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Old 2009-05-19, 09:05   Link #52
Sackett
Cross Game - I need more
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: I've moved around the American West. I've lived in Oregon, Washington, Utah, and Oklahoma
Age: 44
I'm an older brother, and one of my younger brothers started doing some very stupid stuff right when I got back from my first couple years in college.

He didn't want to hear any of my advice either.

So when I tell you this, please understand that I understand why you are worried and want to do something.

You are not his parent

That means you do not have the same level of natural authority over him. Sure you have some authority as an older brother, but as long as your parents are alive, they have the primary responsibility and authority over him.

Furthermore, the level of violence is not good. Particularly since you are not innocent in escalating the violence. I understand that's he's the idiot and main instigator, but as the adult you need to stay in control. Throwing a pencil case to get his attention is a bad move. I'm not saying you have to let him hit you, but make sure that in any violent conflict that takes place that you are in control of your actions. Your response should be based around stopping him from hurting you- part of that means not treating him as a physical equal. He is just a little annoying squirt that you can take anytime, and the only reason you don't is because he's your brother, and he's not worth the effort. (I understand that may not be reality, but that's the image you got to project. You need him feeling intimidated- without having to pound the crap out of him to do it).

However, treating his as an intellectual equal might provide some benefits. (Even if it isn't true, you want to focus him away from physical violence as his means of asserting equality with you, and instead towards mental efforts at competition).

As a sidenote, if you are good enough to regularly stomp him at his favorite game Counter Strike, that can also be a useful tool- (the one time one of my brothers got too much into a game, I spent about a week learning to play and then would pop in at random times and wipe the floor with him- he quickly lost his obsessive interest), but since he plays so much he's probably pretty good, so that's probably not much help.

Next you need to talk about the situation with your parents. Express your concern about his excessive gaming. After that you pretty much have to let them handle it.

One thing you might press them on is the division of chores. If your brother is expecting you to clean the room, wash dishes, ect- point out to your parents the inequity of this. Ask them to back you up in your demand that your brother do his share. Press them to explicitly establish what your authority is to require your brother to do his share of the chores, (this might take a few meetings as it becomes clear that simply telling your brother to do his share won't work). The authority I would ask for is the ability to confiscate your brother's labtop until his chores are completed. But you have to be careful not to abuse that authority- don't go seizing his computer on the slightest pretense, make allowances for him to finish his match before picking up his clothes, ect. As long as you are making those allowances it will be much harder for your brother to complain to your parents that you are being unfair.

That's about as much as you can do.

Sorry I could give you any better advice.
Sackett is offline   Reply With Quote