[zebra]

Alright, I'm not a native speaker, so don't expect any grammar corrections or suggestions for better wording. Just a heads up I also skipped most of the other comments for now, because I wanted to stay neutral until I read the entries myself. So sorry if I just repeat what has been said already.

But here my impressions and interpretations on the submitted drafts for now:

On papermario's submission:

Spoiler for rant:

Adam and Eve ... a theme used a million times. Your take on them still has something unique about it.

We don't hear a word from God until the very last line. Everything else are either a verse of the bible or Adam's decisions. That's an interesting choice imo. Adam isn't forbidden from eating an apple until the end, yet he feels pain from coming near. While the 'original' version describes Eden as a paradise, your Adam is already full of despair before fixing his fragmanted memory. Instead of having Adam and Eve be innocent and ignorant, they simply forgot all of it.
From the title and the whole story I kinda think it's actually Adam II. An Adam that already lived and experienced life as a normal human, in the normal world. He does faintly remember having a family (two sons, 'subtle' hint ;D). But he was left after all of Humanity perished and now is the start of humanity. Just that it's the second start and instead of being ignorant of the world, he simply forgot. Thus he feels despair and bitter about being left in Eden.

Finally he eats the apple and remebers everything. The good and evil just the same, only to fall in a coma. I'm not entirely sure about the end to be honest. I'd actually say Eve was taken from him as punishment for eating the apple, but he's clutching the bible verse from the beginning, suggesting he starts anew. This time we see the warning from god.

I might read to much into it, but stories are there to be interpreted differently anyway: I kind of took this story as a representation of the neverending cycle of humanity. Even when we're born we still carry the burden of the past and it's just a matter of time we shed our ignorance and innocence. We always thrieve to know everything and thus always stumble upon the truth of the good and evil. History repeats itself, just as our mistakes. It doesn't matter if we get a warning or feel it is wrong, our origin story stays the same even if we start over.

The story is really out there and captures the feeling of a myth. I'm sure there are many ways to interpret it.
But it's one of these stories that start to become good if you take the time to think aout it. I really like that it made me think, but I also believe it's one of the stories that have a hard time to invoke that in everyone.

I like the style. Simple, but to the point. There are few descriptions, but they're not necessary here.

On lordshadowisle's submission:

Spoiler for rant:

And they callend him BATMAN VIGILANTE!
Well it is the origin story of a hero after all. I still can't help but see a lot of similarities to many big and well known heroes that exist already. The monologue style didn't help that as it's often used in that kind of story, too.
But that's my only gripe with the story, if it's a gripe at all.

I like how you throw the readers into the middle of the action. I personally got sucked into it immediately. The style really is something!
We get one detail after another and everything mentioned gets explained later. Maybe there is too much explanation and some parts would work better if they were shorter and left more ambigious, but that's a question of preference and taste, I guess.

I enjoyed reading this one. Easy to read and a great flow. I have a knack for gritty stories like that anyway My favorite super hero is Batman after all So of course I find similarities ... specially since it's a normal guy who just uses his assets to fight crime, which is something I always like more than the simple "he has super powers".

On shelter's submission:

Spoiler for rant:

Whoo, poetry!
I'll be honest - I'm not good with it. Specially in English, but let's give it a try:
I like it. It gives off the feeling of summer, warmth and closeness. But also seems very dynamic and like moments we see for a split second, but seem a lot longer in our mind; treasuring the details. Your verses create very vivid images in my mind and make me relate to the scenes, even so I'm not a big athlete.
I really like that, great entry imo! You have a great eye for capturing details.

(No reflecting on the form and verse aspect, sorry, I suck at that D: Can only say I didn't find a mistake.)

On felix' submission:

Spoiler for rant:

I don't like to read script-like texts in general. May it be Goethe or Shakespeare; or the prologue of a mystery story It's a personal preference, but the bolded names in the dialogues irked me. I would have liked it without them, even so your piece is very dialogue heavy. You made it perfectly clear who was talking and doing something the whole time after all - without taking the names in consideration. It's not criticism; I'm sure others liked it to avoid confusion.
You also use present tense because of the script-like style.

I think it's an interesting choice to have a post-apocalypse setting but not use it at all in the first chapter. Instead you introduce us to the protagonist in a very off handed manner. It all looks like an innocent school-ramantic-comedy that happens to be in a post-apocalyptic world; and then you introduce us to the murders which weren't expected at all ... at least by me . I really liked that.

Even so you immediatly get the feeling there's something wrong with Mao and the teacher, I also wonder why Rei let the folders out in the open. Was it on purpose to make Kou ask about the murders, or was he that stupid for the sake of the plot?
I do like the little tidbit about Mao being the only one willing to sit in the sun, which is certainly a subtle hint and foreshadowing that there's something about her.

However, the story seems to have a lot of potential and it could go in many directions, which is always good. But I feel the prologue lacks some spice and conclusion - specially as an entry in the contest. While Kou's essay is an easy to understand introduction of his character, we're only informed about what he did and where he comes from (very roughly at that, which is good actually), but the things we actually see him do are very few. Hard to do with the word limit, but we don't need to know everything about him yet. It's just hard for me to picture him as a character - only traits I picked up are 'snotty brat' uptil now. Mao's characterization is actually more detailed.
You did it well with her - we first hear her whisper and a little later Kou explains that she never speaks with high volume. That's a really nice detail, since that's her first and only line.

Sorry, if it has been mentioned yet, but some corrections maybe:

Spoiler:

[...]I just have no luck." Kouta sighted

Should it be "sighed"?

"Haha— I'm just jocking kid." the teacher laughed

Joking?

"Um— aside from the fact she has excellent grades in PE,

Shouldn't it be "aside from the fact that she"?

I'm also pretty certain you're not following the english punctuation here and there, but it's something I always screw up myself, so I won't attempt to correct it.
I get a lot of corrections when I write something in English, so don't just trust me on those XD

Also out of curiosity: what is a "kansai-ben"? I'd guess some sort of comedy skit from context (it doesn't hinder the understanding at all, just curious).

On wassupimviet's submmission:

Spoiler for rant:

Initial reaction: Confusion, including a tilted head.

I had to re-read the first paragraph to understand the narrator is Dorothy I wasn't sure until then. That could also be a fail on my part
The rest of the confusion was the good kind of confusion, though!
Is this an historical piece?
Are they some sort of royalty?
Oh, she's a robot :O

I personally like if a story makes me guess around while I read. The characters confused me somewhat however. I like to be thrown into the middle of things but I wasn't sure who was who until I read thrugh the story a second time.
But I really enjoyed your little piece in the second round. It reads easily then.

Your style reminds me of an author, but I can't put my finger on it. I mean that as a compliment, I really like your style here. It really emphasizes the story and its setting. The whole thing begins sullen, but in the end it's uplifting and inspirating.
The end was really nice, with the handwave of origin and the callback: “You’re a louse, Roger Smith.”

I like that you only crack superficially on the world and seemingly the characters, too - it goes really well with the message:
It doesn't matter where we come from, only where we go to and what we decide to do.

It's what I drew from the story at least

Beautiful. Might be my favorite entry till now.

I linked to the specific entries I read, in case I missed a newer version.
The quality of the entries is really good! Praise to all of you :3