Thread: Dating
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Old 2009-05-17, 13:42   Link #1124
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 32
Originally Posted by bbduece View Post
Luck = hit and miss, actually finding that one person that we will click well with, someone that will take our crap and vice versa.
It's not just a matter of "taking each other's crap" - it's also about finding someone who you are willing to change for, and ideally who is willing to change for you, too. In that manner both people grow together and fully accommodate each other.

The reason why so many people have problems is because they forget that they need to give, too. If you're in a relationship and you're just expecting your mate to change and be perfect for you, you're selfish. If you're trying to change for your mate but feel that he or she is taking it for granted and/or not returning you the favor, you're being abused.

Above all, make sure that you can both talk to each other. In that manner, if you don't like something that your mate is doing, or if you feel that they aren't doing enough, then you can say it. It's equally important that they be able to say the same about you, of course - and you both must be able to give and accept such criticism graciously and thoughtfully, without getting hung up on petty feelings. Many people are seemingly incapable of this, and as a result of the blocked communication problems worsen and resentment builds.

Compatibility is temporary. We are all changing with time and our experiences. Even if you live with someone, the two of you can grow apart. Proper communication, honoring each other such that both want to please the other - that is the ideal scenario that leads to lasting compatibility, regardless of changes in personality and circumstance.

There is a lot of luck in being able to find a person capable of all of this, but there is also skill required. Interpersonal skills, communication, being able to give and receive criticism, to see beyond a minor altercation and put it into the context of the "big picture" (that which is truly important) - those are things that each of us can work on and prepare for in our daily lives.
Ledgem is offline   Reply With Quote