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I thought episode 18 was actually really well done, mainly in regard to the latter half when Ruka finally confessed everything to Okarin. I mean, we debate about the "trap" in a similar context. As a heterosexual male, when you see a male that looks/acts so much like a female that it is difficult if not impossible to tell the difference, where you struggle between your feelings of attraction for who they are and your confusion on how to handle what they are, what do you do?
Flip that around for someone like Ruka. Here is a person who fell in love but knows that his gender is a huge barrier that pretty much prevents any chance of pursuing that love. I can almost see how Ruka might even have some (or even a lot) of resentment toward his own gender...."cursed" to look so feminine that he's stuck between two worlds. He can never be manly, but he'll never be a real girl either.
In many ways this is a common frustration among transgenders. They (at the very least mentally) don't have any comfort with their biological gender, but struggle with the knowledge that they can only (at best) live as the gender they identify with, and current options are all superficial. They might pass well enough that others won't question their gender, but inside they themselves know the truth. It's something that eats at many transgenders no matter how much they rationalize it.
That really comes to a head with Ruka's confession. She gave up her chance at being happy as a real girl, having a chance at a real relationship with Okarin, to save her friend. Okarin struggles with the knowledge of this, since it is his invention that made possible that reality and what revealed Ruka's feelings for him. He's a good person, knowing that he had the ability to reverse the D-mail but deciding to make a "proper" date and give her some happiness.
It's both a blessing and a curse for all these characters. Feyris and Ruka lose their memories of the blessings they had, so they are spared from knowing that they lost them. They won't remember what those blessings were though, and those memories with her father, or his/her memories of being a real girl, are lost forever. Okarin on the other hand must live with the memories of both timelines. He'll know how happy these people were, and that he was responsible for both their happiness and their sacrifices for their friend.
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