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Old 2008-08-23, 00:57   Link #3481
Sheba
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Next part:

Spoiler for Journeyers chapter I.2":


Thanks to:

Aaron008R: For beta reading and corrections.

Estavali: For beta reading and suggestions.

PhoenixFlare: For beta reading and corrections.

Ryand-smith: For reading and fixing funky grammar I may have done.

Tempest Dynasty: for beta reading and corrections.

And everyone on IRC who had to stand my rambling about relatively alien concepts that were often out of their own frame of references.

Last edited by Sheba; 2008-09-20 at 19:09.
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Old 2008-08-23, 02:31   Link #3482
Wild Goose
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Quick shout: anybody with experience in artillery usage is welcome to PM me with thoughts. While I've got a general knowledge of artillery and how to use it, my specialties have always been infantry gear and air power (and to a lesser extent naval power).

Artillery lingo is also appreciated, as well as the things FOs need to know to call in strikes. Air strikes I know, but arty is a different ball game.
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Old 2008-08-23, 04:42   Link #3483
AdmiralTigerclaw
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Goose View Post
Quick shout: anybody with experience in artillery usage is welcome to PM me with thoughts. While I've got a general knowledge of artillery and how to use it, my specialties have always been infantry gear and air power (and to a lesser extent naval power).

Artillery lingo is also appreciated, as well as the things FOs need to know to call in strikes. Air strikes I know, but arty is a different ball game.
Here's some...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bsoii...eature=related

You got some radio calling in there...

The keyword is the one firing artillery will announce 'SHOT' to the forward observer.

"SHOT OVER"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vF1lKU39qDA&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgg6Y...eature=related

You don't mess with field artillery.

Oh... found you a good one... These guys are in their training, you get lots of chatter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzUnyAqwZic
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Old 2008-08-23, 05:08   Link #3484
Sheba
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Retconned one of the OC I borrowed. I replaced Tais by Tsuzuki. I apologize to shouryuu for mixing them up. @_@
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Old 2008-08-23, 05:21   Link #3485
Kha
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Goose View Post
Trailer of something in TF6:

Spoiler:


People complaining about Hayate being shafted and useless do not know how to use her.

Also, one more thing: as a battlefield commander, it is not Hayate's job to get into combat and mix things up. By doing so, she loses sight of the broad picture. She's not being paid her salary, nor does she have her Lieutenant Colonel rank, to be just another grunt. Her job is to keep track of the battlefield, manage her combat assets and lead her people. If she's going to be another grunt, she might as well accept a demotion and forget being RF6's Commanding Officer. She is the Commanding Officer. It is her job to Command.
Then at the very least SHOW her commanding (and not randomly pointing in various directions while stock images whistle around her)! Have her tactics make a difference in that battle. I'd love to make her good at both, like Xingke, but there might be a limit I'm gonna crash into. That leaves the latter scenario to be what we would reasonably expect of an Ace, and 7Arcs failed to deliver.

This is why the mantle then falls to us, and we all have various ways to save her. Thus is the variety of the non-H fan community, but we have a common goal, so let's not diss each other over it. =D

Trailer? More like a snippet in a "Making of" TV special. Nothing wrong, and certainly gives an idea of what's going on.

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Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty View Post
Well, this took way to long to get out. And during the weekend too!

Ach. Update during a slow time.

Oh well. Enjoy, in any case.

Spoiler for Act 2:
Erio appears! Yay!

Progression is nice, having the OFM appear (or a reasonably close cameo)...

...and now for for the first boss, Noland. The only thing missing in this picture is Inquisition, but the Aces will do just fine.

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Originally Posted by Sheba View Post
Here I drop my HUGE tetris!

The first chapter of a story. While I love the thrillers of the spy or political kind, my reading background made me cut more for the simpler stories.

Expect not:

- Me managing the huge cast. I stuck to a trimmed down cast I can somewhat manage.

- Geass-like plot twists.

- Death Note-like Mind Games.

- Battle plans a la Hannibal.
Comments I spoke first in the IRC, and I can't remember them yet. Feels like EVE Online with fantasy dialogue, yet with the "Tree of Mana" thrown in for a good measure. And a very very very well developed background, though the volume of explanations and flashbacks was a little overwhelming. At least you won't need a codex to explain it all!

You fixed Tais, so that's okay.

And I once again reaffirm that it is nearly impossible to be a good writer with an anime-games-only diet. And no, I'm too lazy to go read a book just so I can write.

Do keep going!
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Old 2008-08-23, 05:49   Link #3486
Sheba
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Premise is vaguely inspired by Le Guin's "The Farthest Shore", well I told you that in IRC. I have thrown in a conflict as well to make the crisis all the more serious. If you see VG references, they are not what you think it is, or maybe I have subconsciously used them.

Ryand-Smith had shat bricks over the year 079 I used. I know this thread is populated with mecha fans, let me tell you it have nothing to do with what you think it is. Even tho I think that this conflict may be fierce, I expect it to not be long. Indeed, I believe that a long and drawn out conflict is not good for the involved parties, 1914-1918 taught us that, and it is especially true when higher levels of technology are involved.

Now the question that nitpickers gonna ask,

Q: "Why there are so many humans all over the multiverse?"

A: Meh I don't care.

Now, the lenght of the conflict,

Q: How long the war will be? How many year?

A: Earth year, midchilda year or madhyaloka year?

The other question for the scope of the story

Q: Who is at the center of this story.

A: It's clear, it's going to be Hayate and her little party. That's where the inspiration from the Farthest Shore play out. Crisis affecting magic? Check. Powerful wizard and a prince who has yet to grow up to claim his throne? Check.
But if you guys want to see more of the transdimensional conflict, you are welcome to play in this sandbox. I just gonna focus on Hayate and Vivio's initiatory journey.

Now about the lenght

Q: Over 14k words in the first chapter and maybe a little less in the next one. Isn't a bit unreasonable?

A: While the first chapter is loosely based on "The Call to Adventure", I wanted to make sure that the audience knows as much about the background as possible. And offer to people willing to play in that fanon cards they can use for side stories about this war.

Last edited by Sheba; 2008-08-23 at 06:05.
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Old 2008-08-23, 06:08   Link #3487
Kha
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Why are humans all over the multiverse? First, don't believe what the history books told you.
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Old 2008-08-23, 06:14   Link #3488
Sheba
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Originally Posted by Kha View Post
Why are humans all over the multiverse? First, don't believe what the history books told you.
Well, this is where I don't let any pretense of historical accuracy hinder me. I use them as imagination boost, otherwise it would not be fun to try to be by the book.
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Old 2008-08-23, 06:16   Link #3489
Kha
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Exactly my point. Though I've gone the other way...
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Old 2008-08-23, 08:13   Link #3490
Keroko
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If people actually question why humans are all over the multiverse, they might want to re-think what anime they are watching.
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Old 2008-08-23, 10:28   Link #3491
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This is a long, boring summary of my own main fanon timeline. I'm posting this for archival purposes, so I can point to it in case anyone accuses me of making it up as I go along.

Feel free to skip. If you decide to read it, you might need a spreadsheet to keep track of everything here. Sorry.

Spoiler for Complete summary of the Lyrical Babel plot.:
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Old 2008-08-23, 12:28   Link #3492
Jimmy C
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Dkellis, since you mentioned no alterations to the A's events, there's a severe flaw in your plot.
The original Tome of the Night Sky was destroyed back in A's. The only thing left of it is an inert shell that now houses Hayate's armed device (I can't ever spell it right). The book-type device she now carries is a normal device that she gave the old name to. The Knights' link to the Tome was severed, their only links are to Hayate now.
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Old 2008-08-23, 12:48   Link #3493
Keroko
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy C View Post
Dkellis, since you mentioned no alterations to the A's events, there's a severe flaw in your plot.
The original Tome of the Night Sky was destroyed back in A's. The only thing left of it is an inert shell that now houses Hayate's armed device (I can't ever spell it right). The book-type device she now carries is a normal device that she gave the old name to. The Knights' link to the Tome was severed, their only links are to Hayate now.
Was it? I believe it was mentioned that Hayate's current tome still contains all the spells that the original tome had. Also, there was more then enough of the book remaining to allow Rein to be born, so it certainly wasn't completely destroyed.
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Old 2008-08-23, 13:55   Link #3494
Jimmy C
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Was it? I believe it was mentioned that Hayate's current tome still contains all the spells that the original tome had.
And where exactly was this mentioned? I remember something about Hayate's Rare Skill being all the spells that Rein Eins left for her. But that's inside Hayate herself, not the book. Though she may have taken the time to write it all out in the last decade.

Quote:
Also, there was more then enough of the book remaining to allow Rein to be born,
The book had nothing to do with Rein's birth. Whatever made you think it did?

Quote:
so it certainly wasn't completely destroyed.
Forgetting about the Tome's insane regenerative systems? If there was anything magical left, it'd all come back again, defense system included. And think, if they didn't completely destroy it in A's ep13, then what the heck were they doing?
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Old 2008-08-23, 14:15   Link #3495
Keroko
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And where exactly was this mentioned? I remember something about Hayate's Rare Skill being all the spells that Rein Eins left for her. But that's inside Hayate herself, not the book. Though she may have taken the time to write it all out in the last decade.
Can't recall... it's been a looong time ago when that was mentioned, I don't even know in which topic it was.

I do have booklet pages which may or may not answer any questions:



That is, of course, if someone can translate this.

Quote:
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The book had nothing to do with Rein's birth. Whatever made you think it did?
Reinforce saying so was a big hint (remember, Reinforce is the book). Not to mention she implanted a small memory of herself with a message into Rein. If she had nothing to do with Rein's birth, how do you explain that?

On another note:

Spoiler for Choices choices:


That about describes what is going through my head as well T_T

On one hand, Archery is cool, and Syn's skill list has a few awesome spells. On the other hand, hand to hand is just as cool, and it certainly suits Syn's smart talking personallity better. Not to mention the scenarios with Syn and Vivio back to back.

I've always been a fan of close combat. No ammount of gun blazing could ever compare to a fight between people in close combat. this makes me wonder where my head was when I decided to give Syn a bow, especially since her original draft already was a close-combat specialist

Don't get me wrong, I'm still quite satisfied how Syn as an archer turned out, but now I'm hesitating whether that was the right choice, both for her and me. Now that I'm actually working on combat scenarios, I find Syn often filling the role of Hayate. With her virtually non exitent melee and 'keep a distance' combat style, she sort of... fades away in the background. It's probably just me, but it bugs me.

Also, as a finishing strike, I've been rewatching the final episodes of StrikerS and was reminded just how awesome Vivio in melee is, and how awesome it would be to have Vivio and Syn fight side by side, rather then Syn supporting her from a distance.

And then as if to kick me while I'm down I started to watch Tetsuwan Birdy, which has even more awesome hand to hand melee fights. Not to mention that Birdy in terms of personallity ocasionally reminds me of Syn too!
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Old 2008-08-23, 14:33   Link #3496
Wild Goose
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Why not both? An archer who fights hand to hand? Hell, take Archer - he's Archer-class, but fights close combat, good enough to hold his own against Lancer, Saber, Rider and Berserker.
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Old 2008-08-23, 14:41   Link #3497
Keroko
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That's what I'm thinking off too... heh, I was worried that I'd make her too powerfull by giving her both melee and ranged, but then I remembered that almost all the cast members often have acces to both. Nanoha? Powerfull range and can certainly hold her own in melee. Fate? Jack of all trades. Vita? Melee and ranged abillities. Signum? That's where Hellskor came from.

Now to think of a design for the melee form for Hellskor. *dives to photoshop*
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Old 2008-08-23, 14:47   Link #3498
Wild Goose
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*shrugs* You could always just sling it on your back and stab people with the arrows.
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Old 2008-08-23, 14:50   Link #3499
Jimmy C
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Reinforce saying so was a big hint (remember, Reinforce is the book).
Say what? If it's what I think it is, it was just that Rein Eins was sure that Hayate would get a worthy device eventually and she should save the name "Reinforce" for it.

Quote:
Not to mention she implanted a small memory of herself with a message into Rein. If she had nothing to do with Rein's birth, how do you explain that?
That message was left in Hayate's Linker Core and was eventually uploaded into Rein Zwei. I mentioned this when talking about SS3 before.
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Old 2008-08-23, 15:41   Link #3500
Keroko
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Say what?
Remember episode 11 of A's? When hayate wakes up and seperates, the defense program, she constantly adresses Reinforce as the book. That's where the name came from.

Hayate: I won't let anyone call you the "Book of Darkness" or the "Cursed Tome" any longer. I will never call you that.

after the stopping of the fight and explaining the situation to Nanoha, she continues.

Hayate:
In the name of the Mistress of the Night Sky, I grant you a new name. One who supports others with strength, the tailwind of fortune, and the blessed air... Reinforce.

And then there is of course track 8 of SS3, which has the Wolkenritter in the Ancient Belka times adress Reinforce as Yami no Sho.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy C View Post
If it's what I think it is, it was just that Rein Eins was sure that Hayate would get a worthy device eventually and she should save the name "Reinforce" for it.
This has me curious. Where did Rein, a Belkan Unision Device, come from then?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy C View Post
That message was left in Hayate's Linker Core and was eventually uploaded into Rein Zwei. I mentioned this when talking about SS3 before.
Really? *does a quick search* dangit, can't find anything. Could you link me to it?
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