|2008-10-12, 07:31||Link #4201|
Sword Wielding Penguin
Well, here's MSLN Test Dummies chapter seven, scene two, now complete.... As per the transition scene, they just arrived at Cranagan and Helicoptered to RF6 HQ.
The following is six pages in Word:
“One side, make a hole, wounded coming through THANK YOU…” Roland was simply THE ball of charm as he made his way down the hall from the helipad at RF6. He’d forgotten in his time out at McGreggor, just how… undisciplined the half-civilian staff of a typical TSAB facility could be. This was made obvious when it seemed that half the support staff of RF6 were up on the floor trying to find out what exactly had put their commander, Hayate, in a wheel chair.
“YES,” Roland snapped at the staff members before they could ask. “She got hurt, and YES, she’ll be fine… Mind doing me a favor and getting out of the way?”
Roland continued to work his way forward through the shocked staff members. Half the RF6 support staff were civilian, but the people bonded like family in these facilities. So with a combination of a lacking in discipline, and genuine concern, they were somehow… all up here rather quick. Damn internal grapevines, bad news travels fast.
Hayate was right behind him, being pushed along quickly by Shamal. She was used to attention, she was used to the doting… but most of all, familiar with this kind of situation.
“I don’t think that’s necessary sir,” she tried to laugh, though that kind of hurt. “It’s not like I need to be rushed into surgery or anything.”
“I’ll satisfy myself with making sure you get some decent bed-rest for the next few days,” the General snapped, glaring at a custodian who loitered too long in his path. The young woman quickly remembered something she had to do on the first floor. “I swear, they act like they’ve never seen a GENERAL before…”
He emphasized the rank nice and loud. And that seemed to be when everyone actually noticed the rank insignia on his shoulders. Trying not to look like they were fearing for their careers, the staffers Roland hadn’t already intimidated off the floor quickly cleared the area, each remembering an equally trivial task they neglected in their duties. The hall didn’t clear out immediately, but the breakup and ‘casual’ clearing was quick none-the-less.
“Better,” Roland took a deep breath. “I guess it really does work anywhere… put the fear of inspection in them and they find something to do right quick. I’m glad I remembered that trick from Ft. Hood.”
Shari came wandering in from a side hall after noticing the commotion going on, however, just as Hayate opened her mouth to acknowledge the technician, she was beaten to the punch by Roland’s own sharp response.
“What? Did you not GET THE HINT?” he barked, raising his voice. He couldn’t really tell who had come or gone in the previous commotion, but things were becoming extremely agitating. “SCRAM!”
“It’s okay sir!” Hayate jumped in, noting the edginess in the General’s voice. “I need to talk with her anyway…”
Roland paused, looking lost for the first time that day.
“It’s okay sir,” Shari consoled the General, giving him a quick friendly salute. “I hear you’ve had a rough afternoon… Speaking of rough,” she turned to Hayate. “They weren’t kidding when they said you got put right back in a wheel chair.”
Hayate laughed a little, embarrassed.
“I’m perfectly fine,” she responded. “I just got a little careless on the ground.”
Shari tilted her head. Wheelchair, upper torso wrapped in bandages, black eye, swollen lip, plenty of bruising…
“Careless? It looks like you got into a fist-fight with Subaru and forgot you had magic.”
“It might as well had been that way,” Nanoha piped up as she approached the group from behind, Crash and the others in tow. His face obscured by the large pod he was holding. “She got ambushed by a robot.”
“There’s MORE Combat Cyborgs?!” Shari gasped. “I thought we accounted for all of them!”
“She meant it exactly as she said it,” Lynn’s voice corrected her. “Lt. Col. Yagami was attacked by an advanced form of inorganic assault android. If I had been only a second later, she might not be in that wheelchair, but in a casket.”
Shari gaped open mouthed at the group, switching back and forth from one person to the next for a moment.
“Zed, as it is named” Fate joined in. “Appears to be extremely strong, very fast, is intelligent enough to plot military strategy, and has built in AMF generating capacities.”
Lynn nodded silently with Fate’s assessment. Shari’s face fell into an almost disbelieving smile as she stared at the group.
“You guys must be trouble magnets,” she shook her head. “Just when you think things couldn’t get any more messy…”
“Well, we DID manage to get a piece of it in the exchange,” Hayate interrupted, keeping Shari from recalling any previous escalations. It worked, the technician’s eyes went from bemused, to curious in a heartbeat.
“A piece?” she asked.
Lynn stepped forward and held out a severed mechanical arm. Shari reflexively jumped back due to its lifelike nature, but then leaned in and examined it, adjusting her glasses as she did so.
“I managed to get myself a bit of souvenir from Zed when I launched my counter-attack,” Lynn informed her. “Perhaps now we can figure out who made him, and why.”
“This is INCREDIBLE,” Shari gasped, standing up straight again. “The synthetic flesh mimic material, the high tensile strength steels, the precision workmanship on the endoskeleton components look to be the highest level of professional standards. And that’s just glancing at it!” Shari turned to the group.
“This may actually be better quality work than even the cybernetic parts in Subaru’s arm when I had to repair it!”
“What’s better than my arm?”
Shari turned around, Subaru and Tia both walking quickly up the corridor she’d come from.
“Oh,” Shari turned, slightly embarrassed. “Welcome back you two.”
“We were discussing the assault android we encountered at Selene,” Nanoha informed them. “We managed to recover its arm before it escaped.”
“Looks like it did a number on you commander,” Tia commented, covering a gawk with a sideways glance. As she did so, she noticed the rank patches on Roland’s shoulders, snapped to attention, and saluted. “Sir!” Noticing her reaction, Subaru quickly followed.
“Carry on,” Roland waved it off, looking agitated.
“I’ve had worse,” Hayate continued. “This is just a scratch.”
Vita scoffed and then shut herself up.
“So you got its arm?” Subaru stepped past her teammate and examined the item in question for a second. “Nice. I guess disarmament is your specialty huh?”
Lynn didn’t even crack a smile. If anything, her frown deepened. Laughing half heatedly at her own joke, Subaru fell back.
“ERHEM…” Crash cleared his throat audibly. “Hate to break up the reunion, but…”
Everyone turned to the ignored test pilot. Crash managed to shift his hand and get a new grip on the large pod he was holding while it tried to slip out of his grip.
“This thing isn’t light,” he continued. “A little help here?”
“I got it!” Subaru chimed in, using this as an excuse to get away from Lynn’s disapproving scowl. She quickly cleared the space, and made a grab for the pod, but Crash immediately started to back away.
“I don’t think,” he began, noticing he had a significant physical size advantage on the girl. Subaru quickly closed and latched on however.
“It’s fine,” she assured him.
“Wait, you sure you can-“
“Nothing to it,” Subaru cut him off, lifting the pod. To Crash’s mild surprise, she not only deftly lifted it, but almost picked him up off the ground as well before he let go. Hefting it effortlessly, she turned to the group.
“See?” she smiled. “Easy.”
Crash openly gaped at the young lady showing strength an order of magnitude higher than his own, as he put it humbly, ‘moderately fit body’.
While he looked back and forth between Subaru and General Roland for an answer, Shari asked another question.
“So what’s that?”
“That’s the other item we collected,” Hayate nodded at the pod Subaru was handling in a manner in which Crash thought was totally insane. “The area around the power plant at Selene was covered by a blanket AMF produced by eight of those projectors. It essentially cleared the place out.”
“Wide area AMF generator?” Shari adjusted her glasses again. “Jail didn’t have anything like that at his disposal.”
“So where do you want it?” Subaru asked.
“In my lab,” Shari responded. “I’ll get started on it immediately!”
“Excellent!” Hayate smiled, quickly wheeling herself clear of Shamal. “I’d like to take a look at it myself and see what makes that thing tick.”
“Oh no you don’t,” Roland stuck his boot right in front of Hayate’s wheel, blocking her from rolling any further as Subaru quickly hauled the projector pod down the side hall Shari had originally come from, Tia keeping after her to keep her from doing anything stupid.
“You’re not going anywhere but to bed…” he continued as Hayate momentarily looked like she got caught in a mousetrap. “After the beating you took, you’d best do as the doctor prescribes.”
Hayate laughed nervously and quickly turned a begging look at Nanoha, who nodded at the General’s advice. Despite her familiarity with this scenario, Hayate knew she had about a snowflake’s chance in hell of doing anything, no matter how much she might protest. Given Nanoha’s attitude to the situation, and that Vita, Shamal, and Signum where about ten times more protective of her… best to give in.
“Okay… I guess I’m going to bed then,” she shrugged.
“Good decision,” Roland nodded, receiving equally approving nods from the other girls. After a few seconds, Shari dismissed herself and followed after Subaru. The rest of them continued down the hall towards Hayate’s room.
“How?” Crash mouthed, still confused.
Lynn stopped and looked at Crash, then down to her hand, rolling her eyes she turned to him, handing the severed cybernetic arm to him.
“They forgot this,” she stated. “Perhaps you can find out by delivering it to them.”
Crash nodded deftly as he followed after the tech going down the hall.
“Hmph…” Lynn cocked her eyebrow for just a moment.
After ferrying Hayate to her room, and the redundant comments of ‘get some rest’ from the others, the girls quickly dispersed past Roland. Lynn posted herself just outside the Lt. Colonel’s door, placing her axe, Waldron, on the floor beside her with a metal clank.
“Do you ever smile?” Roland asked. Lynn turned her gaze to the General, who’d drifted off to the side while the girls cleared away, his agitation easing slightly as Hayate got herself into a bed.
“I generally don’t smile on the job,” Lynn admonished. “My work is not something I can be ‘happy’ about in a conventional sense.”
“I find happiness can be doing your job right and calling it a good day,” the General shrugged.
“My job is strictly attack and counter-attack of high risk, high threat adversaries,” she responded. “A good day for me is where all I do is train for a bad one. If I have to be out there doing my job, it’s hardly something to be happy about.”
“Point,” Roland nodded. “My old job was like that a lot of the time. But still, it doesn’t hurt to smile, or at least smirk, when things go your way.”
Lynn considered the General’s comment, then smirked in acknowledgment. Roland’s eyebrow shot up.
“So it CAN smile… a little.”
Lynn couldn’t help but smile ever so slightly more at the cheap joke. Roland nodded as he turned to his full height, then sighed as if he were preparing to announce the end of the world, then turned his serious face to Lynn, who instantly dropped her weak smile.
“Let me talk with Yagami alone for a moment,” Roland instructed. Lynn nodded and resumed per position outside the door as the General stepped inside. After a moment, it slid shut.
“I’m sorry,” Roland immediately stated once they were alone. “I failed you.”
Hayate stared at the test base commander for several seconds.
“What are you talking about?”
Roland looked down. “I damn near chewed you out about being proactive, about being prepared and ready for anything, and when it came down to the call. I made an error, and it got you hurt.”
There was a pause…
“No!” Hayate waved it off. “No, it’s not your fault sir. You elected to let me do my job, this is a hazard of doing my job.”
“Bullshit!” Roland snapped, surprising Hayate again. “We both knew I had the authority to make any and every call I wanted, but I avoided it out of professional courtesy. I neglected to take charge of a situation when I realized we were dealing with more than just some fancy thug. When every piece of evidence was warning us all that the opposition that made their move at Selene was well prepared to take down one, if not MANY, high level mages. We continued to treat the situation as a police operation when we should have, I should have, immediately treated it like a military operation.”
Roland crossed his arms over his chest, looking sad as he’d done in his office hours earlier.
“I let idealism get in the way of years of experience in my judgement, and it almost cost you your life.”
“Sir,” Hayate shook her head. “You weren’t responsible, you know that, you expressly stated that you wanted me to do my job, not for you to do my job. You can’t possibly be blaming yourself for my own mistake.”
Roland sighed and walked over to the window. Cranagan was a sight at night.
“You’re right, but you’re wrong,” He breathed. “True, you made the mistake, you paid for the mistake. But it was my mistake not to correct your mistake before it became critical. That’s the responsibility of a commander. When you make a mistake that I know is a mistake, it is my duty to ensure that you are informed of such a mistake, and the actions to correct it. In this way, every mistake, is ultimately my fault. I was there. Thus, it was my mistake. I failed.”
“Hind sight is always twenty/twenty,” Hayate quoted the adage. “What should we have done in your opinion?”
“Exactly what I had done the moment you got blitzed,” he responded. “I dropped everyone in range on that position like an artillery strike and called in reinforcements. When that robot ducked into the building…” Roland turned to Hayate, his eyes narrow. “I should have had you all LEVEL it.”
Hayate obviously didn’t think much of that option.
“An opponent,” Roland continued. “Cunning enough for a multi layer trap, has already potentially slaughtered hundreds, armed to the teeth, and seemed to make it past not one, but TWO of your high level spells… the escalation of force was shockingly clear. I should have taken command, had your entire unit converge, and taken the robotic bastard out with enough firepower to make Hiroshima shit their pants again... No offense.”
“None taken,” Hayate blanched. “I think we came out okay for the situation, it could have been worse.”
“Yes… but we got lucky,” He stated. “I prefer to make my own luck. And I feel I have to make it up to you…”
“You really don’t have to-“ Hayate began.
“No,” Roland walked over to her bed and learned over it. Hayate had this funny impression in her mind of an overly protective father being concerned after his daughter got mugged just a few hundred feet from home. “Once I get involved, I STAY involved. That’s my commitment to my self, my friends, and my troops. From now on, wherever this investigation may take you, I can assure you that you will have the resources of the greater McGreggor Archipelago and the BEST force at your disposal, and my backing.”
Hayate couldn’t help it. She suppressed a laugh (Those hurt too much.) but smiled.
“Thank you, that’s… generous.”
Roland stuck his hand out.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way for a friend,” he intoned. Hayate hesitated at the subtle implication, but then grasped his outstretched hand. It was large, and his grip was firm, but gentle. Roland gave it a light, classical shake before she spoke up again.
“And if you have any suggestions in the future, don’t be afraid to let us know,” she stated. “I’m sure your perspective on events is something that should never be ignored,” and she let her hand drop.
“Then we’ll start with this suggestion,” Roland straightened up. “Bed Rest, for three days as per Shamal’s assessment. This is an order from a senior officer. If you so much as leave your quarters… I’ll court-martial your ass for insubordination. Are we clear?”
Hayate openly gawked at Roland.
“Lt. Colonel Yagami,” Roland raised an eyebrow. “I asked you a question.”
“Y… Yessir!” she snapped a salute. Roland returned it with equal snap.
“Good,” he said in a very ‘official’ tone, then nodded. “Get well soon, and good night.”
And with that, he was out the door in a blur of motion.
“What did…” Hayate mouthed to nobody. What just happened?
Next scene will be The Lab.
I hereby claim this page in the name of- OH SHI-
|2008-10-12, 15:26||Link #4203|
Sword Wielding Penguin
That's such a short scene, I'm not bothering to spoiler it. (Seeing as I don't seem to get any responses for two weeks when I do... and it's smaller than most of the Backlog Breakers that appear 'round here.)
On Lynn: She arrived at the end of the last chapter to bail Hayate's bacon out of the fire. See the Index post, and see my section on Shock Enforcers.
|2008-10-15, 03:59||Link #4207|
ATC, I've said it before and I'm going to say it again: please don't post large images like that un-thumbnailed or un-spoilered. It's distracting, it's annoying, and it serves no useful purpose.
It's also the primary reason why I had to switch back to Firefox 3 rather than Google Chrome, because Chrome has no Adblock yet.
|2008-10-15, 13:32||Link #4209|
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: South America
wow i like it specially the mirroring ability, about the phase ability if im wright she can be inside for example a metalic wall but is she cant move to a wall whit different composition or material?
|2008-10-15, 21:44||Link #4212|
That's why she can probably rip out an enemy's heart from inside a wall.
|2008-10-16, 00:12||Link #4213|
He Who Smites Shippers
Join Date: Mar 2008
*Comar throws confetti everywhere then whacks ATC with a hyperspace mallet*
@TerranReaper: Okay, to be a lot more specific than good old Tigerclaw here, this here is the Nanoha Original Characters thread, as you've probably figured out just from the thread title. This is a nice little corner of the Nanoha board where we come up with our own characters, sometimes for fanfiction purposes but sometimes just for fun. We're kinda crazy like that.
If you want to join the fun, all you have to do is follow a few simple rules:
#1: Follow the layout of character presentation provided on the first post in the thread, which ATC linked you to. It doesn't have to follow the presented format exactly, but make sure your character is well thought-out before you post his/her profile information. There's a long list of characters presented in such a fashion in the second post on the first page, so take a look at those for a good starting point.
#2: It is an unspoken rule (which got spoken quite a bit when I first started posting here ) that you don't make characters that are stronger than Nanoha, Fate, or especially Hayate unless you've got a really good reason to do so or if the character has a special need to be stronger than the Aces. For example, if the character in question is a villain you're much more likely to get away with having him be stronger than the Aces, but you'll still need some pretty good justification to get him past the spot-checkers and haxxbusters (these are the guys who go over your character and see if he's balanced and developed enough to be put into the thread's collection of characters).
...hmmm... can't think of any others at the moment. I'm pretty sure there's more, but it's possible I can't think of more because they're so obvious as to be slipping under my nose. Anybody got any other advice for the new guy?
Oh, and as to the discussion: the rule about keeping up with the discussion is more to keep people from dropping profiles into the thread and then not sticking around to talk about them. We don't expect you to read through +200 pages of backlog, so just post your character or an idea you have for one, we'll give you some feedback, and we'll work you into the discussion through continuing work on your character.
#3: Make sure your character conforms to the way the Nanoha universe is set up. That is to say, don't make a character who uses magic according to the Slayers or Negima styles unless you're prepared to port the entire magic system into a Nanohaverse-friendly form, or a character whose magic source is something other than the linker core.
#4: Don't be afraid to ask questions, even if you think it's a stupid question with an obvious answer. We're here to help each other and have fun first and foremost, so if you're confused about something, by all means ask away.
Last edited by Comartemis; 2008-10-16 at 00:23.
|2008-10-16, 00:30||Link #4214|
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Hotsprings Resort
|2008-10-16, 02:41||Link #4215|
I am of the Blood Ravens
Thx for everything yo. I actually have a character in mind but he is not a magic user but.....he is a human, or perhaps I'll call him a Terran. I'll have details sent in later. If you want to catch a glimpse of him, go check my fanfic Alpha Outbreak.
|2008-10-16, 03:05||Link #4216|
~ I Do ~
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the XV-8A Spartan "00"
Ah welcome Terran. We don't get Neutrals/Muggles/Mundanes/Non-magicusers (depending on the naming system you use) that often, Terran is a nice break.
I haven't been reading FF so much, but your work sounds related to Starcraft.
In belated news, SC2 announced! In 3 parts. -.-
And it appears someone got slagged by the Skyfall Mobital Bomb.
|2008-10-16, 08:48||Link #4217|
Sword Wielding Penguin
Just kind of going to scrape up some ideas here now...
I've got the Forwards training battle segment coming up soon, I figure I better work on the Versatility of Crash's Multiform Rifle.
I would say the MFR operates on a shooter's variable bullet selection like what Tia uses... but with a minor selection compared to what she has. (She has at least six classes of bullet... if "Bullet F" is any indicator.)
The MFR fires the following:
Average bolt speed, delivers mixed kinetic, magical, and thermal shot.
Rate of fire inversely propotional to energy delivery. Higher energy shots cannot be fired as fast. Nearly all the shots Crash has fired to this point have been G-Rounds.
Thermal Round (T-Round)
Crash used it on the M-79 Zed was using. Thermal rounds do exactly what the name says... heat things up. Unfortunately, they're slow and short ranged.
Percussion Round (I just live saying "P-CUSSHIN") (P-Round)
Not yet used, an assault classed round used for entry procedures, similar to a low yield flashbang... without the flash. A Percussion Bolt produces a small 'explosion' on impact, creating a sharp clap of air that stuns nearby organics. (Just imagine if suddenly, someone kept slapping you across the ears, making you dizzy.)
The Percussion Round is not as useful in open spaces as it is in closed rooms.
S3I "Shriek" Round
Standing for "Super-Sonic Soft Impact", nicknamed the 'Shriek' Round, this particular magic round delivers kinetic energy at high velocity in the same manner of a bullet... but has a consistency much more like a slightly hardened jelly, allowing it to 'splatter' at impact and spread for force of the hit over a large area, behaving more like a remote PUNCH than a bullet. This is excelent for hitting targets with an attack type they'll actually feel in a more economic fashon.
Roland, when he confiscates the Multiform Rifle from Crash, will use Shrieks in his little example of why standing around in the open is the stupidest thing he's ever seen. Crash does not know about the Shreik round's setting until Roland uses the MFR.
Shriek rounds travel at realistic bullet speeds. (~900 m/s)
Spoiler for Battery: Administrator Access Cooper 123, Mega Tech Extreme, Giant Robot KING:
Asside from that, cartridge loads allow the MFR to fire 'grenades', and busters in the same user managed effects as any other shooting mage.
|2008-10-16, 18:51||Link #4218|
I am of the Blood Ravens
Hmm....a high ranking official.....this should be interesting. He'll be running the the Terran Space Force Command and coordinating attacks from his space cruiser Saratoga.
Name: Kiethon Marshall
Rank: Fleet Admiral
Looks: Crew cut hairstyle, tall, blue eyes, sharp chin and nose, looks that say "I'm in charge"
Alignment: Chaotic Good (He favors battle)
Personality: Outgoing, calm, kind (especially to Vita), military leader
Powers: None as he is a human. So his only form of attacks are a railgun(it is being researched in real life) and assault rifle
Background: He is a mix of American and Japanese (not really significant, just a background check). Kiethon spent his life in the Okinawa Marine Academy. As young as 12 he went into battles against rebels that resided on Mars. He is quite outstanding and prefers to do fight on the battlefield rather than just sit back and give commands. During the age of 29 he became Fleet Admiral of the Terran Space Force Command and that was when most of his troubles occured. He had to curb the outbreak of Alpha Strain virus mutants rampaging Earth and deal with an unknown cruiser (a TSAB cruiser) that strayed into Terran-controlled space. Of course, he messed up and accidentally sent a negotiator who was an Alpha Strain hive to Mid-Childa to hear explanations on why they intruded Terran-controlled space. You know what happens next.
Command ship: TSF Titan-class battle cruiser Saratoga (It does have powerful guns and it is big but it ain't tough. Just another prototype)
Military Regiment he owns: ZOCOM (equivalent to Mobile Section 6)
Last edited by TerranReaper; 2008-10-17 at 03:40.
|2008-10-16, 19:02||Link #4219|
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Hotsprings Resort
The biggest, most glaring issue with this is the technology of Earth compared to the series. At the time of A's, the year on Earth is 2005 AD. In StrikerS, it is 2015 AD. Considering today's technological growth, such a level of tech is impossible for Earth to have. Mid-Childan technology != Earth technology.
Do you intend on making a whole new alternate universe / timeline to work with this? It will be your only choice should you intend on keeping the history.
|2008-10-16, 21:07||Link #4220|
I am of the Blood Ravens
Last edited by TerranReaper; 2008-10-17 at 03:40.
|hayaurion, kaonland, keroland, khrack, original content|