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Old 2009-09-29, 02:17   Link #20087
Homo Ludens
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Canada
Age: 29
Originally Posted by Antenor View Post
What irks me is not how intrusive it is: it's the sheer volume of seemingly useless GOING CRAZY banter. I think I know what you want to accomplish... But I know most people will skim it and miss plot points, or just plain despise it (if you make it too annoying). The scene is still very early into the novel, where people don't have as much emotional investment in the work. You're in danger of losing readers altogether if you make it too obnoxious.
Bah. It's supposed to be sudden and intrusive and make no sense. That's half the point of that scene.

I'm not toning it down at this stage. The game rarely gets that bad ever again, and the entire scene, as a whole, is a plot point in and of itself.

The text is line by line, as well. It's... a lot more difficult to skim that way, in all honesty.

If you have other recommendations, especially on how to make that scene not boring, then I'd be glad to hear them. For example, how exactly is it "obnoxious"?
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