It was a wintry evening not unlike any other on the forest. The birds were long gone, seeking warmer weather over the southward horizon. The air was cold, almost bitingly so in fact. Frost could be seen in patches on the ground and some of the roots of trees. And yet the conditions for snow would not yet be met for another few weeks.
The peace of the forest was broken when, with a tortured scream, reality was rent asunder by a multicolored wound. Two figures rocketed through this laceration a moment later, the hole closing itself the instant they were through.
“Oomph!” was Shirou Zelretch Schweinorg’s brilliant commentary as he was forced face first into the freezing cold ground.
Signum Yagami’s weapon was driven out of her hand by the impact. Rather than struggle to reacquire it, she immediately took hold of her foe's weapon arm and bent it against his back at a painful angle. Ignoring the yammering weapon’s continued protests, she ripped OS out of Shirou’s grip and threw the jeweled sword a fair distance away.
“Ouch! You’re gonna pay for that!” Said OS when he landed, he was promptly ignored.
Exhausted, mildly concussed, rather confused, and in pain, Shirou wanted nothing more than to lie down and pass out. However, he would never allow himself to be bested without a fight. He began to struggle against Signum, the knight forcing his arm further up in hopes of pacifying him.
“Maybe not today! Maybe not tomorrow!” Continued the jeweled weapon.
Shirou grit his teeth to bear the pain. Her hold was painful, but not at an angle that would dislocate his shoulder. Signum pressed his head harder into the dirt and tried to sneak one of her arms across his neck. Shirou ducked his chin and wriggled until he was able to put some weight on his knees.
“Maybe…not ever…” Muttered OS.
With a wordless roar, Shirou took advantage of his greater body mass and stood up, carrying Signum’s full weight with him as he stood. Shirou shook himself much like a dog to try and dislodge his assaulter, but Signum wrapped her legs around his midsection to prevent that from happening. When he saw his attempt did not work, Shirou threw himself backwards to the ground, in the hope of driving his mass into the smaller Signum and knock the breath out of her lungs with the impact.
“B-But that is just details! I will make you regret throwing me!” Finished OS with great conviction in his voice.
Unfortunately for Shirou, Signum saw through what he was attempting to do. She unlocked her legs from his waist and lithely turned her body, driving her weight towards the right. She guided Shirou’s fall so he impacted chest first against the ground, stunning him momentarily. Concentrating as much of her weight as she could on his upper back, she took hold of his right arm and held it up at a painful angle, stopping just short of dislocating it.
Realizing he had lost, Shirou stopped struggling. For several moments the only sound that could be heard was the labored breaths of the two combatants as they attempted to bring their hearts back under control.
“Wow boss.” Interrupted OS. “I never knew you liked being in the bottom so much.”
Neither Shirou nor Signum chose to dignify that with a response.
“So,” grunted Shirou. “What now?”
Signum tightened her grip on his arm in case he was planning anything. “Now, I bind you, and I transfer us back to Mid-Childa. Then you will answer all of our questions.”
“That…might not be as easy as you think it is Signum.” Answered the Slider.
“All you did was a dimensional transfer here, all I have to do is calculate one back.” Panted the knight.
“Well…I have the nagging suspicion…that your dimensional transfer and mine…might be a little bit different.”
“Heh, you think I’ll fall for such a simple trick?”
“Well you see, I’m telling you the tru-uurk!”
Shirou’s explanation was interrupted when Signum shifted on top of him, the movement causing spikes of agony to blossom from his shoulder.
“H-Hey what are you doi-grk!” His protests were silenced as Signum wrapped her left arm around his neck and cut off the blood flow to his brain.
He attempted to struggle, but her position and the way she still had his arm in a hold ensured he couldn’t do anything.
Seconds later, his struggle ceased as he was rendered unconscious.
Signum stood and stretched her pained limbs. She was surprised when Shirou’s device addressed her.
“Hey lady.” Called the jeweled sword, his tone a few shades removed from hostile.
“Yes?” Answered Signum after a few moments.
“Just wanted to let you know,” Continued the weapon, its tone solemn. “If you just killed my partner, I will make sure neither of us leaves this ‘verse alive.” OS spoke with a quiet conviction, having stated nothing but a simple and absolute truth.
Signum frowned, surprised by both the threat and the fluidity of speech with which it was delivered. She chose to take its threat seriously however. “I merely knocked him unconscious; I can’t have him awake while I look for a way to restrain him.” As she finished her speech she began to search through Shirou’s pockets. She was surprised both at their number and how deep they were.
After a few moments of silence OS spoke up. “Well in that case, look at his outside trench coat pocket, third one from the bottom on the right side.”
Signum hesitated a moment before cautiously complying. She was surprised to find a long length of rope. “Why are you helping me?” She asked as she began to tie Shirou’s hands behind his back.
“You’ll find it eventually. No reason to make the search take longer and waste time you could use on something important, like looking for shelter; it’s getting colder by the second.” Answered the weapon.
Signum inspected her handiwork and tested it, making sure that it would be the least uncomfortable possible while still preventing her unconscious opponent from getting out of his restraints. “What I meant was; why would you facilitate my task of making your partner a captive?” She asked as she retrieved Levatein. She gave the blade a quick cleaning with a cloth and then sheathed it.
“No matter how I look at it, my partner’s fate hinges on your decisions,” Answered OS in an earnest tone, “I’d rather you spend the time finding some shelter before the storm breaks.”
As soon as the weapon was done with his answer, Signum felt cold drops of moisture pelt against her skin. “If I pick you up…will you attack me?” Asked the Knight of the Blade to the far too intelligent device.
“As long as you don’t harm my partner, I mean no harm to you lady, that I can swear.”
Taking it for its word, Signum picked up the weapon, noting that it was not sharp, she stuck it through her belt to secure it. She then picked up the unconscious Shirou in a fireman carry and took off into the skies in search of a cave, the deepening twilight promising to make the task an arduous one.
“Besides,” Said OS with his customary cheer once more coloring his tone. “I can’t wait to see boss’ reaction when he wakes up, he hatesbeing tied up.”
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
“Hey…could you free me? I really hate being tied up.” Deadpanned Shirou.
“Shut up! You’ll disrupt my calculations.” Said Signum in an annoyed tone of voice.
Shirou remained quiet for a few moments before speaking. “But you’ve been calculating for the past two hours.”
“And if someone did not keep distracting me, maybe I would get done sooner.” Answered the young woman through gritted teeth.
“Are we there yet?” Came the customary annoying call from her belt.
“No.” Deadpanned Signum.
“How about now?” Asked Shirou.
“No!”
“…and now?” Whined OS.
“Shut it!”
“Okaaaaay.” Said the Slider and the jeweled weapon in perfect synchrony.
For a few moments the only thing that could be heard in the cave was the fall of rain and the crackling of the fire. Signum’s face shifting to a frown of concentration.
“How about now?” Asked the Slider and OS at the same time.
“SHUT UP!”
Shirou acceded to her demand, he knew OS was about to continue, but shook his head, it would be useless to antagonize her any further.
About fifteen minutes later Signum was rubbing her head in frustration.
“Why? Why? Why?! This doesn’t make any sense! The coordinates areright! Why is the spell reading that there is nothing there!?” Growled the Knight of the Blade with great aggravation in her voice, her characteristic calm lost.
“I would venture the answer: Because there is nothing there.” Said Shirou.
Signum simply looked at him in contempt. “What? You transferred us such a great distance that I can’t reach the coordinates I am aiming for?”
Shirou remained quiet for a few moments before giving his own answer.
“How much do you know about parallel universes?”
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
“That,” Said Signum after a thorough and lengthy explanation. “isbullshit!”
Shirou Zelretch Schweinorg sighed, he had feared she would have this particular reaction.
“But it’s the truth.” Said the Slider with a weary sigh.
“You expect me to believe that you are from a parallel world. That you can ‘synchronize’ with the parallel…yous…across the ‘multiverse’, and that this entire incident was caused because you synchronized with a parallel you who picked up the book of darkness and grew up with the Wolkenritter serving him?” Deadpanned Signum.
“…Yes.”
Signum dropped her face unto her palms. “There is a simple explanation for this: I am dreaming, likely in a coma. I failed to catch you before you finished your Dimensional Transfer and am now in the hospital waiting to wake up.”
Shirou nodded his agreement, not wanting to stir up a hornet’s nest.
“Or maybe you tackled my partner into a dimensional rift, piggybacking into a universe separate from yours and are now stuck here with us until you give me back to my partner so we can make another hop back to your place.” Said OS, surprising Shirou, the jeweled weapon would normally take any chance he could to tease a person in distress; if he was holding back then the situation must be more serious than Shirou thought.
“OS…is something wrong?” Asked Shirou with trepidation in his voice.
“Can’t you feel it boss? You should be able to tell without my help.”
Shirou took a moment to focus and stretch his senses. There had been something bothering him, but he had pushed it to the back of his mind to deal with more immediate matters. Like being in captivity.
But now that it was brought to his attention, there was a…quality…to the mana in the air. It had a sickly feel to it, like a miasma that was given off by rotting things.
“It’s…corrupted? Tainted?” Said Shirou.
“Yeeap.” Answered the sword from Signum’s belt. “What’s more, I ran a few scenarios. I can’t process the mana here, it would…curse me? I guess you could say. It would corrupt my programming. So any prana I get will need to come from you boss.”
Signum could stay quiet no longer. “What are the two of you talking about?”
“Can’t you feel it?” Asked Shirou distractedly. “The quality to the mana here…as if it…flows from deep within. Something…poisons it before it permeates the air.”
“So what?” Asked Signum.
“Well…normally I could have a transfer back to your home ready in about 24 hours. The amount of energy to tear a hole between two universes is…a little hefty.”
Signum raised her eyebrow. “That long? Well what’s different now?”
“Sense I can’t rely on mana to power up the spell…well…we might be stuck here for a week or two.” Said Shirou, not meeting his captor’s eyes.
“How do I know this is not just some plot that you are trying in order for me to give your device back?” Asked Signum.
Shirou remained quiet, trying to come up with a good response.
“Because he loves you very much!” Screamed OS from her belt.
“What!”
“What!?”
“Yeah can you not see it!? The way he refuses to meet your eye! How he tries not to stare at those creamy legs! The blush to his cheeks!”
“Shut up OS!” Said Shirou.
“The way that he keeps thinking about running his hands through your hair!” Continued OS as if the slider had not spoken. “How he only wants the two of you to give up control to your primal urges and spend a night of steamy and hot passi-”
“SHUT UP OS!” Said the Slider and the Knight together, a fierce blush adorning both their faces.
“ion! Reveling in each other’s touch! Convulsing from the agonizing pleasure that courses through your bodies! Losing yourselves in the glorious afterglow that is brought about as-”
“SILENCE!” Screamed Signum as she began to bang the jeweled weapon against the wall.
“Ouch ouch! Hey lady don’t do tha-! Aggh the burn! No! Hey this is childish!”
“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!” Screamed Signum, punctuating each of her cries with a strike against the wall.
“Argh! Alright alright alright! I’ll shut up!” Seceded OS.
Signum stood there, panting and with a fierce blush, she looked to her captive and their eyes met but for an instant before the two of them looked away, unable to meet each other’s stare.
“Still got it.” Whispered OS, causing him to be smashed against the wall once more.
After a long awkward silence the two of them simply opted to go to sleep.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
“N-No!” Said Signum as a strong grip locked her arms above her head, leaving her unable to deter the merciless ministrations of the man above her.
The man simply chuckled. “You keep saying no.” He whispered into her ear. “Yet you have made no effort to stop me..." He began to trail a line of searing kisses across her neck. "You are... more than able to...”
As he spoke, his free hand drew lines of fire across her heated skin. She tried to get her breathing under control, to regain some form of command over the situation, but her efforts were useless. His merciless attentions causing her to writhe futilely in his grip.
“Ooohh? What have we here?” Said the man as his exploring hand found her most private place, his slightest touch sending arcs of electricity up her spine.
“N-Don’t!” Begged Signum as her torment only intensified.
“Don’t what?” Said the golden eyed figure, “I won’t understand unless you tell me clearly.”
Signum’s blush, impossible as it should be, intensified at the mere thought of giving voice to the details she so desired. “S-Stop. Pleas-aaah!” Her plea was interrupted as his movements changed from teasing to possessive, causing her back to arc in ecstasy. Writhing impotently in his grasp, her speech was reduced to a few mewled protests due to the strength of the sensations racing through her.
When next she was aware of herself, she saw that her hands had been tied above her head. Crouched beneath her was her redheaded captor, staring at her most private place with a predatory gleam in his golden eyes.
“P-Please…” Said Signum with desperation coloring her voice. Whether to beg him to release her or bid him to continue, not even she knew.
Shirou smirked at her. “As my lady desires.” He said as he extended his tongue to-
Signum Yagami woke with a gasp!
She shot to her feet, Levatein appearing in her hand with a deadly and fluid motion. She stood in the cave beside the dying embers of the fire and breathed as if she had been sprinting for several minutes straight.
She then remembered exactly what caused her to wake and almost dropped her weapon in embarrassment.
“W-What the hell?” Whispered Signum as she tried to gather herself, she looked to her captive and saw that he had not stirred. The exhaustion of the chase and combat of the day before having crashed down upon him the moment he closed his eyes to sleep.
Shaking her head to get it out of the gutter, she once more lay down on the hard floor and tried to calm her raging heart.
Giving her head one last shake she closed her eyes and tried to find sleep again, tomorrow promised to be a long day.
‘All according to plan.’ Thought the prismatic weapon strapped to her belt, waiting for the opportune moment to resume his whispers.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
“Sssooooo…any idea where we’re going?” Asked Shirou to the figure behind him as he carefully walked through the animal track.
“Shut up and keep walking.” Answered Signum.
“Still grumpy? It’s been three hours. I would have thought you would have woken up fully by now.” Said the Slider with worry in his voice. “Are you sure you’re ok? Your face was really red this morning, you might have caught a fever.”
“Shut up and keep walking!” Snapped Signum with crimson tinting her cheeks.
“Could you at least untie me? I won’t be going anywhere while you still have OS, and I need to have him on me for at least two weeks before I can stockpile enough energy to make a jump.”
“No.” Answered Signum succinctly.
Shirou sighed and spoke no more. She had been strangely snappish all morning. The memories from the trace did not have anything in them that pointed towards her having a period. But then again this Signum seemed to be physically older than the one on his second-hand memories.
While the Slider worried, Signum spent her time attempting to calm down. She'd had multiple dreams the night before and still could not force herself to look her captive in the eye.
“Hey lady, what’s with the rope?” Asked OS, referring to the length of cord tied to Shirou’s bonds.
“It’s to make sure he won’t try anything funny.” Answered the pink haired knight in a clipped tone.
“But if you want to bring him to heel, shouldn’t you make it a leash? That way you can pull it and he will be like a dog at your feet~” Said the prismatic weapon, hope coloring his voice.
“Shut up OS!” Called Shirou, he was promptly ignored.
“And once he is there you could totally present your boot to him and demand he lick it!” Continued the perverted weapon, “Force him to call you mistress before turning him over with a kick and stepping on his privates as a reward!”
“SHUT UP OS!”
“And while he gets off to that you could totally call him names and stuff! It would be perfect!”
“One of these days OS, I swear I will take a hammer and break you into a thousand pieces.” Muttered Shirou to himself as he chose to ignore his weapon’s ramblings.
Signum, for her part, was fighting the fierce blush tinting her cheeks. That description had been a little too close to one of her dreams for comfort. She did not know how, but she just knew that Hayate was to blame for that somehow.
Elsewhere in the multiverse, a certain brown haired girl sneezed before resuming her nefarious plans to ensure that her two best friends and her love interest would spend a night of torrid passion. Hang in there Shirou-chan!
“So lady, when was the last time you got laid?”
The weapon’s query made Signum trip on her own feet. The only thing that saved her from planting her face on the dirty ground was her grip on the rope connected to Shirou’s binds.
“W-W-W-W-WHAT!”
“OS, stop teasing her.” Ordered Shirou with no conviction on his voice, OS would do was OS is wont to, simple as that.
“W-W-What type of question is that!” Demanded the embarrassed Signum.
“You forgot to add the question mark at the end of your sentence Signum.” Quipped OS.
“I am going to break you.” Said Signum with absolute calm. “I am going to find the nearest boulder and smash you against it until you break. And then, I am going to stomp on the pieces until you are nothing more than a fine powder and then I will-”
“Signum!” Called Shirou with urgency in his voice.
“What!?” Snapped the flustered girl, not happy that her rant had been interrupted.
“Stand still,” Answered the Slider, heeding his own advice. “Stand quiet, and do not make any sudden moves. It could set them off.”
Signum recognized the seriousness with which he was speaking and decided to heed his words.
“Do not show fear, they’ll attack if they perceive weakness.” Continued the Slider.
“What will attack? What are you talking about?” Interjected Signum as she slowly brought her hand to her weapon.
“Look about, we’re surrounded.” Answered Shirou, “When you can, cut my hands loose. There are too many to fight alone.”
Signum was about to smack him for trying such a dumb trick when she caught a slight movement out of the corner of her vision. Her eyes widened a moment later as she was able to see what Shirou was referring to.
It was hairy. That’s the first thing that came to Signum’s mind. The creature was covered in rough black fur. If it stood on its haunches it would be five feet tall. Its back hunched and its arms trailing almost to the ground like a monkey. Its head seemed to jut out of its shoulders, more mouth and nose than anything. Its face looked like a mutated sickly mole. The creature's angry, beady eyes staring intently at her.
It was easily the ugliest creature she had ever seen.
“What is that?” Asked Signum with no small amount of disgust coloring her voice.
“No idea, but they don’t look friendly,” Answered the Slider. A moment later she was surprised to hear his knuckles pop as he tightened his hands into firsts. “And I sure as hell don’t like the way they are looking at you.”
“They?” Asked Signum, a moment later she had to force her expression to freeze.
They were surrounded by at least two score of the creatures, a number of them in the trees. If she tried to take flight with her prisoner in tow, they’d likely get swarmed before clearing the treetops.
All of the creatures were staring straight at her and panting in a perturbing matter, each clutching crude but deadly weapons.
“Signum, listen to me very carefully.” Said Shirou with no emotion in his voice. “We are not getting by here without a fight. When they attack, I need to be able to support you, or neither of us is getting out of here alive. I give you my word I will not leave you stranded. Can you please trust me?”
Signum deliberated for a few moments before nodding. “Yes I can trust you.” She said before smirking. “Not that I am left with much choice.”
Following some unseen signal the creatures rushed forward with surprising agility. Levatein left its scabbard faster than an eye could track, cleaving through Shirou’s bonds in a gleaming silver arc.
Signum threw the jeweled weapon at Shirou before turning and cutting through one of the things squat neck.
Shirou caught OS as it spun towards him, “OS! Pole arm!” Screamed the slider, twirling his partner once in his hand.
With a multicolored flash, the weapon changed mid-twirl, becoming a long, beautifully crafted pole arm, its long blade cleaving through one of the attacking creatures with ease. The bizarre sight caused the hairy abominations to step back, giving the two humans a moment of reprieve.
Cradled in Shirou’s hands was a beautifully crafted weapon. Its long sapphire haft shining with a radiance that put the precious stone it so resembled to shame. Its long serrated blade, keen enough to rend both armor and flesh with equal ease, would eclipse the most ancient of emeralds in its glory. A red tassel hanged from the sword breaking notch on the blade’s back, shifting in an inexistent breeze like a small hypnotizing flame.
Held in Shirou’s arms like a natural extension of his body, was a Chinese Guan Dao. It’s cruel edge would normally be used to cut a running horses legs out from under it. A weapon eight feet in length, it was said to weigh over a hundred pounds, ensuring that only the strongest of men would be able to wield it in battle. From the effort Shirou showed as he held it, it might as well have been a feather.
It was the Green Dragon Crescent Blade. A weapon with few peers, it was said that the spirit of its legendary wielder Guan Yu rested within it, granting those who fought with it his unmatched skill with the unorthodox weapon.
The two warriors stood back to back, the movement easy and well coordinated.
The creatures hesitated, not even a full second had passed and already two of their number had fallen. They did not have much in the way of sapience, but the group as a whole wondered if they had perhaps bitten off more than they could chew.
While the creatures deliberated on how to proceed, the two humans chose to take the decision from them.
As one they rushed forward, Shirou’s belligerent baritone accompanied by Signum’s lighter tenor. They fell upon the indecisive creatures like a storm of razor sharp steel.
Within the first few moments of their engagement five of the creatures were dead, two clutching at throats sliced open by Signum’s quicksilver thrusts and the other three disemboweled by Shirou’s wide sweeping strike.
Shirou turned, the twirling the guan dao as he did so, its serpentine movements resembling the weapon’s namesake. His dancelike movements inflicting horrid injuries as he moved from target to target. Splaying open the belly of one of them and spilling its intestines on the ground, he utilized the momentum of the great pole arm to cut through the primitive weapon of the next, bisecting its owner a moment later in a shower of gore and allowing the blade to turn his body towards the next target, cleaving the skull of the next creature before it could finish its swing and splattering its gray matter across its maddened companions.
If Shirou was dancing to the tune of war, then Signum was the embodiment of lady death. She dispatched her foes with utilitarian attacks, always making sure to strike vitals, cutting the throat of one, stabbing through the eye of the next, kicking dust into a group before cutting arteries and caving skulls.
The difference between the two humans and the creatures would be evident to any who looked. The vile smelling things fought in a horde, milling and pushing each other to and fro in their attempts to reach the two humans. Each desiring to be the first to draw their blood.
The two humans fought in what looked to be a coordinated dance, exchanging the lead back and forth between them. One moment Shirou would charge recklessly into the thick of the fight, sending the things reeling with great sweeping swathes of his weapon while Signum made sure to cover his back and stop any attacks to his flanks. The next instant, Signum would engage three or four of the creatures at once with Shirou guarding her back, standing as tall, proud, and immovable as a castle wall.
Within a few minutes, of the two score creatures that had attacked them, only eight remained. Five of those died as they sought to flee. Of the three that managed to leave the site of the carnage behind, only two were able to escape. The third wailed in agony as it was impaled against a tree by the green blade of the guan dao.
Panting, covered in foul blood and even fouler fluids, Shirou turned to Signum and made a very simple observation as he waited for the creature to die so he could retrieve his weapon.
“We’re gonna need a bath.”