[Asehpe]

Here is one example of something I saw in this animē that made me change my mind about one topic -- despair. For personal reasons, despair is a topic I have given a lot of thought to. But there obviously were things I didn't know about it, and one of them came to me while watching Madoka Magica.

What was it?

Well...

Despair is usually defined as the 'absence of hope'. So, when you find yourself in an impossible situation -- i.e., when you realize that whatever it is you're trying to do: to conquer someone's love, to protect those you love, to achieve something in life... is simply unreachable, that no matter what you do and how much you try you simply have zero chances of ever getting it --, then what you feel is despair. In other words, "I'm fighting against unsurmontable odds!" = "I am in a desperate situation!" = "I feel despair".

Hm. Not quite. Because, as Madoka made clear, there are different reactions in people to the realization that their fight is hopeless. One is the 'active' reaction, which you might call the 'hopeless hero', the 'charge of the light brigade': you go on fighting regardless of your odds, because it's the right thing to do. There still is something to be done, even if you are not going to win the war. To use famous words form another show (Joss Whedon's Angel the Series), "when nothing that you do matters, then all that matters is what you do". I call this 'active' reaction the +1 reaction, and I personally wonder if it deserves to be called 'despair' at all. In fact, it is the reaction of those who kept something in their hearts -- not hope, since they understand they are not going to win, but something like dignity or a sense of meaning, a sense that their fight, even if ultimately hopeless, is still worth it. It is the acceptance of one's status as a tragic hero.

Another reaction to the realization that one is in a hopeless situation -- a reaction I call 'static' or '0' -- is simply apathy. If nothing that you do can ever change the outcome of your situation, then why do anything? Why not simply lie down on the ground and contemplate the sky, or simply wait for the unavoidable end of your situation to unfold without your help -- it's going to unfold anyway, so why not just sit and wait? The apathetic or depressive reaction is less dignified than the active reaction, and it is clearly an 'end' in that, barring external influences, nothing will happen to it: it is a stable state, in which the subject yearns for a feeling of nothingness that will dull his/her pain.

And then, there is the -1 or 'agonic' reaction, which is a further step from the two above. After realizing that there is no chance of winning ('tragic hopelessness'), after realizing the futility of action ('apathy'), the despairing subject can walk one step further, a step symbolized by Sayaka's beautiful, heart-breaking words, "I was stupid... so stupid..." (あたしって... ほんとバカ): s/he can feel shame, deep shame, because of the fact that s/he actually believed at some point that s/he had a chance of winning... So I thought I could win that person's love? How could I be so stupid! Someone like me!... So I thought I could protect my loved ones? Someone as weak as me? How could I?!... So I thought I could actually achieve something? Who, me? You're kidding...

Given how interconnected the world is, when the "despairing person" reaches this stage (the one that I think truly deserves the name of "despair", unlike the 0 and +1 reactions that should probably be called something else), then everything seems to remind him/her of his shame; everything in the world is part of that which he wanted to achieve but couldn't, everything becomes a trigger for this shame (Asuka Langley from NGE: 'I have everybody! I hate everything!'). It is as if every noise from the outside were simply one more little laugh, adding itself to the cacophonic ocean of laughter that the whole universe is having at the thought that the "despairing person" actually thought (ha-ha!) s/he had a chance of winning!... At this moment, the only thing a person can do to survive is to push everything away, to close their eyes and ears and scream, scream as loud as possible, thus creating a wall, call it a labyrinth, encircling the person, so as to keep the 'laughing world' outside, a labirynth formed by the materials more conveniently at hand: the person's old beliefs and hopes, but now perverted into a pessimistic version given the realization that there is no hope of ever achieving them.

And that is what Madoka Magica portrays admirably, at least in my humble personal opinion.