Firstly, I just want to point out how sad it is that the fanfiction thread now seems to be joining the other threads into fading -- aside from the image thread (which may eventually join the same fate), I thought this one would never fade like all the others...but
nobody commented on Dany's fic? It's sad...
But not to worry Blue - I was pretty much your primary, and only, reviewer really so that doesn't change
I'm happy to see this story finally gets it's long-awaited sequel -- your take is so interesting because, as I told you before, rather then going for an epic that involves tons of characters, the fate of the island etc....you focus purely and especially on one thing, which is what we want the most of anyway: Character development. You focus purely and solely on their relationship that it, in a way, more then makes up for everything else.
It can make your style overwhelming, as it was for me in the beginning....but I've grown accustomed to your style; I would nitpick and critique, but I'm passed that really -- you've plainly decided to stick with the way you've been writing since the first chapter, and really, at this point, I'm used to it so it really doesn't matter anyway.
And as far as errors in this chapter, nitpicking is really all I can say, which, at this point, It's not worth it anymore.....the old errors like, Raki isn't really from the Southern region (better translations put him in the Southern part of Lautrec...the
West; Riful territory), which isn't confirmed to be named "Mucha".....Luciella could only have been weakened by other Abyssals or beings on her level no matter how many or how strong.....etc; nitpicks which, at this point, isn't even worth bringing up anymore.
Really, I don't even want to critique about anything to be honest -- in general, I'm just happy that a new chapter has been made. We have your overwhelming detail as usual which, while in someways is excessive, truly pulls you into the world in a way few have done before; your creativity in coming up with the various town names (and making the central region much more populated - aside from Rabona, their really isn't any notable city-states or towns)...again, rather then focusing on the bigger events with the various main characters, warriors etc....you focus solely and purely on Raki and Luciella in this big big world which is something truly unique and grossly needed more.
Really, if their is one true critique, it's this -- this chapter, has no title...it's fine if you don't want to make any, since the last story didn't for any of the chapters; however, the story is called "Strange Consorts: Bad for Business"....in the spoiler tag however, you write only "Part 1" which makes it imply that BFB is the name of the
chapter and this is part 1, of chapter 1. You should clarify and probably edit this to make it better.
I'm curious about what kind of business these people are running; no doubt illicit and dark -- if I had to guess, perhaps slave-traders, people working with the Org to supply children, the mining camps....hell, maybe even something involving women which places Luciella under watchful eyes as well. It definitely sounds enticing as it's something, again, that is difficult to guess at because, in general, it's rare that such focus is put on things like this.
Their's alot I feel I could say, but I do want to stay on topic, and really, the message I'm saying is a simple one -- that it's good you're continuing the story and a new one has been made to enjoy.