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Old 2013-10-06, 04:41   Link #5461
omega253
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by demino_hellsin View Post
had einjerhar ever been mentioned in the novels?
Yes, they have. Othinus apparently has an army of them, but I think the only one that has been displayed so far is Bersi/Kihara Kagun.

There's not really much information, truth be told.
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Old 2013-10-06, 04:50   Link #5462
demino_hellsin
That one guy
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
well dammit Kamachi... I was gonna use that.

Guess I have to wait till NT8 is finished before I work on between a sinner and a saint.
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Old 2013-10-06, 04:57   Link #5463
omega253
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by demino_hellsin View Post
well dammit Kamachi... I was gonna use that.

Guess I have to wait till NT8 is finished before I work on between a sinner and a saint.
Umm... NT 8 has been completely translated for a while now....

Unless you're talking about waiting for NT 9?

As for your reaction, don't worry. We have all felt that way about Kamachi. In fact, I'll repeat it myself.

GODDAMNIT, KAMACHI!!!
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Old 2013-10-06, 05:18   Link #5464
demino_hellsin
That one guy
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
I see, then I'll need to wait till I set my academics out straight to finish NT8.

with Brunhild involved, you just know valkyries and the like have to be involved haiz.
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Old 2013-10-06, 09:55   Link #5465
MrTerrorist
Takao Tsundere Cruiser
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Classified
Quote:
Originally Posted by omega253 View Post
Twist of Fate Chapter 8 (hey, that kinda rhymes) is up.

www.fanfiction.net/s/9539513/8/Twist-of-Fate
Thanks. Lol Kuroko of all people having an Erotic dream about Touma even wanting Konori and Mikoto to join in as well. lol

Quote:
A Certain Destructive Meltdowner Chapter 5 is up.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9670267/...ive-Meltdowner
I did not see that coming.

Spoiler for A Certain Destructive Meltdowner Chapter 5:
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Old 2013-10-06, 15:10   Link #5466
the one above all
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Location: America
In theory shouldn't kakine be able to do magic. With his ability he should be able to quickly repair any damage the backlash does to his body especially since he is made of dark matter.
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Old 2013-10-06, 23:34   Link #5467
demino_hellsin
That one guy
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
"Let go."

"No."

"Let go."

"No."

"Listen here you little ass pisser! Either you fucking let go or I'm taking that arm of yours along!"

"No way! This is the last limted edition S-mart Eel-Salmon Deluxe Donburi Combi Bento! I've been saving up for this for months! It costs 3000 yen you know!"

"If you're saving up for something then at least make it worthwhile. Why don't you take that money and spend it on a whore tonight? There's probably some middle school slut out looking to spread her legs and get some cash!"

"Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I'm a pervert! And what the hell lady! Why is it everything you say has something to do with sex? 'Fuck' 'Fuck' 'Fuck' that's all I ever hear from you!"

"Are you calling me a slut you shithead?"

"I'm not saying that. You are!"

"So you're imlying that I'm dumb AND a public meat hole?"

"Again with the sex references!", the male sighed, "Look. Maybe we can talk this out like civilized human beings. Let's start with introductions. I'm Kamijou Touma."

"I'm the level 5, MeltDowner.", the girl with tea-colored hair smiled down sweetly at the boy of similar age. In her free hand a glowing emerald sphere.

The S-mart clerk wisely dove for the door while Touma just paled.

"Fukou da."

BOOM!

----------

How I think they would meet
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Old 2013-10-07, 01:05   Link #5468
omega253
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Quote:
Originally Posted by demino_hellsin View Post
"Let go."

"No."

"Let go."

"No."

"Listen here you little ass pisser! Either you fucking let go or I'm taking that arm of yours along!"

"No way! This is the last limted edition S-mart Eel-Salmon Deluxe Donburi Combi Bento! I've been saving up for this for months! It costs 3000 yen you know!"

"If you're saving up for something then at least make it worthwhile. Why don't you take that money and spend it on a whore tonight? There's probably some middle school slut out looking to spread her legs and get some cash!"

"Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I'm a pervert! And what the hell lady! Why is it everything you say has something to do with sex? 'Fuck' 'Fuck' 'Fuck' that's all I ever hear from you!"

"Are you calling me a slut you shithead?"

"I'm not saying that. You are!"

"So you're imlying that I'm dumb AND a public meat hole?"

"Again with the sex references!", the male sighed, "Look. Maybe we can talk this out like civilized human beings. Let's start with introductions. I'm Kamijou Touma."

"I'm the level 5, MeltDowner.", the girl with tea-colored hair smiled down sweetly at the boy of similar age. In her free hand a glowing emerald sphere.

The S-mart clerk wisely dove for the door while Touma just paled.

"Fukou da."

BOOM!

----------

How I think they would meet
You magnificent bastard, Comrade Ferret would be proud of you.

Also, as a little continuation of that, Mugino would be shocked/angry/interested at Touma using the Imagine Breaker to nullify her Meltdowner.

But mostly angry.
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Old 2013-10-07, 01:42   Link #5469
demino_hellsin
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Maybe when LondonTouma visits AC and decides to try the local foods again
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Old 2013-10-07, 05:51   Link #5470
MrTerrorist
Takao Tsundere Cruiser
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Classified
A Certain Polar Opposite Attraction

Synopsis:
"What if Mugino and Touma knew each other when they were little kids. What if they were childhood sweethearts despite their personalities and backgrounds. What if Crowley uses this information not only for his plans but for his own amusement as well."

This fic has won me over because of this line!

Quote:
Mugino smiled as she walked around and stood behind Touma. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close looking down at the pictures with him.

"Happy Birthday Touma-Kun." She whispered in his ear as she tightened her arm protectively around him. 'You're the only one I have left.' She thought to her self.
Kyahhh!!
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Old 2013-10-07, 07:50   Link #5471
demino_hellsin
That one guy
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
She wanted one thing. Really. It wasn't hard to ask for. Freedom, she had power, she had authority and she had the most loyal posse one could have at such a young age. But she didn't have freedom.

"My queen! That strawberry parfait will ruin your figure! You've just had a large slice of steak!"

Really! Why can't they let her eat whatever she wanted!?

Shokuhou Misaki wove in and out of the city crowd, avoiding the sight of her posse as much as possible. Normally, she would subject them to her mind control powers, but one minor miscalculation on her part came up.

"Guh... sometimes having the biggestclique in school can be a pain."

Yes. Shokuhou Misaki, the level 5 telepath Mental Out's power to gather underlings had sorely outstripped her esper abilities. She had over half the school doing her bidding and despite her mastery of all things mind manipulation, that number was just too much. Especially if she was trying to relax as she ate.

Escape, escape, she needed a method of escape. Misaki looked around with those starry eyes. They landed on a rather unremarkable boy. He seemed to be extremely normal to the point people would forget him without giving a second glance. The only notable thing was how spiky that boring black hair of his was. She smiled with a slight apology to him.

Misaki stuck her tongue out in playful mischief, "Sorry, you'll just have to bear with a little bit of misfortune."

She took quick confident strides towards the young man. Her body language perfectly controlled and practically screamed the delight a girl had when meeting her date.

"Hm?", the young man turned to her.

"Heeey! Have you been waiting long?"

"Eh?", he looked around dumbly. Realizing she was walking towards him, he pointed a finger at himself, "EEEEEEHHHH!?!?!?!"

She was cute, she was sexy and Misaki knew quite well how men saw her. After all, she had used such a thing to her advantage more times than she could count. It was as much an asset in manipulation as her telepathic abilities were.

"Sorry for the wait. You must've been hanging around here a long time. It's kind of hot so why don't we go get some ice cream?"

"Milady!", some girls quickly rushed onto the scene. They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the young man standing shoulder to shoulder with their queen. The sight triggered something in them which made their hackles raised. "Wh-Who is this man!?", a girl with red curls demanded.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH!?!?!?"

"Geez, Mitsuzaki. It's quite unbecoming of a lady to follow another to a tryst."

The girl with red curls blushed, "T-tryst?". The blush turned into an angry glare. "With this monkey?"

"How rude.", Misaki pouted with dainty gloved knuckles akimbo. "Judging my date at once. This young man has just offered to take me for a simple day out. I suppose that it must be shocking, but I am still a girl so I would have the right to be curious don't I?"

"E-even so-"

Misaki jumped onto the young man, grabbing his arm and crushing it against he sizable chest. "It's just a little food trip. Right?", she gazed into the young man's eyes.

Most people assume that Shokuhou Misaki's ability, Mental Out, required the usage of her remote control to do anything. That's not quite true. The remote control only helps her focus her ability better by a factor of a hundred. With a little effort, she could still control someone without such a medium. Such as she was doing now with the young man. Even with just eye contact, the burden would decrease by a lot. So she was basically ordering him mentally to say that he'd take her out to a little cafe at the edge of the 7th district.

The young man looked towards Misaki, then turned to the girl with red curls. "I hope you don't mind. It's just coffee and snacks. I'll make sure nothing happens to her."

"That's not the problem! You are!"

"Um... I'm not quite sure why I could be the problem."

"You're just a classless monkey! The queen of Tokiwadai deserves someone of better breeding!"

Misaki mentally thought that he should be more forceful. Mitsuzaki was especially hard headed in her clique, but no one was more loyal which was why Misaki kept her as a number 2.

The young man's brow furrowed. "Well I'm sorry I'm just a monkey to you. But either way I will be taking Misaki out for snacks-"

Make it till dinner!

"-but it would be safer to expect her past dinner. So if you don't mind, we'll be going now."

The young man walked away with Mental Out clingingly victoriously to his arm while the red-head in ringlets was basically fuming in her own annoyance. As much as the number 2 of Tokiwadai's largest clique wanted to spy on them, preparations with the dorm manager had to be made to make sure the queen would not garner any school offense.

For the rest of the day, Misaki enjoyed mentally ordering the young man around and basically playing the role of a maiden in love in this fake date she set-up. Though it was a fake date, it was more like a one woman play. After all, she was controlling him the whole time. In a way, it was kind of sad. She couldn't help but reflect on this as they parted after a large dinner, large on her part. Ofcourse she didn't pay a single yen.

"Ah! That was the most fun I'v had in a while. Let's do this again some time okay?", she smiled radiantly at the young man who just stared back blankly. Her smile dropped just a little bit. "Ofcourse we won't. I doubt I'll ever find you again in a crowd anyway. Maybe I'll justconreol someone else to take me out on a date. But that might start rumors about me being a loose woman.". She laughed. "I have power, I have followers, I have domain over many things in this world. But to maintain this heirarchy, I gave up my freedom. I suppose I don't mind but sometimes I do miss simple things.".

TAK!

"Ow!"

"The heck are you talking about?"

"Huh?"

The young man stood before Misaki with an exasperated expression on his face. "The only one limiting your freedom is yourself. Properly reflect on what's important and act on them."

"W-Why are you talking to me?!"

"What? Aren't I supposed to be talking to you? This is a fake date after all, right?"

"B-But... my ability-"

"Your ability? What does that have to do with anything. We went out, ate, had fun. We had a great time. Well... you had a great time, I just mourned for my wallet."

"Then everything we did- Everything you did- It was real?"

"Ofcourse it was. Did you think all of that was your imagination? Let me break those illusions of yours."

He stepped forward and chopped her lightly on the head.

"Ow."

"See? It's all real."

"So... I wasn't controlling you?"

"Nope. Well.", he shouldered his bag and prepared to leave the girl at the gates of the school garden. "I have to get home now. If you need anything, then just look for a certain highschool near the center of district 7 and look for Kamijou Touma. Later.". He paused then turned back. "Oh right, don't go around controlling anyone just because your the famous Mental Out. I won't help you if you cause trouble like that."

Misaki was stunned. What had just transpired? The whole time. This young man had been in control of himself. It was almost too late when she regained the conscious mind to call out as he was nearly out of earshot. "WAIT!"

"Hm?"

"Why? Why did you stay with me the whole time if I wasn't controlling your mind? How did you know everything I commanded if I wasn't able to control you? I want to know."

The young man stood in a loose thinking pose before deciding on his answer. "I guess it's because you have such an honest face."

"Eh?"

"It's pretty easy to tell when you're happy with something or not. You kind of wear your emotions on your sleeve Guess I feel a little guilty for tricking you as well. Let's do lunch again, and this time don't order the deluxe premium family size beef cutlet steak!". He waved before walking off.

What the heck was that? Shokuhou Misaki, level 5 Mental Out. Sure she had her guard down, but even she could hold a poker face all throughout while enjoying herself. She was a master of espionage, how could he tell?

You kind of wear your emotions on your sleeve...

Kamijou Touma, that was a name she would remember.
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Old 2013-10-07, 08:16   Link #5472
silverexorcist
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: The one place you didn't think of.
Ah, I enjoyed reading that. It makes sense for Kamijou-san to be dragged into things out of no where and go along with it. Only thing though--it's small, really--it seems Kamijou-san is affected by Shokuhou's power so long as he doesn't touch his head. So I guess he would have casually touched his own head sometime during the date or when making the excuse...
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Old 2013-10-07, 08:26   Link #5473
demino_hellsin
That one guy
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
It's a rough draft

They've just met for the first time. I would think Misaki isn't aiming properly like she did. And remember that she expressly used a memory plant and not mind control. There's probably a reason for that and during the whole date she was using/trying to use mind control.
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Old 2013-10-07, 09:13   Link #5474
silverexorcist
Tropes/cliché expert
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: The one place you didn't think of.
Fair enough. It's a bit uncertain if there is any deeper meaning in her decision, after all.
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Old 2013-10-07, 12:15   Link #5475
blitz1/2
Tenshi's Defense Squadron
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Fighting against those who oppress the system
Quote:
Originally Posted by demino_hellsin View Post
She wanted one thing. Really. It wasn't hard to ask for. Freedom, she had power, she had authority and she had the most loyal posse one could have at such a young age. But she didn't have freedom.

"My queen! That strawberry parfait will ruin your figure! You've just had a large slice of steak!"

Really! Why can't they let her eat whatever she wanted!?

Shokuhou Misaki wove in and out of the city crowd, avoiding the sight of her posse as much as possible. Normally, she would subject them to her mind control powers, but one minor miscalculation on her part came up.

"Guh... sometimes having the biggestclique in school can be a pain."

Yes. Shokuhou Misaki, the level 5 telepath Mental Out's power to gather underlings had sorely outstripped her esper abilities. She had over half the school doing her bidding and despite her mastery of all things mind manipulation, that number was just too much. Especially if she was trying to relax as she ate.

Escape, escape, she needed a method of escape. Misaki looked around with those starry eyes. They landed on a rather unremarkable boy. He seemed to be extremely normal to the point people would forget him without giving a second glance. The only notable thing was how spiky that boring black hair of his was. She smiled with a slight apology to him.

Misaki stuck her tongue out in playful mischief, "Sorry, you'll just have to bear with a little bit of misfortune."

She took quick confident strides towards the young man. Her body language perfectly controlled and practically screamed the delight a girl had when meeting her date.

"Hm?", the young man turned to her.

"Heeey! Have you been waiting long?"

"Eh?", he looked around dumbly. Realizing she was walking towards him, he pointed a finger at himself, "EEEEEEHHHH!?!?!?!"

She was cute, she was sexy and Misaki knew quite well how men saw her. After all, she had used such a thing to her advantage more times than she could count. It was as much an asset in manipulation as her telepathic abilities were.

"Sorry for the wait. You must've been hanging around here a long time. It's kind of hot so why don't we go get some ice cream?"

"Milady!", some girls quickly rushed onto the scene. They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the young man standing shoulder to shoulder with their queen. The sight triggered something in them which made their hackles raised. "Wh-Who is this man!?", a girl with red curls demanded.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH!?!?!?"

"Geez, Mitsuzaki. It's quite unbecoming of a lady to follow another to a tryst."

The girl with red curls blushed, "T-tryst?". The blush turned into an angry glare. "With this monkey?"

"How rude.", Misaki pouted with dainty gloved knuckles akimbo. "Judging my date at once. This young man has just offered to take me for a simple day out. I suppose that it must be shocking, but I am still a girl so I would have the right to be curious don't I?"

"E-even so-"

Misaki jumped onto the young man, grabbing his arm and crushing it against he sizable chest. "It's just a little food trip. Right?", she gazed into the young man's eyes.

Most people assume that Shokuhou Misaki's ability, Mental Out, required the usage of her remote control to do anything. That's not quite true. The remote control only helps her focus her ability better by a factor of a hundred. With a little effort, she could still control someone without such a medium. Such as she was doing now with the young man. Even with just eye contact, the burden would decrease by a lot. So she was basically ordering him mentally to say that he'd take her out to a little cafe at the edge of the 7th district.

The young man looked towards Misaki, then turned to the girl with red curls. "I hope you don't mind. It's just coffee and snacks. I'll make sure nothing happens to her."

"That's not the problem! You are!"

"Um... I'm not quite sure why I could be the problem."

"You're just a classless monkey! The queen of Tokiwadai deserves someone of better breeding!"

Misaki mentally thought that he should be more forceful. Mitsuzaki was especially hard headed in her clique, but no one was more loyal which was why Misaki kept her as a number 2.

The young man's brow furrowed. "Well I'm sorry I'm just a monkey to you. But either way I will be taking Misaki out for snacks-"

Make it till dinner!

"-but it would be safer to expect her past dinner. So if you don't mind, we'll be going now."

The young man walked away with Mental Out clingingly victoriously to his arm while the red-head in ringlets was basically fuming in her own annoyance. As much as the number 2 of Tokiwadai's largest clique wanted to spy on them, preparations with the dorm manager had to be made to make sure the queen would not garner any school offense.

For the rest of the day, Misaki enjoyed mentally ordering the young man around and basically playing the role of a maiden in love in this fake date she set-up. Though it was a fake date, it was more like a one woman play. After all, she was controlling him the whole time. In a way, it was kind of sad. She couldn't help but reflect on this as they parted after a large dinner, large on her part. Ofcourse she didn't pay a single yen.

"Ah! That was the most fun I'v had in a while. Let's do this again some time okay?", she smiled radiantly at the young man who just stared back blankly. Her smile dropped just a little bit. "Ofcourse we won't. I doubt I'll ever find you again in a crowd anyway. Maybe I'll justconreol someone else to take me out on a date. But that might start rumors about me being a loose woman.". She laughed. "I have power, I have followers, I have domain over many things in this world. But to maintain this heirarchy, I gave up my freedom. I suppose I don't mind but sometimes I do miss simple things.".

TAK!

"Ow!"

"The heck are you talking about?"

"Huh?"

The young man stood before Misaki with an exasperated expression on his face. "The only one limiting your freedom is yourself. Properly reflect on what's important and act on them."

"W-Why are you talking to me?!"

"What? Aren't I supposed to be talking to you? This is a fake date after all, right?"

"B-But... my ability-"

"Your ability? What does that have to do with anything. We went out, ate, had fun. We had a great time. Well... you had a great time, I just mourned for my wallet."

"Then everything we did- Everything you did- It was real?"

"Ofcourse it was. Did you think all of that was your imagination? Let me break those illusions of yours."

He stepped forward and chopped her lightly on the head.

"Ow."

"See? It's all real."

"So... I wasn't controlling you?"

"Nope. Well.", he shouldered his bag and prepared to leave the girl at the gates of the school garden. "I have to get home now. If you need anything, then just look for a certain highschool near the center of district 7 and look for Kamijou Touma. Later.". He paused then turned back. "Oh right, don't go around controlling anyone just because your the famous Mental Out. I won't help you if you cause trouble like that."

Misaki was stunned. What had just transpired? The whole time. This young man had been in control of himself. It was almost too late when she regained the conscious mind to call out as he was nearly out of earshot. "WAIT!"

"Hm?"

"Why? Why did you stay with me the whole time if I wasn't controlling your mind? How did you know everything I commanded if I wasn't able to control you? I want to know."

The young man stood in a loose thinking pose before deciding on his answer. "I guess it's because you have such an honest face."

"Eh?"

"It's pretty easy to tell when you're happy with something or not. You kind of wear your emotions on your sleeve Guess I feel a little guilty for tricking you as well. Let's do lunch again, and this time don't order the deluxe premium family size beef cutlet steak!". He waved before walking off.

What the heck was that? Shokuhou Misaki, level 5 Mental Out. Sure she had her guard down, but even she could hold a poker face all throughout while enjoying herself. She was a master of espionage, how could he tell?

You kind of wear your emotions on your sleeve...

Kamijou Touma, that was a name she would remember.
So, this is pre-memory loss right?
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Old 2013-10-07, 12:17   Link #5476
demino_hellsin
That one guy
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
yeah it is I suppose

Honestly I didn't think too deeply on Touma's depiction. I just think overall nice guy with a bit of cynicism and japanese humor when it comes to him. Whatever the situation it feels like he fits in naturally. Not sure if I'm just making him convenient for my scenarios or whether I'm capturing his essence correctly.

Last edited by demino_hellsin; 2013-10-07 at 12:29.
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Old 2013-10-10, 13:38   Link #5477
agetreme
One_Turn_Kill(Myself)
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Delusion world
<----- Not very reliable when it come to producing something out. So don't expect too much. (Still need to work on that Judgement story)

A certain Forbidden Grimoire, Index:

AU-verse where Magic Combine with Science.

Tagline?: Idea and Dreams (Magic) given form (by Science)

Magic are studied like Science and technology are more magick-tech based.

There are still rival fractions though except less on Magic versus Science but more of Sect and different belief.

Esper, Magicians, normal students, skillout and level 0:
Espers are students who can summon Arcane weapons(represent their power in the original universe). The weapon they summon can range from normal household item like spoon (Level 2 and below Espers) to nerf/blunt weapons (like bouken) (level 3) to weapons (like real swords) (level 4 onwards)

There are a few with superiority complex but majority are nice people.

Level 5 Espers are Honor Students who can summon Arcane Machines and those machines are very intimating (due to more visible AIM field).

Magician of this universe, "write" magic into a book (which make them slower than Esper(who just activate the ability of their weapons) but have access to more spell/abilities). Being intellectually superior, they are little snobby, acting high and mighty.

Normal people are just normal students (duh...) but get bullied by Skill-out, Esper and Magicians.

Skill-outs are badass who fight Esper and Magician using their bare-fist but are jerkass and bullies(read: Jocks/delinquents).

Judgement are disciplinary committee.

Level/Grade 0 are students who have difficulty catching (aka: failing grades. Even the dumbest Esper and Magican is academically gifted)

They are also forced to help the teachers as punishment for "not paying attention in class."

Saint and Gemstones:
There are "Magic" which can not be comprehended, Saint is capable of creating miracles simply by wishing very hard (spell-casting without writing) and Gemstones' weapons are 'special' (empathic enough to move on its own even when separated from owner) and capable of instant self-regeneration (usually Esper's weapons stay damaged until they go to sleep).

Protagonist:
A certain unfortunate level zero student, Kamijou Touma came across an unusual mechanical "thing"(Codename: Imagine Breaker) who possessed his right hand which grant his right hand, the ability to "eat" Magic.

Fortunately, this ability can be switch on and off, unfortunately the switch is wonky and sometimes fail to "stop working".

To add to his misfortune, he is tasked to take care of a special type of "grimoire" named Index..... who looked like adult version of Index and has personality of Laura Stuart....but with less emphasis* on dark side.

(*as in: her friends didn't even realize her manipulative side.)

She has good intention though but manipulating others into action is still a little.....evil.

In this story, being a hell lot hotter err... brainy, she is more involved in the story than her original counterpart(either directly or indirectly).

Aleister is worship as hero-like figure though he is less heroic than everybody think he is and is still alive despite of everybody(students and most teachers) think that he is dead
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Old 2013-10-10, 17:16   Link #5478
Ilidsor
Angelerator
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Canada
^Sounds well thought out, but a little too AU for me personally.

Quote:
Originally Posted by allfictions View Post
Can't really comment much more since it's only an idea, but here's what my 2 cents: avoid at all costs the edgy! In other words, take things seriously, do not have drama for the sake of drama, don't make Touma's life more miserable than it is realistically possible, especially if it's to make him fall to the dark side, for fear that it appears you make Touma goes through too much shit just to make him more dark, or Edgy! if you must. Those kind of things litterally kill readers' willing suspension of disbelief, and your audience can quickly fall into what TVTropes call ''Darkness Induced Audience Apathy''. In wanting to make too much a dramatic tragedy it becomes a comedy.
First of all, sorry for taking so long to reply to this but I was banned so I couldn't really help it

Thanks for the advice, I'll keep all that in mind.

Quote:
The beginning is fine, but the rest...you ought to do it better, especially the 3 last things. Two of those choices are unecessary, trust me.
And again:
That stuff's all going to be background detail, only briefly alluded to for plot reasons, so I'm not really worried about it darkening up the story too much. Maybe I should tone down the poverty down a lot though.

Quote:
This. There is no need for all of this for the fic to be dark. Examples of dark works, with a dark Anti-Hero as the lead? Code Geass, Death Note, and Fate/Zero.
Is there a need for drugs and gore? Not really. Remember, horrific things shown in spades or subtly implied are better than full blown Sin City reddition because imagining the worst is better than being outright shown. And when there is gore, make sure it's meaningful, not for the sake of blood everywhere (one-on-one battles are excluded since this is kinda the whole point, especially in bitter victories).
Yeah, I guess I went overboard in the planning there. I'll cut the drugs out completely since I really only thought of having them in there since that comes up when I think "city crime". And I completely agree with the rest of this.

[QUOTETo see dark fics gone bad, please see the ridiculous amount of Dark!Naruto and Dark!Harry fics.
They almost never ends well...for the fic itself I mean.[/QUOTE]

Actually I've never read those. I only scratched the surface of HP fics since I was intimidated by how many there were, and I've never even read any Naruto all let alone the fanfics for it. Are there any common blunders I should be sure to stay away from?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SmokinFerret88
Dark Touma though.....I think I would need to take a shower after each chapter, read MikotoTouma fluff stories back-to-back for an hour, and go sit out in a field during mid-day as I meditate on what I had done.

Seriously, writing a Touma as a darker character to the extent that we're talking about would not sit well with me. I'm not saying that as a fan-boy, though I am, I say it because I actually feel it would be wrong to take away the traits that make Touma a memorable character to me and everyone else.
Yeah, that's what I said would be the biggest problem with the story. I might make him slowly be going towards redemption, or maybe make him think that he's helping people by taking over the dark side. I'll have to think over it some more.
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Old 2013-10-10, 18:29   Link #5479
demino_hellsin
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Wierd dream, TAMNI characters as student teachers. Accelerator being a olite and pleaant human being. Lat Order getting taught life lessons by Misaka Imoutos and Misaka Imoutos acting like hive mind schoolgirls.
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Old 2013-10-10, 18:49   Link #5480
Ilidsor
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^Aha, I can just picture a Accelerator teaching a class of Misaka Imoutos.
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