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Old 2010-03-27, 01:41   Link #241
Password
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayate22 View Post
Blue text under your translation is a possible corrections/suggestions or possible wording context change corrections/suggestions you might want, Password-san. It's to help with the flow of the translation into the English language. The corrections/suggestions I'm putting forth are done from both the text in question as well as the way the vocals sound during these scenes. The way one says something in Japanese due to tone, emotion, etc also effect how the sentence may sound and how it was implied to be said.
All right! Thanks Hayate, I'll apply the corections to the respective posts later (My Internet connection is being mean to me today).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayate22 View Post
闇の欠片シグナム:
知らぬ顔だな。
管理局の魔道師か。
Dark Piece Signum:
Indifferent, huh.
Are you a mage from the Administration Bureau?
A face I don't recognize.
Are you an Administration Bureau mage?
I'd just like to say that I hate idiomatic expressions. I can never figure out whether something's supposed to be taken literally or, err... idiomatically. <<;
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Old 2010-03-27, 01:44   Link #242
Password
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
As usual, corrections are much appreciated.

On the post-fight chatter, <Version A> is the what appears if you won the second round with little or no damage, <Version B> is the what apears if you won the match with a decent amount of damage, and <Version C> is what appears if you won the match when your health is at critical.






STAGE 3

闇の欠片シャマル:
あなたね。
シグナム達を落としたのは。
Dark Piece Shamal:
It must be you.
The one who took down Signum and the others.

なのは:
はい・・・・・・。
Nanoha:
Yes.......

闇の欠片シャマル:
闇の書の部品に過ぎない私たちでも、
仲間って想いはあるの。
Dark Piece Shamal:
We may have been just parts of the Book of Darkness, but
all of us felt that we were comrades.

なのは:
シャマルさん・・・・・・。
Nanoha:
Shamal-san.......

闇の欠片シャマル:
あなたはきっと強いんだろうけど、
騎士には退けない戦いもある!
Dark Piece Shamal:
Although I'm sure you are certainly very strong,
A knight will not back down from a fight!

闇の欠片シャマル:
仇、取らせてもらいますっ!
Dark Piece Shamal:
Let me take vengance on you!


----

*After Battle*

<Version A>
闇の欠片シャマル:
まさか・・・・・・
触れる事も・・・できないなんて・・・・・・。
Dark Piece Shamal:
It can't be......
I wasn't even able... to do anything.......

なのは:
ごめんなさい・・・・・・
シャマルさん。
Nanoha:
I'm sorry......
Shamal-san
</Version A>

<Version B>
闇の欠片シャマル:
うぅ・・・・・・そんな・・・・・・。
Dark Piece Shamal:
Uu......No way......

なのは:
本気のシャマルさん・・・・・・
強かったです。
Nanoha:
The serious Shamal-san......
was strong.
</Version B>

<Version C>
レイジングハート:
Raising Heart
Is it safe?
(大丈夫ですか?)

なのは:
なんとか・・・・・・
へいき。
Nanoha:
I'm fine......
somehow.
</Version C>

闇の欠片シャマル:
ああ・・・・・・みんな・・・・・・。
Dark Piece Shamal:
Aah...... everyone......

なのは:
シャマルさん・・・・・・。
Nanoha:
Shamal-san.......

(Dark Piece Shamal fades)

なのは:
・・・・・・・・・。
Nanoha:
..........

レイジングハート:
Raising Heart:
――Master.

なのは:
平気だよ、
レイジングハート・・・・・・
大丈夫。
Nanoha:
It's alright,
Raising Heart......
I'll be okay.

(Incoming transmission)

ユーノ:
今、なのはのすぐ近くに、
巨大な魔力反応を発見した!
Yuuno:
Just now, a huge magical reaction was dectected
in the immediate vicinity of where you are!

なのは:
ほんとっ!?
Nanoha:
Really!?

ユーノ:
闇の書の残滓が
凝縮されたような存在がいるんだ。
Yuuno:
A being made up of a concentration
of the Book of Darkness' remnants seems to be there.

ユーノ:
そいつらがいる限り、
闇の欠片は生まれつづける!
Yuuno:
As long as that's there,
the Dark Pieces will keep appearing!

なのは:
じゃあ、その子を探して、
眠らせてあげれば・・・事件は解決?
Nanoha:
Then if I look for that child and
put them to sleep... will this incident be solved?

ユーノ:
うん、きっと、そうなるはず。
Yuuno:
Yes, definitely, it should be.

ユーノ:
フェイトとアルフも、
いまそっちに向かってる。
だから・・・・・・!
Yuuno:
Fate and Arf are also
headed over there right now.
So......!

なのは:
わかった!
ありがとユーノくん。
Nanoha:
Understood!
Thank you, Yuuno-kun.

なのは:
ユーノくんの話、
いつもわかりやすいし、
元気になれるから・・・・・・嬉しい!
Nanoha:
Yuuno-kun's words
are always easy to understand,
and makes me feel better...... so I'm glad!

ユーノ:
そんな・・・・・・。
そんな事ないよ。
Yuuno:
N.......
Not really.

なのは:
そんなこと、あるの!
Nanoha:
Yes really!

なのは:
じゃあ行って、
眠らせてあげてきます!
Nanoha:
Well, I'm off,
I have to put them to sleep!

ユーノ:
ん。
気をつけて!
Yuuno:
Yeah,
take care!

Last edited by Password; 2010-04-11 at 09:54. Reason: Adding corrections by Hayate
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Old 2010-03-27, 10:31   Link #243
Hayate22
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[Passing by Translator Checker appears on the scene.]

Same format like last time.

闇の欠片シャマル:
あなたね。
シグナム達を落としたのは。
Dark Piece Shamal:
It's you.
The one who took down Signum and the others.
It must be you.
The one who took down Signum and the others.


闇の欠片シャマル:
闇の書の部品に過ぎない私たちでも、
仲間って想いはあるの。
Dark Piece Shamal:
We are just parts of the Book of Darkness, but
we consider ourselves comrades.
We may have been just parts of the Book of Darkness, but all of us felt that we were comrades.

闇の欠片シャマル:
あなたはきっと強いんだろうけど、
騎士には退けない戦いもある!
Dark Piece Shamal:
Although you might certainly be strong,
a knight also does not refuse a fight!
Although I'm sure you are certainly very strong,
A knight will not back down from a fight!


闇の欠片シャマル:
仇、取らせてもらいますっ!
Dark Piece Shamal:
Allow me to take revenge!
Let me take vengance on you!

<Version A>
闇の欠片シャマル:
まさか・・・・・・
触れる事も・・・できないなんて・・・・・・。
Dark Piece Shamal:
It can't be......
I wasn't even able... to touch her.......
It can't be....
I wasn't even able...to do anything....


なのは:
平気だよ、
レイジングハート・・・・・・
大丈夫。
Nanoha:
I'm fine,
Raising Heart......
It's okay.
It's alright,
Raising Heart....
I'll be okay.


ユーノ:
今、なのはのすぐ近くに、
巨大な魔力反応を発見した!
Yuuno:
A huge magical reaction was discovered
in the immediate vicinity of Nanoha just now!
Just now, a huge magical reaction was dectected
in the immediate vicinity of where you are!

(Note: From Japanese to English, sometimes when a name is used in conjunction with a 'place' and the person's name is the same as the one that was used. Usually it's better to use just 'you' for that person.)

ユーノ:
闇の書の残滓が
凝縮されたような存在がいるんだ。
Yuuno:
There's a being made up of a
concentration of the Book of Darkness' remains.
A being there made up of a concentration of the Book of Darkness's remenants seems to be there.
Alternative: A presence made up of a concentration of the Book of Darkness's remanent seems to be there.
(Not as suggested as the others, these are just possible other version of the same line.)

なのは:
じゃあ、その子を探して、
眠らせてあげれば・・・事件は解決?
Nanoha:
Then I'll look for that child, and
if I put them to sleep... will this incident be over?
Then if I look for that child and put them to sleep...will this incident be solved?

なのは:
ユーノくんの話、
いつもわかりやすいし、
元気になれるから・・・・・・嬉しい!
Nanoha:
Yuuno-kun's words
are always easy to understand,
and gives me energy...... so I'm glad!
Yuuno-kun's words
are always easy to understand,
and makes me feel better.......so I'm glad!


Hmmm...well I'm not heavily suggesting anything this time. These are just correction/suggestions.

To Password-san: You and me both hate those kind of idiomatic expressions. Though I seem to catch on quickly which one is which. Anyway, there's one further thing I have to warn you about. I believe that Signum, and Zafira, Signum especially are using slightly more archaec Japanese closer to the ones used by samurai. That and I kind figured after listening to Signum's attacks that it has to be.

Signum's attacks like Shiden Issen, Hiryu Issen, Garyu Issen, etc. Her speech pattern all follow this archaec like Japanese. That might also affect how you are trying to translate since most recent translation helpers only do modern Japanese in general. So any further Signum quotes you are going to do might continue to give you problems.

Just a tip from your friendly Passing-by-Translator-Checker. Oh...and a second tip. Japanese is a language where translation will always have a problem because there are phrases or things said that can be taken in the literal sense or an implied sense. The latter I seem to notice recently that some have had trouble getting.
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Old 2010-03-28, 10:12   Link #244
Password
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Thanks for the tips and corrections. I'll apply them later. Need sleep right now.
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Old 2010-03-28, 10:13   Link #245
Password
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
As usual, corrections are much appreciated.

On the post-fight chatter, <Version A> is the what appears if you won the second round with little or no damage, <Version B> is the what apears if you won the match with a decent amount of damage, and <Version C> is what appears if you won the match when your health is at critical.




STAGE 4

なのは:
(この子が、凝縮存在?)
Nanoha:
(This girl is the concentrated being?)

なのは:
(フェイトちゃんの姿っていうのは、
なんだか複雑だけど・・・・・・)
Nanoha:
(She has Fate-chan's appearance,
though it looks a bit complex......)

レイジングハート:
Raising Heart:
They are a powerful enemy.
Please take care.
(強敵です。気をつけてください)

雷刃の襲撃者:
君は・・・・・・。
闇の書の闇を撃ち抜いた、白い魔導師だね。
Lightning Blade Assailant:
You are.......
the white mage who shot down the darkness of the Book of Darkness, right?

なのは:
・・・・・・うん。
Nanoha:
......Yes.

雷刃の襲撃者:
何故だろう。
君の存在は、著しく不快だ。
君を見ていると、苛立ちがつのる。
Lightning Blade Assailant:
That's probably why.
Your very existance is extremely revolting.
Just looking at you makes my irritation grow

なのは:
・・・・・・・・・そうなの?
Nanoha:
.........Is that so?

雷刃の襲撃者:
上手く言えないが、
今の自分が、本当の自分でない感覚がある。
Lightning Blade Assailant:
I can't explain it, but
my current self doesn't feel like my real self.

雷刃の襲撃者:
そして
僕の魂がこう叫ぶ!
Lightning Blade Assailant:
And
my soul is crying out!

雷刃の襲撃者:
君を殺して
我が糧とすれば、
この不快感も消えるはず、と!
Lightning Blade Assailant:
If I were to kill
and feast on you,
then this sickening feeling should disappear!

なのは:
ごめんね。
殺されちゃうわけには
いかないんだ。
Nanoha:
Sorry.
I can't let you
kill me.

雷刃の襲撃者:
そうはいかない。僕は帰るんだ。
あの温かな闇の中に・・・・・・!
血と災いが渦巻く、永遠の夜に。
Lightning Blade Assailant:
That will not be so. I will go back.
To that warm darkness......!
To that eternal night of swirling blood and catastrophe.

雷刃の襲撃者:
さあ!我が剣の前に・・・・・・
君は死ね!
僕は飛ぶッ!
Lightning Blade Assailant:
Now! Before my blade......
you will die here!
I will fly forth!

なのは:
ああ・・・・・・なんか、ちょっと安心したかな。
ほんとのフェイトちゃんは
絶対に、そんな事言わないから。
Nanoha:
Aah...... In a way, this is a relief.
The real Fate-chan
would never say that.

なのは:
安心して・・・・・・
別人と思って、戦えるッ!!
Nanoha:
Calm down......
If I see her as someone else, I could fight!!

レイジングハート:
Raising Heart:
All right. Standby ready.


----

*After Battle*

<Version A>
雷刃の襲撃者:
そんな・・・・・・!
僕の雷光が、触れることすら・・・・・・!
Lightning Blade Assailant:
No way......!
My lightning didn't even touch her......!

なのは:
似ているのは姿だけだね。
フェイトちゃんの方が、ずっと速いよ。
Nanoha:
You only have her appearance.
Fate-chan is a lot faster than you.
</Version A>

<Version B>
なのは:
よく見たら、ぜんぜん似てないね。
フェイトちゃんは
もっと、速いし強い。
Nanoha:
The more I see you, the less you resemble her.
Fate-chan is
faster and stronger.
</Version B>

<Version C>
なのは:
ほんとのフェイトちゃんは、
もっと強い子だよ・・・・・・。
心も、魔法も。
Nanoha:
The real Fate-chan is
a stronger girl.......
in heart and magic.
</Version C>

雷刃の襲撃者:
うああ!
馬鹿な・・・・・・
馬鹿なァ・・・ッ!!
Lightning Blade Assailant:
Uaah!
Impossible......
Impossible...!!

なのは:
おやすみ・・・・・・。
Nanoha:
Good night.......

(The Lightning Blade Assailant fades)

なのは:
――ふう。
Nanoha:
--sigh.

フェイト:
なのは!
Fate:
Nanoha!

アルフ:
大丈夫だったかい!?
Arf:
Are you alright!?

なのは:
フェイトちゃん、アルフ!
Nanoha:
Fate-chan, Arf!

フェイト:
なのは、
ごめんね、私の偽物のせいで・・・・・・。
Fate:
Nanoha,
I'm sorry, this is all because of my replica.......

なのは:
そんな・・・・・・
あの子がたまたま、
フェイトちゃんの姿で出てきたってだけでしょ?
Nanoha:
Oh no......
It was only a coincidence that
she looked like Fate-chan, right?

なのは:
私の偽物だって、
どこかにいるかもなんだし。
Nanoha:
Even my replica
is out there somewhere.

フェイト:
うん・・・・・・。
なのはの偽物には、会いたくないなぁ。
Fate:
Yeah.......
I wouldn't want to meet Nanoha's replica.

なのは:
大丈夫!
私とレイジングハートが、
やっつけるから!
Nanoha:
Don't worry!
Raising Heart and I
will take her down!

レイジングハート:
Raising Heart:
Please leave it (to us).
(お任せ下さい)

アルフ:
あのね・・・・・・。
なんとなく、思うんだ。
Arf:
You know.......
I've been thinking.

なのは:
Nanoha:
・・・・・・?

アルフ:
さっきのあの子は・・・・・・
もしかして、フェイトに起こりえた
未来の姿かもしれないんだって。
Arf:
That girl earlier......
It's possible that could have
been Fate's future.

フェイト:
うん・・・・・・。
Fate:
Yeah.......

アルフ:
プレシアに嫌われて、
残酷な現実を突きつけられて・・・・・・。
Arf:
Despised by Precia,
confronted with a cruel reality.......

アルフ:
フェイトがそのまま、
なのはやクロノ達に、
もしも出会う事ができなかったら・・・・・・。
Arf:
If she had never met
Nanoha, Chrono, and the others,
Fate could have ended up like that.......

フェイト:
そうだね・・・・・・。
あんな風に、なってたかも。
Fate:
You're right.......
I feel that way, too.

なのは:
そんな事ないよ。
Nanoha:
That's not true.

なのは:
フェイトちゃんにはアルフがいたし・・・・・・!
何よりフェイトちゃん、
自分で思ってるよりずっと強い子だよ。
Nanoha:
Fate-chan still has Arf......!
But most of all, Fate-chan
is stronger than she thinks she is.

なのは:
だから、あんな風になんて絶対ならない・・・・・・
過去に遡ったって、
未来に進んだって、絶対に!
Nanoha:
So something like that will definitely never happen......
Even if we go back to the past,
you'll definitely move toward future!

アルフ:
なのは・・・・・・。
Arf:
Nanoha.......

フェイト:
――ありがとう、
なのは。
Fate:
--Thank you,
Nanoha.

(Incoming transmission)

エイミィ:
なのはちゃん、
フェイトちゃん!?
ごめん、緊急事態!
Amy:
Nanoha-chan,
Fate-chan!?
Sorry, it's an emergency!

エイミィ:
大型反応がまた出てきた!
今のよりずっと大きい!
Amy:
A large-scale reaction appeared again!
This time, it's much bigger!

リインフォース:
闇の欠片の中枢だ。
これを叩けば、
欠片の発生は止まるはず。
Reinforce:
This is the core of the Dark Pieces.
If you take this down,
the generation of Pieces should stop.

なのは:
はいっ!
Nanoha:
Right!

リインフォース:
中枢はおそらく、
私の姿と心をとっている。
Reinforce:
The core will probably
take on my appearance and thoughts.

リインフォース:
高町なのは、すまない・・・・・・
どうか気をつけてくれ。
Reinforce:
Takamachi Nanoha, I'm sorry......
Please be careful.

なのは:
大丈夫です!
いってきますっ!
Nanoha:
It's alright!
Here I go!

フェイト:
私たちも!
Fate:
Us too!

アルフ:
うんっ!
Arf:
Yeah!

なのは:
大丈夫、まかせて。
Nanoha:
It's okay, leave it to me.

フェイト:
でも・・・・・・。
Fate:
But.......

なのは:
確かめたい事があるんだ。
だから、ひとりで飛ばせて?
Nanoha:
There's something I need to confirm.
So, could you let me fly on my own?

Last edited by Password; 2010-04-11 at 10:13.
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Old 2010-03-28, 14:23   Link #246
Hayate22
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(Comes in with a black trenchcoat and looks around quietly before quietly passing a post to Password-san.)

"Here's the usual...."

>>

<<

-----------------------------

なのは:
(フェイトちゃんの姿っていうのは、
なんだか複雑だけど・・・・・・)
Nanoha:
(The form of Fate-chan
is kind of complicated but......)
(She has Fate-chan's appearance, though it looks a bit complicated...
(This is somewhat a tricky line to try and translate. Wording order is a bit complicated in this one as well as trying to read the situation behind it. This is probably a better way of looking at it)

雷刃の襲撃者:
何故だろう。
君の存在は、著しく不快だ。
君を見ていると、苛立ちがつのる。
Lightning Blade Assailant:
That's probably why.
Your existance is extremely revolting.
When I look at you, my irritation grows.
That's probably why.
Your very existance is extremely revolting.
Just looking at you makes my irritation grow.


雷刃の襲撃者:
君を殺して
我が糧とすれば、
この不快感も消えるはず、と!
Lightning Blade Assailant:
If I were to kill you
and feed on you,
this sickening feeling should disappear!
If I were to succeed in killing you,
then this sickening feeling should disappear!

(Don't see anything that translated into as 'feeding on you' in the line. Though part of the line could be translated as "If I were to win and kill you at the same time," It could be argued on which might be better for direct translation but for smoother one is the one in blue as usual.)

雷刃の襲撃者:
そうはいかない。僕は帰るんだ。
あの温かな闇の中に・・・・・・!
血と災いが渦巻く、永遠の夜に。
Lightning Blade Assailant:
Not a chance. I'm going back.
To that warm darkness......!
To that eternal night where blood and catastrophes swirl.
That will not be so. I will go back.
To that warm darkness....!
To that eternal night of swirling blood and catastrophe.


雷刃の襲撃者:
さあ!我が剣の前に・・・・・・
君は死ね!
僕は飛ぶッ!
Lightning Blade Assailant:
Now! Before my blade......
you must die!
I fly!
Now! Before my blade....
you will die here!
I will fly forth!


なのは:
ああ・・・・・・なんか、ちょっと安心したかな。
ほんとのフェイトちゃんは
絶対に、そんな事言わないから。
Nanoha:
Aah...... In a way, it's kind of a relief.
You definitely can't say
that she's the real Fate-chan.
Aah...In a way, this is a relief.
The real Fate-chan would never say that.


なのは:
安心して・・・・・・
別人と思って、戦えるッ!!
Nanoha:
I'm relieved......
If I see her as someone else, I could fight!!
Calm down....
If I see her as someone else, I could fight!!


アルフ:
大丈夫だったかい!?
Arf:
Were you alright!?
Are you alright!?

フェイト:
なのは、
ごめんね、私の偽物のせいで・・・・・・。
Fate:
Nanoha,
I'm sorry, because of my replica.......
Nanoha,
I'm sorry, this is all because of my fake/imposter


なのは:
私の偽物だって、
どこかにいるかもなんだし。
Nanoha:
Even my replica
is out there somewhere too.
Even my fake/imposter
is out there somewhere.


フェイト:
うん・・・・・・。
なのはの偽物には、会いたくないなぁ。
Fate:
Yeah.......
I wouldn't want to meet Nanoha's replica.
Yeah....
I wouldn't want to meet Nanoha's fake/imposter.


アルフ:
フェイトがそのまま、
なのはやクロノ達に、
もしも出会う事ができなかったら・・・・・・。
Arf:
Fate remains as is,
never having encountered
Nanoha, Chrono, and the others.......
If she never had met Nanoha, Chrono and the others,
Fate could have ended up like that....


フェイト:
そうだね・・・・・・。
あんな風に、なってたかも。
Fate:
You're right.......
That's what I might have become.
You're right.....
I feel that it might be true....


なのは:
フェイトちゃんにはアルフがいたし・・・・・・!
何よりフェイトちゃん、
自分で思ってるよりずっと強い子だよ。
Nanoha:
Arf would be there for Fate-chan......!
Most of all, Fate-chan
is a much stronger girl than she sees herself as.
Fate-chan still has Arf....!
Most of all, Fate-chan is a stronger girl than she believes herself to be.


リインフォース:
闇の欠片の中枢だ。
これを叩けば、
欠片の発生は止まるはず。
Reinforce:
It's the nucleus of the Dark Pieces.
If you strike this,
the generation of Pieces should stop
This is the core of the Dark Pieces.
If you take this down, the generation of Pieces should stop.


リインフォース:
中枢はおそらく、
私の姿と心をとっている。
Reinforce:
The nucleus will probably
take on my appearance and thoughts.
The core will probably take on my own appearance and mind.

-------------

Lighting Blade Assailant...hmmm...I usually just refer to them as being Dark Material usually but...-shrugs- it works with the 'dark versions' of the three mains. Well this is going as I thought it would be translated to. I didn't think I would be this good with vocal Japanese now...hmmm -strokes Asian beard for a bit-

-------------------

(Random line birthed from reading again quotes of Dark Material version of Fate.)

"Waga ken no mae ni, teki wa kate nai!"
'Before my blade, no enemy will succeed!"

"Dakara, waga ken, waga namae, oboete iro. Ore no namae wa Kanzaki, Hayate."
'That's why, remember my blade and my name. My name is Hayate Kanzaki.'

"Waga ken, Rei Ken Arataka. Subete no waga mae ni, hakai suru!"
'My blade, Spirit Sword Arataka. Everything in my sight, destory it all!'

-----------------------

Boredom over.
Password-san, in any case, you are doing a very good job. Have you actually taken Japanese classes or anything of the like? Or are you using something to help you translate these?
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Old 2010-03-30, 13:20   Link #247
Bananoha
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Location: フェイトの中


I.... slowly losing patience on getting Nanoha DLC without buying Lyrical Box the more I stare at this.... Mostly because if I get Signum, then I won't have enough to get another DLC 'til I/friend goes to Japan. ._.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayate22 View Post
Lighting Blade Assailant...hmmm...I usually just refer to them as being Dark Material usually but...-shrugs- it works with the 'dark versions' of the three mains. Well this is going as I thought it would be translated to. I didn't think I would be this good with vocal Japanese now...hmmm -strokes Asian beard for a bit-
Y'know, I've never really thought of them as Dark Material, like with Dark Pieces. I just thought "Material-[letter here]", rofl. I'd rather call Material-S "Starlight Destroyer" 'cause I think it sounds cooler, but typing Material is so much easier. ;-;

But uh, just glimpsing through the corrections. orz for skimming. Does Material-L really talk that formally? 'cause hearing her gives me this sort of tomboy/slang vibe. Material-S is all polite, so I'd expect to hear her talk like that. Material-D is something I forget and don't want to remember. Scary, scary! ;_;

And then there's just really minor stuff like:
Fate-chan still has Arf....!
Most of all, Fate-chan is a stronger girl than she believes herself to be.

You still have Arf... !
But most of all, you're stronger than you think you are.

- I understand that Nanoha is really saying "Fate-chan", but it's one of those repetitive things that gets a little argh. Or I've been editing too much doujin.

Aah...In a way, this is a relief.
The real Fate-chan would never say that.

- lol, I don't know why "this is a relief" caught my eye. I'm probably over-thinking. Was thinking something like, uh...
Ahh... In a way, I'm relieved. or even Ahh... I'm sort of relieved.
The real Fate-chan would never say that.


やっぱり英語は難しいなぅ。
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Old 2010-03-30, 16:39   Link #248
Hayate22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LVD View Post


I.... slowly losing patience on getting Nanoha DLC without buying Lyrical Box the more I stare at this.... Mostly because if I get Signum, then I won't have enough to get another DLC 'til I/friend goes to Japan. ._.Y'know, I've never really thought of them as Dark Material, like with Dark Pieces. I just thought "Material-[letter here]", rofl. I'd rather call Material-S "Starlight Destroyer" 'cause I think it sounds cooler, but typing Material is so much easier. ;-;

But uh, just glimpsing through the corrections. orz for skimming. Does Material-L really talk that formally? 'cause hearing her gives me this sort of tomboy/slang vibe. Material-S is all polite, so I'd expect to hear her talk like that. Material-D is something I forget and don't want to remember. Scary, scary! ;_;

And then there's just really minor stuff like:
Fate-chan still has Arf....!
Most of all, Fate-chan is a stronger girl than she believes herself to be.

You still have Arf... !
But most of all, you're stronger than you think you are.

- I understand that Nanoha is really saying "Fate-chan", but it's one of those repetitive things that gets a little argh. Or I've been editing too much doujin.

Aah...In a way, this is a relief.
The real Fate-chan would never say that.

- lol, I don't know why "this is a relief" caught my eye. I'm probably over-thinking. Was thinking something like, uh...
Ahh... In a way, I'm relieved. or even Ahh... I'm sort of relieved.
The real Fate-chan would never say that.


やっぱり英語は難しいなぅ。
I can somewhat understand your distress about the DLC in general.

Hmmm...the way I'm hearing the vocal, it sounds somewhat like that to me, though I'm not perfect either, so a second person helping with corrections would help out Password-san. Also, I'm doing this quickly so I'm bound to screw up at some points. Or rather someone will find a better way to say it.

For the first correction to my correction: Technically Nanoha uses Fate-chan alot, and since they're only nine years old at the time, I thought it be appropriate due to their age and what not. Young children in Japan sometimes refer to themselves or others in the third person until a certain point. ^^;;; That's how I was looking at it when I did it initially.

Anyway, the whole Dark Material part makes it a bit more difficult in some ways. Nanoha's Dark Material tends to be like that. Fate's Dark Material I can understand where they're going with that a bit. Hayate-chan's on the other hand...says some things in many many ways...

Well...it could be me but I don't hear alot of slang from Dark Material L alot so...plus the dialect is close to what Signum uses so that's why I referred to that type of speech pattern for most of Dark Material L's quotes. One clue was from the fact that she used certain attack names that are born from a more archaec Japanese form.

-shrugs- It's better to have two people help with corrections than just one. It'll help Password-san especially.
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Old 2010-03-30, 17:46   Link #249
Bananoha
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Location: フェイトの中
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayate22 View Post
I can somewhat understand your distress about the DLC in general.
*sulks in corner* ;-;
Quote:
Hmmm...the way I'm hearing the vocal, it sounds somewhat like that to me, though I'm not perfect either, so a second person helping with corrections would help out Password-san. Also, I'm doing this quickly so I'm bound to screw up at some points. Or rather someone will find a better way to say it.
I or someone else could help out with corrections on your corrections, it's just I'm afraid of going too far from the original meaning to make it sound better in English since my Japanese levels are somewhat non-existent.

Nearly done my work and I should still have some time before Force raws appear, so maybe....
Quote:
For the first correction to my correction: Technically Nanoha uses Fate-chan alot, and since they're only nine years old at the time, I thought it be appropriate due to their age and what not. Young children in Japan sometimes refer to themselves or others in the third person until a certain point. ^^;;; That's how I was looking at it when I did it initially.
>> Young children in Japan sometimes refer to themselves or others in the third person until a certain point.
- Unless the radio shows/afureko I try to listen/watch to are weird, I don't think this applies to just young children. I remember hosts/co-hosts/guests calling each other by name instead of "you" or something. :/

Well, I forget how younger children talk [because the ones I meet at work that are more talkative are rather rude ^^;], but may I suggest that we allow the kiddies to talk to each other like that and use "you" where it's appropriate for the older characters then? If you want to keep the cuteness of third person that is.
Quote:
Anyway, the whole Dark Material part makes it a bit more difficult in some ways. Nanoha's Dark Material tends to be like that. Fate's Dark Material I can understand where they're going with that a bit. Hayate-chan's on the other hand...says some things in many many ways...
Material-D is just insane. I'm sure we'll have some fun with her dialogue.... Give me back my Dark Peace Hayate!
Quote:
Well...it could be me but I don't hear alot of slang from Dark Material L alot so...plus the dialect is close to what Signum uses so that's why I referred to that type of speech pattern for most of Dark Material L's quotes. One clue was from the fact that she used certain attack names that are born from a more archaec Japanese form.
Mm, I'm bad at reading and would have to play the game/re-watch videos later to remember how she talks. Just the way she talked reminded me of.... Vita? Like, a giant brute.

But if what she's saying is similar to Signum, then it can't be helped. .w.;
Quote:
-shrugs- It's better to have two people help with corrections than just one. It'll help Password-san especially.
Well, if I do help out, it'd just be minor things that people won't care about in the end, like smoother English.... which is partially why I was reluctant on helping because not many people seem to care. As long as they understand the gist of it~
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Old 2010-03-30, 20:38   Link #250
Hayate22
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True, but LVD-san, I still bet Password-san will still appreciate the extra assistance with this.

Oh about your 'Dark Piece Hayate' part. Every Hayate-chan fan wants her back!

----------------------------------

I still feel bad for Reinforce in this game, she lives but during the game during several times, she can be very stupid with her whole self sacrificing part. Especially during the Guardian Knight story lines.

Signum finds out = bop to the head as punishment
Vita finds out = Full blown tsundere reaction of 'Baka' 'You don't have to do this yourself' etc.

Though my only wonder is how Reinforce Zwei will grow up if Reinforce is still around too. Which is probably an old subject in general. But then again, for some odd reason I keep thinking about those Nanoha 4-komas that were recently translated.
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Old 2010-03-31, 19:28   Link #251
Stefkov
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: England
I managed to get ahold of some money and found a really good place to get Japanese PSN cards... and so my first purchase was the Fate and Hayate DLC...


Fate's voice in Bind Breaker. I'm so, so glad my flatmate didn't walk in when I played it.
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Old 2010-03-31, 21:47   Link #252
Hayate22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stefkov View Post
I managed to get ahold of some money and found a really good place to get Japanese PSN cards... and so my first purchase was the Fate and Hayate DLC...


Fate's voice in Bind Breaker. I'm so, so glad my flatmate didn't walk in when I played it.
Ahahaha...yeah, that Bind Breaker would cause a bunch of looks or the so called 'eyes of society' to be rained down upon anyone playing that in public.

Wait until Signum's comes out...I can probably bet some will be found unconscious with nosebleeds.
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Old 2010-04-01, 00:24   Link #253
Bananoha
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: フェイトの中
'kay, let's see how much I can help out.

And sorry in advance when I do British-English grammar. I forget what some American rules are. ._.;
Spoiler for Opening Game Narration:
A little harder for me because I'm unable to refer to the runes, so I hope I didn't change the meaning too much of what little I actually tweaked. And I can't listen properly to the narrations right now. orz
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayate22 View Post
Wait until Signum's comes out...I can probably bet some will be found unconscious with nosebleeds.
ME ME ME ME ME me me I am already dead. OTL

Trying to get your posts into a nice little notepad for me to look over later because my browser likes to diediedie. And why am I awake at 2am+ wtf.
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Last edited by Bananoha; 2010-04-01 at 01:42. Reason: RETIRED for the night maybe wtf.
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Old 2010-04-01, 01:44   Link #254
Hayate22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LVD View Post
'kay, let's see how much I can help out.

And sorry in advance when I do British-English grammar. I forget what some American rules are. ._.;
Spoiler for Opening Game Narration:
A little harder for me because I'm unable to refer to the runes, so I hope I didn't change the meaning too much of what little I actually tweaked. And I can't listen properly to the narrations right now. orzME ME ME ME ME me me I am already dead. OTL

Trying to get your posts into a nice little notepad for me to look over later because my browser likes to diediedie. And why am I awake at 2am+ wtf.
Ah don't worry too much about the whole British-English grammer issues. I think some of the corrections to my translation to that full vocal prologue sequence was interesting. Also, I have a very bad habit of forgetting to recheck my own translations at times...I was questioning my own translation of that, I was doing the best I could with that freaking prologue...ugh...though then again, I seemed to have gotten the general idea.

Hmmm...I'm not sure I agree with some of the last few lines of corrections.

The four knights — strong yet kind mages with courageous hearts — wish to protect their bond and broke the Book of Darkness' curse together.

Okay, that sentence. This line refers to the cooperative actions of the four Guardian Knights and with the help of Nanoha and Fate. So the middle part where 'Strong yet kind mages with courageous hearts, is after the 'wish to protect their bond. Japanese grammer structure is confusing for alot of people. The translation I did was more direct and sentenced to adherr their way of saying things and transposing that to English.

Here's my new correction. This is how the line is supposed to be read from Japanese to English.

"The four knight's wish to protect their bond, with the help of strong yet kind mages with courageous hearts, together broke the Book of Darkness's curse."

In any case besides that one minor issue, the general tweaking is good. Mind, I rushed when I did this in general.

In any case...

-------------------------

Just go at it at your own pace with the trasnlations, mind you I'm only doing this since I feel like it might be good to help with something like this and getting everyone to understand the storylines of all the characters. So they know what is going on. I have mostly a general idea with some specifics due to my odd affinity with understanding vocal Japanese.

On another note...

-hands LVD a bulk load's worth of tissues for the future Signum DLC-
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Old 2010-04-01, 02:24   Link #255
Bananoha
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayate22 View Post
"The four knight's wish to protect their bond, with the help of strong yet kind mages with courageous hearts, together broke the Book of Darkness's curse."

In any case besides that one minor issue, the general tweaking is good. Mind, I rushed when I did this in general.
My head isn't entirely here, but ahhh, I think I get it now. Sankyuu.

"The four knight's wish to protect their bond, with the help of strong yet kind mages with courageous hearts, together broke the Book of Darkness's curse."

"The four knights' wish to protect their bond, together with the help of strong yet kind mages with courageous hearts, broke the Book of Darkness's curse."

Damn commas. So now....

A long, long time ago, there was once a book whose curse would later kill whoever's hands laid upon it — the cursed Book of Darkness. The book, whose real name has been lost, and the book's protective spirit were always sad because of that reason. Men, women, kind people, rich people, and even royalty — those who were involved with the book would die. Everyone died because of the Book of Darkness' curse.

To protect the Book of Darkness, the created knights have always had sad feelings. For the sake of the person who is about to die and for the Book of Darkness, they have been fighting every day — forgetting how to smile. That dark, melancholic, eternal-like time was brought to an end by the Book of Darkness' last master, a lone little girl.

The young girl treated the Book of Darkness' knights like her own family. Because of that, all of their hearts became filled with warmth and kindness.

Surely that's why....

The Book of Darkness' curse was harming the young girl. The four knights' wish to protect their bond, together with the help of strong yet kind mages with courageous hearts, broke the Book of Darkness's curse. The young girl and the book's spirit were both saved. And then... The young girl presented a name upon the book's spirit once known as the Book of Darkness — the Blessed Wind, Reinforce.

It is now December. The young girl, the mages and knights... Everyone is content. However...


Takamachi Nanoha ver.
Yagami Hayate ver.
Fate Testarossa ver.
Quote:
Just go at it at your own pace with the trasnlations, mind you I'm only doing this since I feel like it might be good to help with something like this and getting everyone to understand the storylines of all the characters. So they know what is going on. I have mostly a general idea with some specifics due to my odd affinity with understanding vocal Japanese.

On another note...

-hands LVD a bulk load's worth of tissues for the future Signum DLC-
I'm doing this for the LOVE OF YAGAMI-KE. If I go at my own pace, I'll never get it done. Slack, slack, slack. 8D

Uwah, no need for the tissues~ I'll be dead by then~

Edit: FOR THE GLORY OF YAGAMI-KE.
Spoiler for All text up to end of Stage 4, so somewhat text heavy~:
Bolded parts with runes are things I've changed and just want to make sure the meaning is still there as I tried to smoothen out the English. Sienna are my comments, blue still being Hayate22's.

Everything else is just minor tweaks. As I started to go on, I noticed how some things were phrased to fit in with how they're speaking.... until I realized how this wasn't consistent. Could probably go back and poke those awkward sentences, but eh. Let's leave that for.... future testers! [lol]
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Last edited by Bananoha; 2010-04-02 at 02:41.
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Old 2010-04-04, 06:29   Link #256
Password
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Finally done with Dark Piece Hayate.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayate22 View Post
Password-san, in any case, you are doing a very good job. Have you actually taken Japanese classes or anything of the like? Or are you using something to help you translate these?
A bit in column A (some college courses), a lot in column b (I use three online tools. the Excite machine translator to get the gist of it, WWWJDIC to see the dictionary translation, and Space ALC to see how different sources translate them in various sentences. What I can't find there goes to Google), and a bit in column c (Chinese education makes me somewhat familiar with the syntax)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayate22 View Post
雷刃の襲撃者:
君を殺して
我が糧とすれば、
この不快感も消えるはず、と!
Lightning Blade Assailant:
If I were to kill you
and feed on you,
this sickening feeling should disappear!
If I were to succeed in killing you,
then this sickening feeling should disappear!

(Don't see anything that translated into as 'feeding on you' in the line. Though part of the line could be translated as "If I were to win and kill you at the same time," It could be argued on which might be better for direct translation but for smoother one is the one in blue as usual.)
Ah, I got the feeding on you part from 我がとすれば, since according to the dictionary, the third character I bolded meant food. I was a bit confused about that. <<;

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayate22 View Post
フェイト:
なのは、
ごめんね、私の偽物のせいで・・・・・・。
Fate:
Nanoha,
I'm sorry, because of my replica.......
Nanoha,
I'm sorry, this is all because of my fake/imposter
Hmm... I think I prefer "Replica". It implies something to be a near-perfect copies of the original, which the Dark Pieces are, and it has a neutral tone that doesn't carry the negative connotations of "fake/imposter". The fanchise, after all, always emphasizes that simply being a clone of someone isn't a bad thing.

And yes, more help is always appreciated.

Last edited by Password; 2010-04-04 at 07:06.
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Old 2010-04-04, 06:30   Link #257
Password
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Kansai dialect was a bit of a pain. I'm starting to dread Hayate's story path <<;

Usual note on how help is always appreciated!

On the post-fight chatter, <Version A> is the what appears if you won the second round with little or no damage, <Version B> is the what apears if you won the match with a decent amount of damage, and <Version C> is what appears if you won the match when your health is at critical.






WARNING!
Unknown approaching at high speed.

闇の欠片はやて:
あれー?
なのはちゃんや。
Dark Piece Hayate:
Huh?
It's Nanoha-chan.

なのは:
はやてちゃん!?
え、本物・・・?
Nanoha:
Hayate-chan!?
Um, are you the real one...?

闇の欠片はやて:
本物・・・・・・?
なんのこと?
Dark Piece Hayate:
The real one......?
What do you mean?

闇の欠片はやて:
あれ? そういえば
わたしはなんで、
こんなところでひとりで飛んでるんやろ。
Dark Piece Hayate:
Huh? Speaking of which,
why am I
flying all alone in a place like this?

なのは:
あー・・・・・・、
ええと・・・・・・。
Nanoha:
Uh......,
Well.......

闇の欠片はやて:
あー、そーや~。
年明けに、練習試合の約束してたな~?
Dark Piece Hayate:
Oh, that's right~.
Didn't we promise to have a practice match before the New Year~?

闇の欠片はやて:
ずっと楽しみやったんや。
一生懸命練習しててなー。
Dark Piece Hayate:
I'm really looking forward to it.
I've been praticing very hard.

レイジングハート:
Raising Heart:
Master.
Parhaps, she is also dark peace (sic).
(マスター。おそらく彼女も「闇の欠片」です)

なのは:
うん・・・・・・。
なんだか夢心地みたいだし、
多分、そうだと思うんだけど。
Nanoha:
Yeah.......
It's like she's in a dream,
so I thought that she's probably one too.

ユーノ:
なのは。
大丈夫、そのはやても闇の欠片で間違いない。
いま、本人に確認が取れたよ。
Yuuno:
Nanoha.
It's okay. There's no mistake: that's Hayate's Dark Piece.
I was able to confirm it with Hayate herself just now.

なのは:
そう。
だったら、止めてあげないとなんだけど・・・・・・。
Nanoha:
Right.
Then, I guess I need to stop her.......


闇の欠片はやて:
ちょーどええ。
練習試合の前哨戦、
ちょう、やってみよか?
Dark Piece Hayate:
THis is perfect.
Why don't we have a prelude
to our practice match?

なのは:
あ、あ、はやてちゃんッ!?
Nanoha:
Ah, ah, Hayate-chan!?

闇の欠片はやて:
よーし、いっくよ~~~!
Dark Piece Hayate:
All riiight, here I go~~~!


----

*After Battle*

<Version A>
闇の欠片はやて:
あああ~~
あかん、
なのはちゃん、本気やー。
Dark Piece Hayate:
Aahh~~
It's no use,
Nanoha-chan is too serious.

なのは:
だ・・・だってはやてちゃん、
いきなり来るから・・・・・・!
Nanoha:
Th... That's because Hayate-chan
suddenly charged at me......!
</Version A>

<Version B>
闇の欠片はやて:
あー!
なんやろ、わたし、
思ったよりやれてるか~?
Dark Piece Hayate:
Ah!
What did you
think of me~?

なのは:
うん、凄いよ、
はやてちゃん。
Nanoha:
Yeah, you were great,
Hayate-chan.
</Version B>

<Version C>
闇の欠片はやて:
おお!
もしかしてわたし、
イイところまで行った?
Dark Piece Hayate:
Ooh!
Maybe that
was my best performance?

なのは:
あいたた・・・・・・。
うん、危ない所だった!
Nanoha:
Ow ow ow.......
Yeah, that was dangerous!
<Version C>

闇の欠片はやて:
あ・・・・・・
あれれ・・・・・・?
なんや・・・体がふわふわして・・・・・・。
Dark Piece Hayate:
Ah......
Huh......?
Why does... my body feel light.......

なのは:
ああ・・・・・・。
夢が、覚めちゃうんだよ。
Nanoha:
Aah.......
You're waking up from a dream.

闇の欠片はやて:
えー!?
なんや、これ、夢ー?
Dark Piece Hayate:
Eh!?
What, this is a dream?

闇の欠片はやて:
おかしいと思った。
さすがにまだ、わたしとなのはちゃんが
勝負になるわけないもんなー。
Dark Piece Hayate:
I thought this was weird.
After all, there's no way I could be
a match for Nanoha-chan yet.

なのは:
そんな事ないよ。
今だって、いい試合だった。
怖かったもん。
Nanoha:
That's not true.
We just had a good match.
It was scary.

闇の欠片はやて:
それにしても、楽しい夢やった・・・・・・。
現実の方でも、ちゃんとやりたいな。
Dark Piece Hayate:
Even so, this was a fun dream.......
I'd love to do it properly in reality.

なのは:
約束してるでしょ。
大丈夫。
わたしもバッチリ鍛えておくよ!
Nanoha:
Promise me then?
It's okay.
I'll also train well!

闇の欠片はやて:
あはは・・・・・・♪
うん、わたしもがんばる!
Dark Piece Hayate:
Ahaha......♪
Yeah, I'll do my best too!

闇の欠片はやて:
ほんなら、おやすみ・・・・・・?
あれ?
夢が終わるんなら、おはよう、かな?
Dark Piece Hayate:
In that case, good night......?
Eh?
If my dream is ending, shouldn't I say good morning?

なのは:
今はおやすみ、
で・・・・・・明日会ったら、
おはよう、って言おう?
Nanoha:
Right now it's good night,
so...... when we meet tomorrow,
we'll say good morning?

闇の欠片はやて:
ん・・・・・・ほんなら・・・・・・
おやすみ、なのはちゃん・・・・・・。
Dark Piece Hayate:
Yeah...... in that case......
Good night, Nanoha-chan......

(Dark Piece Hayate fades)

なのは:
Nanoha:
・・・・・・・・・・・・。

なのは:
なんとなくだけど・・・・・・
やっと、見えてきたかな。
Nanoha:
I don't know why but......
I'm starting to see it at last:

なのは:
私が、魔法を使う理由。
Nanoha:
The reason why I use magic.

Last edited by Password; 2010-04-11 at 10:17. Reason: Adding corrections by LVD
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Old 2010-04-04, 09:57   Link #258
WarpObscura
Bibliophile
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: There's this dot on the world map...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayate22 View Post
Ahahaha...yeah, that Bind Breaker would cause a bunch of looks or the so called 'eyes of society' to be rained down upon anyone playing that in public.

Wait until Signum's comes out...I can probably bet some will be found unconscious with nosebleeds.
Is Rein getting a Bind Breaker too, or only the power trio and the female Wolkenritter?
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Old 2010-04-04, 12:49   Link #259
goombas
OOOOH YEAH! DIGG IT!
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by WarpObscura View Post
Is Rein getting a Bind Breaker too, or only the power trio and the female Wolkenritter?

You know you'd pay for a Zafira Bind Breaker. xD
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Old 2010-04-04, 18:37   Link #260
MeisterBabylon
~ Fists of Fury ~
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: The Golden Throne
Age: 28
I know of a few people who would...
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