[Kourin]

Originally Posted by Satashi

I kinda get what you're saying now. A few things, like dialog, was made because like someone else said, this is a fanfic in English. So I use English phrases. I try to keep Japanese things if I can, like greeting "Good morning" never happened at my school. It was always"yo" "sup" "hi" or no greeting at all, just talking.

I get where you're coming from. maybe it's just a personal quirk but when using certain (not all, some) colloquial english phrases in dialogue, it takes away the japanese tone, such that, it's a little difficult to imagine the character saying it. Yo or sup would be a little too north american IMO. 'hi' would work or just launching into conversation . some people do say good morning, especially in japan though more towards teachers or older people.

Hmmm....Fate. I think I said this before, on the old thread, so I'll give my thoughts again. Fate, to me, isn't so much as shy but easily embarrassed. In A's, Fate never really held back her thoughts or actions. In the manga, she was open and forward (like during the dodge ball game, she was the leader and it showed). However, when someone teased her in anyway, she got embarrassed super fast and tried to defend herself. I think I portrayed that in SbtB well?

true. the shyness she did have was more from being hesitant and unfamiliar with what is expected of her in a more stable/normal life i think.

Okay, them being too open too soon... *thinks* Well, Fate has a crush and therefore naturally likes Nanoha. She perked Fate's interest right away you could say. I do agree that they seem to have gotten close so soon. But so far around two months have passed since they met. I tried in this new chapter to kind of give a reasoning for Nanoha being so clingy to Fate. Hopefully that will help this out. Let me know if it worked when it's posted?

she may want to know more about nanoha (and nanoha would be more than willing to share i think) but Fate may not equally return that favour that soon is what I'm saying. most people would be open to sharing things with a crush but not everyone. and in a friendship, two months really isn't that long at all.

Precia...Hooooboy. Can't deny that one at all XD! She's too perky, too lively, too out spoken, and a lot of other "too" 's as well lol. I'll have to say here that I.... well, I used "author's privileges in an Alternate Universe" to shape her up. How did I get her personality? My aunt hahaha. My aunt is just like Precia in this story. I think Fate really needs a good mother and since I had the chance.... I'm making up for all those bad things I wrote about Fate with this story XD! (actually no, I'm embarrassing 10 years off Fate's life )

awww... your aunt is so cute! but as someone else said, don't change anything at all. it'll disrupt things as it wasn't written that way to begin with. it's fine the way it is.

I can't change the characters now since I'm in so far, but I can start making things a little better. Do you have any suggestions on things they might do instead of what they have been? Like, instead of "up and at'm silly girl" What do you think should have been said? I'll try to adjust a little without exactly changing what they are.

the things they have been doing is fun as I said in my review. no need to change. it's just the few little things. that's all.

"Get up!!"..."Wake up!!" ... "Come on, get up!"
It's plain but.... the exclamation points help? heh