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Old 2009-05-08, 20:13   Link #21
Narona
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by HayashiTakara View Post
No longer holds as we grow older? I have had friends I grew up with, thinking that we'll always be best buds forever, but as we all became adults, we just became someone you say hi to every now and then. And those nowadays that you somewhat consider friends are your neighbors (maybe) and coworkers, who you only talk to while at work.

Is it because we no longer value friendship? It becomes something that is more of a nuisance? Are there just more important things in life? Or we simply have no time for it?

Whats your take on it? As for me... I really don't know, it just seem to happens naturally.
There are still many people who value it you know xD

However, about myself, I must say that my family is more important than my friends. I don't hide it, and said it clearly lots of times. So when I have the choice to spend time with my family or my friends, I choose the former.

I don't have a lot of a what I call "true friends" thought (I don't see some of my classmates as true friends even if I spend quite some time with them. At least I see a difference...) , but my friendship with most of them is strong. For instance, I have some friends there in Slovakia. I see them only a few times per year, and beside phone and letters, I don't interact with them a lot. But each time that I see them, the feeling is still the same.

When people grow up, they have to face many responsibilities: A job, for some they get married and start a family, etc. So people can't spend as much time with their friends, and even family (sisters, brothers, parents) as they did in the past. So what you feel could also be linked to that lack of free time, maybe?
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Old 2009-05-08, 20:22   Link #22
Epyon9283
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I'm still friends with people I've known since elementary school or high school. They all still live around here so we still hang out pretty regularly. The people I no longer hang out with either moved away or got really weird/annoying.
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Old 2009-05-08, 21:47   Link #23
jonli
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This is an interesting topic!

A lot of people that I know change their group of friends as they grow older.

In my case I've been with two of my best friends ever since we were in kindergarten. We also have a REALLY tight group of friends ever since primary school.

I'm a college student now, and we all ended up in different places around the world. America (me), Canada, UK, Hong Kong, Korea, China, Australia and Japan. But we always end up back together, it's like a magnet.

I also feel like, if you're really close to a person (friendship-wise) you don't need to talk to them everyday. I talk to my best friends every freaking day, but it's like if we don't talk for a week they still know what's going on with me.
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Old 2009-05-09, 15:40   Link #24
-KarumA-
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In Maya world, where all is 3D and everything crashes
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Epyon9283 View Post
I'm still friends with people I've known since elementary school or high school. They all still live around here so we still hang out pretty regularly. The people I no longer hang out with either moved away or got really weird/annoying.
perfect statement cause my situation is the same. In junior high I became friends with someone who lives in my street and even even though we don't hang out every week or month we are still good friends that would do anything for the other, thing is her hobbies etc. are way different and we now go to different schools.

As for my other highschool friends I found that those who graduated at the same year as me still hang out with me because the others sorta thought we didn't fit in their group anymore now that we went to other schools. Of about the 10 people that were great friends I now hang out with about 3-4 of them because we all went separate ways and do different things. There are however also people I used to hang out with in highschool then sorta forgot for 4 years and now we hang out again like good friends every week

Friends come and go, people go separate ways, however in your life there will only be a handful of people that can be labeled as real close friends
I found out that for the friends I lost after highschool I met a whole lot of new friends in return at the college I go to now and eventhough they will never get the same status as those friends back then, because they saved me from a dreadful situation and managed to make me acknowledge myself, be myself and stand up for myself, there will always be one or two people that I get quite close to. I'm in an all boys class so getting friends can be quite awkward cause it isn't like I can share girly subjects with them, but there are 2-3 people in my class that I would help out always because they are so kind and given

what was funny though was that as a little kid I used to play with a girl on holiday each year, our neighbors went there and we would come over to drink coffee/tea and chat. then 10 years later I ended up in the same highschool and like a magnet we became good friends without realizing that we had always played together as kids, whens he came over to my house one day and she had gone home my mom realized this lol and the truth was uncovered XD
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Old 2009-05-09, 16:03   Link #25
Emerald Emblem
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I've gradually lost touch with my school friends, if I see them we little more than acknowledge each other with a hello. It saddens me that this happened.
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Old 2009-05-09, 16:04   Link #26
Solafighter
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Half of my friends of elementary school are now farmers.

Half of my friends, i was with on my high school, no clue actually.

In the last 4 years i have met other and more interesting people, i can hang out with. One expection: One friend, whos still a good friend, is from high school.

But the rest.. No clue.
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Old 2009-05-09, 16:57   Link #27
Kusa-San
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Hum I think it's difficult to have a true friendship when we're young because we're not grown enough to understand the true meaning of friendship. Futhermore when you're young you're not fully build and your behavior change with the time before you become adult. But sometime, you will find true friend in elementary school who will always be your friend and I think this kind of friendship is the strongest one.

And friend are really precious. I always do a distinction between buddy and friend. You have many buddy but you only have a few friend.
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Old 2009-05-10, 03:54   Link #28
bbduece
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People grow and priorities change. Somethings you used to hold dear becomes trivial as you grow older. Nothing wrong with growing apart, it is part of growing up and figuring out what is best for yourself.
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Old 2009-05-10, 04:05   Link #29
KimmyChan
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The majority of my old schoolfriends who I used to keep in touch with have long gone and are no longer on the scene anymore I'm afraid to say, it's kinda upsetting but then, it's also one of the most natural things in life that happens as we grow up & get older
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Old 2009-05-10, 06:29   Link #30
idiffer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GuidoHunter_Toki View Post
I think it has something to do with that seperation that can happen right after High School when people go there seperate ways to fulfill their dreams. Some going to Colleges far out of reach and making new types of friends there. I ones younger years when in school its much easier to make friends because you're around them seemingly all day every day. When some people get older they lack that feeling of growing with people, as they did in school. Here is a quote I heard from someone, "Me and my friends from high school made each other who we are. Adults are already who they are, so it's harder to make that same connection".

I also seem to find that when people get older you become more jaded of how society is. Trusting people is difficult, people become more selective in friends and they learn to keep things to themselves. However this is not the case with some as it is with others.

As Mystique said lasting friendships are those with adaptability and thats what me and a few of my friends have, which is why most of us have been friends since grade school. College doesn't keep us away from eahc other, granted some of them are going to local colleges. Our friendships are just as strong as they were many years ago and I'm lucky to have such friends.
yup, totally agree. the need for socialization becomes less and less as people grow older precisely because of the parts in bold. i dont believe people who make excuses such as lack of free time and the like. if you need to, you'll find time.
i'm not a grown-up in the full sense of the word (but i work full time), but i think my value of friendship wont be going anywhere anytime soon. i still meet up with the one friend from school who lives far away. i'm lucky that the rest of my friends live in my neighborhood and we see each other almost every day.
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Old 2009-05-10, 13:25   Link #31
SaintessHeart
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I am not sure if 20 going onto 21 counts as an adult, but how one wants to define friendship is a personal onus.

I am a second generation conscript (which means my father was conscripted since national service started), and one thing he told me about army buddies is that they stay on for life. Most of my officers attest to that sentiment, maybe it is because going through shit together for 2-3 years forged a bond for the next 50-60 years to come.

I never remembered any of my secondary school friends, and I am starting to forget most of my high school ones (other than a few of them). And it seems that those whom I want to hold near me are those which I choose to.

After all, life is like a game of chess. You choose which piece to keep, and which piece to dispense. The reason to keep a choice can be as illogical as a sentimental one, after all, we are all human.
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Old 2009-05-10, 13:56   Link #32
RAVNEN
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I have lot of friends & very few of "true friend".I've lost contact with many of my friend from school days.

Well,now i got more new friend than before.Thank you internet & networking & also my not so good social skills..
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Old 2009-05-10, 14:07   Link #33
KimmyChan
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Technically, nowadays I only really have two or three "best friends" & a handful of "friends"

But I'm pleased to say that I do have a lot of online friends such as you fab peeps right here at AS
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Old 2009-05-10, 16:57   Link #34
itisjustme
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1) If you no longer share activities in common people just drift away, natural reaction. If you want to keep those friends you have to tend to it. You know how they say, the first step to having friends is to be a friend yourself. Not long ago a childhood friend came to my door just to say hi haven't seen you in a while we should phone and hang out etc. I meant to but still haven't, I'm ashamed.

2) People change. One of the guys I used to hang out all the time in my teen years recently ended up in jail for armed robbery, go figure...
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Old 2009-05-12, 02:05   Link #35
Urzu 7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HayashiTakara View Post

Is it because we no longer value friendship? It becomes something that is more of a nuisance? Are there just more important things in life? Or we simply have no time for it?
Don't make it seem like it is all about you/individuals. When you are an adult in the modern world, the dynamics of things change. It is so much easier to have and make friends while in school, be it grade through high school or college. School is such a great outlet for friendship and socializing. Once you are an adult, you don't have as much friends (for most people). You just have to make new friends in the new environments and circumstances (as I said, the dynamics of your social outlets has changed). But even as an adult, you can make new friends, but it isn't like when you were in high school; not as easy and not as many (at least not for me, and I'm sure it is the same for most adults).

And then being a part of the work world reduces time for socializing, as well. Work is a factor, yes. Just try to make new friends and maybe even join some groups or clubs. You might not make too many new friends compared to the school days, but you might get lucky and make some new true friends. It will be different, though, as you can see. Socializing is different when you are an adult for most adults.
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Old 2009-05-12, 12:40   Link #36
Vault Dweller
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I still get a little bumbed and nostalgic when I think of my two best friends in highschool. We were an inseparable trio back then, now I hardly hear from them. One joined the Navy and moved to California, the other is still nearby but heís far enough away to where visiting is a chore. He has a family to take care of so thatís understandable. Whenever I do see him though itís like he reverts back to his highschool self which always makes me smile.

Other than that I have a good group of friends Iíve been hanging with for 8 or so years now, I met most of them through a church that another friend dragged me to. So Im thankful for that, none of us go to that church anymore though. Itís funny, you never know where you might make friends.
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Old 2009-05-12, 12:50   Link #37
ASR1FanSubs
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I agree with the person, I dont talk to my real life friends as much I talk to online friends, People and circumstances change
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Old 2009-05-12, 13:31   Link #38
MidnightViper88
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I don't have the time to do anything anymore...Sure, I'll have the occasional break from my daily life in order to do stuff with my friends, but other than that, I don't ever seem to have the time to do anything I normally would've been able to do years ago, even more especially when it seems like I don't have the time for my own me time...

I think the keyword here is daily life...

I'm going to college full-time during the fall/spring semesters and I have a part-time job on top of that and I do stuff on my own time too...

Three of my cousins, who I used to hang out a lot with in the past, have similar stories...Three are currently engaged in a relationship, three are employed, two are full-time college students, and they all have their own personal stuff that they enjoy doing on their free time, with one employed full-time and another in a band...Every now and then, we'll get the time to do stuff together and hang out, though that's usually only with the case of our work schedules not overriding each other's personal schedules, and that only remotely works on the weekends...

With an even more extreme case with some of my high school friends, we just went on completely different social paths and can't make contact at all anymore...Many went to colleges out of town, others went to colleges near here but not at the same college I'd be going to...That alone is enough to override any further problems that would keep us apart like work, relationships, or personal stuff; Can't get together if we can't see each other, now can we? Besides, back in high school, all we had was high school; No responsibilities, no jobs (For most of us, or at the very least, no full-time jobs and most sub-part-time), just carefree life...All the time in the world between school time to do whatever the hell we could with weekends guaranteed free...

With co-workers, I consider many of them friends, but not nearly in the same way I would have considered my high school friends...High school was a constant schedule; Monday through Friday, 0740 to 1420...Work schedule is different, especially when you're working retail like I am; Everyone's scheduled on different days and different times, depending on availability and work needs...I don't know my work friends on the same deep level I used to know many of my high school friends because of that, and it doesn't help that I usually can't see them outside of work because of what I previously mentioned, with school and other personal stuff...

On the other hand, I can always have time online to get in contact with old and current friends...When I was still on MySpace, I got in contact with many of my friends from high school that I hadn't talked to in a long time, and even got the chance to talk to some when I barely had any time to talk at all during our school days...

But as far as real life contact, face-to-face? Hell no...I value friendships, but that no longer is something I can control when other things come calling for me...Adult life fucking sucks; It makes you busy...
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Old 2009-05-12, 14:02   Link #39
Hs Vi Germania
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I have a lot of friends and that's important for me.
Now I haven't got the time everyday, so I only see them at weekend, but what should I do without them?
And of course the group of my friends changed a lot...
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Old 2009-05-12, 14:05   Link #40
DJLowrider
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I am 32 years of age, happily married and have two wonderful children. I am deeply entrenched in "real life" as it were. In my childhood I befriended three guys who I went to school with all the way through high school and who I am still decently in contact with today, though I admit we don't see each other extremely often. Still, there's always Facebook these days.

Despite that, I don't count these three guys as friends. They are brothers to me as far as I am concerned. We have each been there for each other all the time. We have celebrated triumphs together and helped each other through tragedy as well. I would go to the mat for any of them on any given day and I know they would do the same for me.

To hell with this notion that friendship can't/doesn't persist into adulthood.
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