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Old 2010-11-19, 14:29   Link #381
Haak
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
How to put this...?

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Spoiler for Chaos Theory, Chapter Seven:


Spoiler for Author's Note:



AND SO THE THICK PLOTTENS!!!!

I found a typo by the way:
Quote:
Darkn powers were nothing new to Medea.
Ilya is a bit more of a childish yandere than I remember (or interpreted).

I can't believe I got a Taiga POV. It was brief, but it was awesome.

Shirou's introspection about the war and how he hated it was very deep and very well-done.

And I'm glad my theory about what actually happened with Caster and Kuzuki in Heaven's Feel turned out to be right (atleast in this fanfiction).

*Gasp* So how will Shirou save Sakura now that he doesn't have the extremely contrived dagger known as Rule Breaker? One of the very few things about Heaven's Feel I didn't appreciate.

I also appreciated the Angra Manyu mind fucking. Very similar to what I remember in the game. But you should've used Red Text.
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Last edited by Haak; 2010-11-19 at 14:40.
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Old 2010-11-19, 18:49   Link #382
Moczo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiresias View Post
Spoiler for Comment:


Imminent battle between to superpowered yanderes?...

---
Spoiler for Comment Replies:


Yandere FIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

Quote:
Speaking of Assassins, is anyone still interested with the Assassin's Creed one-shot I made before? I managed to work on some draft for chapter 2 but the effort on trying to plan on how his interactions would affect the story really messed up my brain, so if no one's interested this would be a good time to axe the project.
Well, I've never played Assassin's Creed, but I thought it was a good beginning; well-written and an interesting idea for a crossover. Take from that what you will.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Haak View Post
AND SO THE THICK PLOTTENS!!!!

I found a typo by the way:


Ilya is a bit more of a childish yandere than I remember (or interpreted).

I can't believe I got a Taiga POV. It was brief, but it was awesome.

Shirou's introspection about the war and how he hated it was very deep and very well-done.

And I'm glad my theory about what actually happened with Caster and Kuzuki in Heaven's Feel turned out to be right (atleast in this fanfiction).

*Gasp* So how will Shirou save Sakura now that he doesn't have the extremely contrived dagger known as Rule Breaker? One of the very few things about Heaven's Feel I didn't appreciate.

I also appreciated the Angra Manyu mind fucking. Very similar to what I remember in the game. But you should've used Red Text.
Typo Fixed.

The way I see Illya, her maturity tends to be inversely proportional to her happiness. Her mature side tends to come out when things are bleak around her, and when she's happy, that's when she acts the little girl. And right now, she is really, really happy. Like, in the Bad End in Fate where you agree to be her slave, sparkly freak-out happy. The main reason she hasn't already kidnapped poor Shirou is that she is dead-set on him wanting to be hers.

Taiga is always awesome. I hope to have more Taiga-moments throughout, because they're a lot of fun

Thanks! I liked that passage too.

I honestly couldn't think of a better way to do it, and I did ask around. It's canon that she killed him, or at least close to canon, and I can't really think of a reason why she would do it on purpose, y'know?

Er... work in progress.

Ah, what was I thinking! Maybe next time AM mindfucks somebody, it would be awfully tedious to go back and make all that text red at this point.

----------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: Chapter is now up on ff.net.
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Old 2010-11-19, 21:53   Link #383
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
How to put this...?

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Spoiler for Chaos Theory, Chapter Seven:
My evil ways are beginning to rub off on you, I see.

I've been expecting this to happen for awhile since you first showed me the Caster-scene, but taking that scene and putting it into the whole chapter as a context, especially right after Kuzuki's death... and you have something that isn't only terrifying and disturbing on some twisted level, but also something that, at its core, is so incredibly sad. The thought that Caster finally gets to see Kuzuki's smile, just as he dies... it's no wonder she gave in to the shadow and decided to use it as her revenge. She had it all, and lost it in a second. That wasn't something I really felt in the original scene for HF, but I feel it very acutely here.

Well done. You actually made me more sympathetic to Caster, even as I'm completely afraid of what she'll do next.
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Old 2010-11-19, 22:33   Link #384
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Well done. You actually made me more sympathetic to Caster, even as I'm completely afraid of what she'll do next.
I'm still taking it all in. With how... sensual? she sounded, my mind just kept flashing to that bad end where Rin got shadow'd. In other words, many tentacles of corruption!

Definitely want to see where this leads. If I recall, the Shadow became more mature as it "ate" Servants, so merely Altering one shouldn't advance its intellect at all. Will be interesting to see if Zouken loses control of it, or if Caster becomes thoroughly corrupted like Saber did.

Definitely liked Taiga's comment, "See, scary girl!" That was just so perfectly placed.

Also, just wondering, but are Leysritt and Sella going to appear at all, or just get mentioned? Doesn't matter either way, since they barely appeared in FSN; just curious.

Last edited by GDB; 2010-11-19 at 23:08.
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Old 2010-11-20, 00:40   Link #385
Moczo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
My evil ways are beginning to rub off on you, I see.

I've been expecting this to happen for awhile since you first showed me the Caster-scene, but taking that scene and putting it into the whole chapter as a context, especially right after Kuzuki's death... and you have something that isn't only terrifying and disturbing on some twisted level, but also something that, at its core, is so incredibly sad. The thought that Caster finally gets to see Kuzuki's smile, just as he dies... it's no wonder she gave in to the shadow and decided to use it as her revenge. She had it all, and lost it in a second. That wasn't something I really felt in the original scene for HF, but I feel it very acutely here.

Well done. You actually made me more sympathetic to Caster, even as I'm completely afraid of what she'll do next.
I still don't have your knack for it, of course. It would take more than one story to really get down in there and hurt Caster like you would

Well, I think I was helped by the fact that the original scene was insanely sparse. So I took what little we do know, 'Caster killed Kuzuki' and tried to piece together how she would feel about that, you know? She was basically a gibbering loon when Shirou and Saber showed up, just exactly how awful must she have been feeling to sink that low? I took that idea and ran with it.

I'm glad I managed to make her sympathetic. And you should be scared. INSERT EVIL LAUGH HERE.


Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB View Post
I'm still taking it all in. With how... sensual? she sounded, my mind just kept flashing to that bad end where Rin got shadow'd. In other words, many tentacles of corruption!

Definitely want to see where this leads. If I recall, the Shadow became more mature as it "ate" Servants, so merely Altering one shouldn't advance its intellect at all. Will be interesting to see if Zouken loses control of it, or if Caster becomes thoroughly corrupted like Saber did.

Definitely liked Taiga's comment, "See, scary girl!" That was just so perfectly placed.

Also, just wondering, but are Leysritt and Sella going to appear at all, or just get mentioned? Doesn't matter either way, since they barely appeared in FSN; just curious.
Heh. Well, I'll say that again, this is where I'm benefiting from sparse canon. So few details are given on the Shadow and how the corruption actually works that I'm free to play around a bit with Caster Alter and her connection to the thing. Let's just say I've got... ideas.

Taiga is great and the things she says are great.

Leysritt and Sella aren't going to be major characters, but I do have a few scenes in mind for them, yes.
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Old 2010-11-20, 04:41   Link #386
Haak
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Oh I forgot to say something:

How does Saber know what hormones are?
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Old 2010-11-20, 11:49   Link #387
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Oh I forgot to say something:

How does Saber know what hormones are?
Well... I was going to say 'because that's a funny thing for her to say'. But then I thought of something that's funnier and that she would actually know, so... changed!
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Old 2010-11-20, 15:00   Link #388
Haak
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Ha! Before I looked again, I was thinking something like "No time to think with your penis" before realising she'd never use such crude language.
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Old 2010-11-20, 15:20   Link #389
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Ha! Before I looked again, I was thinking something like "No time to think with your penis" before realising she'd never use such crude language.
I was expecting something along the lines of "Is that how the men of this country act?", since if I recall Kiritsugu was kind of known as a playboy as well. Not sure if Saber knew about that or not though.
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Old 2010-11-20, 15:34   Link #390
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Ha! Before I looked again, I was thinking something like "No time to think with your penis" before realising she'd never use such crude language.
Pffft! True, but it's kind of a funny image because she'd never say it...

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I was expecting something along the lines of "Is that how the men of this country act?", since if I recall Kiritsugu was kind of known as a playboy as well. Not sure if Saber knew about that or not though.
Hmmmm... honestly, I didn't even think about that, but now that I consider it I don't know if Saber would know either. My Fate/Zero knowledge has any number of gaps in it, but I know that she and Kiritsugu were not close.
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Old 2010-11-21, 04:46   Link #391
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You're gonna make Saber swear at Shirou at some point aren't you...
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Old 2010-11-21, 09:37   Link #392
Argent Solbright
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
How to put this...?

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Spoiler for Chaos Theory, Chapter Seven:


Spoiler for Author's Note:
Nice, chapter like always. like the last scene of Saber and Shirou. This will lead to some more interesting talk between them.

I feel really, really sad for Sakura. Are you sure you are not competing with RB?

Alter Caster... Uh, oh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiresias View Post
[SPOILER="Comment"]


Speaking of Assassins, is anyone still interested with the Assassin's Creed one-shot I made before? I managed to work on some draft for chapter 2 but the effort on trying to plan on how his interactions would affect the story really messed up my brain, so if no one's interested this would be a good time to axe the project.
*Raise hand* Of course I'm still interetsed. Just take your time
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Old 2010-11-21, 13:59   Link #393
Moczo
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You're gonna make Saber swear at Shirou at some point aren't you...
Ha! Now you've got me thinking of what kind of stupidity on his part would be needed to make her snap to that degree...

It would probably have to be something worse than anything he did in the game, and I'm not sure I can actually manage to out-stupid Kinoko Nasu. It might be beyond me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Argent Solbright View Post
Nice, chapter like always. like the last scene of Saber and Shirou. This will lead to some more interesting talk between them.

I feel really, really sad for Sakura. Are you sure you are not competing with RB?

Alter Caster... Uh, oh.
Thanks! I wasn't 100% sure of that scene, thought maybe it came across as 'shallow' or something... I'm glad I was wrong.

Well... not competing with any hope of victory, anyway. Doesn't mean I'll be giving Sakura an easy time of it, but I'm not sure if it will add up to better or worse than she got in canon HF, in the end.

Yes. Uh oh. Very uh oh.
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Old 2010-11-21, 14:02   Link #394
Haak
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Ha! Now you've got me thinking of what kind of stupidity on his part would be needed to make her snap to that degree...
Oh that's easy. Refuse to feed her. Then again, she might end up killing you later on if she's pushed to it by Kotomine...

[edit]

Oh wait, that didn't make her swear. Maybe it'll work if he repeately refuses to feed her (Then again, she probably would kill him...)
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Old 2010-11-21, 14:20   Link #395
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Ha! Now you've got me thinking of what kind of stupidity on his part would be needed to make her snap to that degree...

It would probably have to be something worse than anything he did in the game, and I'm not sure I can actually manage to out-stupid Kinoko Nasu. It might be beyond me.
I don't think it's possible to do anything worse than in-game. If she didn't swear with the crap he pulled there, I think it shows that she may just outright not know any swear words. Being a dignified King, there's no reason she would need to know them anyway.
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Old 2010-11-21, 14:23   Link #396
Haak
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Hide her stuffed lion toy from her?

Pull her ahoge? (Oh wait, that does something else entirely)
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Old 2010-11-21, 14:29   Link #397
Moczo
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Hide her stuffed lion toy at dinnertime while refusing to feed her and pulling her ahoge when she complains.
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Old 2010-11-21, 14:34   Link #398
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Hide her stuffed lion toy at dinnertime while refusing to feed her and pulling her ahoge when she complains.
This just gave me the most adorable image ever. I still can't imagine her swearing, just sort of pouting and blushing while her hair gets played with. Thank you for that.

By the way, the one I imagined playing with her hair was Taiga.
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Old 2010-11-21, 14:41   Link #399
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Hide her stuffed lion toy at dinnertime while refusing to feed her and pulling her ahoge when she complains.
That causes Saber to unleash Angra Manyu on him.
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Old 2010-11-21, 14:47   Link #400
Moczo
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That causes Saber to unleash Angra Manyu on him.
Shirou: *Gazing on the ruins of his home* Okay, memo to self. Food is okay. Lion is okay. Hair is okay. All three at once: doesn't end well.
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