[SpaceBrotha]

Originally Posted by Kourin

Spoiler for right:

I was the one who left that review. sorry I didn't elaborate more. This is just my feelings on it.

When I said American, I meant some of the dialogue and some aspects of Nanoha and Fate’s personality, not the Japanese culture/school part. (e.g. using “Oh man…” or “Come now, up and at'm silly girl” and a few other really North American colloquial phrases.)

And Fate seemed a little too open and not shy? (e.g. when she was telling Nanoha that she slept in the nude, or referencing an orgasm while eating that cookie in chapter 3. didn’t really feel very Fate to me… more like a North American teenager.)

Like in A’s, Fate was soft-spoken and easily embarrassed (e.g. A’s drama CD, Fate got embarrassed at the bath house because Amy let loose that she can’t wash her hair alone and kept insisting that she could) … even in StrikerS. Here, she was more socially adapted than in A’s so it explains the lack of shyness but she was still reserved in a polite… more quiet manner (e.g. last ep of StrikerS, everyone was all rallied for the all-out battle but Fate was the one who had reservations at first). And even though she was close to Nanoha, they were still quite polite with each other and their interactions tend to be more... soft (don't really know how to say this... maybe I'll think of it later)

and unlike the end of the first season, Fate and Nanoha have yet to go through a similar big breakthrough in your fic so I just felt that Fate was opening up a little too quickly. Asian cultures tend to be more reserved about sharing personal details (especially family details) unless the person is really really close to them.

Precia, although very interesting and fun this way, seemed just a little too perky. A nice Precia for me would be easier to imagine if she was like the Precia in Fate’s dream in Nanoha A’s when she was sucked into the Book of Darkness.

but all in all, this is an alternate universe so lots of things are up to interpretation. whatever feels best for you.

Well, i do agree, atleast partially, with you about fate's personality quirks...
...but otherwise the characters seems rather plausible to be japanese. Also, the ways things are said could be interpreted as north american way of saying stuff because it's written in english, hence all the sayings and figures of speech should be english, and since the writer probably isn't that familiar with british sayings, she goes with north american ones.

...@Satashi-chan: please keep writing them as you have, because if you start rewriting the personalities and quirks that they possess atm, you'll end up with some real sketchy plot holes (in the lack of a better term) and it'll downgrade the overall quality of the story.

Just remember, you can't please everyone, and it's your fic so you write it as you wish.

Originally Posted by Eagle8819

Spoiler:

...Though I have to admit I didn't think anyone would be affected by him that much. O.o Cause he's just a sort of random character out of the blue that I dumped evilness and evilness and evilness into it. I'm not much of a creator, which is why I usually stay far, far away from OC characters. I would have used Jail, but he's not quite suitable either.

*tries to fix chair but ends up making it squeaky*

...Well. At least you can still, uh, sit on it...

I've got a strong sense of justice or something like that, so people like him really get to me... Saying that i hate evil people is perhaps a bit redundant, but that seems to be the case.

...oh, and don't mind the chair, the armrest had been both squeaky and loose for quite a while... it's only a bit more so now (as in, unattached)