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The Fascist
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So mark this up as another member who joined specifically because of this thread.
Now I would have normally been glad to idly sit by and watch as this turned into the most epic thing ever, but as I was reading the Genderbent novel, I realized that the scene in volume 2 is really... well... I don't like it. No offense.
But rather than being all talk, I've done my own.
Changes that I've made are in bold.
Spoiler:
"Here, take this."
Haruki handed me an instant camera as he stuffed a magazine into his pocket.
"Now listen carefully! I'll tell you the plan, and you must follow it no matter what! You only have one chance."
Haruki pulled me down and whispered his "plan" in my ear.
"Wha!? You can't do that!"
"Does it matter?"
Of course it doesn't matter to you, idiot! I turned to a puzzled looking Asahina, trying to warn him by winking at him.
You're better off not seeing this!
But Asahina-san looked surprised at me and started blushing. Oh no, he completely got the wrong idea.
Before I could tell Asahina-san our "brigade" leader's terrible plan, Haruki barged into the Computer room.
"Hello there! I've come to collect a computer from you!"
The spacing is similar, but compared to our room, was narrower. Each of the evenly spaced desks had a desktop computer on it with CD sound effects. The computer fans whirling away were the only sounds heard in the room.
The group of mixed boys and girls sitting on their seats typing on their keyboards all stuck their heads out towards the door to see what Haruki was up to.
"Who's in charge here?"
Haruki smiled pompously. A female student stood up and answered.
"I'm the president, can I help you?"
"Do I have to repeat myself? I just said: give me a computer."
The nameless Computer Club president displayed a "What the hell?" expression and violently shook her head.
"Don't be ridiculous! To begin with the school doesn't even fund us, these computers are all self-bought. You can't just barge in here and demand a computer!"
"What does it matter? Just one would do, you have plenty anyways!"
"You... who do you think you are!?"
"I'm Suzumiya Haruki, Commander of the SOS Brigade, and these two are Subordinate One and Subordinate Two."
That idiot is deciding things all on his own again!
"I command you in the name of the SOS Brigade: hand over a computer at once! Don't give me any excuses!"
"I don't know who you guys are, but absolutely not! You can go buy your own computers!"
"Since you've said that, we have our ways."
Haruki's eyes glared fearlessly. Oh no, that is a bad omen!
Haruki whipped out the magazine from earlier and before anyone saw what was on it shoved it into the hands of the president.
"Aaaa~~!!"
The president yelled, her face completely red. She probably thought she was being molested.
Click!
At the sound of her screaming, I clicked the camera shutter.
Haruki grinned and finally the computer president realized what she was holding was some crazy Boy's Love porno magazine with an incredibly explicit cover. Her face blushed even harder as she stared dumbly at it and Haruki shouted at me again.
"Kyon! One more picture!"
I reluctantly pressed the shutter again. Nameless computer president, you have my sincerest apologies. Just as Haruki was about to yell for one more picture, the president finally threw the magazine down and screamed.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"
Haruki waved his finger elegantly at the furiously blushing president.
"Uh uh uh! We now have photographic evidence of you possessing extreme pornographic material! If you don't want the whole school to know about these photos, then hand over the computer!"
"What kind of joke is this!?"
The president protested furiously. I totally understand how you feel.
"You forcefully pushed it into my hands! I'm innocent! In fact, I'll sue you for sexual harassment!"
"Oh really? And how are you going to prove that?"
I turned and looked at Asahina-san who had been staring speechlessly from a corner of the room the entire time. He must have been in so much shock that all energy had left him.
On the other hand, the president continued to resist.
"My members are all witnesses! You attacked me!"
The three members who were standing dumbstruck all nodded their heads vehemently.
"That's right!"
"The president is innocent!"
If Haruki could listen to you guys, then he wouldn't be Suzumiya Haruki.
"Hmm? Then I'll just say you guys were hoarding a whole pile of porn in the club room and on the computers. Then you can all get expelled!"
At this instance, everyone's face turned white, including mine and Asahina-san's. Oh god, did it really have to come to this?
"S... Suzumiya-san...!"
Asahina-san desperately tried to intervene and convince Haruki to stop, but Haruki simply lifted his chest and arrogantly said:
"So how about it? Are you giving us one or not?"
The president's face went from red to white, finally turning dark.
In the end, she surrendered.
"Just pick one and get out!"
Having said that, the president sat down dejectedly. Her members all rushed towards her.
"President!"
"Get a hold of yourself!"
"Are you all right?"
The president's head drooped like a puppet whose strings were broken. Seeing such a broken figure, even as Haruki's companion, I couldn't help but shed a tear of sadness for her.
"Which one is the latest model?"
You're such a cold-blooded person!
"Why should we tell you!?"
The angry members continued their meager resistance, but Haruki simply pointed at me and my camera.
"D... damn it! That one!"
Haruki looked in the direction the member pointed and inspected the model and serial number of the computer. Then, he took out a piece of paper from his pocket.
"I went to the electronics store and asked for a list of the latest models. This doesn't seem to be one of them."
This boy has everything so meticulously planned that it's becoming scary.
After inspecting all the other computers, Haruki pointed to one of them.
"I want this one."
"W... wait! We just bought that last month!"
"Camera."
"... T-take it, you thieves!"
Like she said, we were truly thieves.
Haruki's greed knew no bounds. After plucking all the cables and wires, he moved all the necessary equipment back to the Literature Club room without consideration. He then had the Computer Study Group people reinstall the wires for us and had them lay two internet cables from their room to ours, so we could use the internet. He even forced them to set up an intranet for us. His despicable ways are no different from a robber!
"Asahina-san."
Being helpless the whole time, Asahina had broken down in tears and was kneeling on the ground, covering his face and sobbing endlessly. He's definitely really cute.
"Let's go back."
"Sob..."
Haruki, you idiot, can't you show up with your own porno magazine?! For someone who undresses in front of girls without a second thought, this is nothing! I comforted Asahina-san, while mumbling about what on earth Haruki wanted a computer for.
Very soon, I would find out.
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