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Old 2010-12-02, 20:33   Link #521
Flere821
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashaman View Post
Okay, so this two shot became a three shot. No action, mostly just spreading the word.

Spoiler for Delta Force Go 2:
Nice, looking forward to the installment of this one
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Old 2010-12-02, 21:49   Link #522
kaizerknight01
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an OC that i thought of for my Fanfic

Spoiler for One of the OC:
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Old 2010-12-02, 22:40   Link #523
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"Whoawhoawhoa."

The word "level" and the number "5.5" appears to be an unexpected combination.

"All I know is that levels go from 1 to 5... and we have to consider that there are only seven Level 5s."

Marcus is confident with the facts that he laid out; he has just read it straight from the eighth volume of the Light Novels.

He continues to type his reaction as the dissonant voice of two radio broadcasters fill his ears.

"Also, Akemi is the name of one Ruiko Saten's friends. I would suggest adding a surname for the character so that no confusion may ensue."
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Old 2010-12-02, 22:42   Link #524
SuzushinaYuriko
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The one thing I'm wary of when seeing OC's in fanfiction is the possibility of authors making them into overpowered Mary Sue's, which happens way too often. Making Akemi instantly into a Level 5.5 (which should be around the level Accel himself is around considering that he gets stronger throughout the series) is pretty much overdoing it in my eyes.

It was shown from the Radio Noise experiment that clones have inferior abilities compared to the original and that it is not possible to create a Level 5 from an artificial being. It was shown in Railgun that having more than one ability (Dual Skill) is not possible. From the May Project of Darkness experiment it was shown that it is not possible to clone Accelerator or his powers. Cloning humans is a very difficult thing to do, and it's not like any random person on the street is able to be cloned. Just being able to pull it off with Mikoto was a miracle, so you can't throw a bunch of chromosomes together from high ranking ESPers and expect the abilities to transfer.

Balance is an important thing to consider when writing a story. Weaknesses, not only strengths, define a character.

I feel bad for saying all of this, but my literary critic side has exploded from seeing so much wasted potential in fanfiction. I apologise if my rant has hurt your feelings in any way.
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Old 2010-12-03, 00:28   Link #525
outerelf
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http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm

Might I suggest using this test on your character? It'll help straighten out any glaring Mary Sue abilities.
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Old 2010-12-03, 01:57   Link #526
blitz1/2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaizerknight01 View Post
an OC that i thought of for my Fanfic

Spoiler for One of the OC:
Mary Sue alarm bells are RINGING in my head right now.
Considering as how OP Accelerator already is? Going beyond that is a bit...

And telekinesis is not an esper ability that I am aware of, to me it seems more like magic.
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Old 2010-12-03, 06:10   Link #527
kaizerknight01
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thanks for the feed back guys i appreciate it .... the OC is still on beta stages .... guess i t better scrap it and start over ....... guess it to mary sueish .... i deeply apologies

I was hoping to write adventure/comedy i tend not to write depressing ones

again i apologies if my grammars sucks , i tend to skip the words that i was typing

Last edited by kaizerknight01; 2010-12-03 at 07:43. Reason: on second thought ......
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Old 2010-12-03, 09:24   Link #528
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Talking about OCs, I remember my bad old days, repented, and that now if I were to be told of the term, I'd immediately think of a background or a behind-the-scenes character who, while keeps the plot moving, doesn't get too featured and is only a key to help our heroes (yeah Touma, Mikoto etc, I'm talking about you guys!) solve something.

Kinda like an informant who lurks in AC, goes under the guise of someone doing a mundane job such as a grocery keeper, or the owner of the yakiniku stand (was it?) Komoe-sensei, Yoshikawa and Tessou went to in one of the Railgun episodes.
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Since we are all so trigger happy about certain behaviors that we do when talking about his works.

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Old 2010-12-03, 10:38   Link #529
blitz1/2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soul Assassin View Post
Talking about OCs, I remember my bad old days, repented, and that now if I were to be told of the term, I'd immediately think of a background or a behind-the-scenes character who, while keeps the plot moving, doesn't get too featured and is only a key to help our heroes (yeah Touma, Mikoto etc, I'm talking about you guys!) solve something.

Kinda like an informant who lurks in AC, goes under the guise of someone doing a mundane job such as a grocery keeper, or the owner of the yakiniku stand (was it?) Komoe-sensei, Yoshikawa and Tessou went to in one of the Railgun episodes.
Well, my index oc is a Roman Catholic magician that specialises in the art of Telekinesis and creating barriers. But his skills are considered only average. He was eventually drawn up in conflicts from infiltrating Academy City to the war in England.
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Old 2010-12-03, 10:52   Link #530
Ashaman
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Okay, so it happens. The three shot became a Four-Shot. So sue me. I'll prob be making a couple of changes to this, trying to stop ignoring reactions before I post it on FF.net, but this is what I just wrote.

Spoiler for Delta Force 3:


I just thought of something. Would Tsuchimikado Maika have a power? ESP Maid...
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Last edited by Ashaman; 2010-12-03 at 11:49.
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Old 2010-12-03, 12:02   Link #531
Master Assassin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashaman View Post
Okay, so it happens. The three shot became a Four-Shot. So sue me. I'll prob be making a couple of changes to this, trying to stop ignoring reactions before I post it on FF.net, but this is what I just wrote.

Spoiler for Delta Force 3:


I just thought of something. Would Tsuchimikado Maika have a power? ESP Maid...
That rocks. Go on, the build-up I'm feeling right now is very tense. While very tense, it feels very cool. Cool as in Cool Shades-y kind of cool.
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Since we are all so trigger happy about certain behaviors that we do when talking about his works.

--- This line over here is a placeholder. ----
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Old 2010-12-03, 12:15   Link #532
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Please excuse me while I die of laughter in the background.
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Old 2010-12-03, 12:29   Link #533
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Oh my god that was so funny! Last Order and the Misaka sisters are such evil masterminds! LOL
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Old 2010-12-03, 12:38   Link #534
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This is hilarious! Good work, Ashaman!
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Old 2010-12-03, 13:27   Link #535
tsunade666
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ah ah ah I can't wait for the next chapter. Though accelerator is really stand defeated in front of last order. She always had the last laugh

I can't wait for the battle.
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Old 2010-12-03, 14:10   Link #536
blitz1/2
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Now, touma has a morale boost, those girls simply don't stand a chance.
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Old 2010-12-03, 14:31   Link #537
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let aogami rape I mean beat them up
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Old 2010-12-03, 15:05   Link #538
Ashaman
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Next chapter is the epilouge, so to speak. Is there a class known as 5 shot. Or is this offiaclly a short story?

Spoiler for Delta Force 4:


Huh. I've just realised something. On FF.net, there are only 2 fics with Lemons for TAMNI. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Proud that this fandom hasn't gone sex mad? Or disappointed at the lack of a good romantic smut.

I think I'm mainly the former, but I can't deny i feel a bit of the latter too.
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Old 2010-12-03, 15:28   Link #539
tsunade666
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great one but I think 5 times is too little for the hero. make it a hundred or thousands more

the first part was okay but when they start using Maika it felt ... weak in someways. With a total one sided fight. Even using a hostage to turn the table around but still it's utterly useless.
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Old 2010-12-03, 17:30   Link #540
SuzushinaYuriko
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaizerknight01 View Post
thanks for the feed back guys i appreciate it .... the OC is still on beta stages .... guess i t better scrap it and start over ....... guess it to mary sueish .... i deeply apologies

I was hoping to write adventure/comedy i tend not to write depressing ones

again i apologies if my grammars sucks , i tend to skip the words that i was typing
It's alright, it happens to everyone.

Just throwing an idea out there, but let's say they did another experiment and managed to create a clone out of Accelerator's DNA without him knowing about it. My idea is basically to take the same general idea but make the clone a Level 2 or 3 and give it a power similar to but not exactly the same as Redirection.

You could give the story the plot that you were intending to, with the clone attacking Touma. You could also make it so that the clone escaped from where it was being used for experiments and ran into Touma who decided to help him/her.

Technically, the clone should be the same gender since it's not possible to switch to a different gender than the original. The clone being a male would probably destroy any romantic subplot unless you want to go a the BL route (which would be nice, but the chances of you being a fujoshi are slim). Or, if you were thinking of including romance, you could ignore the fact that a clone needs to be the same gender as the original and go with Akemi/Yuriko.
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