I preset to you my stories wheelma--- errr woman.

Spoiler for Izumi Sato:

Way I see it just like the forwards "ripped off" the Aces people will now start ripping off the forwards since they're bound to have become rather famous... it's the cycle of life or magical plagiarism at least. Plus having someone zipping around on motorized roller skates smashing people with a polearm is just too much fin to write about for me to pass up.

Yeah, yeah I should be finishing off chapter two of my fic, but banging out all these profiles this is so much more fun and easier to do...
Now, Izumi is a character that totally blew me away when I read her (and it's not her bust size, which is quite nonexistent in the character image ). She blew me away because she's so unexpected and at the same time computes. It's not everyday when you see characters whose specialty lies in driving, and even has a Device that helps her in that! The spells, though, are . She must be the absolute last boss in Need for Speed or some racing game, quite unbeatable .

I think the TSAB's public property compensation increases annually by many folds ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
Well it's done... and it came out nearly as long as the first one; 14.3k words total. Beware that this chapter lacks action of any sort and includes ALLOT of talking and just a bit of INTENSE INVESTIGATING ACTION. So without further ado Chapter 2: The Return of Atuwe!!!

Well no that’s not that title acutally its…
Spoiler for Welcome to the Jungle:
Ah, so it seems that Nanoha has been relegated to office duty, guess she's still having the side-effects from the damage. On the up side, she seems to have gotten herself better skills in breaking awkward conversations .

I had a good amount of laughter reading Makoto, Kou, and Shin's mental conversation on what they learnt about Felix and Pixy's "brighter" nature . Very well done, there! Pixy has some honed housecleaning skills, there.

And poor Kou, working the larger portion of the assignment meant for the team.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
And where we have part two of this bomb...

Spoiler for Part Two:
Practical Felix is practical, even considering to take tissues for DNA analysis . And great shot with the interrogation, sleek and sly .

And here comes Atuwe, one of the most hailed hacker of all! Then, the shafting begins ... and rather intense ones, too . First by Felix, and then by Irene . I have to give Irene two thumbs-up on her effortless action to set Atuwe on the right direction. Guess she's meaner than Felix is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
And lastly
Spoiler for Part 3:


And lastly some author ramblings!

Not much action going on in this chapter and not much Vita either, but hey let’s face it investigations aren’t really her thing so what are you gonna do? So what WAS she doing for most of this? Taking allot of naps perhaps? Fear not though she’ll be back to show off what she’s best at next chapter… indiscriminate destruction.

Felix of course is still around plenty being the main character and all and a couple of background guys of mine get some spotlight too mainly Atuwe and O’Neil who shows that yes he DOES do something besides nap in his office all day. Irene is around quite a bit too and her and Felix seem to get on rather well…

This chapter acutally ended up bigger then I expected and I even edited some scenes out that I felt didn’t really add allot to the plot and were holding up my progress. It was mostly some Vita/Pixy stuff and a bit of fluff about the Recon teams forming up which I admit in this final product feels a tad forced and rushed, but I was tired of this chapter and wanted to move on. I may write these up later as Sound Stages of a sort. (Probably not being the lazy bum I am)

When will the next chapter arrive you ask? Why when it’s done of coruse!
You deliver another amusing chapter that's filled with dry hilarity and sarcasm, and the closing isn't lacking them .

Felix seems to have inherited some of O'Neill's manipulative habits, seen in his ability to basically shove a reluctant Kou into line . I wonder who the "four" guys are ...

And does Atuwe always ramble to himself?

Do write faster, or I'll have to clamp your rear to the computer ... permanently.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
LOL bangwagon! So yeah since everyone is rebuilding there OC recently I figured why the hell not?

So I present first of "Rebuild of Felix"
Spoiler for Felix:


And Just to round out my Power Trio I finally present you with a Proper (mostly) complete Profile for...
Spoiler for Solo Wing Pixy:


Yeah, yeah Fic I know but these are more fun to do and I don't have to think as much while I'm taking my finals Profiles for Keller, Macmillan, and Miller are in the works and will probably appear short as well. Anyway I'll comments on some of the posts today later.
Mm, nice double profile bluecheesium !

Felix certainly lives up to his reputation depicted in your current fic, being sarcastic whenever he can (which seems to be almost always). A good smattering of sarcasm always livens up the atmosphere . His juvenile record was a little unexpected, but I guess everyone does have a mean streak in their life at one point or another. Glad he found his path after all those years. The spells are as practical as the person is.

Pixy gives me a little bit of a creep initially, what with annihilating his enemies single-handedly. Even more terrible is his early years where he's somewhat of a mean terrorist. Luckily, he manages to see things in perspective and leaves his past behind, which no doubt leads to the improvement in his mood and attitude . Some habits die hard (he's still spoiling for a fight, it seems, and now taking Vita with him!), in any case, but at least he's much better than he was previously . Nice quote, by the way. Pending spell list just spoils this wonderful profile .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
Soooo who wants to read my long ass spiel about Electronic Warfare in Nanoha and my prototype character for the specialization?

*crickets can be heard*

Well screw you I'm posting it anyway prepare to be buried under an avalanche of technical and tactical jargon maggots!

First off we have an 3,000 word in character essay as a primer!
Spoiler for Tactical Babble GO!:
That was fun to ready wasn't it?! Now let's see how we can apply all this wonderful tactical theory can be applied to a character!


Spoiler for Rebecca Keller:


Ahhh that felt good! I just love droning on and on about tactics and strategy, wouldn't you all agree?
*Everyone in the thread posters and OCs alike can be seen to be asleep with many of them drooling.*
Well I though it was interesting.
*pops a bubble*

Uh, huh?

*looks around*

Er ... No, I didn't fall asleep, honestly I didn't! (Only napping, yep, it's napping!)

Rebecca-san wakes me up with her big *static*!

*runs*

Good going with the spiel, skimmed through and detected some things that I can use for Kratos/Leona .

Rebecca is as good for an ECM as she is in looks (*ahem*). Her spell arrays are definitely designed to jam and confuse Device functions and spells, and that makes her an excellent support . Let's see if Kratos can learn a trick or two from her ... even if his field involves little in this area (he's more into detection, surveillance, illusion-breaking, counterintelligence, and hacking), but hey, improvements are always welcome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tk3997 View Post
So the OC is one year old eh I’ve been here like half that time, but it stills seems to have flown by awfully fast… So we managed 24,256 posts in a year let’s break that down:

That means we averaged:
2021 post a month
70 Posts per day
2.7 Post and Hour
Or 1 post every 21 minute

That’s either something to be proud of or slightly scary…

Anyway since I felt the need to acutally put up some content to mark the day I decided to do a little short side story… that ended up being 4,000 words. This needs a bit of set up it takes place during the as yet unpublished Chapter 3 of my fic and is a bit a side story/background/intro fic. In the end it turned out to be a sort of Izumi intro fic more then anything else… basiclly I wanted a break from what I was doing and felt like writing a car chase and this was the result.

Spoiler for "Drabble":
I think my reply to you is the longest in this backlog breaker.

Anyway, this is why I say Izumi blows me away! Excellent driving coupled with excellent attitude, and she's a badass in her own right! Firsthand experience with her driving skills is bound to upset the stomach and kill the appetite, not to mention the possibility of making motion sickness an infectious disease with her being the main causative agent!

Poor Rico, Alice, and Alan, and luckily Rico was quick enough to cut off her protest.

==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron008R View Post
Been a while...

I'll tackle the backlog at a late time, but for now, I have to post my entry to Rebuilt.

-Entry to Rebuilt-

~Serena Avenir~


Spoiler for Serena:
This profile needs a serious update!

Serena is lovely as she is effective. Thumbs up for the "not-an-elitist" Serena, because I think we've had enough of those in the stereotypical anime, but she's also "not-a-socialist" Serena, which is a nice combo.

Siegerion sounds like a good device (would've loved to hear the butler-ish speeches ). And yes, over-thinking is bad.

Kha, out with the Rebuilt already, we need this gal in action!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron008R View Post
Back on business...:3 =3 >3

The Divine Hammer of Inspiration strikes in most unexpected moments.
And it just struck me a while ago. Here's the result

Spoiler for Near Epilogue of GenerationS:


I hope I got Keroko-chan right! ><
Anyways, this may or may not be part of GenerationS when it's nearing completion. But the chance is high.
And I got to try characterizing Grandis for the first time properly.

>:3

How was it?><
One sentence: KEROKO IS CUTE!

Looks like Grandis is a magnet even though he doesn't want to be, and this isn't helped by the fact that Nanoha and Fate takes every opportunity to amplify the effect. Settling down seems easier for Grandis now that he's gotten over his past.

MOAR HAYANDIS NAO!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron008R View Post
Will tackle the backlog later. But for now, it's time to introduce the 'Prince'.

~Rebuilt of~
~Grandis Lacetti~


Basic Stats:
-snip-

I know, I know. He's seemingly way different from the cocky and confident Grandis that we all knew from the past. But I just had to do this. I felt something missing every time I reread Grandis' old profile. And I found out that 'I wanted to do something very different'. The old Grandis was likeable, sure. But there was a degenerancy with him that bugged me. Like with Aurion, I intend to completely break apart the common character mold and even some of the tropes in order to get a result as uniquely my own as possible! And so, Ohji Grandis came to be. How often does the non-hotblooded cool guy get the main girl? Don't worry, he's just more (MUCH more) refined now. The interactions with Hayate later on will still entail the same roguish flair. And I'd have to apologize in advance if anybody is planning or my have already written anything that involves an "Ore" Grandis. This is how he is now. And I intend to make him as likeable a character as possible! Oh. And making HayateXGrandis a success is a must too. ><

Comments? He's much, MUCH less HAXX now compared to the old version. Though I'm open to some more suggestions. Thanks in advance.


EDIT: Added pic.:3
Ah, certainly a nice Rebuilt, and it's Aaron-esque in all its glory.

You've gone through him with me before, so I don't think there's anything else to add. He looks better than the previous profile, though I'm interested in Carim's admirer, Zamzeed.

And also ...

HAYANDIS! HAYANDIS! HAYANDIS!

*runs at ludicrous speed*

===========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheba View Post
OC time, I am dead. But happy since Raoh gonna get his own series! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Spoiler for ID profile:

ZZZzzzzz tired. Brain is fried.
Ah, this is a nice summoner, and a close relationship with Caro to boot. The references to her summons are mostly myth-influenced ... but ARNGRIM? The crazy berserker with a huge cleaving sword from Valkyrie Profile? ... FINISHING STRIKE: FINAL BLAST!

*flees*

And luckily, Medusa's Gaze doesn't petrify, but I guess a mirror is still effective to turn the spell against Antigone and her comrades . Maybe she needs to bring a mirror herself .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheba View Post
New character.

Theme: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Pirates!

Spoiler for ID profile:
ARRRR, PIRATES!

"Environmentalist" pirates is very original in concept, and Morgan certainly lives up to it. Attacking TSAB, though, is going to be worrying for Morgan . If he's not careful, he might have the Arc aimed at his ship

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheba View Post
Diana Dornier

Spoiler for ID profile:
Nice set of water-based abilities here, and she uses a whip to boot ! And using her well-endowed assets for public relations, even better !

Walk on Water is a nifty movement spell, she basically glides on water streams, eh?

Supportive of Hayate's sekuhara antics? NIC--

*feels an evil aura of dreadfulness at the back*

Aaron: KISAMA!



===========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagerou View Post
Spoiler for MSLN Alpha Episode 3, Scene 2:


^^; finally done with this damn scene.
Nice-to! Seeing the Wolkenritter, Hayate, and Aurion handling the Tempest is certainly a refreshing read to their more typical aerial combat. And Zafira even gets a non-shafted role in this .

I'm still wondering who the green-cloaked woman is ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagerou View Post
Spoiler for MSLN Alpha Episode 3 Scene III:


:3
Yuunoko ! Why am I getting the feeling that by the end of the series, the two will hav-- No, erase that thought! But, Keroko having the hots for Yuuno and her awkwardness is delicious . And uhm, nearing the end, since the Spawn is kind of immune to magic, the mages won't be rendered to using conventionals, are they?

Pirate-y Erick is a nice touch for his personality! Not to mention the description of the previous hostility between the OFM and TSAB.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagerou View Post
Spoiler for MSLN Alpha Episode 3, Scene IV:
I snicker at Kha's annoyance and protective nature, but never thought he'd be that protective of his waifu. Gravemind took the centerstage, though, with his tentacles-and-Spawn rampage. Guess Nanoha and company should start playing Starcraft and Halo to know their foes better .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagerou View Post
Will bust backlog later; for now, this:

Spoiler for Final Scene, MSLNAlpha Episode 03:


Will post on the fanfic thread when Goose finishes the rewrite he's been doing for like... two weeks.
Now, the mystery deepens to unknown depths. What are Carim and Genya plotting for the Cleric-Knights, and why do they sound so sinister while at it?

The drama is building up nicely, and Vice finding Nanoha in a deplorable condition is a fitting end.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagerou View Post
Spoiler for MSLN Alpha, Episode 4, Scene 1:


This isn't the entire scene; the second half of scene 1 focuses on Hayate and Co.
This is one warm scene of reunion and gathering. Teana's current form is a bit startling (linked to Ariadne, perhaps?), but she's pulling through in her stride. Very nice!

*waits for the second scene to unfold*

P/S: By the way, it's ECG for electrocardiogram.

===========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tormenk View Post
It's been awhile. Almost feels strange to be posting profiles here again.

Starting off with the expanded Jack profiles is Jac.

Spoiler for Jack of Spades:
Huge BLUECHEESIUM of delicious profiles .

Jac certainly fits his Akabane Kurodo personality, though he's less scarier. And wonder, wonder, the leader cooks instead of the underlings. Nice touch!

The spells are good and complements his fighting style (luckily there's no energy daggers and Bloody Rain ), but I don't really understand what Warding Swarm does. By "magical construct", does it mean things like barriers and the like, or things like devices, summoned creatures, etc.?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tormenk View Post
Spoiler for Jack of Hearts:


Last profile. Revised and toned down to better fit what I think is a more accurate profile.

P.S:
I'm using the image as a visual reference only. It is in no way a port of the person howsoever.
Jac at first sounds like a bloodthirsty berserker, but on further read, he's quite the composed rogue . And one-sided love is a torment indeed.

I don't particularly see the use of drugs in his combat style, actually. Ravage seems quite capable to bring out the best in him. The wind magic is certainly put to good use by Jac. And picture association with Grimmjow fits very well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tormenk View Post
Spoiler for The Black Fist:


Well that took quite long.
...

Gen Ealin is certainly one of the best written profiles (other than Katrina) ever. And it speaks of the darker side of the TSAB that's being exploited widely by us in the OC thread in a new light. The conflicts of attitude he suffered is a very good touch, especially since his involvement with the incident of the Book of Darkness and his finding out about the cover-up. The TSAB will have a tough time dealing with a rogue who knows of how they operate. Gen liking silence and nature is something I did not expect (I thought he'll be liking cold murder of TSAB members more ).

Avatar certainly is an interesting Device with the capability to store Mana like spell cards. And the spell list is certainly nice to boot. Nothing in the region of HAXX, as far as I can tell. Overall, an extremely good character. TSAB should look out for their rears being kicked, now.

By the way, he's not the leader of the Prize, right ...?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tormenk View Post
Next two of the expanded Jack profiles, featuring Jas and Jec.

Spoiler for Jack of Clubs:
Good grief, the gals are more notorious than the guys . Jas is notably the one they'd be calling "tsun", no doubt . The sisterhood with Jec is very nice. Relationship with Jag is foreseen to improve significantly, I say, even if they don't like each other much now . Just hope that he's not at the receiving end of her bombardment spells in SLC mode .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tormenk View Post
Spoiler for Jack of Diamonds:


I'll leave the Jacks short and revised write up about the Prize for next time. The effort of revising Katrina's profile still looms though.
Mm, nice youngest sister . Pity the man who invoked the other Jacks' wrath . The spells are worked well, good job! Giant Round Shield made me go though. The range is huge, and it's very durable. But, seeing as she needed to use quite a number of her discs, it's all right.

I wonder what will happen if she found out that her family were killed by the Prize during their talent searching ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tormenk View Post
ReBuild of Katrina? Nah..


~~~~~~




Spoiler for Katrina:


Backstory explaining Katrina's link to Jail, as well as Quint and the Alphinos.

Spoiler:


---

A placeholder for the revised version of the original profile. I got tired of referring to three separate posts for one profile and decided to make changes to the old one while I was at it.

A list of the changes.
  • - comestic changes to history
  • - reorganization of each section.
  • - rank fixed at S+
  • - Edited spells and added in some new ones.
  • - junking of conflicting spells such as AMF
Nice recap and cosmetic changes on Katrina's already rich history ! As your main antagonist, she remains as able and as terrible as ever, and her enemies would find her a difficult foe to handle, no doubt. Katrina dances to the symphony of fire and ice as well.

Her partnership with Jail and involvement with Alpino and Quint is meshed appropriately. Her parting smile for Lutecia does warm the heart, somewhat, despite the cool and deadly exterior she often exudes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tormenk View Post
Omigawd. You caught me with pants down after Aaron's bomb.

Can't help but say this is certainly one great read of an info dump. Not a dull moment in between the explanations and the character interactions inserted was great as well. =3
The backlog bluecheesium is a must after so long. I'm also enjoying a lot of stories and profiles that I've missed during my absence .

Thanks!

==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
[IMG]-snip-[/IMG]

Name: Evangeline "Tsurugi" Kamishiro
TSAB Rank: 1st Lieutenant
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Birthday: June 25 MC 053
Place of Birth: Administered Planet 58
Height: 172 cm
Weight: 52 kg
Eye Color: Lavender (floral)
Hair Color: Lavender (floral)
Mage Rank: A-
Magic Type: Neo-Belka
Magic Color: Purple
Magic Specialization: Physical
Combat Specialization: Close- and Mid-range Combat

Device Name: SaSword
Device Type: Armed
Device Primary Structure: Ninjato
Device Storage Form: Amethyst scorpion pendant
Device Appearance

Spoiler for For Length:
... One word to say it all: HAWT!

Her history is sad, especially about the lost of her family. Her life is a roller-coaster ride, it seems, what with her being on the wrong side of law, and then integrated into the Bureau (why do I have a feeling that Project ZECT is a pet project of Jail Scaglietti? Fortunately it isn't ). Luckily, her newfound friendship with Melissa provides her with a new perspective .

The Rider reference is ... .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
Evangeline "Tsurugi" Kamishiro
Spells and Abilities

Spoiler for Spells & Abilities:
There isn't anything wrong with the spells. I find them short and sweet.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
Time for a little backstory on the Riders...

Spoiler for Masked Rider System:
Goodie! Ryotaro finally finds himself a rival in the form of Evangeline. I bet he'll find her more than a match for him . Nice touch on the project's background, didn't find much wrong there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
*peers out of the Sea of Dirac*

>_>

Spoiler for Arrival:


*dives back into the Sea of Dirac*
I am cheering for Evangeline from this part of the world. Good going, girl! Serves the grunts right for messing with the Rider and their lieutenant . I wonder if they'll get more beating when they meet her in the main office later ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
GuardianS returns!!
Epic chapters as usual, PF . And a very interesting cliffhanger, too.
Thanks.

I think I should stop placing cliffhangers already, FieryAeon is mad at me.

Then again, I can't reveal everything now. Everything will come in time. Patience, patience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
Ah, finally got around to starting this...

Spoiler for Darkness Within, pt 1:
First mission to Non-administrated World #195 is tinged with both tension and mystery.

Seeing the references to Jail and the Grimoire (oh damn, the Lost Logia there isn't this one, right? Katrina will be there ...) and the Prize, I take it this is a collaborative writing between you and Tormenk? I wish the two of you the very best of luck for some awesome epicness .

And I guess Katrina isn't forgiving to being referred with affectionate names .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post








Wha...wha...WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!

Holy freakin' Lilith that's some EPIC Bluecheesium

I am soo jealous if your battle writing skillz . Very well done, indeed. [Teal'c]Indeed.[/Teal'c] Though I don't remember that part where the 5th one died...
Thanks!

My battle scripts are average, I think. It drains a lot of brain power to write them, and so production was stalled for a long time >_<. Guess a lot of us aren't set to write intense battle drama. Your short on Evangeline fits just nicely, so no need to be jealous.

And the fifth one being dead was actually mentioned indirectly several times in the course of the story, just that it isn't as specific. Let's see if anyone can spot it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post

Arthas, the Lich King...has fallen.

The terror that resided in Northrend has been defeated...or so they thought.

As the old saying goes: "Behind every great man is a great woman."

A new threat has arisen.


World of Warcraft
Wrath of the Lich Queen


Prepare to be...befriended



*RUNS AT LUDICROUS SPEED*


PF: Eto ... nice to meet you, Lich Queen ...

Lich Queen: *rattling breath* Nice to meet you, too ... You'll be my partner ... *Lich Queen rushes to embrace PF*

At the end of the day, the hollow winds of the blizzard whispered tales of the magnificent bird trapped in a crystalline prison of ice, never to be seen in the world again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
So if that's the green Tiberium...what's the rarer, unstable Tiberium?
Bluecheesium?

*runs at ludicrous speed*

===========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satty View Post
Hey there guys, what's up?

Looks like I'm going back to the craziness that is the OC thread. Anyway, didn't want to come empty-handed, so here's a little something....

Spoiler for SearcherS 12:


No color on dialogue, but I think I did okay....

Anyway, I have to go now, do my homework, later.


Looks like this is getting darker every chapter. All the good guys seem to have fallen to their foes. And Satoshi ... found out about his true self .

Last edited by PhoenixFlare; 2008-05-21 at 06:09.
PhoenixFlare is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-05-18, 07:40   Link #4
PhoenixFlare
The Resurrector
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
... Character limit is prohibiting a single-post backlog breaker .

So ... ANOTHER MAXIMUM BACKLOG BREAKER!!

===========

Quote:
Originally Posted by SpaceBrotha View Post
Right, here's a story from this morning... It was 5:50am, and i woke up to the urge of nature. visited the bathroom, and when i returned, inspiration was waiting with a nailed bat and wanted some dues for me not writing in the last 5 years...

...and nailed me good. now, 10 hours later, i'm posting the prologue chapter of what might actually develope into something interesting

May contain adequate amounts of "lol WUT!?" but please bear with me.

Spoiler for prologue:

there, 4100 words. Comments?
Urge of nature that does wonder.

Davram sure upped his ante as one of the master wizards in the world, though he was eventually being overwhelmed by the Order of Light. And that Sealing Logia seems to be doing its job nicely ... until it reappeared in the world again, deep underground .

Nice opening chapter .

Quote:
Originally Posted by SpaceBrotha View Post
First off, thanks to everyone who read and commented, and ofc thanks to PhoenixG and Aaron008R for beta-reading this.

Right, so after some serious writers blocks to the face, i finally got the chapter 2 together. It's a bit heavy, atleast at the beginning. I also attached some pictures that i managed to find.

Anyway, 5500 words. Enjoy!

Spoiler:


There, comments?

Edit: thought to add a link to the first chapter: Prologue
It's alive! It's alive! The Tower's alive! In the form of a small girl!

Davram's nonchalance is certainly a great work, though his image as a lich is getting worrisome. He's so kind ! And a mean streak of giving surprises when you least expect it.

Guess Iris still has much to learn about her master. Rule #1: Don't assume that he's asleep if he seems like it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SpaceBrotha View Post
Well, in celebration to OCT's birthday:
Another chapter! sorry it took a while.
Again, thanks to PhoenixG and Aaron008R for beta-reading!

To everyone who read, thanks alot, couldn't be doing this without you guys and gals. I read everyone's comments even though i might not have responded to them, i also tried to make it a bit more clear to avoid needless confusion. But if i didn't succeed in that, then i suppose that confusion is just a part of my personality.

links to chapters 1 and 2.

About formatting: Davrams lines are always preluded by an empty line, and i usually don't have another empty line afterwards. But when i have two people talking and neither TALKS LIKE THIS, i use empty lines to indicate that the person who's talking has changed.

anyway, around 5500 words like the last chapter as well, here it is:
Spoiler:


Comments?
Time sure flies fast for undead and literal demigods .

Iris's ursophilia impulse is a nice touch, but poor teddy that got punched!

And lo and behold, another bear joins the rank, and one that gets off rather well with Iris, in this case. Ursus should be advised caution with Iris, she bites.

A nice title for this, as Tormenk put it, would be The Lich, the Tower, and the Bear!

===========

Quote:
Originally Posted by LimitedEternal View Post
And PF delivers his massively long BLUECHEESE!

That is a mighty impressive piece o' work, though. Nicely written. My head's still wobbling
This one is much shorter in comparison, and yeah, I notice myself getting some the throb when I re-read it back. Yuuno went the roundabout way to talk about it, and I made him made it even more difficult.

===========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightengale View Post
Oh, epic information chapter.

The whole religionbabble by Yuuno, strangely reminds me of the Wicker Man. (( I know, BIG difference, but still. ))
This is the first time I've ever heard of an information chapter that's epic.

I haven't watched Wicker Man, so the reference eludes me.

===========

Quote:
Originally Posted by tshouryuu View Post
Well, you know my thoughts already and here is a little joke from yours truly.
Spoiler for Omake:
Omigawd! This omake is certainly giving me the epic ! The mere thought is exacting a wicked throb of unbelievable intensity at the imagination of Iris being the sire of the buildings.

*douses self in bleach to cleanse the mind*

===========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Scene1
Hmm funny, it looks like you managed to edit the thing that I was going to comment on yesterday in here…. Or maybe I was just tired and read it wrong

I did find the above quote a little weird… although it is explainable if the templars came from different backgrounds/etc. before their appointment. Nay? Yay?

Looks like it isn’t all just roses on the ‘villains’ side. Should be good… apart from the imminent expansion of the main cast
I'm sorry that I didn't get back to this sooner, guess I miss what you meant by the edit. I didn't edit much except for the cosmetics (adding colors and italics and such), so it should still be there. What was it about, by the way (if you still remember, in any case )?

The question was actually meant to ask the reader what they think caused so many scars on Grandia, actually . It didn't work out well, but never mind. The Templars were trained together and much of their histories were known to each other. It's like they had been companions for a very long time that everyone knew everyone else from the inside out, except if they were hiding something.

And yeah, the roses aren't always blooming for the villains . Sometimes they get poison ivy instead.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Scene2
XD you go ARF! Horray for the shafted ones Points to Vivio for the scene with all the things she manages to pull. Upstaging the Aces *chuckle*

Although best would have to be XD Much laughter was had yesterday Many thanks

On the Leona side of things, I demand a joint inquisition of her by Aurion and Yuuno. XD
I didn't know Arf was shafted, but luckily that pulled through rather well. I'm glad you like this scene .

Vivio grows up to be quite a rascal in this fic, but she's still a responsible girl under Nanoha's guidance. Yuuno gives his share of "parentage" also, as you've noticed .

Joint inquisition ...

Leona: *eyes glinting coldly* Don't even think about it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Scene3
Oh yes, the defection is imminent…
Defection? The probability is rather low.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Scene4
You continue to impress, this time with knowledge of linguistics and Myths + Legends, very cool However must you always leave us at cliffs that are hanging
Thanks!

But, cliffhangers are ... necessary. And more's coming .

*flees*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Ahh, I see a variation on grenade jumping. Well it makes sense Don't worry so much about explaining the other comments raised. I'm perfectly happy to sit and wait for things to be explained in the story. Of course if that's not true then that's a different matter entirely
Is that the term? I didn't really know. And yeah, it's going to be explained in the next chapter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Although it does seem to me that we have epic haxx on the 'good guys team' with what Leona threw out in the chapter... Perhaps not so devasting in property damage but still powerful none the less
You mean Nidhoggr or her ability to sense Vestrell's move? The latter will be explained later, but right now, Nidhoggr is actually just a more flashy variation of the typical battery spell, it has speed and range, but little in power (B+ for the whole spell).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
One more falls. Or at least is now a literal vegetable
Uhm, half a vegetable. And quite a bad half, too.

He takes the first scene of Chapter Nine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Suitably epic nuke from our resident grand story teller XD

I still can't shake the feeling that the templars are going to end up on the good side by the end of this. Although it's debateable how many of them are still going to be alive by it's conclusion.
Thanks!

Well, it's good that we're now second-guessing what the plot will end up with (my intention, exactly), because it makes it more interesting (and more difficult for me to write the plot ). I'm just hoping I can pull the big one later.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Now to sit for another month or so to wait for the next installment, the aftermath. *sigh*

Ahhh, I really need to work on my fics sometime... Now if only I had a time machine
Another Transition chapter is coming up first, and then the next chapter. When it'll be done, though, may take more than a month.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Yeah I figured
No, and I went the extra mile to make it seem so!

==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockfest View Post


Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass,
leaving memories that become legend.
Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten
when the Age that gave it birth comes again.

What was, what will be, and what is,
May yet fall under the Shadow


Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS will now begin.

Chapter 1 (The Eye of the World) – Prologue
Spoiler for Prologue:
Mighty interesting start . I think you're the first author who's attempted time-traveling for Nanohaverse, which is set to bring about epic stories and battles. Shamal keeping a regular log is not really out-of-character, seeing as she's basically the doctor and healer of the group, she needs to know the conditions of her friends and set some check-ups and prognoses if necessary. Logging Nanoha's conditions is quite correct .

The second prophecy seems dire enough, seeing as it involves even the age of the Saint King three hundred years ago. Nanoha receiving the second Linker Core sounds a bit strange for me, but I don't mind it very much. It will be interesting development to watch out for.

For OCs, I think I've mentioned it already that most of mine wouldn't fit, except for Gabriel who's working in Intelligence. See if you need another Intelligence other than Acous, and we'll discuss this out. If your story revolves heavily around the ancient age, then it's all right.

Good luck with this!

==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Oh, AARON!!!

Here's a new competitor for overreactions here! *waves*
Overreactions are for the masters of underreactions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
*cough*

If it gets that far without me burying him alive in critique

Though I trust that won't happen, Cadians are VERY resilient.
Most, not all. Then again, if he breaks, I trust you won't make him break ... that badly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
As expected. I like Big Bosses that are less...stifling, though. Still, I like Lazarus, and his boss. The dynamics is very familiar to me.
He's stifling because he pays no heed to things that do not concern him. Anything that does, he pays every ounce of attention to it. Other than that, you'll just be talking to the wall until he decides that he's bored and your tummy needs a make-over .

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Really now, that's nice of you...

*absorbs information*
Petty thief!

Use it if you want, though. I don't mind anyone using it as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
I'm a little too tired to start breaking the backlog now, or whatever there is before this post.

So I'll post first, and come back tomorrow for some more.

As I said on the IRC, here's 3 drafts. Still open to suggestions, manhandling, slamming, you know the drill.

COMING SOON: Some background information so some things aren't so confusing OR nearly as h4xx as they sound now. Funny thing that I wrote the text before the Foreword. It should be called the Back-word instead now. But since this is more transcribed in my head, and less documented elsewhere, I felt it was important that I put this down first before I start forgetting things, my next post will tell you why I need to do this.

Ergo, the background is recorded elsewhere other than here, so I can whip it out more easily.



Firstly, we shall have a villain, and then a true neutral dead guy.

Spoiler for “OC Grenade 1/3: Zarakiya Justi, Executioner, Judge and Jury”:
Now, the histories of these three characters are well-done, I find little to nitpick (even though I feel the "eternal life" part a little unnerving, but I'll just leave it be for the moment). I do have issues with the spells, as I've mentioned to you earlier, so let's see what do we have to talk about.

Ah, wait, before that, we'll tackle this little bit here:

Spoiler for “Duel of the Century”:


If Juste won the duel, why is Zarakiya made the leader and not him? =3

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Spoiler for “Spells and Other Related Issues”:
To my understanding, this would follow a similar rule as Tracing (in your case, the Artifacts of the God), wouldn't it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Spoiler for “The Price of Power”:
If you don't mind me pointing out, your characters (two of the three) have a lot of special abilities that are mitigated very little for the huge benefits they gain. Well, they're antagonists, you've mentioned them earlier, but it remains difficult to see how the Aces are able to handle them.

For starters, Veneficus Terminus doesn't sound like a powerful limitation in any case, given that the Zarakiya's threshold is quite high. I believe you'll be exercising author limitation here.

For Inritus Presencia, from what I understand, it means that they're no longer immortal, so ... what's the consequence here other than they becoming human? Does that mean that the average Aerternis who doesn't practice actually do not die normally, and that if struck a lethal blow, they can be regenerate very rapidly? What I mean is, what's so crippling about this effect to Zarakiya's unnatural ability?

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Vesica Silva: The Blade Forest

Offensive Power: A+ each sword
Type: AoE Blast
Activation: “Rumpus orbis (Shatter the Circle (referring to the world))!”
Cast Time: 6.5 seconds
Terminus taken: 90% + Extra Drain

Gathers thousands upon thousands of energy blades around him, and launches them outward, together with a huge magical shockwave. The swords dissipate 6-7 seconds after being fired, but this is still a very deadly move, as they are shot out at speeds exceeding most other shooting spell speeds.

In this case, he will drain his Axiom’s power by 50% at one shot, thus lowering his combat effectiveness (like speed, strength, and reaction times) by half, and also lowering the upper limit of his Terminus by 50% for an entire day. Also, he will be incapable of using magic for about an hour after using this spell.

This is his deadliest spell, and is called the “Army Slayer” because of its massive killing ability. In fact, some of the massive anti-army, one sided slaughters that occurred during the Proxy Wars were attributed to this skill due to the sheer rapidity of the massacres, which would have been completely impossible to achieve even with another larger force. However, it is more or less a last ditch assault-type spell, given its heavy physical and mental drain, and he has not used this since a certain incident during the Proxy Wars.
You have a complex input for your spells, and one of them is Axiom, which isn't mentioned in extra details. So, for the Aerternis that practice magic, they basically have a Veneficus Terminus and Axiom that function as power supplies for their spells? How different are they that they are needed at different times and usage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Spoiler for “Other Ceremonial Spells”:
Uhm, right, a lance that can "cut through anything". By virtue of description, I'm assuming it means the lance can cut anything including space, universe, time, and the like. Proficiency, like casting time and power, is pretty much subjective and author limited, so if he really needs to use it, then he will use it. Now, can you describe a way in which the lance can be effectively blocked?

... I dread to think what Cronus Flax can do ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Spoiler for “OC Grenade 2/3: Juste Beremont, the Exiled Forge”:
There isn't much to comment about Juste, because it lacks information .

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Spoiler for “OC Grenade 3/3: A. Ricardo Cronqvist, Forgemaster’s Familiar”:
For Ricardo ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Spoiler for “Special Personal Abilities”:
Let's see, if someone critically damages his heart/weak point, will it just "gush" out in a pool of blood and then repair itself like nothing's ever happened?

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Ödslig Tom: Desolate Void

Rick’s black jacket was never as innocuous as it looked: it is actually a link to an endless void; the remnants of a major dimensional fallout of unknown origin. This appears to be a special item belonging to him and not so much an ability rather than an artifact. By taking off his jacket and flicking it out at a enemy spell, he can absorb the attack into the void. He can also pull just about anything else he wants into this void, though it is possible to resist its effect by setting up a barrier or a field, or by moving out of its effective range.

Anything within up to 90 metres radius of the void can feel its pull (and outside of it, to a lesser extent), friend and foe, animate and inanimate objects alike. Its minimum radius was 15 metres, which means that Rick himself would feel this force, and would have had to counter it using magic as well. Therefore, it can be both a blessing, and a curse.

Also, Rick cannot use this ability more than once a day, as it seems to weaken him physically and mentally to use this. Maybe he just wasn’t cut out to use it…
Mm, I wonder, can he use this secret artifact to basically void Arc-en-Ciel?

Also, if he can only use it once per day, how long is the duration that the jacket will remain as a void before it reverts to being a normal jacket? Sorry, by "once per day", it can either mean "activated once and effective till one day is over" or "activated once and effective only for one attack per day". I do hope it's the latter ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Hus Daeva: The House of Daeva

Boost Power: A
Special Boost: A+
Type: Hybrid Boost
Activation: None
Cast Time: Unknown

This spell is an interesting one, it not only boosts his movement and attack speed, but it also ups his charm and charisma, in the sense that he has the power to attract and sway the emotions of others in a subtle fashion, similar to the effect of pheromones. The physical and offensive boost is quite weak as compared to that of his other spells, but the “Special” boost lies in the PR/IP skill boost that he receives, and this the defining trait of the skill “House of Daeva”. When used by Ricardo, this spell can serve the purpose of letting him get where he wants, and do as he likes.

There are few who can resist this spell, as there are yet fewer who can detect its presence in the first place, and this is usually because they are resistant to advances in that direction in the first place, or because they are oblivious to them. There have been suggestions that Ricardo uses this to “make up for his lack of waking time” by enhancing the effectiveness of his more…intriguing interpersonal interactions. This, however, has always been hotly denied by him (evident from the slightly more harsh tone he uses), although without losing his cool.
Mm, silent killer, much? Hayate falls under the pheromone, backstab, end of story?

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Hus Gangrel: The House of Gangrel

Boost Power: S+
Type: Hybrid Boost
Activation: None
Cast Time: Unknown
Duration: 10 minutes maximum

This is the most powerful of his boosts. It increases his Berhaska passive skill, boosts his endurance and his speeds to higher levels than any one of his other boosts. The most straightforward of his boost spells, and with the most straightforward cost: He goes outright mad for the whole duration of this boost, and while in this state he fights instinctively and on greatly increased reflexes and speeds, he also loses a lot of his proper coherent thought process, inflicting damage mercilessly on both friend and foe alike.

In short, he fights like a beast rather than a man. Also, his spell list is more limited when Hus Gangrel is in use, as he cannot use more powerful/complex spells like Crimson Dream and Blood Refrain Rondo.
Ten minutes is quite the long duration for normal battles. They usually last less than five, unless it's a battle of attrition or a siege. Consider lowering the time limit?

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Natt Uvertyr: Night’s Overture

Defensive Power: S~S+
Proficiency: AAA+
Type: Disruption/Field type Defense
Activation: “Resonate!”
Cast Time: 4 seconds
Duration: As long as he can hold it up

Ricardo uses both his hands to play an illusory melody in the air as though playing a huge pipe organ, and using this melody, generates ripples tinged with a deep red aura over a wide diameter of almost 200 metres, with lesser effects outside of it.

These ripples have a similar effect to that of the Crimson Dream, except that it also entails causing the enemy’s magic power to dissipate/disperse faster, thus weakening most attacks used against him by quite a great deal. Thus, this move is not an attack against the power of the spell, but against the structural integrity of the magic particle construct that makes up the concept of this spell.
Maximum level of spells that can be dispersed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Demonen Slottet: Demon Castle

Tier: Six (Citadel of Hell)
Power: Variable
Proficiency: S+
Type: Field/Wide Area/Summon
Activation: “I am A. Ricardo, the master of Castle Cronqvist.”
Cast Time: 2 hours
Duration:

Ricardo summons a huge castle with a maze of rooms and towers, with him at an unknown location known as the Castle Keep, which is actually a localized dimensional rift which cannot be touched until the castle itself is destroyed. Through this castle, Ricardo has near-infinite access to summons of monsters and creatures which he can summon to either defend or attack. These creatures are split into 5 levels of power. Level 1 summoned beings are so comparatively weak that even the average TSAB mage can take almost a dozen of these before going down (although they make good scouts, and they can be summoned en masse to simply swarm said TSAB mage and thus minimize losses), while the mighty Level 5 beings are more than a match for entire units of mages.

Ricardo can also obtain intelligence from whatever the summoned beings are able to see, which means that they are also like a major extension of his passive sight (active sight means that he is able to things first hand, while passive sight means he knows what’s happening. Much like Naruto’s mass-spam Kage-bunshin no jutsu in some ways)

The limitations of this is that it, like some powerful Aerternis spells, throws open the magic gate(for such another spell, see the Blade Forest, Zarakiya’s AoE attack), and thus drains his Axiom at a much more rapid rate than normal spells, of which the magical strain is regulated by said item. An analogy for the drain method is that in normal spells, the magic that flows through him is regulated, while in this spell, the magic flows as much as needed instead of in a regulated fashion, and thus this is like his major limit break of sorts.

The price of this spell is similar to that of Axiom-draining spells: Firstly, it can only be held up for a limited period of time, which in Ricardo’s case is 2 hours, and following that, his Axiom will be rendered at half its original efficiency. Within that period of time, he can summon as much as he likes, and also, he can invest magical energy into beings that he summons through the Cronqvist family castle, which allows them to continue to exist for a limited time even when the duration of this spell is over. Secondly, while there is no given limit on the number of Level1-3 summons he can bring out, there is a cap on how many level 4 and 5 creatures he can summon. In the case of level 4s, he can only summon nine of them, while for level 5 creatures, he can only summon three. Lastly, he will go into a state of death-like sleep like that of Blood Body’s side effect for 2 days once he is done using this spell (this spell is like draining all of his energy for 4 days, and then forcing him to rest), and this leaves him wide open to attack.
Now, I frown at this spell. It's too powerful. I notice that the cast time is two hours, but preparations beforehand effectively render the cast time obsolete (plus, it's plot point, anyway). Then, it seems like Ricardo has some godly amount of Axiom to spare for this spell to be maintained for two hours, and the summon limit is almost nonexistent. Personally, if I were Ricardo, I'd mass-spam Level 1-3 creatures and let them flood over the enemies. It's a futile battle on the enemy's side anyway, since there's no limit to the number that he can summon for those small level creatures. Plus, if he were to combine all the summons, he'd basically have an army huge enough to overwhelm the enemy's forces. Of course, that's assuming that those creatures do not drain his Axiom when summoned (something which you'd accidentally let out, perhaps). If they do drain his Axiom, he'd not have an infinite summon for Level 1-3.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
So anyway, my long delayed...preview is here. It's split into 3 parts, and involves some OCs I haven't posted yet (it's still on paper manuscript) so it could get confusing.

First person view. Third person can wait for the real stuff.
First try writing a Nanoha fic, so...oh well, nevermind.

Spoiler for Title:


Spoiler for The Forgotten Wanderer:


Spoiler for INTERLUDE: The Hound and the Snake:


Spoiler for Blade of Omen:


Spoiler for Final Lines:


Spoiler for Author's notes::


And...some sleep at last. AFTER this gets on the Fanfic thread. Oh well.
For starters, this is quite epic even for a first chapter.

There's the sense of mystery over who Alemantas's true identity (and the one who spoke in her dream), and then the person who called her ... mother? Nice biking scene between Snake and Acous, though I'm still wondering who did Acous meet in the office (doesn't sound like Regius). A lot of codenames are being used, it seems. And the mastermind is already revealed .

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Alright. I'm fully in love with this series now...
Why, you saying you weren't in love with it until now? I'm hurt!

Thanks!

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Excellent work indeed. The group fights are nicely done...and that girl is SCARY. I'm gonna try praying that that ship of theirs is in one piece

(although I'm secretly hoping it's in many, many pieces )

*runs from Angry Aaron*
Uhm, Escutcheon is a building, and the Crusader is a big room where the operations are being overseen. They haven't deemed it necessary to commission a mobile base, yet.

That girl ain't scary, she's cute and innocent!

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
and I'm all the more determined to make mine as EPIC.
Great, more epic stuff is always good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
:t witch:

The...lines are nice...

The action was cool...

The couple's move was so Sora and Nike...

I feel for S-Sharazad...

And I think there's...something about Leona...

BUT!

BUT! BUT! BUTTTTT!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOO------TRYSTAHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU'RE MY FAAAAVVVVOOORRRRIIITTTTEEEE TEMPLARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOOOOOUUUUUUUUU CAN'T DDDDDDDIIIIIEEEEEE HHHEEEEEERRRRREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

...

DAMN YOU PF!~

:u pset:


The response is so strong ...

I didn't get the reference about Sora and Nike (though I know it's from Kingdom Hearts ), but I'm amazed that your favorite Templar is Trystahn of the four being detailed so far. He has the least amount of exposure at current time, but I guess he makes people feel for him (perhaps more so after this ... ). Thanks!

==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty View Post
Hell yeah. You should definitely give the series a watch. I LOVE the ED. Imagine Vivio having to live with Noland acting eerily similar to Kogarashi.

Spoiler for Maid Guy Noland:
Oh good god, what do we have here?

Maid Guy Sight? Everything's see through? The girls aren't safe anymore with this stalker in town!

I wonder if Noland sees even through Nanoha, Fate, and Hayate ... what a lucky maid.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty View Post
Ahh I knew it was good to wait until the weekend. Much more active.

Alrighty folks. This here is the revised character.

Spoiler for Noland ver. Beta:


If everyone approves, this will be also be the official working version. ...Until next revision, at least. I hope it's acceptable; I'll make some fancy dedicated post thing for linkage and reference later.
Mm, Noland the Knight of Calamari Culinary.

I prefer this profile, it's much revised and is more balanced than the previous one. And no Maid Guy Sight ability, I see.

Good work with this!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty View Post
Ya know, every time I read this over I can't help but think about Patchu-con! Defend the Library!

But in any case...

Inspired in a way by Keroko and me being too damn restless at times, I've done my own version of the fall of Belka. Of course, this is only another interpretation of what may or may not have happened so long ago.

Spoiler for Scripture:
Next, we have the secretive Priory of Ioudas who protects the last of the scriptures bearing the true story of the incident, which the current Church condemns as heresy. However, according to revelation by inside sources, the Priory is poised to reveal the entire truth to the public, and the Church puts up desperate measures to counter that event. They track down members of the Priory, whose secret codename was Viva la Vivio and carrying two gems of different colors (one red, the other green) linked in the shape of brooch. A number were killed, and the last descendant of the royal Belkan family is in danger of assassination (as if they could, the Armor of the Saint King makes her invincible).

Now, the story begins with one learned man searching for the truth ... Yuuno Scrya, with his lifelong partner Nanoha Takamachi.

History is about to be remade ...



*flees*

==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyral View Post
W00t! Stuff posting time!!

It's been a while!


First things first!

Thanks to the nice people of the Image Thread I was finally able to change the TSAB Logo on Rinya's ID Card to the AAS one.

Spoiler for Rinya's new ID Card:


I already replaced it in her profile.

I'm also glad I decided to take a break from my main story (I pretty much stuck) and wrote something for my Dark Setting.

Spoiler for 'Chapter' 3:


It's the longest Dark Setting Chapter so far.

Thanks to Keroko and Xgouki for letting me use thier OCs!
I hope I got them right.
Sorry if not! I'm unworthy!


And we have another picture!

I always wanted to draw something for my Dark Future Setting and I decided on a name for it and wanted to make some kind of 'Poster'.

Thanks again to Keroko and Xgouki who gave thier input for the fanpictures I draw of thier OCs. (Yes guys I finally finished it!)

So here it is:
Showing both main heros and all Dark Generals! :3
Spoiler for Dark Future Poster:


This is serious stuff, a dark future where Nanoha is lost, Vivio is battling against foes who are previous allies, and new characters rallying behind her. EPIC!

And don't tell me Hel is ... HAYATE?! Gosh, this is heart-gripping, Kyral, you need to write faster!

Rinya's ID and the little poster are EPIC pics in their own right! Great work, wish I have this photoshopping ability.

Just a little bit, though. I remember the last entry you written was about Elric wanting to apologize to Rinya, now how did this crop up so suddenly? Time jump?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyral View Post
Wait!
I thought they died!? But they never have!?
You played with my innocent heart! ;.;
(ok... and that's from the guy who killed nanoha off screen >.> )
Sorry, but I just have to do it.

And ... who killed Nanoha offscreen?

Oh, you ...

BASTARD!




Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyral View Post
Ah... that's what I call a fun read
Thank you, I appreciate your reading it. Hopefully, it's not too tiresome for the eyes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyral View Post
Sadly two things cought my eye...
*drops a big, ancient and ornamented on the table and opens it.*


Spoiler for Belka Buster:
Ah, Master Belka Scriptor, you're an absolute savior!

I literally filched Wyrd's warning from dictionary, I'll edit that, thanks!

Frozen Shackles, however, come from manga translation, so I'll just leave it be. Thanks for the pointers, though!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyral View Post
After I remade Rinya's ID Cardm I had the idea to make some improvements to Elric.

I replaced the two pictures of his Device in Range Mode and Sealed Mode with a single picture, like I did with Rinya's Device.

Spoiler for Carnage:


I also added two new pictures to help visualize some details of my character.

Spoiler for Other:



And I must say, this picture I found in the Image Thread pretty much fits my Dark Future Setting :3




This is GAWD!!


AWESOME PICTURES! And you drew them yourself too ... MADNESS!

==========

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kha View Post
Exprozion! A captivating read as always. I was expecting infernals, but a good old rain of rock works just fine for the occasion. It even took out the ley node the base was sitting on.

I grinned at the idea that a Sunstrider has survived to this day. :3

The plot thickens, and you're nowhere done. To the next scene!
Rain of rock? Ley node?

You always find holes to insert the least amount of your brand into it, ne? Not that I mind.

And I guess you found the reference for Sunstrider.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kha View Post
Yup AOE breaks stealth. And nice theme there; certainly fit the mood. :3



Once again, another amazing episode of great Justice! All that magic really tore the arena to shreds.

And while it was gratuitiously over the top, given the nature of things they were up against, I expected no less.

This further reinforces the theory that TSAB is frankly, not much of a administrator of Time Space as a whole. Not enough power density to able to exert control.


I've been wanting to use the theme for quite some time now.

And thanks!

The place is literally a wasteland already, so more damage wouldn't matter much.

==========

I think I miss a few along the way, going through 200+ pages isn't exactly easy. Sorry about that. Do give me a nudge if I accidentally miss them.

Now, let me disappear somewhere and meditate to regain my lost energy ...

*faints*
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Old 2008-05-18, 21:45   Link #5
ghazghkull
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saint X View Post
This is the only thing that i can do for now...

ONWARDS, TO NEO-CADIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~

*does EPIC POINT TO THE WEST*

*Rides his AX-Modified NOD MCV towards the Sunset while working on his new Index Post*
*face palms*

WHY am I not surprised ><
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Old 2008-05-18, 21:57   Link #6
Kha
~ I Do ~
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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Age: 28
Now that you've seen the index, let's get down to the basics.

Welcome to the HOTTEST place on Animesuki, and the 2nd Incarnation of the Original Character Creation and Discussion Thead.

The home of BURNING MANLY SENTAI SPIRITS OF EPIC PASSION & KHRACK of the Dai-Klerik Dan. :3



Welcome to...

Outer Cadia

Please leave your sanity at the door.

[Cadian Tutorials Construction: 5%]
__________________

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Old 2008-05-18, 22:00   Link #7
ghazghkull
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Age: 25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kha View Post
If this Neo-Cadia involves being a water-logged retirement home, ZETTAI KINSHI!!!

Cadia is more than that! Outer Cadia is a nation, a young growing nation! We shall herald the next state of Cadia with gusto and virile vigor, like we always have!

PEACE THROUGH PROCREATION!!!


(Sorry that's the only p-word that I had off the top of my head with some remote connection to Creation. Rushing to the next class... )




@Ghaz: Why not? That's why we have this picture as our banner:


It's just us, and the spirit of the Dai-Klerik Dan. :3

*RUNS*
: uhoh::twi tch:

Okay....................that's all I have to say.........................

: uhoh::twi tch:

Last edited by Klashikari; 2008-05-19 at 06:28. Reason: large pic removed from quote
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Old 2008-05-18, 22:02   Link #8
Kha
~ I Do ~
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the XV-8A Spartan "00"
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by ghazghkull View Post
: uhoh::twi tch:

Okay....................that's all I have to say.........................

: uhoh::twi tch:
:3

*FLIES AT EPIC SPEED*

PS: You know, other people would just do a Kha Breaker... :3
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Old 2008-05-18, 22:21   Link #9
Tempy
Σ(。д°(o--(ಠ益ಠ )
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Hotsprings Resort
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kha View Post
:3

*FLIES AT EPIC SPEED*

PS: You know, other people would just do a Kha Breaker... :3
Oh fine.

*clears throat*

Spoiler for Breaker!:
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Last edited by Tempy; 2008-05-18 at 22:36.
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Old 2008-05-18, 22:30   Link #10
ghazghkull
The Dang-meister
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Age: 25
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Tempest this is how you do it:

*Activates Hyper Zector*

MAXIMUM RIDER POWER

*One, Two, Three, flips the horn over*

"Hyper Kick"

*flips the horn over*

RIDER KICK

*Runs up to Kha and obliterates him with an all powerful Hyper Kick*
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Old 2008-05-18, 22:34   Link #11
XenahortCharybdis
does whatever he wants.
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Atop a hill of words.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ghazghkull View Post
Tempest this is how you do it:

*Activates Hyper Zector*

MAXIMUM RIDER POWER

*One, Two, Three, flips the horn over*

"Hyper Kick"

*flips the horn over*

RIDER KICK

*Runs up to Kha and obliterates him with an all powerful Hyper Kick*
Oh, so we're moving camp, yeah? Sounds good (so I can view OCs that I missed at my own leisure.)

...

*eyes Ghaz's horrendous mutilation of our own Klerik of Khrack*

Now that was...quite useless, Masked Rider G.H.A.Z., actually, he'll be back anyway.

And my hangover's gone. That's reason to celebrate

*back to the drawing board*
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Old 2008-05-18, 22:46   Link #12
PhoenixFlare
The Resurrector
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by ghazghkull View Post


O...okay..... XD

Well considering that Erio's directory was quite out of date, and he's not active that much anymore, we need a new person to maintain the directory and such.

Which will include a lot of cleaning up and removing of profiles from people who aren't even active on OC anymore.
Mm, I'd suggest to still include them (the inactive ones) in the new index post, since it's possible that someone might find it useful to use some of their characters/plots/ideas or the lure of OC finally leads them back to the thread. The higher possibility would be the former, but their contribution to the thread must be considered.

... and what madness is this with massive spammage before the thread's closure?

@Skyfall: We're not able to edit posts in locked threads, I just tried it. But, I suppose it isn't really that big a matter.
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Old 2008-05-18, 22:49   Link #13
mamott99
The Burning Toilet
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Australia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kha View Post

Not sure is Mamott and al have a post here...?
Haven't created a character yet. I might actually put it off until the new thread's created.
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Old 2008-05-18, 23:41   Link #14
Kha
~ I Do ~
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the XV-8A Spartan "00"
Age: 28
This thread is pretty much my baby, along with Keroko, Nighty, Lowe and several of the vets, so this spammage is kinda because I'm gonna miss it...

Then again, I'm glad I'd get to start again, this time with my Khrack refined and honed to potency. :3

We can link to the old index page via the new one, so we can link to the old profiles and still save space.

@Mamott: Looking forward to him/her in the new thread. GTA FTW :3
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Old 2008-05-18, 23:48   Link #15
LimitedEternal
Nuclear Fusion
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Sky of stone, floor of flame.
Age: 27
Guess I better get in some parting words before the main event...

I'm actually kinda glad we're starting over. What with the meltdown recently and the spiritual fresh start, it feels like a new Cadia. Cracky still, but still new.

Looking forward to the new thread, and may it grow as vast as this one

@Kha: I can't believe you forgot me...T_T
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Old 2008-05-19, 00:13   Link #16
Estavali
絶対・慢心・ダメ・にゃのです!
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In the Horizon
Age: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kha View Post
@Ghaz: Why not? That's why we have this picture as our banner:

Spoiler for Size:


It's just us, and the BURNING MANLY SENTAI SPIRITS OF EPIC PASSION & KHRACK of the Dai-Klerik Dan. :3

*RUNS*
*scratches head*

I would suggest using either

this:



... or this:


.... if you want all three Aces together. Alternatively we can also use

this:


... for a cool Fate pic. But then again, this is the Nanoha OC thread. Who better to represent it than the White Devil herself? If so, I would suggest

this:


.. or this:


.... as our new welcomer.

Thus ends my two cents. But before I return to that empty void called Lurk-Space, allow me to present my personal choice in this matter:



ONWARDS! TO THE NEW CADIA!
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Old 2008-05-19, 00:25   Link #17
ghazghkull
The Dang-meister
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Age: 25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Estavali View Post
*scratches head*

I would suggest using either

this:



... or this:


.... if you want all three Aces together. Alternatively we can also use

this:


... for a cool Fate pic. But then again, this is the Nanoha OC thread. Who better to represent it than the White Devil herself? If so, I would suggest

this:


.. or this:


.... as our new welcomer.

Thus ends my two cents. But before I return to that empty void called Lurk-Space, allow me to present my personal choice in this matter:



ONWARDS! TO THE NEW CADIA!
Not sure...

Personally, I'd like to see an image that can actually be compressed so that it looks like a banner, rather that these poster images :3
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Old 2008-05-19, 00:43   Link #18
LoweGear
Device Meister
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: 3 times the passion of the usual flamenco
Would we still be able to quote from a locked thread? And just when I finally decided to do some breaking too ^^;

Anyways, not like we didn't expect this, but kinda sad moving out. Hopefully we can make the new thread prosper like this one did
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Old 2008-05-19, 00:44   Link #19
ghazghkull
The Dang-meister
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoweGear View Post
Would we still be able to quote from a locked thread? And just when I finally decided to do some breaking too ^^;

Anyways, not like we didn't expect this, but kinda sad moving out. Hopefully we can make the new thread prosper like this one did
Just back up all your material, and then start to post your new material on the new thread. I'll be keeping tabs, so don't worry too much :3
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Old 2008-05-19, 01:04   Link #20
tshouryuu
Residential Nutcase
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Outer Cadia
Is it possible to link back to posts this thread after it's closed? if not I'm going to grab all my stuff .
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