Quote:
Originally Posted by Generic Asian Guy
As for me, I've taken the "not-interested-until-girl-makes-first-move" stance. Since I'm a shy guy, I don't really like checking out girls; on the subway, I usually just stare down at the floor, even if I notice a girl's looking at me.  |
It's fine to wait for a girl to express interest first. Relationships that occurred for me happened that way - it's sort of nice knowing that you're asking someone out with a high probability of success. But unless you're the most gorgeous guy on Earth, no girl is going to come up to you and start a conversation based on your looks alone. We're all observing each other's behavior and are making judgements based off of what we see. If I see someone staring at the floor, I'd figure that they're either deep in thought (probably best not to disturb them) or they're afraid of people/socially awkward. If it's a case of the latter, those are the types of people you generally would prefer not to deal with. I don't expect everyone to share my views, but is that the sort of image you want to be projecting to others?
And what's wrong with eye contact? I'll share part of an interesting study with you, as it's relevant here. The study attempted to find out whether "luck" is something real or just perceived. They gathered groups of people and determined who considered themselves to be lucky and who felt that they were unlucky. I'll cut out some aspects of the experiment, but it was determined that luck is real, although not in the way you'd think. People who felt that they were lucky were more likely to make eye contact with others and smile, which resulted in increased social interactions. People who felt unlucky would often be looking at the ground and avoid others. The increased social interactions often resulted in new opportunities for those who had made contact. The people didn't realize that they were doing anything special, though, and the interactions and resulting opportunities made them feel that they were lucky. The others didn't realize that they were putting other people off, and simply resigned themselves to feeling that nothing good ever happened to them, that they were unlucky.
The part I want to focus on is that the eye contact led to interactions. If a girl is staring at you and she looks pretty nice, look her in the eye for a second or two and give her a smile! Just show her that you acknowledge her. You don't need to stare at her like a creep, just give her a glance every now and then and make eye contact briefly. If she's really gutsy and "luck" is on your side then she'll come over and initiate the conversation. Otherwise, if she gives you an inviting smile, get off your butt and go over to her! Look, even if she's not your type, you'll build confidence and you may make friends (who in turn introduce you to their friends, and their friends may be the ones for you - that's how my ongoing relationship initially started).
This isn't about being a "player," this is just about getting yourself out there. The girl for you won't fall out of the sky and into your lap, you'll meet her somehow. I feel that my girlfriend and I have one of those fairytale relationships that occurred by chance, but despite all that we were initially introduced (somewhat by chance) through a mutual friend (also female). Were it just me and my guy friends, the only relationship I'd be able to write about would be my first and failed one, in which the girl had enough guts to initiate a conversation with me and give her phone number without my asking.
Be confident and have fun.