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Old 2010-05-31, 21:17   Link #121
deathcurse
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Chapter 5 of "Love and Duty Come in Chains" now posted on Fanfiction.net ^^.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
*peeks in*

*tosses in offering and scuttles out*

Spoiler for Such Is:


Spoiler for Author's Notes:


EDIT: Crap, I just realized this is a double post. @_@
From the very first few sentences, I knew it was about Chisame !

Each section is really good, terse yet descriptive . But for some reason, when I take them together, it doesn't really do it for me ....Hmm, I think it might be because there's a very similar feel/mood/voice in each section, so it feels a little repetitive when I read them all together?

Sorry if that made no sense ....

Nice "continuation" feel with the last line!
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Old 2010-05-31, 21:21   Link #122
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
From the very first few sentences, I knew it was about Chisame !
I was wondering if anyone would figure it out from the first few lines. I was trying my best not to call her name out directly or to give her any real defining features, so it was a struggle.

Quote:
Each section is really good, terse yet descriptive . But for some reason, when I take them together, it doesn't really do it for me ....Hmm, I think it might be because there's a very similar feel/mood/voice in each section, so it feels a little repetitive when I read them all together?
I was experimenting a bit with the feeling and flow for this one, I admit. I didn't really want there to be this major revelation every section, but kind of this gentle, steady push that ultimately led up to the conclusion of the piece. So I was trying to keep it repetitive, with maybe a few changes in wording and such to indicate her mindset was starting to shift.

Guess it's something I'll have to tinker with to get it right.

Quote:
Nice "continuation" feel with the last line!
That was my favorite part.

...

*still wants to write a Chachamaru/Chisame story* Oh goddammit.
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Old 2010-05-31, 21:25   Link #123
deathcurse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I was experimenting a bit with the feeling and flow for this one, I admit. I didn't really want there to be this major revelation every section, but kind of this gentle, steady push that ultimately led up to the conclusion of the piece. So I was trying to keep it repetitive, with maybe a few changes in wording and such to indicate her mindset was starting to shift.

Guess it's something I'll have to tinker with to get it right.
Naw, it's fine!

I like how it's not DRASTIC MAJOR CHARACTER CHANGE PER SECTION!!! I guess, on a very crazy and wispy level, it feels like it's great that each section has a similar style and mood, but that maybe if each section had a different....colour, then it would show a slight progression/shift per section that might make it feel less repetitive?

.......

Gaah, I suck at expressing this! Really, it's good....maybe I'll get it better upon re-reading .

Quote:
*still wants to write a Chachamaru/Chisame story* Oh goddammit.
*whistles* There's no one stopping you .....
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Old 2010-05-31, 21:28   Link #124
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Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Gaah, I suck at expressing this! Really, it's good....maybe I'll get it better upon re-reading .
You really must show me these colors you speak of. I have a hard time seeing then, myself, but maybe if you pointed them out to me. *whistles innocently*

Quote:
*whistles* There's no one stopping you .....
Except for the lack of a decent plot?

Okay, no, that's a lie, but still. >>
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Old 2010-05-31, 21:46   Link #125
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
You really must show me these colors you speak of. I have a hard time seeing then, myself, but maybe if you pointed them out to me. *whistles innocently*
Ha! I figured it out! The colours I'm talking about are like writing poetry! So while it might be related to mood, it's more like....crafting the colour of a section by paying attention to diction, and sentence length, and rhyme and parallelism and metaphors and imagery....colour! Not so much to the point of having a drastically different style per section, but enough to add a bit of different colour and spice per section?

Quote:
Except for the lack of a decent plot?

Okay, no, that's a lie, but still. >>
.........well, why would you put Chachamaru and Chisame together? =O Do they compliment each other in something that you can write a story around, or do they have a great tossaway scene in the manga you might want to explore?
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Old 2010-05-31, 21:53   Link #126
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Ha! I figured it out! The colours I'm talking about are like writing poetry! So while it might be related to mood, it's more like....crafting the colour of a section by paying attention to diction, and sentence length, and rhyme and parallelism and metaphors and imagery....colour! Not so much to the point of having a drastically different style per section, but enough to add a bit of different colour and spice per section?
....

Well, I mean, I get what you're saying. But I wasn't really trying to do anything related to poetry writing, so I don't really see how that was a problem for the piece. =O I wasn't thinking of it in terms of colors and spices, or in sentence length and the like. I was in a flow and wrote as I went along.

Quote:
.........well, why would you put Chachamaru and Chisame together? =O Do they compliment each other in something that you can write a story around, or do they have a great tossaway scene in the manga you might want to explore?
I personally just find their whole little friendship fascinating. And I find it interesting how Chachamaru was questioning about having a soul and everything, when a soul in and of itself has a pretty wide defintion.

Spoiler:
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Old 2010-05-31, 22:10   Link #127
Merctrin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
*peeks in*

*tosses in offering and scuttles out*

Spoiler for Such Is:


Spoiler for Author's Notes:


EDIT: Crap, I just realized this is a double post. @_@
Yes, Chisame is in definite need of more love. She has some really great character development in the manga, but it rarely gets mentioned.

So, since it is mentioned here, I obviously like this a lot. And it made me smile to think of how completely Negi has overturned her life since taking over her class .

Also, any Chachamaru/Chisame plot bunnies should be encouraged.
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Old 2010-06-01, 05:51   Link #128
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Merctrin View Post
Also, any Chachamaru/Chisame plot bunnies should be encouraged.
You're only encouraging the plotbunnies, you know. They have very sharp teeth.

Glad to know I'm not the only Chisame/Chachamaru fan out there, in any case.
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Old 2010-06-01, 14:47   Link #129
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hmm I'm just waiting for a pactio that allows people to Gattai!! just for the epic crack that would result.

Chisame just needs more fanfiction in general, it's just more difficult writing a cynical realist in context specially when she didn't start developing until halfway through the series. She's my favorite as well but don't think she even scratched the top 10 in popularity polls.

chachamaru could use more focus but she's moderately popular so gets included a decent amount already.
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Old 2010-06-01, 19:21   Link #130
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Chisame just needs more fanfiction in general, it's just more difficult writing a cynical realist in context specially when she didn't start developing until halfway through the series. She's my favorite as well but don't think she even scratched the top 10 in popularity polls.
Mmm, probably. Either way I'll probably be doing more writing focused on her, since I find her such a fascinating character. I personally feel she probably went under the best character development in the whole series, considering where she started out when the beginning kicked off, but I know that this is mainly my personal opinion and that people will disagree with me.

Quote:
chachamaru could use more focus but she's moderately popular so gets included a decent amount already.
What can I say, I'm a sucker for the Chachamaru/Chisame pairing, friendship or otherwise.
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Old 2010-06-02, 08:02   Link #131
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*Eye twitching* ...feeling ignored again... getting too paranoid.... Time for...

Spoiler for CRACK PAIRING!:


*Pant, pant, pant* ...Finally got it out of me... Took... while to... think...something... *deep breath* ...Good.
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Old 2010-06-02, 12:35   Link #132
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurush View Post
*Eye twitching* ...feeling ignored again... getting too paranoid.... Time for...

Spoiler for CRACK PAIRING!:


*Pant, pant, pant* ...Finally got it out of me... Took... while to... think...something... *deep breath* ...Good.
Yay, crack!

*snickers* Well Madoka, even if you manage to catch her, I don't think Setsuna will be altogether comfortable with Misa messing around with her memories. It probably won't take much to convince her to never tell a soul though.

This was cute. And hilarious. Shame they're getting a divorce.
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Old 2010-06-02, 13:58   Link #133
deathcurse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurush View Post
*Eye twitching* ...feeling ignored again... getting too paranoid.... Time for...

Spoiler for CRACK PAIRING!:


*Pant, pant, pant* ...Finally got it out of me... Took... while to... think...something... *deep breath* ...Good.
The banter was amusing . And don't worry Madoka, I bet Setsuna has already wiped that image from her own mind!
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Old 2010-06-02, 19:32   Link #134
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Apparently "bad mood" equals "character death and angst". Oi.

Spoiler for Red:


Could be considered a prequel fic for an idea I currently have, since much of what happens here is the building block for the story if I ever get to it.
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Old 2010-06-03, 10:47   Link #135
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Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
This chapter is twice as large as the previous one! It was surprisingly easy to write, despite it's length .

Love and Duty Come in Chains
Previous chapters

Spoiler for Chapter 5:

Spoiler for Author's Note:

More development on Kyo and how the lead up to the marriage agreement. And the Wallward guards who… hmm… I really am having a bit lot of trouble with them (as you already know!) I somehow find it dubious that the Wallwards, the supposed experts with all the magical text are so ignorant of Pactio rules (and importance of pactio partners) and, well, demons and how to fight them. Sorry about ragging on them, I guess it really rankled me that the Wallward matriarch had the gall to be uppity about the Kyoto Magical Association's designated security when they themselves are fail in terms of fighting!

It's really good you have people like Asuna and Eva to knock sense to Setsuna and Konoka but I really wish they'd get the message STAT or else I'll find a way to reach into their world and shake sense into 'em myself!

And the Nodoka cameo you spoke of! Awesome! Plus, I laughed at Mana's subscription *grin*.



Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
*peeks in*

*tosses in offering and scuttles out*

Spoiler for Such Is:


Spoiler for Author's Notes:


EDIT: Crap, I just realized this is a double post. @_@

CHUI! I love Chisame! And I love how you captured her cranky voice and her journey through her denials and admissions and how the story goes full circle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurush View Post
Hey.

I uh, I don't know if I should be posting this to get support or anything, since the whole thing is VERY confusing at the time this is up, but I just want Someone's opinion on this.

Spoiler for #1:


...Any thoughts on these? I haven't gotten any reviews or so from these two last chapters, so I wonder what people would think of this.

For those who doesn't get it: Aris stood for the idea of sending a strike team off somewhere to eliminate Nodoka, who wasn't at Mahora at the time. Negi on the other hand, rejected the idea completely and stated that they should work together to save her instead.

Practically, the strike team is not such a bad idea. They have little support to begin with, since USA and China (No Offense at all to people here from mentioned countries) refuse to throw in their magi for support to stop an alien invasion since the States claim that it is not a threat to National Security (Note: This is during the Bush regime) and China says they can hold their own against the aliens. Other states and nations, are uncertain or haven't decided due to lack of evidence of an incursion. This is understandable. The Canon Githyanki (Loyalists in story) however, offer to change that, by convincing the nations to lend support, and even bring in major military aid as well. This is an opportunity they can't ignore, if the countries of the world can't come to aid the Magi with their support.

Morally, however... Well, you get the idea.
This looks very intriguing but I think I'm coming into the very middle of the story, am I right in thinking this is an AU?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Apparently "bad mood" equals "character death and angst". Oi.

Spoiler for Red:


Could be considered a prequel fic for an idea I currently have, since much of what happens here is the building block for the story if I ever get to it.
Oh! Oh! *flaily hands* Is this what I think it means??? And Asuna in Ostia and still choosing to return! (Just out of curiosity, is there a reason why Negi wasn't placed as head of Ostia?) and… still with the flailing because OMG! You killed her and now Chisame has survivor's guilt and Setsuna's guilt for not being there and choosing the sword and… OMG, how did/is Asuna reacting to one of her older friends dying? Sooo many questions!
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Old 2010-06-03, 11:38   Link #136
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Just out of curiosity, is there a reason why Negi wasn't placed as head of Ostia?
Spoiler for Plot Point:
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Old 2010-06-03, 11:42   Link #137
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Spoiler for Plot Point:
Spoiler:
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Old 2010-06-03, 11:44   Link #138
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Spoiler:
Spoiler:
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Old 2010-06-03, 11:53   Link #139
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Spoiler:


Spoiler:
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Old 2010-06-03, 15:21   Link #140
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Quote:
Originally Posted by isagrimorie View Post

This looks very intriguing but I think I'm coming into the very middle of the story, am I right in thinking this is an AU?

Spoiler for Spoiler:
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