[Sunder the Gold]

Originally Posted by GaelicDragon

10 Truths- Yuuno Scrya

Oh, I like.

1. Since she first started to train in her magic, Nanoha will be Yuuno’s first friend and equal.

This sounds like something about Nanoha rather than Yuuno.

How about, "Since Yuuno first began to teach Nanoha magic, she becomes more than just the first mage he meets who is his equal; she also becomes his first real friend."

2. Ironically, it takes longer for Yuuno to be come friends with Fate than her familiar Arf. It isn’t he starts helping her legal defense that he reclassifies her form the mage that hurt his dearest friend.

"become"

"It isn't until after he starts... from..."

More importantly, Yuuno seems to have clearly forgiven Fate long before that. He DID betray the Arthra and send Nanoha into life-threatening danger just to save Fate, which he further personally risked his life to help Nanoha do. And when Precia broke Fate's mind, Yuuno moved along with Nanoha to catch her, and held her to provide comfort.

He also helped Nanoha put on the magical fireworks display for Fate's birthday.

3. While Chrono tends to piss him off, Yuuno does admit that he’s one of the first TSAB mages that he respects. Unlike many mages, Chrono’s device just executes the spell programming that he already knows.

"Unlike many mages, Chrono doesn't need his device to execute every spell programmed into it; he's mastered them all."

4. For getting drafted into the job, organizing the Infinity Library gains him the most political power, along with a salary that almost doubles most of his friends. He started at an Ace’s salary and has had nothing but good reviews since he started at 10.

He wasn't drafted; he volunteered every step of the way.

"Being the Chief Librarian of the Infinity Library, and being the one primarily responsible for bringing order to its chaos, not only affords Yuuno the most political power of any of his friends, but also nearly twice the salary. He started with an ace's salary at age 10, and has nothing but good reviews since."

5. Everyone will agree that Yuuno is very mature for his age. There are times when he resents Fate for the fact that Lindy adopted her and didn’t try to do the same for him. It isn’t logical, but loneliness and anger rarely are.

The first sentence isn't logically connected to the following ones.

This can be fixed by starting the second sentence with "Nevertheless, there..."

Hayate and Chrono have gained a vast number of favors in this manner.

Hahahaha!

7. Yuuno frustrates many device meisters due to the fact that it isn’t until later in life that he can operate anything out side of the dumbest of storage devices. Unison devices develop headaches, Intelligent devices “feel” demeaned, Armed devices generally seem pointless and advanced storage devices are generally worthless compared to his capabilities.

You should probably vary up your word choice and replace the second "generally" with "basically".

"...and advanced storage devices basically can't offer anything he needs."

I'm not sure about your reasoning for why Armed devices would be pointless; I assume that you mean physical weapons are mostly incompatible with his personal fighting style, which revolves entirely around mana-constructs. In which case:

"...Armed devices are incompatible with his combat style, and advanced Storage devices can't offer anything he needs."

Nanoha laughs loudly at the time Yuuno tried Sacred Heart, and it worked absurdly well.

You strayed away from your tense, here.

"...laughs loudly when Yuuno tries Sacred Heart, and it goes absurdly well."

But why do you think a Hybrid Device like Sacred Heart would work better than others?

Personally, I would think Yuuno could benefit most from Boost Devices like Caro's and Lutecia's. A machine which very simply amplifies the power of the spells he casts, rather than storing spells or running numbers for him.

If I recall correctly, Sacred Heart and Asteion are specialized in maintaining their mage's barrier jackets, optimizing those defenses in response to attacks, and casting auto-guard spells. Thus their mages can focus on everything else, particularly attack spells.

8. Unlike Chrono, Yuuno has never dreaded Hayate’s sense of humor. To him, Hayate is still the girl in the wheelchair at the library he met as a kid. As for her knights…well, there was a prank war that needed Ground Forces intervention.

But Yuuno never met Hayate in a Japanese library before the battle with the Defense Program; in fact, the only named character who did was Suzuka.

And if Yuuno would trade pranks with the Wolkenritter, he wouldn't need any such impression to appreciate Hayate's sense of humor. (Also, no such impression would really allow him to appreciate it if he wasn't already the sort of person who would liked it.)

My other complaint is that there's WAY too much unspoken story in that last sentence to be just a throw-away line at the end. None of Hayate's knights really seems like the pranking sort, and neither does Yuuno. If it got that bad, it must have been really quite a story.

9. Yuuno admits to those close to him that Fate’s tendency to adopt is rather amusing. Not like his job could he do the same. He regrets saying that when a few weeks later, Fate and Nanoha drop off Vivio at his house and go on a long vacation. He is frustrated, and later amused by Chrono’s remark that he “could have found a child on your doorstep.”

10. While his busy schedule usually hampers any attempt at romance, Yuuno is surprised when one day a young woman meets him with a contract in hand. His clan as arranged a marriage with him to this woman. When looking over the contract, Hayate and Nanoha ask if he has/had a father named Genma. He has no clue what they mean.

Hahaha!

"Yuuno's busy schedule usually hampers any attempt at romance. But one day, a young woman meets him with a marriage contract in hand, arranged by his clan."

"has" rather than "has/had", or "... ask if his father is named Genma".