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Oneesama 2003-11-29 06:09

A Laugh A Day
 
do you know it takes 17 muscles to smile yet 43 muscles to frown?<--correct me if I am wrong :D

do you know people say: if you laugh 3 times a day keeps your family doctor away? (ok... i make tat up.... it was from my mom XD )
but FACTS: laugh have the ability to cope with major illness and the stress of life's problems. also bring balance to all the components of the immune system, which helps us fight off diseases. ^^ so :D

>>>>>SO THIS THREAD IS FOR YOU TO RELAX AND LAUGH AWAY<<<<<

p.s. Do you also know a person who studies laughter is called a Gelotologist ^^
--> I didnt know there was such occupation :D

hm........
1st attempt

A boy wrote this letter home from Camp:
Drear Mom and Dad:
Gue$$ what I need? Plea$e $end $ome $oon.
Be$t Wi$he$
Your $on $ammy

His parents wrote back:
Dear Sammy:
NOthing much is happening here. Please write aNOther letter soon. Bye for NOw. Love, Mom and Dad

2nd attempt

Counselor: how did you get that horrible swelling on your nose?
Jimmy: I bent over to smell a brose.
Counselor: There is no b in rose.
Jimmy held up a rose: There was in this one.

haha..... hope that make you laugh :D

importkid 2003-11-29 07:17

:heh: :heh: i laugh at the 1st one but the 2nd one i dont get :twitch: :twitch:

Tomomi 2003-11-29 07:57

Err, okie, the first one was funny. But what about the second one? Hmm, wasn't there a thread sometime ago that was about posting jokes too? Correct me if I'm wrong. :heh:

xris 2003-11-29 08:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oneesama
do you know it takes 17 muscles to smile yet 43 muscles to frown?

So therefore it's more 'heathly' to frown than smile, since you get more exercise that way. Sounds good to me...

43 muscles exercised already due to this thread...

gravitation 2003-11-29 08:32

oooo thanx for the interesting facts :D the first joke was good, the second one was okey ^_^ im gonna smile now for this post :D :) ^_^ ::smile:: <--i actually did it

p3psi 2003-11-29 16:42

what is this, rate that joke thread?

Ok, ill post one, dont tell me if you heard it before cuz i dont care:

Two men are sitting in a bar on the 3rd floor of a resturant. The man starts up a conversation with the other one.
The first man says "the vodka here is so good, it makes you feel like you're floating on air."
The first man orders a vodka.
The first man starts drinking, and what do you know, he starts floating in the air!
The 1st man is flying around the room without a care in the world!.
THe 2nd man says "wow! unbelievable! bartender, give me a shot of that vodka he's drinking!"
The 2nd man takes a shot, and runs and jumps our the 3rd floor window and falls like a brick and hits the pavement.
The barkeep says to the 1st man:"Clark Kent, you jerk, you're a real A-hole when you're drunk!"

OH, about that second joke, the brose. I guess you guys arnt native english speakers, or it was a terrible joke :D. YOu see, she got stung cuzz there was a bee in the rose, hence, brose.

Lee-pimp 2003-11-29 17:20

yeah pepsi that wasnt exactly how it goes but whatever close enough

uglypigs 2003-11-29 17:41

a man walked into a bar...ouch.

Oneesama 2003-12-01 07:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by xris
43 muscles exercised already due to this thread...

please move the other 17 muscles too for this thread ^^ i am sure it will make you laugh~ "SMILE :) COZ YOU ARE WORTH IT" haha~ make you laugh..... :dots:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

anywaz:
Quote:

Originally Posted by The Small One
Personally I prefer don't using any muscles anyway... :)

dont be so lazy~ so that why you are "the small one" [ no offenz] :D

"SMILE :) COZ YOU ARE WORTH IT" :D

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

gravitation = thx ^^

Quote:

Originally Posted by p3psi
OH, about that second joke, the brose. I guess you guys arnt native english speakers, or it was a terrible joke :D. YOu see, she got stung cuzz there was a bee in the rose, hence, brose.

percisely~

Tzurial 2003-12-01 07:34

Has anyone ever laughed so hard they cant stop? And then they faint from not being able to BREATHE?! Its not fun. Heres the joke that nearly killed me!

-Whats black, white and red all over?
-A skunk with a rash!!

HAH!!...skunks are funny

NoSanninWa 2003-12-01 07:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oneesama
do you know it takes 17 muscles to smile yet 43 muscles to frown?

This proves that it is easier to frown than to smile since the effort is distributed over more muscles. No wonder it makes my face ache to smile, but frowning is easy. :upset:

Kawaii_Sennin 2003-12-02 04:07

I spilled tea on myself after seeing these weird ads. Enjoy:) http://www.ebaumsworld.com/foodeat11.jpg http://www.ebaumsworld.com/foodeat10.jpg

GATX207_Blitz 2003-12-02 05:10

heh that be some werid ads...lets see better post a joke or something with this or this post may get deleted

how many idiots does it take to screw in light bulb?
4
why?

o
|o
|
| |
------
/ \
o| || |o
| | |
| | || | |
idiots #2-#4 are spinning around in a circle while #1 holds it in the socket

ok my diagram sucked, but if anyone got that and think my joke sucks then don't smile and frown :(

FinFangFoom 2003-12-02 05:22

Quote:

Counselor: how did you get that horrible swelling on your nose?
Jimmy: I bent over to smell a brose.
Counselor: There is no b in rose.
Jimmy held up a rose: There was in this one
I think someones been eating to much Laffy Taffy. ;)

Flash_Squirrel 2003-12-02 05:39

http://server4.uploadit.org/files/02...295736696.jpeg

Well.. ROD?

NoSanninWa 2003-12-02 06:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by GATX207_Blitz
heh that be some werid ads...lets see better post a joke or something with this or this post may get deleted

how many idiots does it take to screw in light bulb?
4
why?

(Diagram Deleted for brevity)
idiots #2-#4 are spinning around in a circle while #1 holds it in the socket

ok my diagram sucked, but if anyone got that and think my joke sucks then don't smile and frown :(

I love light bulb jokes!

Q. How many idiots does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Four. One to hold the bulb and three to turn the stepladder.

Q. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just two, but I don't know how they got in there.

Q. How many radical feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. That's not funny!!!

Q. How many gypsies does it take to change a light bulb ?
A. Just one, but you lose a lot of light bulbs.

Q. How many school teachers does it take to change a light bulb on the space shuttle?
A. 1000001. One to change the light bulb and a million to pick up the pieces.

Q. How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three. One to change the bulb, one to copyright the method for changing the bulb, and one to call in the lawyers on anyone who infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb changing method.

Q. How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.

Q. How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it takes eight million years.

Q. How many creationists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. That's a trick question. Light bulbs don't change.

Q. How many T.V. Evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

Q. How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to bemoan the darkness until the other redefines something else as light.

Q. How many analytic philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. It's a psuedo-problem. Light bulbs give off light (hence the name). If the
bulb was broken and wasn't giving off light, then it wouldn't be a "light
bulb" now would it?

Q. How many monists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Don't be silly. There is only one monist.

Q. How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but it has to know its own Goedel's number.
(If you have to ask me what that means, then you won't find it funny.)

Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Lawyers don't change bulbs, but if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb...

Q. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, lawyers only screw us.

Q. How many American college football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q. How many people at an American football match does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Three. One to change it and two to tip the contents of the ice bucket over the coach to congratulate him on a successful bulb screwing.

Q. How many pro-choicers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. One to do it and one to assert that the bulb didn't exist before it was lit up.

Q. How many pro-lifers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Six. Two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.

Q. How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.

Q. How many Irish guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five. One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer until the room spins.

Q. How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. About one third less than for a regular bulb.



PS. As you can tell I really, really love light bulb jokes. I bet that now, you're all cursing out GATX207_Blitz for getting me started. :D

FinFangFoom 2003-12-02 07:39

O.K time for my favorite sexist joke, but you need a very basic knowlege of the bible. (if I don't screw it up, it's been awhile)

So God creates Adam and puts him in the Garden of Eden and tells him he gets to live there forever in paridise. Adam was happy for awhile but then then one day God finds him sad and ask;

"What's wrong Adam?"

Adam replies "Well this is great and all, but I see all these animals with compainions and they seem really happy. It makes me feel really lonley sometimes. Can't I have a companion too?"

God thinks about it for a few minutes then says "O.K, I'll let you have a companion to walk with you that will be a perfect compliment to you in every way. But it'll cost you both of your arms and a leg."

Adam thinks to himself; "I don't know, if I don't have arms I won't be able to hold anything or pet the animals. And I'll get really tired of hopping around everywhere on just one leg. It just doesn't seem worth it."

So Adam says to God, "What can I get for a rib?"


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
O.K I don't think thats how it goes but you get the idea.

GATX207_Blitz 2003-12-02 13:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoSanninWa
As you can tell I really, really love light bulb jokes. I bet that now, you're all cursing out GATX207_Blitz for getting me started. :D

#@$%^%#*&#$^$ why did I ever bring that !@#^$%^%$ joke up.....


heh :joke:

I liked the one about the teachers that one was my favorite 1,000,000 to pick up the pieces

Tzurial 2003-12-02 13:44

wow..I had no idea the lightbulb joke was so flexible..I have learned alot today

gravitation 2003-12-02 13:53

LOL i neva knew soo many light bulb jokes existed!!?! o yeah those ads near the top were funny lol, kinda weird tho! ^_~
P.S NoSanninWa i congratulate you on telling so many lightbulb jokes *hands a gold plated trophy...actually silver looks better*

wnkryo 2003-12-02 14:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by xris
So therefore it's more 'heathly' to frown than smile, since you get more exercise that way. Sounds good to me...

43 muscles exercised already due to this thread...


LOL, thats exsactly what i was thinking (the parth where frowing is a better exsercise). In that case this guy i know who always frowns should be STOCK DEASLE!

Lee-pimp 2003-12-03 00:55

Quote:

"What's wrong Adam?"

Adam replies "Well this is great and all, but I see all these animals with compainions and they seem really happy. It makes me feel really lonley sometimes. Can't I have a companion too?"

God thinks about it for a few minutes then says "O.K, I'll let you have a companion to walk with you that will be a perfect compliment to you in every way. But it'll cost you both of your arms and a leg."

Adam thinks to himself; "I don't know, if I don't have arms I won't be able to hold anything or pet the animals. And I'll get really tired of hopping around everywhere on just one leg. It just doesn't seem worth it."

So Adam says to God, "What can I get for a rib?"
nice one finfang does anyone else get it i would think you do although a lot didnt get the brose joke so....

Elysium 2003-12-03 02:48

HEY GUYS I HAVE A FUNNY JOKE FOR YOU ALL HAHAHAHAA

What happens when you screw a kitty?

It DIES!!!

What happens when you screw a puppy?

It DIES!!!

What happens when you screw Tom Green?

He likes it, then dedicates half an hour to displaying how much he likes it by repeating monosyllabic sentences involving "butt," "like," and "ass."

Hyuga Jubei 2003-12-03 03:40



Here one that always makes me smile.

Costumer Service Lady : Hello

The guy : Yes hello, I bought a computer from your company yesterday and it came with this cup holder which doesn't work anymore.

Costumer Service Lady : Well Sir our brand of computer aren't sold with cup holders are you sure there was a cup holder?

The guy : Yes I am positive it was working perfectly fine until a few hours ago it just was stuck.

Costumer Service Lady : Sir may I ask what is written on this cup holder.

The guy : Sure no problem, its written 52X24X52


Sadly enough it's a true story XD


Animaniac 2003-12-03 03:47

NoSanninWa, you might like these then. =)
http://www.cs.berkeley.edu/~ravenben/humor/lightbulbs

Oneesama 2003-12-04 05:58

wow... there are so many lightbulb jokes around ~ ^^

now try this one~ hehehe~ :naughty:

how rumors start in the office ~
http://server4.uploadit.org/files/04...ice_rumors.jpg

Flash_Squirrel 2003-12-04 14:41

Im sure someone will enjoy this.

[15:16] <hhaamu> 05:11 <+lwl12> ebspy why is all this happening to aniverse?
[15:16] <hhaamu> 05:11 <%ecchi-bo1> lwl12: Windows 2000 Server
[15:16] <hhaamu> 05:11 <@Nightwish> LMAO
[15:16] <hhaamu> 05:11 <@jamuraa> LMAO
[15:16] <hhaamu> 05:11 < JAppi> lmao
[15:16] <hhaamu> 05:11 <@jamuraa> soo.. true..
[15:16] <hhaamu> 05:12 <@Nightwish> Thats a quote for bash if ever I saw one...

Ecchi-Bot always speek the truth.

NoSanninWa 2003-12-04 20:40

I just came across this hysterical InuYasha doujinshi!! InuYasha Peace.

Incidently I can never figure out how I should spell his name
  • Inuyasha
  • InuYasha
  • Inu Yasha
  • Inu-Yasha

diabolistic 2003-12-04 22:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoSanninWa
I just came across this hysterical InuYasha doujinshi!! InuYasha Peace.

Incidently I can never figure out how I should spell his name
  • Inuyasha
  • InuYasha
  • Inu Yasha
  • Inu-Yasha

YTV spells it Inu-Yasha.
However, YTV also renamed Seint Seiya to "Knights Of The Zodiac"


request an emotion from Emotion Eric
one of the bestest and funnestest sites that i've seen

Xiandu 2003-12-04 23:24

Quote posted by diabolistic
Quote:

request an emotion from Emotion Eric
one of the bestest and funnestest sites that i've seen
Man that website is hilarious. I love it!! Had me laughing my ass off. I loved the thoughtful one the best so far. Only about 1/3 through at the moment.

dragonz20 2004-01-30 09:30

i thought this was pretty funny so i wanted to share this with all of you.. hope u like it :)



There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:

11. "What the @#$% do you mean we are sinking?"
- Capt. E.J. Smith of HMS Titanic, 1912

10. "What the @#$% was that?"
- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
- Custer, 1877

8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
- Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
- Picasso, 1926

6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
- Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the @#$% are we?"
- Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers....My ass!"
- Noah, 4314 BC

2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
- Bill Clinton, 1999

and a drum roll....................





1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad."
- Sadaam Hussein, 2003

Biohazard 2004-01-30 09:42

I guess i'm pathetic, couldn't really laugh the past 4 month.. *sighs*

Amy 2004-01-30 09:44

lol, coowl topic... some funny quotes:

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."

"Flying is easy, you just throw yourself as hard as you can at the ground, and miss."

"Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter."

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "

"If I were to walk on water, the press would say I'm only doing it because I can't swim."

"Does not enable user to fly"
- Warning on Batman cape

"I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street."

I've still got some more, but I'll post those later ^^

dragonz20 2004-01-30 09:48

lol.. good ones Amy... here's a bit more:



THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2003:

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors


And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

dragonz20 2004-01-30 09:52

Subject: "The 10 Best Caddy Replies"


Can you relate to this?

#10
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the Lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

#9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

#8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes Sir. you miss the ball much closer now."

#7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

#6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir, that would be too much of a coincidence."

#5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, it's a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch, it's a compass."

#4
Golfer: "How do you like my game so far?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but peersonally, I prefer golf!"

#3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play sir, it's a sin on any day."

#2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I have ever played on."
Caddy: "This is'nt the golf course, we left that an hour ago!"

#1
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

Cammie 2004-01-30 10:20

I get lots of cute e-mails from other teachers about what kids say! I thought I'd share a smile!

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

Amy 2004-01-30 16:10

lol, that's funny ^^

more funny quotes:

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most"

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."

"The nice thing about egoists is that they don't talk about other people."

"Rembrandt painted 700 pictures. Of these, 3,000 are still in existence."

"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field."

"Shut the door, Wales."
- George Bryan "Bean" Brumwell - Said to the Prince of Wales


and one for the dutch people here (I couldn't translate it properly so...)

"Fietsen is gezond, eet meer fiets"

Wandering_Youth 2004-01-30 16:36

Call me sadistic, but I laughed pretty darn hard when my dad was suffering from constipation. I could hear him groaning and making funny noises in the toilet from my room and I just could not help myself laughing at him. I know it was not right to laugh since he was in pain, but I couldn't help it.

bassmanG 2004-01-30 20:00

I like those names for children's books that would never be published. Some of my favorites are:
You Were An Accident
Strangers Have The Best Candy
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
You Are Different and That's Bad

Nimitz 2004-01-30 21:53

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."


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