[felix]

@zebra, many thanks for the comments and critique. Sorry for the script like feel to it; my idea was to have different chapters follow different characters. In a chapters with Mao I might go all out narrative, in a chapter with one of the other main characters — I haven't reveal yet — I might go all out monologue. Kou is basically the talkative/interactive type hence the dialog, and also why I gave him the crappy situation and semi-crappy personality (makes for more interesting dialog).

I also wonder why Rei let the folders out in the open. Was it on purpose to make Kou ask about the murders, or was he that stupid for the sake of the plot?

Rei appearing to have those documents there in view, like he wants someone to see them, is basically a failure in setting description on my part. I've managed to inject some hints in to make it more clear, thanks. Basically Rei's office is such a mess and cluttered with these things, he's also not very tidy; not that he has a place to put stuff. I could give you more details then the entry, but that's for later…

But I feel the prologue lacks some spice and conclusion - specially as an entry in the contest.

I don't really expect to win; I don't even enter these contests with that in mind. It's mostly good initiative to write (in this case). So with that in mind, it makes sense for me to favor more stable writing then say more spiced up writing. Unless next months theme is too awkward I'll just continue the story; since I'm aiming for a sort of composite of short stories format.

Should it be "sighed"?

Joking?

Fixed. Thanks.

Shouldn't it be "aside from the fact that she"?

Not necessarily. It's dialog, so more free-form. I'm going to leave it like that since it saves me 1 word.

Also out of curiosity: what is a "kansai-ben"? I'd guess some sort of comedy skit from context (it doesn't hinder the understanding at all, just curious).

kensai-ben = Kansai dialect. The little joke is a little more in-depth and somewhat plot related then what you may think at first, but I didn't have space to write about it or even explain what exactly happened (maybe next time).