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Old 2009-12-12, 21:15   Link #1
juno_cannon
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Hello looking for feedback on my manga!

hi people

ive just finished the first chapter of my manga 'Juno Cannon', and am now ruthlessly going round joining forums to show it to anyone interested for feedback. So far ive been told that some of the character poses are too stiff, which has been a gret help, because now i can try to focus on more fluid poses where possible!

erm ok so here are the links to the website for it and the deviantart page (the website gallery makes reading it much easier than viewing the pages individually on deviantart.)

www.junocannon.webs.com
www.junocannon.deviantart.com

thanks for having a look!
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Old 2009-12-13, 12:32   Link #2
roriconfan
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Thessaloniki - Greece
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Shit man, this is one heck of a work you did there. I've seen less detailed stuff being published. You have a nice start there.

And now for my REAL impressions.

1) Looks too much like Naruto. You might have lots of people being too fed up with the ninja stuff to care about yet another ninja story. Gotta make it look more catchy as a story. I mean, Naruto had a war in the past too, plus a huge fox monster, also in chapter one. Needs something more to attract the interest on the first pages. Trust me on this; a not- so - common - start is a magnet to hook the reader.

2) Are you sure you didn't waste a lot of pages showing nothing? You could take out all that jumping around the lead did and give more room for his dual with the invader. Like, after he senses something, make him imediately go on the veranda and yell for the guards instead of running around. That will not detract anything from the action as all the funky jumping can be added in the battle.

3) All new stories need a strong and fast start and nothing much happened on you first chapter. Most stories make the first chapter 3 times bigger, just to have room for more stuff to introduce. You can make any other chapter 20 pages but think about making the first much bigger.

4) Second colour. Even if publishing it will be B&W a second color at some focal point ala Sin City or anything that is not lentraset is an eye magnet.
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