Quote:
Originally Posted by EnigmaticThief
I've read through the first six chapters of your fanfic, Megu-Chan (aka Evil-Poptart) and let me give you my review so far:
I think that the fake-out you did in the first chapter was a very clever idea, as I said to myself, "This doesn't seem right..." However, after the first chapter I didn't find there to be very much of a shift in tone to make that first fake-out as poignant. Suiseiseki's anger towards Suigintou was well-done, and the scenes of her doting over Souseiseki and Hina Ichigo were heartfelt. I think you could have done a better job of writing for character (the characters tend to blend together in terms of personality, speech, and physical mannerisms.) I will keep reading, though.
|
Thanks for the crit on my fan fic! you're the second person that has given a decent reply to my work. I really appriciate the crit honestly!
Things to get better as the story goes on, I start to work more with thier mannerisms quite a bit more, I think I'm getting better with how Suiseiseki and Shinku are xD Sousei is too serious for me...so i make her a little sweeter in later chaps. anyway keep reading!! i just finished 19
