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Old 2008-07-18, 17:53   Link #54
Nervous Venus
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.
Age: 32
Arceon,
the only qualms I have about your story is the way it starts. I'm not looking for a hook/line/and sinker type of line or anything, but " I ran" just doesn't cut it for me. Good thing I kept reading though because the rest of it is pretty good. I do wish you could flesh out the chapter more, but that's just me being greedy.

Post some more whenever you've updated. I'm interested in reading
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