[Langus]

Originally Posted by Utsukushii Hono'o

Decided to try it...

Spoiler for "Mine":

“He’s here!” Ulquiorra thought to himself; his body tense. Kurosaki had arrived, he’d come to take her back from him. “Woman…Come!” He motioned to Orihime. She didn’t do as he bade her. Instead she just stared at him with a wide-eyed, frightened stare. Her reaction angered him, but he was not sure why. He wondered why her concern for that “Trash” irritated him so much.

He used Sonido and was directly in front her in an instant. He met her he gaze and he seared her with a look that clearly said. “You are mine…” He stood directly in front of her as Kurosaki burst through the wall. “Get away from Inoue” Kurosaki said in lethal tone. “Kurosaki- Kun” Orihime whispered …With those two words Ulquiorra was filled with a blinding rage. “Aizen-sama has given her to me! She is my care from now on! You will not take her from me! I will kill you now Kurosaki” As Ichigo yelled “Bankai!” Ulquiorra released.

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As the fight wore on both he and Kurosaki had fought with everything. Ulquiorra could barely hold his resurrection form. Likewise Kurosaki’s Vizard transformation was almost at its limit. Kurosaki had surprised him and launched a few ceros, but the effect was weakening him. For Ulquiorra everything depended on this last strike. He lunged at him and his sword made contact with soft flesh of his belly.

The thrill of victory quickly turned to horror has he realized it was Orihime he had ran through. As Kurosaki shouted “Inoue…Inoue!” Ulquiorra thought to himself if he had a heart surely it would have died. “She slumped forward onto his chest. He wrapped his arms around her careful not to push the blade in further. He was frozen in place unable to think about anything but “His woman” bleeding and by his hand. He swore that no harm would come to her.

“Why would you do this?”… He whispered.

“Does Kurosaki’s life mean so much to you?” He asked her. Orihime raised her head, gazed at him, and smiled as blood flowed from her beautiful mouth. He wondered when he began to think of her as beautiful.
when she said “Kurosaki is my dearest Nakama. I wouldn’t want him to die because of me… But I was thinking…Ulquiorra-san…I don’t want to see him die. .. I want to see him smile just once. ..My body just moved on its own.”
Ulquiorra just stared at her…unable to understand the feelings those words gave him. “Foolish Woman…” Was all he could say. “Moshi…Moshi” Ichigo waved….If Inoue doesn’t heal herself she’ll die…

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as Ayame and Shun'ō were restoring Orihime’s health Ulquiorra knelt beside her. Kurosaki approached him and he instantly reached for his Zankpakuto “Relax Man…Our fight is over”

Ulquiorra released his weapon and turned back to Orihime. “You don’t have to worry…You know. Inoue’s powers are amazing” Kurosaki told him.
Ulquiorra glared at him for an instant. “I am not worried! This woman was given to me. As long as she is with me no harm may come to her. I failed my duty.” He turned back to Orihime his gaze unwavering. Ichigo stared at him for a second …”You care about her a great deal right? You fought to protect her right?”


“Care about her?” Ulq scoffed “I don’t know what that is. I merely find her interesting. She’s not a fighter but she’s stronger than she looks. She’s gentle and kind even to those who would do her harm. I merely want to understand her. I want to understand what a heart, friendship and love is. This woman has shown it me. From this woman I can have the answers to my questions…That is all” For a long time there was no words between them then Kurosaki suddenly asked.. “Ulquiorra? What will you do now? I’ve come to take Inoue back…”

Ulquiorra rose to his feet instantly, and pinned Ichigo with a Icy stare as he gripped his Zankpakuto “You cannot have her! She is mine! There are things that I can only learn from this woman. I will go where she goes; she will go where I go! Kurosaki…I have no choice but to protect my woman. I will join you…” Kurosaki looked at him sideways and said….”Dude was that a marriage proposal…”

A bit morbid, but a very good effort. With a character like Ulquiorra, sometimes what he doesn't say out loud is more important than what he does. For this group of lines in particular:


“Care about her?” Ulq scoffed “I don’t know what that is. I merely find her interesting. She’s not a fighter but she’s stronger than she looks. She’s gentle and kind even to those who would do her harm. I merely want to understand her. I want to understand what a heart, friendship and love is. This woman has shown it me. From this woman I can have the answers to my questions…That is all”

I think it may have been more true to Ulquiorra's character had he stopped at "I merely find her interesting." As a reader of the manga and watcher of the anime, I could picture him saying that - brushing off his connection to her as nothing more than a mere pass interest. The rest of what he says in that bit "She's not a fighter...etc." seems too talkative for him to still be "in character". Perhaps you could make that an internal monologue - which could work since we haven't a clue what he's thinking inside his head most times.

Hope that constructive criticism helps you in your future Ulquiorra fics (Oh! And try to make an effort to write out a character's whole name when you are referring to them, unless another character is referring to them by their nick name. It just seems kinda lazy otherwise).

Keep at it!