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Old 2008-10-25, 20:41   Link #44
Hari Michiru
Insane Fangirl
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Home of the 2010 Olympics
Originally Posted by Utsukushii Hono'o View Post
@ Langus...Morbid? Did you not kill Orihime in your fanfic? I didn't write out his whole name? Wow I am so used to abbreviating I didn't even notice that.

Thanks for the was my first try and I wrote on whim. I thought he talked to long and to much. I actually deleted parts of it.

But since Ulquiorra is emo-static, he is like a Blank page... You can keep him in character or add dimensions to his character. I wanted to take him to a place where he is begining to feel something other than curiosity and I wanted him to show it. . I wanted him to profess feelings that would seem like love, while he denies it. Because he's has pride and I am sure he would downplay Orihime's importance. I also made him state out loud all things Kubo has had him think about Orihime. I also wanted to show how much Orihime's being hurt disturbed him enough that he was OOC and talked to his enemy.

I didn't elaborate on the fight because he has not released yet, nor did the actual battle happen yet... and the fight was not the main focus of the story. His desire to keep Orihime was.

@Hari...You are right It was a bit messy but it was my first try and that was my rough draft. I didn't have the confidence to continue without opinions on it.
I used the words "Sonido" Because Arrancar use that instead of "Shun Po" (Flash step) I also attempted to inject humor like KT does during tense moments. "Moshi Hello?" but I felt the word "Hello" wouldn't work so I used the Japanese words. Next time I will try to use the english words if it fits or provide the translations.

@Amir...I agree with Monir. I read a lot of romance novels and sometimes perfect grammar does take a backseat to great storytelling.

sorry about the was my first try. Now I am scared to do the continuation

I appreciate all the tips and CC. I don't feel bad I am glad you guys gave me the advice. Thanks!

The next one will actually be an internal monologue...on his part.
I understand what you want to do with Uliquiorra, but just out-right stating his feelings seems a bit OOC, and makes the reader feel awkward (well, it made me feel that way). Don't feel discouraged~ you should have seen my first drafts; grammar and tense mistakes EVERYWHERE. My beta nearly cried.
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