Thread: A Laugh A Day
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Old 2009-03-27, 23:04   Link #3840
The Necessary Evil
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Peeing on Stinku's Grave
The story of creation with an unhealthy serving of deep-fried potatoes.
Alternate Title: The battle between Good and Evil, with an unhealthy serving of deep-fried potatoes.

Originally Posted by Reader's Digest.
In the beginning, God created heaven and earth. And Earth was without form and void. And God made a circular light in the heavens which he called the Sun. And God saw that the light was good. The devil made the smaller light rectangular in shape called the TV. The devil saw that the light was bad. And God made springs which came out of the ground. Oozing fountains of pure, fresh water. The devil invented fizzy drinks. And saw that the fizzy drinks were bad. And God said, let the Earth bring forth vegetables, and the herb of the field that the children may grow up healthy. And it was so.

The devil said, “let there be deep fried potatoes”. And God said, "Let the waters bring forth 10000 varieties of fish that they may provide sustenance for the children". And the devil arranged that the fish may be smothered in batter, fried deep and served with deep fried potatoes.

And God created the cattle and chicken of the field and said, “BEHOLD, I have given you every living creature that moveth; to you it shall be for meat.“ And the devil showed how the meat could be minced and turned into burgers and suggesteth that it be always served with deep fried potatoes.

And on the seventh day, God rested and asked that his children rest too, and use the day to comtemplate the wonders of the creation.

And the devil created the all-day brunch, cartoon TV channels, and Sunday newspapers filled with articles about celebrities that the minds of the children be filled with rubbish and their bodies filled with yet more deep fried potatoes. And God said to the boy, “Take the girl and go forth and multiply, and of your seed I shall create a great nation, as numberless as the stars of the heavens.

And the devil invented the computer and recruited 10,000 demons and zombies to fill with online battles and too recruited many females to take images of top heavy women. And the boy parted with the girl and did instead cleave to the computer.

And God pointed out to the girl that he had made her many attractive blandishments which she could use whenever the boy was away from the computer.

And the devil invented the Nintendo DS Lite so that the boy will be able to take his computer games with him whereever he goes.

Now the serpent was more subtle that any of the animals that God had created. And the Devil did enter into the serpent and cause him to say to the girl and the boy, The tree in the middle of the garden the Lord hath told you not to touch. But I say unto you, if you eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, your eyes will be opened and you shall be as gods.

And the boy and the girl looked at the serpent and said unto him: No thanks, we liketh not fruit, But hast thou any deep fried potato?

And here concludes how the devil lost the war and endeth today’s scripture reading, Amen.
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