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Old 2011-07-04, 12:01   Link #9381
Rising Dragon
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No remarks on my character? Eh, sometimes I feel like I missed out on something by not starting back when this thread was still active.

Ah well. Time for another post.

Chapter 1

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha MercenarieS:
THE COLLARED

Spoiler for Chapter 2 Part 1:
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Old 2011-07-04, 12:02   Link #9382
Rising Dragon
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Spoiler for Chapter 2 Part 2:
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Old 2011-07-04, 12:32   Link #9383
FlameSparkZ
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Join Date: Nov 2006
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*disengages Otoshigami Mode*
...phew...been a while since I've been in OM this long...I just couldn't let go of Aiyoku no Eustia

*looks around*
Yeah...only when I go away that OCT advances :/

Oh well. I wrote a bit more of BreakerS chapter 25...so here goes:

BreakerS Continue


Spoiler for Chapter 25 - Second Date - Part 2:

I'll post the art/illustrations when I get my scanner to work

Once this and the next chapter are done, I'll finally enter into the Belka Arc of the story, which is getting better and better as I gather more information and ideas (playing Aiyoku no Eustia also contributed to the pool)

*warps off to another world*
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Old 2011-07-04, 12:43   Link #9384
aldw
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheba View Post
Honestly? I moved on. I don't like how Tsuzuki have turned his franchise into his love letter to SRW. So I have jumped onto a fictional universe more to my liking, and that is more fit for Vanilla Action Heroes. Where a wall can either become an obstacle, or provide cover, where everything in the environment can become a weapon.

tl;dr: I don't like my fighting when flight and BIG BEAM OF DOOM comes into the picture.
I for one got so sick of powerlevel cr@p from Nasuverse fans and even some of the Nanoha and Negima fans from other sites that I've decided to work on a story idea around an organization specifically optimized to dealing with such overpowered franchises across the multiverse...
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Old 2011-07-05, 02:55   Link #9385
Chaos2Frozen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagerou View Post
<.<
>.>

Anyone still here???
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheba View Post
Honestly? I moved on. I don't like how Tsuzuki have turned his franchise into his love letter to SRW. So I have jumped onto a fictional universe more to my liking-

tl;dr: I don't like my fighting when flight and BIG BEAM OF DOOM comes into the picture.
Mostly this yes; I have my own personal reasons (cough pairing) in addition to the powerlevel crisis, but essentially I can't agree nor accept the direction that this series had taken and found someone new that can satisfy me better and in ways I could never imagine... Plus during my previous excursion here I've realized how much I don't fit in here anymore

THIS WORLD HAS CHANGED SINCE I LAST LEFT !

Quote:
Originally Posted by aldw View Post
I for one got so sick of powerlevel cr@p from Nasuverse fans and even some of the Nanoha and Negima fans from other sites that I've decided to work on a story idea around an organization specifically optimized to dealing with such overpowered franchises across the multiverse...
In any case- I know don't, it doesn't look like they'll be going back to their glory days

Last edited by Chaos2Frozen; 2011-07-05 at 03:51.
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Old 2011-07-05, 03:46   Link #9386
MeisterBabylon
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Trust me, you know the world is doomed when even Kha leaves it behind.
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Old 2011-07-05, 14:05   Link #9387
itanshi1
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I'm still here :3
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Old 2011-07-07, 01:28   Link #9388
Kagerou
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Crosspost from FFT:

Alright, so here's the first scene of the first chapter of my fanfic. It's got a name now and everything!

I will lead my friends against all odds. Even if it kills me.
I will protect the one I love. I will sacrifice myself for her.
I will show everyone what it means to live. If I must die, then so be it.
I will protect she who brought me back to life. I will die for her.
I will return to life and take my rightful place as ruler. I will kill everyone to do it.


Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha: The Ghost of Al-Hazared
Spoiler for Prologue, Scene I:


Spoiler for Author's Notes:
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Old 2011-07-07, 02:38   Link #9389
Tempy
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...

You still using Noland?

Also, get on IRC, punk.
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Old 2011-07-07, 10:13   Link #9390
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I tried but they changed mibbit so I couldn't fucking find it.
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Old 2011-07-07, 20:03   Link #9391
itanshi1
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locked out myself, latest pidgin upgrade broke it
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Old 2011-07-12, 10:41   Link #9392
XenahortCharybdis
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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A quick stab at some current (or not so current goings on. Blame the fact that 5 days out of 7 I have basically no internet.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rising Dragon View Post
No remarks on my character? Eh, sometimes I feel like I missed out on something by not starting back when this thread was still active.

Ah well. Time for another post.
I'll be frank about it - yeah, you missed out alright.

To be fair, we did use to have a lot more time (not to mention motivation - we were a pretty hard headed bunch, but after a while...you know) on our hands for this, hence a lot more activity. Currently we're on other flights of character creation fancy, or else stewing in our own repressed creative juices...or whatever other juices we may like stewing in the most.

And apart from that, the excess time we used to have and devote to this thread also resulted in all kinds of crazy characters, for which a lot of them, looking back, the terms 'crazy', 'h4xx', and the like, were rather unwarranted (we really should have calculated for power creep in a semi-metaseries like what Nanoha is becoming. Oh well, not like we saw it coming for certain anyway) - they were mostly interesting characters -or else characters with an interesting concept- that just needed some re-focusing.

Long story short, Roas Lacetti is, apart from being a take from the dark side, conceptually speaking not a particularly interesting magus. Utility takes priority, I guess. And I suppose, it's for the best...since 'lol awesome skillz' can detract a little too much from whatever story he'll be featured in.

Objectively, I like the choice of 'Skilled Normal' for skill-set, whatever my personal proclivities for fancier parlors may be. But never mind that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rising Dragon View Post
Chapter 1

MAGICAL GIRL LYRICAL NANOHA:
THE COLLARED

Spoiler for Chapter 2 Part 1:
Doho. Can't say I wasn't expecting this - you may consider it my pet peeve that the TSAB always has to be on the receiving end of a complete Redshirt Beatdown somewhere at the start of a fic. But I guess an opposing Ace has to introduced some way or another...what are the options, anyway? Still, sometimes I wish that someone would buck the trend and have the Black Aces work for their beatdown...

...among many other wishes and peeves, which can never be put in a fashion that would qualify as courteous civilities.

I'm not getting my hopes up with the brief moment of "hmm...is this the point at which I say 'd'aw'?" for Roas and Mesia (I'm also not getting hopes up about this going the Operator Route, although I'd like to believe I've been converted to the philosophy that any Route is fine as long as the screenplay and direction is well done), seeing as that pre-flashback scenes speak volumes about the conclusion being anything but.

Still, it's just the introduction...and it's just part 1. Agh. The fact that I can't even spare the time to read part 2, or tell you that I might be able to do so before Chapter 3 or 4 comes out just says tons.

Quote:
Originally Posted by aldw View Post
I for one got so sick of powerlevel cr@p from Nasuverse fans and even some of the Nanoha and Negima fans from other sites that I've decided to work on a story idea around an organization specifically optimized to dealing with such overpowered franchises across the multiverse...
I hated it as well, plus the fact that after a while the older characters seem to stagnate in my eyes, while newer ones aren't being allowed to develop beyond cliche, stereotype, and some kind of model of character design and direction that only the most committed otaku can look at and not have to resist the urge to cough up blood at. It...hurts just to read.

And how, if I may so ask, will you keep your organization from being massively overpowered themselves? I've been thinking about something like that too, admittedly, and it's quite...tricky.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaos2Frozen View Post
In any case- I know don't, it doesn't look like they'll be going back to their glory days
Oh the days of wine and roses~

Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
Trust me, you know the world is doomed when even Kha leaves it behind.
TRUTH!

Is there anything more I can say?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagerou View Post
I tried but they changed mibbit so I couldn't fucking find it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by itanshi1 View Post
locked out myself, latest pidgin upgrade broke it
Same for me. I can't use mibbit while I'm at home right now, since for some reason it hates my IP. Ironic that I can only use mibbit when I'm Not At Home. And when I'm Not At Home, I'm generally without the Internet. Curses.

Might need to consider getting on some other IRC, and try and find it from there...
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Old 2011-07-12, 17:15   Link #9393
Rising Dragon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Long story short, Roas Lacetti is, apart from being a take from the dark side, conceptually speaking not a particularly interesting magus. Utility takes priority, I guess. And I suppose, it's for the best...since 'lol awesome skillz' can detract a little too much from whatever story he'll be featured in.

Objectively, I like the choice of 'Skilled Normal' for skill-set, whatever my personal proclivities for fancier parlors may be. But never mind that.
Well, I went in knowing that as far as mages go, Roas would be nothing unique, compared to some of the characters I've seen posted here. I mainly put up his sheet in case there was anything glaringly wrong or off about him, and if so, I could fix it. But if your comment's anything to go by, I suppose I'm safe there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Doho. Can't say I wasn't expecting this - you may consider it my pet peeve that the TSAB always has to be on the receiving end of a complete Redshirt Beatdown somewhere at the start of a fic. But I guess an opposing Ace has to introduced some way or another...what are the options, anyway? Still, sometimes I wish that someone would buck the trend and have the Black Aces work for their beatdown...

...among many other wishes and peeves, which can never be put in a fashion that would qualify as courteous civilities.

I'm not getting my hopes up with the brief moment of "hmm...is this the point at which I say 'd'aw'?" for Roas and Mesia (I'm also not getting hopes up about this going the Operator Route, although I'd like to believe I've been converted to the philosophy that any Route is fine as long as the screenplay and direction is well done), seeing as that pre-flashback scenes speak volumes about the conclusion being anything but.

Still, it's just the introduction...and it's just part 1. Agh. The fact that I can't even spare the time to read part 2, or tell you that I might be able to do so before Chapter 3 or 4 comes out just says tons.
Well yeah, I had concerns about the Salaux scenes, but I have my justifications for his beating the hell out of the Bureau soldiers there. I wanted to give them more screen time to make Salaux have to work for his victory, but 19 pages for one chapter was long enough, so I had it so that his surprise attack on the base gave him the initial edge over the Bureau. Had it been a proper fight, with the Bureau ready to fight him before his first attack, it would've turned out different--but that in itself sounds like a flimsy excuse.

I'm okay with you having read this much; I know that my chapters are too long. I'm grateful that you read as much as you did.
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Old 2011-07-13, 08:30   Link #9394
XenahortCharybdis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rising Dragon View Post
Well, I went in knowing that as far as mages go, Roas would be nothing unique, compared to some of the characters I've seen posted here. I mainly put up his sheet in case there was anything glaringly wrong or off about him, and if so, I could fix it. But if your comment's anything to go by, I suppose I'm safe there.
Trust me, I was one of those who reveled in the h4xx - I just got smarter about it after getting hammered the first time. Roas isn't even on my Danger Zone Radar; the detection threshold is far too high.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rising Dragon View Post
Well yeah, I had concerns about the Salaux scenes, but I have my justifications for his beating the hell out of the Bureau soldiers there. I wanted to give them more screen time to make Salaux have to work for his victory, but 19 pages for one chapter was long enough, so I had it so that his surprise attack on the base gave him the initial edge over the Bureau. Had it been a proper fight, with the Bureau ready to fight him before his first attack, it would've turned out different--but that in itself sounds like a flimsy excuse.

I'm okay with you having read this much; I know that my chapters are too long. I'm grateful that you read as much as you did.
It IS a flimsy excuse. Improvisation despite initial surprise has always been common in warfare...but I know from personal experience that the sheer effort required to produce good interplay for an extended period of time and text is a heinous strain on the mind...and on the reader's eyes when the result comes out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rising Dragon View Post
Spoiler for Chapter 2 Part 2:
Wahahaha. I might have underestimated the time remaining to me yesterday...or else I may have just underestimated the degree to which fight scenes chew up the word count big time without much effort or vocabulary.

And as you can see, I did read, after all. If you thought that was long, you can start pitying the minds of those who read, say, my fic attempt before life took me away from here...if I'm not wrong each chapter had 3 parts, and each part was ~7k words long (fluctuated a bit, but still). And then there's PhoenixFlare, who's like...5 times as bad. It's more a problem with the time I have on my hands, rather than how much I can be bothered to read before I get bored.

In any case the chapter was pretty easy reading. Fights are really never difficult to get into unless they are custom-made as such objects of abject boredom that one can hardly stay awake reading them. And I thought that the fight was generally pretty well paced (with some glitches here and there, see next paragraph), not too dramatic an ending to the mission target; I would have been pissed if there was - he's a minor character doomed to die in a single half of a chapter, damn it! Skip the melodrama, and let him die, now that's the way to roll 'em! .

The Dynamic Interrupt by and subsequent fight with Galant was kind of odd, though. It felt a bit like "Here I come to save the day!" one moment and then straight to "Oh shit he died. Fission Mailed. Oh well" the next. Not that I'm doubting that you have something in line for him later on...it just felt a tad random from the start, and the feeling just stuck all the way till his by far more ignominious exit.
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Old 2011-07-13, 12:01   Link #9395
DezoPenguin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rising Dragon View Post
Eh, I'm overdue for posting these considering how long The Collared's been out. I could easily make imagery to go with my character sheets, but I have no way of putting it on the computer at the moment. So... here's the first. Feel free to pick it apart.

Spoiler for Roas Lacetti:
In reading the chapters, I'd noticed "Napalm Shot," but since there was all the other material/spells as well, it didn't cause more than a "hmmm." But now I'm all, "I see what you did there!"
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Old 2011-07-13, 18:24   Link #9396
Rising Dragon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Trust me, I was one of those who reveled in the h4xx - I just got smarter about it after getting hammered the first time. Roas isn't even on my Danger Zone Radar; the detection threshold is far too high.
Glad to hear it. :V

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
It IS a flimsy excuse. Improvisation despite initial surprise has always been common in warfare...but I know from personal experience that the sheer effort required to produce good interplay for an extended period of time and text is a heinous strain on the mind...and on the reader's eyes when the result comes out.
Would you believe the scene was worse when I first wrote it? I went back and added more to the scene after it was done, but it doesn't seem to have helped much. Still, chapter 3 gives some justification as to his strength, but I dunno what else to add to the scene to make it better for the Bureau soldiers. I dislike repeatedly going back and altering scenes when it's already posted to FF.net, but any suggestions you might have to help the scene would be appreciated.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Wahahaha. I might have underestimated the time remaining to me yesterday...or else I may have just underestimated the degree to which fight scenes chew up the word count big time without much effort or vocabulary.
Hence my hesitance to add more to Salaux's scene. :V

Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
The Dynamic Interrupt by and subsequent fight with Galant was kind of odd, though. It felt a bit like "Here I come to save the day!" one moment and then straight to "Oh shit he died. Fission Mailed. Oh well" the next. Not that I'm doubting that you have something in line for him later on...it just felt a tad random from the start, and the feeling just stuck all the way till his by far more ignominious exit.
Yes... I'll admit, that bit needs work. Warren's entry was the leftover of the original cliffhanger ending I had, and try as I might, I couldn't seem to make it any better than what's there. As for his mission failed, well, he'll get development as to why he's like that, but the ultimate reason is that if the fight continued, Roas would've died and frankly, there'd be no story! A higher mage rank plus superior equipment puts him in an advantage over Roas, and unlike Chrono vs. Nanoha or Fate back in Nanoha/A's, one isn't more experienced over the other.

But Warren will appear several more times throughout the story so hopefully his actions will make more sense as he's developed on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
In reading the chapters, I'd noticed "Napalm Shot," but since there was all the other material/spells as well, it didn't cause more than a "hmmm." But now I'm all, "I see what you did there!"
Erf, you caught me. :V But yeah, Lunar's a favorite of mine and those spells stood out, so what the hell, might as well adapt them. It's not like I'm making money off of this anyway.
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Old 2011-07-16, 01:25   Link #9397
Kagerou
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Spoiler for Episode 00, Scene II:


Spoiler for Author Notes:
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Old 2011-07-16, 11:08   Link #9398
DezoPenguin
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Originally Posted by Rising Dragon View Post
Erf, you caught me. :V But yeah, Lunar's a favorite of mine and those spells stood out, so what the hell, might as well adapt them. It's not like I'm making money off of this anyway.
LOL! Hey, I did the same thing, even more explicitly (heck, I actually point it out in the Author's Note), with the Yarises, mother and daughter, in Stahlk÷nigin and "Echoes of the Past"; they both use Lucia's spellset (original Sega CD version). If anime and game shout-outs are all right for Tsuzuki, then they're all right for the fans...if used sparingly enough.
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Old 2011-07-17, 23:41   Link #9399
Kagerou
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CROSSPOST :3

Spoiler for Episode 00, Scene III:
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Old 2011-08-04, 21:31   Link #9400
itanshi1
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thought this might be useful for someone, source unknown
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Fear Anxiety Doubt is but a fad. The life of a fad depends entirely on the willingness to support it. Difficulty is a choice. Determination is a path. Your next great idea after your destination is the true goal.
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