The dawn brought with it cold seaborne breezes, blowing gently over the waters of the bay, and permeating the atmosphere with the cool, invigorating scent of the tropical oceans that with each breath penetrated and spread through one’s self, refreshing the body for the still early day. The dim, soft, orange glow of the rising sun crept away at the bluish darkness of the skies.
Amidst the surface of the dark waters yet to receive the sun’s grace of light, stood a long, concrete bridge, lined on its flanks by equally long, wooden catwalks, which appeared to stretch on to the horizon of the west still shrouded by darkness. It is known as the Friendship Trail Bridge, a place that once served as one of three arteries connecting the cities of St. Petersburg to the west, still shrouded by the evening darkness, and Tampa to the east, adorned by the rising sun. Now closed to vehicular traffic, it is a span most frequented by the early morning joggers and bicyclists, performing their warm-up exercises nearby, wishing to fulfill their quota for physical fitness; the fishermen by the catwalks laden with their assortment of gear wishing to snatch the living prizes of the bay; and most of all the average casual early morning person, wishing to behold the early morning wonders of this living estuary, to invigorate and calm the soul, to tackle the day ahead.
But for one soul, nature’s wonders could not grant her peace.
She leaned her elbows forward unto the railings by the catwalk, and bowed her head, looking out at the distant waters by the horizon. The young brunette girl seemed to quietly ponder a thought, whose subject only she was privy to. But the subdued yet visible distress in her expression told of a worry that might soon manifest itself. And with each inch that the golden sun rose over the horizon, her worry grew more and more pronounced.
“Matsuri, what’s wrong?”
Leaning to her left she saw the young boy with whom she had arrived with, stretching his arms and breaking the remnants of his slumber with a yawn. His question seemed to lift her from her quiet reverie, and yet her distress remained.
“It’s been three days now since you’ve arrived here Shinji. Three days.”
Her partner wrapped his arms over her shoulders, pulling her to him. She felt his gentle warmth spreading through her, the morning chill leaving her body. Truly, she was grateful for his simple act of affection, of which she openly savored, and reciprocated by leaning her head on his stern yet accepting shoulder.
Yet she was still troubled, even more so now. And she knew exactly why.
“To think that you’ll be leaving so quickly. After only three days…”
“Yeah.” Her partner answered, his sad sentiment matching her own, as with both hands he took her into his chest.
His lavender scent mingled with the cool, ocean breeze, a scent that subtly blanketed her, a scent that relaxed her nerves. The soft radiant sunrays that bathed them in much need warmth, along with his protective embrace. The slow, delicate stroking of her hair by his gentle fingers. Her heart beating in sync with his own rhythm. And when she looked at him he greeted her with his honest smile, and his fond, tender gaze that he filled with the sight of only her, and filled her soul with indescribable love. Each second she spent with him, each moment in his presence, her heart felt content. Needed. Fulfilled. Their silent bliss. As with all who know of such joy, she wished for time to grant her eternal wish, her selfish desire. To remain in this embrace forever.
But that same contentment was the reason for her distress. As time is unforgiving, stopping for sake of no puny man, no puny woman. Because soon, her short-lived eternity of peace will stop.
And there was also her guilt.
“Three days. I wish I had spent them better. That instead of doubting you, I had spent them understanding you. I wish I hadn’t been so arrogant and stubborn, so I could’ve seen the person that you are, instead of the program that composed you….”
That guilt filled her breaking voice as she buried her face by his neck, her warm tears flowing freely, staining his skin with her sadness.
“…I wish… I wish so badly…”
“Don’t wish Matsuri.”
She looked up at his confidently smiling face, his consoling whisper meek, yet carrying an unexplainable strength.
“Don’t wish for that we cannot have.
I also wished that we had revealed the truth to you in better circumstances. I wished that I had spent with your company, sharing each happiness with you, rather than chasing for your understanding.”
His voice seemed to falter for a second, but melancholy did not reign over his voice.
“But those same circumstances revealed how much you actually mean to me Matsuri. If I never knew the pain of loss, I would never appreciate how much your trust meant to me.”
She tugged on his shirt tighter now, bowing her head.
“And I might have never changed...” She added with her own trembling voice, broken by the shame she held, for the weakness she perceived in herself. Quietly she shed her remorseful tears, desiring to let out the guilt that afflicted her that tender moment.
Carefully, she found herself pried from her position by his arms. She felt her face flush with her racing blood as he cupped his right hand by her cheek, and wiping away her tears with a careful stroke of his thumb.
“The past is over now. No matter how much pain we may have gone through in the last few days, we’re here now. All that matters to now, is that you’re here now with me...”
He gently lifted her face by the chin, and once again she found herself gazing at his compassionate eyes.
“…and I’m here for you.”
With those words, the haze of distress that clouded her sight lifted, and for the first time, she truly saw his eyes. In the soft gaze of his dark, caring eyes she felt a force on her soul, unquestioning, unassuming, indiscriminately dissolving the melancholy that held sway to her emotions. What was this force taking over her pitiful soul? This warm acceptance that filled her beating heart with hope? And what was that she saw falling from those tender eyes of his? A tear? But this was not a tear shed for sadness. It was a tear from his own well of emotion that could not be contained any longer. A tear for both of them.
As he had done so gently for her, she slowly raised both her hands to his face, and wiped away the lone tear.
No more was she burdened by the weight of guilt. Gone was the despair that had clouded her mind. Defeated was the pain that only a short while ago suffocated her feelings. There was only a still calmness in her soul. And in that calm, was reflected the image of this very moment of solitude between them.
He had been her source of light in dark times. Her beacon of hope when all seemed lost. Where all had abandoned her, he had persisted, and in his care she had slowly flourished with the kindness that he freely gave to her.
Now, there were words she wished to declare. And for the first time today, her expression was dispelled of all sadness. For the first time today, she smiled. A smile filled with her own compassion, her own tenderness. Most of all, a smile overflowing with gratitude. And with her voice filled with the essence of her warm smile, she spoke to him.
“Thank you Shinji. You don’t know how much your words mean to me. Your kind words have always meant a lot to me, and I cherish them always. But just as you say that you are here for me, I want you to know that I too, will always be here for you.
I made a mistake once, of seeing you by the external parts that composed you, and not the heart of the person inside, and because of that I nearly lost the most precious person in my life. I won’t make that mistake again. No, I cannot make that same mistake again. Because it would pain me greatly to lose you again, you who gave my life so much meaning, you who can make me smile like I do now.
I know that you’ll be leaving for a place that I cannot yet hope to follow. A place filled with many marvelous and dangerous things that I can’t imagine, let alone explain. But no matter where you go Shinji, know that I will always be here, as I have for the last two years, willing to accept you as you are. Let me care for you, as you have cared for me. Let me be kind to you, as your kindness has for me. And let me love you, like the love that you have given me today.”
“Matsuri…” He could only utter her name in reply, an honored name he treasured and called out with much reverence. She blushed to hear him say it so tenderly. And she watched as he too reddened from his words. The smile she wore could not be any more beautiful than at that moment.
It was his turn now to receive. To bask in the radiant warmth that she beamed from her smile, and her sincere pledge. A sight that touched him deeply. It was now his silent tears that fell, his tears that responded to her honest words of love.
“Now Shinji, please allow me to repay the kindness that you have given me. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Don’t mind what?” He asked bewildered, as the girl removed her hands from his face, and laid them on his chest, his curious anticipation building slowly as she stroked his chest.
“Close your eyes for me please?” she whispered to him, complying in kind. Even as she closed her own eyes, his gentle face, so relaxed, as if sleeping. The face of the man to whom she pledged her love to, she will forever engrave in her mind, and her heart.
Hushed now, as she leaned her face towards his.
“Shinji my love, thank you.”
