Quote:
Originally Posted by Kourin
I would argue that putting Hayate into the picture lessens the impact. If Yuuno has someone he likes, it gives Nanoha no choice but to move on. in a sense, it is forcing nanoha's reconsideration not because of how she really feels but because there's no other option.
and IMO, forcing Yuuno x Hayate for the sake of a plot point shouldn't be done. everything was going nicely but when I read yuuno x hayate out of the blue, it stunned me for a moment, wondering why is it there? it's like forcing a joke at the cost of in-character-ness.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kourin
there's a difference here though:
in short novels, there tend to be interaction between paired characters. Even when assuming that they're together (e.g. NxF + vivio short fics), a well-developed scene could really make a reader feel that 'togetherness'.
in this fic, YxH was just mentioned once. it wasn't developed. one needs to assume that pairing which needs to be based off of having read 6th D.
True that FxN was only implied but so was NxY.
Fate and Nanoha had some of the more emotionally intense scenes together when compared to scenes between Nanoha x Yuuno.
I don't hate Yuuno. He's a nice guy and he had some sweet moments with Nanoha
but I don't see how that would make it the most canon seeing as it was just as implied as FxN. kindness between a girl and boy doesn't automatically make it romantic.
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I like the points which you raise, and they were the exact same points I had considered myself in my author's notes at the end. Yuuno mentioning Hayate seems out of the blue because there's no build up for it. This is a circumstance caused by the specific scene which I chose to portray, one that was originally done masterfully in CCS, but because for me this was simply a one-shot, many things are left to the readers own discretion.
I tried to lessen the effect (half-heartedly I admit) by changing the ages of the characters to 16, which would theoretically have given them time to interact amongst themselves and for such relationship developments to occur, but alas, I guess it was a weak thing.
In the end I guess it really is my fault how the portrayal of the Hayate and Yuuno relationship became a bust, and I'll try my best to provide some kind of background for it in the future if it ever arises again. I guess I was just a bit impatient at the time and didn't really want to create an epicly long one-shot since I didn't put all that much thought into it. That and I'm still new at it so I wasn't sure what I was doing.
I shall take your comments to heart next time when I write. :3