Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Character Creation and Discussion (second reincarnation)

[Rising Dragon]

Hmm, okay, thought the screens were magic only. I'll correct that. And yes, I knew the Bureau had used cartridges before, what I was getting across is that they generally didn't use them with Intelligent Devices (at least for my story's purpose, but IIRC we haven't seen anyone else using an ID and cartridges together before A's). I thought Revolver Knuckle had an AI while Quint was using it, though.

But that does shoot holes in my justification for keeping Roas from the cartridge system so early in the story, as he was supposed to get one later. Guess I'll need to put some more thought into that.

[Keroko]

While we don't know about the time when Quint used it, Subaru had no problem using it without an advanced AI. Nor did Teana's Anchor Gun, which was build by herself no less.

[Rising Dragon]

Originally Posted by Keroko

While we don't know about the time when Quint used it, Subaru had no problem using it without an advanced AI. Nor did Teana's Anchor Gun, which was build by herself no less.

Yeah, my original reasoning was when the Nakajima twins used their Revolver Knuckles they had them synced to their own rollerskate IDs, but now that you bring it up, they didn't start out with them.

Think it's possible that cartridge systems can be used on Storage Devices, then? If so, then I suppose I'll need to find an entirely different reason as to why Roas never used one, or just nix that bit of info from the scene entirely.

[Keroko]

Perhaps maintaining a cartridge device could be above his budget? I imagine that a device with a cartridge system would be more expensive to maintain than one without. It's just a theory with no canonical support, but it would serve as an explanation.

[Rising Dragon]

Works fine enough for me.

[Tempy]

Huh. I forgot that I never posted this.

Spoiler for An End:

His end was slow. The first signs were the streaks of grey in his dark hair, soon followed by
more signs of aging: deepening lines in his skin, a gradual weakening of strength, dulling of
senses, brittle bones and slowed responses; he was aging in days what would take normal men
and women years. He was dying, slowly, his body withering away from the massive abuse and
stress he suffered in his early years. The chaos and struggle of his past took its toll on his life.

Despite the advanced medical sciences of Mid Childa, no doctor could find a cure for this rapid
aging. His friends and family watched in sorrow as they saw the life visibly leech out from him. A
cane was needed to aid his steps, whilst his wife remained by his side, ever supportive in his
waning days. Though he walked with increasingly weak steps, he still walked proudly and upright.
At all times, he was the knight he had become known to be. Even as he weakened, he refused to
show any of it.

Pride? Perhaps. But by his thirty-eight birthday, not even pride could lift his trembling limbs from
bed. Bound to that accursed thing, he would spend his last moments there. Many visited him, to
say goodbye or to merely talk. A particular group of friends were the most frequent visitors, the
four young girls learning and listening. He would speak and teach as much as he could, until
exhaustion silenced him. Eventually, the fatigue would overtake him completely.

With their child tucked into bed, he awaited his wife’s arrival. Such a strange contrast, a
withered man and his still-healthy wife, but they were happy. As she knelt by his side, he took
her hand into his and squeezed. Even in his last moments, his strength was greater than many
could hope for, yet he was as gentle as a feather.

“Good night, love. I am going on ahead.”

Quietly, that snowy evening, the knight went to meet his King.

===

Her end was quick. Out of the darkness of the void, a foe like no other. The forces of the Time
Space Administration Bureau were caught by surprise, yet they doggedly fought on to protect
their people and their lands. Their enemy sought to conquer, to take what has been cultivated for
centuries. Bravely, the mages of the Bureau resisted their advances. What began as a skirmish
blossomed into an all-out war, a war in which honor and duty clashed with love and grief. Sons,
daughters, mothers, fathers, their blood fed the tree of liberty while their flesh fueled the fire of
conflict.

With her leading an elite strike force, she was fundamental in a great number of decisive victories.
Along with her friends and family, they would once again be renowned as heroes of the Bureau.
Yet, the battles continued, taking their toll with each clash. Good men were lost, the once mighty
squadron whittling down to a number of veterans and a smattering of replacements. The deaths
would not end for either side.

In what would be considered the greatest naval battle in all of dimensional history, a gigantic
fleet of Bureau warships clashed with the battleships of the enemy. There would be nothing to
gain here. Losses on both sides were horrendous and staggering. And swiftly, the tide of war
would turn against them, the number of Bureau ships dropping at a rate that exceeded the
opposing force’s losses. A retreat was called for, but in doing so would expose all ships to their
foe’s deadly cannons.

She merely formed her barrier jacket, grasped her device, and planted herself between the
retreating forces and the enemy.

“I’m sorry, Adara, everyone. I’m going on ahead.”

With a gentle smile, the warrior faced the end with a defiant grin. Her sacrifice would cripple the
enemy fleet irreparably, giving her friends and family the opportunity to strike back. With her
death, they would all live.

===

The fog was thick and dizzying. Every way she looked, there was nothing but an unearthly grey.
It was a great change from the ferry ride here, to which she already missed the conversation she
had with the ferrywoman. One could get lost in this smoky fog, dooming themselves to wander
about in search of… what?

To her relief, there seemed to be a dim but warm light in the distance, a light that called out to
her. Perhaps that was the way to go. Towards it she ran, keeping her vision set on that light.
With every step she took, so did the light become brighter. And strangely, up ahead, she could
see something else. There was a tall man in familiar knight’s garb, leaning against a pillar of sorts.
As she got closer, the fog seemed to shift and clear. The strange path she walked on soon gave
way to a well-used road, and the pillar became a tall tree. And the man…

“Hey there,” she called out to him. “I’m a little lost. Could you help a girl out?”

He looked up, facing her way, “Perhaps. However, I am not one to offer services for free.”

She sighed and shrugged, “That’s a shame, because I used all my money on the ferry over.”

The man turned away, “Then, I am afraid I cannot be of assistance.”

“Oh sure, leave me here like you did back on Mid. Really, what kind of man are you if you’d
just up and leave like that? Did you know how much crap I had to go through because of you?”

“Come now. You know I had no control over that,” he shook his head, looking back at her.
“Though, I suppose I could waive the fee if you would kindly tell me how everyone has been?”

She smirked.

“At the time of my departure, everyone’s been doing okay. Really, no development has come
from those idiots,” the woman sighed. She was referring to a particular group of girls and one
boy that constantly beat around the bush, much to everyone’s growing frustration.

“A pity. And the children?”

“I’m not sure if you could call them children, anymore. Vivio, Rio, and Einhart are taking your
lessons to heart – a lot of people are jealous that they alone know the combat arts of the Knights
of the Round. And man, are they popular with the guys…”

He nodded, “And Adara?”

“She’s grown into a beautiful, wonderful girl. Hayate calls her the perfect fusion and she’s getting
along very well with the others. I’m sad I have to leave her behind but…”

“There were things you had to do, I understand. And she would too. If she is truly our child, then
she will be strong through all this.”

“I just wish I could have talked with her one last time.”

He smiled sadly, “I wish I could have seen her with my own eyes...”

“She’s a polearm user, you know? For a while she didn’t like the memory of you too well, but
she takes after you so much. Hand-to-hand monster, halberd master, melee freak and all. She’s
so strong, mentally and physically. I think she even outclasses Vivio in the power department.
You’d be so proud of her.”

“Their future will be fraught with conflict, glory, sorrow, and peace, but those are their battles to
fight. Our battles are over, now, and all we can do is wait patiently for their arrival.”

“How long have you waited?”

He paused, thinking, but eventually shrugged, “I do not remember. Once I arrived here, I waited
under this tree. Others that passed through here offered decent conversation, but I would not
move until the time came.”

“But that was all those years ago. You’ve been here that long? ...You’re mad, doing something
like that…” she looked at him incredulously, amazed, shocked, and touched all at once.

“There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness,” he
pushed himself off the tree, stepping onto the path with a hand outstretched towards the girl.
“Shall we go, lady Keroko? There’s someone I want to introduce you to.”

Keroko smiled and took his hand, “Lead the way, Noland.”

---

“I didn’t know your eyes are blue.”

---

Lo, there do I see my Father.
Lo, there do I see my Mother, and my Sisters, and my Brothers.
Lo, there do I see the line of my people, back to the beginning.
Lo, they do call to me,
They bid me take my place among them,
In the halls of Valhalla,
Where the brave may live
Forever.

Think of this as official retirement, but probably not permanent.

[FlameSparkZ]

Originally Posted by Tempy

Huh. I forgot that I never posted this.

Spoiler for An End:

*snip*

Think of this as official retirement, but probably not permanent.

Epic...it's a nice ending, and sorta open too, for the ones that are still alive.

It's An End, but not The End, right?

[Rising Dragon]

Intro and Chapter 1 Scene 1
Chapter 1 Scene 2
Chapter 1 Scene 3
Chapter 1 Scene 4

Spoiler for Chapter 1 Scene 5:

Days later, Roas found himself aboard Avon Leganza’s personal cruiser, one of the few things the scientist’s daughter managed to keep after his death, as it hovered high above one of Exavil’s former cities. He was leaning against the wall inside the storage hanger the dimensional cruiser had, waiting for the orders Emil was to issue for the mission. Lancel hung from a cord tied around his wrist, so it was always close at hand and ready whenever it was time to battle—mercenaries couldn’t take chances.

Thinking back to when Mesia found out about his hiring, Roas closed his eyes and telepathically contacted Mesia, who was piloting the ship.

Hey. You alright with this, Mesia? he asked.

It’s fine, came her resigned-sounding reply. Emil explained to me why things are the way they are, and why we have to do this. I just wish there was another way.

Things will work out for the best, Roas reassured her, despite knowing that any number of things could cause this scheme to explode in their faces with disastrous results for Ailotana. But hell, this was better than doing nothing and letting some corporation run them off the land.

Before either mage could continue their conversation, a holographic screen generated from the ship blinked into life in front of Roas, causing the mercenary to stand up straighter—the mission was about to begin, and Valare was going to brief him one last time on his mission. A world map opened up on the screen , and a placement marker started blinking over one bit of land as Valare spoke.

“Eliminate the armed forces occupying the independent city of Newdam,” the businessman briefed him as the screen zoomed in on the designated location. It soon changed to old footage captured during the initial occupation. “Newdam was abandoned after losing its central infrastructure to large-scale terrorist attacks. These groups just let themselves in and set up shop.”

Roas noted that the aforementioned terrorist groups looked to one of the more well-financed groups inhabiting Exavil. He noted a few tanks and helicopters in the forces; he should probably on guard to make sure there weren’t any rogue mages in their ranks, or worse, drones left over from the JS Incident back on Mid-Childa—the fallout of that incident was still being felt everywhere.

“This mission is a little show for the corporations, and as Ailotana’s mercenary, you’re our star,” Valare continued. “Mishima Heavy Industries, the largest company of the lot, is especially eager to see Newdam rebuilt—we won’t get another chance like this to impress them.”

Roas nodded. “Anything else I should be aware of, or does that cover it?”

“That’s everything. The stage is set,” came the reply. “The rest is up to you—good luck.”

The mercenary nodded as the screen disappeared, and the cargo hold shuddered as the locks disengaged. The floor split open, and light spilled into the chamber. Roas smirked as the wind began whipping at his hair and uniform. He was back in the game. He launched himself over the railing, and out of the cruiser to the city below.

And this is all I've gotten completed at this point.

[Arcc]

Hmmm. I created one of these chars about 3 years ago, but never did anything with it because shortly thereafter I dropped off the face of this place. I decided to check back in upon realizing that the only reason I was fascinated with Touhou, was that what I really wanted was another Nanoha series, and Touhou is really the only thing with almost (but not quite) similar levels of unwarranted firepower. So yeah, I suppose you really can't fight Fate.

I think I'd like to take another crack at OC design and see what three years of mostly-offline experience has done to me. Like, y'know, actually learning how to fight. Mind you, my creativity stat does seem to have taken a hit in the meantime. . .

[Nya~n]

Nanoha + Touhou levels of "unwarranted firepower" here in OCT? uh uh-oh oh

[Keroko]

Touhou has characters with powers like time stopping, auto-insanity and nuclear fusion. To compare them to Nanoha is like comparing a lion to a kitty.

But welcome back. We could use a bit more life in this place.

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by Keroko

Touhou has characters with powers like time stopping, auto-insanity and nuclear fusion. To compare them to Nanoha is like comparing a lion to a kitty.

It is not like the Nanoha characters doesn't have their own "destructive" abilities, but in both cases, I think it sucks, I'm personally against super-destructive character that can blow entire planets with the lift of a finger, they're so... boring in these days.

[itanshi1]

yeah at least you don't start there with an ability set like that, there's no room for progression or even direction for a plot. Superman was given weaknesses after all.

[MeisterBabylon]

~~~Final Intelligence Update Completed~~~

What a strange time it has been. We've laughed, we've cried, we've raged about crack until hell froze over.

During this time, a small Belkadi boy of questionable birth turned into an overblown hero before being torn down over and over. As he grew and changed with each canon rectify and fanon complaint, so did I learn of tropes and cliches and traps to fall for. As his profile turned from a few thousand words to fucking 54 pages including illustrations and suggestions for variation, so did I go from happy little twit to depressed emo grouch to cbf troll.

Nanoha has come, grown up, and disappeared while pushing a giant asteroid set by me to destroy this thread.

Lo, with a page made of 44157 characters, is a relic from the past made valid to the present. This is what I believe would have been how things would be, had a certain grimdark world and a certain combined fic not come and changed everything.

It was an innocent love, but how often, do first loves last? Not when two young and inexperienced individuals mistook deep friendship for real lasting destiny. They have grown as much as I have done; Fate he has gone her way, while crack has been shipped off somewhere. And I have found real purpose.

So from ashes to ashes, dawn to dusk, it is most apt, that my long journey through the Takamachi Way, begins and ends with Kha.

- Fin -

I clasped my hands over my face, and waved the light novel away. I couldn't help but steal a mischievous look as the events of another fictional time rolled by my mind's eye. It was beginning to grow into a habit, this scribble of musings about another world and another place, where magic never existed and there was only rage. Much idling before Mass had been spent on that twisted memoir of a fictional life, and I thank her Gloriousness that somehow "Meister Babylon" managed to finish the novel of his eccentric untrue life. Perhaps calling it a retirement, too.

From there, I bowed from the altar and strode away from the gold lights of Monarch Church. It was beginning to get busy. I bow heads, greeting my pious brethren on their Sunday pilgrimage.

"Light be with you, der Kleriker."

"And so shall She be with you."

I wasn't confident for the book to sell, but it was incredibly fun to think outside my little box every once in a while. But playtime is over. Got to return to the real world, and my real "job". That job looked rather cross; even after all these years, the harmless people of Belka just never agreed with the dark magical girl. Like always, I took her hand, our minds connected and brushed her warmth inside. She let her petty woes pour free, and we laughed.

The people stopped and stared. What a sight it must be, the Grey Knight and the Starlight Destroyer chatting gayly. We didn't care; we never did.

I have always been her shield, and she has always been my Seiko.

[mechdra]

Just went to look at Dog days website and I get the vibes that the characters are actually OC from this thread. Could someone confirm it?

[Arcc]

Mechdra, let's be honest. There are few concepts available under Nanoha-type magitek (or beyond) that haven't been played out in this thread. At very least, a lot of the obvious extensions have probably been hit upon. Way I see it, if you see a familiar character, support them. Or make crossover fanart or something.

But the Japanese really don't like us enough to snoop our derivative forums and steal concept work.

[Keroko]

You should have seen this place when StrikerS was still airing. We were howling with laughter and playfully accusing Tsuzuki of stealing our ideas every time we saw one of our own ideas back in the series.

[MeisterBabylon]

And let's not talk about how the Grey Knight Dreadknight armor concept is shared with a Belka original character's knight armor.

I still recall the conspiratists labelling each other as spies, or even Tsuzuki himself! It just shows that all mecha/SRW fans think alike.

[Arcc]

So, rewatched a good portion of the series in the last week, when I saw the description of the linker core in the movie, and Nanoha's meditation to try to get hers back up to scratch after she gets BoD'd. . . Well, all I can think of is that a mage that practiced various forms of Chinese qigong every day might be a dangerous opponent indeed.

So I've got an OC idea, strictly in the fledgling state, for a mage whose main focus is less on external projection of magic, but internal reinforcement of themselves and martial arts. Since that sort of training likely would also serve to strengthen the linker core's output, it'd serve as a double-reinforcement. In a fight, they'd be functionally a fisticuffs/tank Knight like Zafira or Subaru, with a little less shooting/technical magic, and more crazy-fast and tough as hell-ness.

[Rising Dragon]

Err... isn't internal reinforcement through magic and martial arts and such the entire idea behind the Belkan Knights? Even more so with Vivio and Einhart and Rio. Especially Einhart.