Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldlight
I don't think it's fair to blame everything on just Sayaka's choices. Remember that for every miracle made in a wish, an equal amount of despair is also created to balance everything. At the very least, part of Sayaka's suffering was also caused by despair welling up inside her as a result of making such a miracle happen. Those feelings partly influenced the choices she made later. That was a side effect she neither knew beforehand nor had any control over.
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Doesn't fly.
The first choice: Healing violin boy's hand. At this point, she knew the difference between what she wanted and what would sound morally nice as a wish. This is ignoring the fact that violin boy is not going to die (unlike Mami's case) and another dream can be found (else most of those children who wanted to be a soldier/policeman/doctor/scientist/etc when they grow up would have killed themselves when they ended up working as something else. At 14 years old, you have plenty of time to change your "dream")
Second choice: Lying to herself she would never regret her choice. If you truly would never regret your choice, you would not need to tell yourself that because you would accept any consequences that came, come hell or high water. Already her words "how could i regret this" during the violin boy's rooftop performance betrayed her doubt
Third choice: Lying to herself that she has to give up violin boy because shes now a zombie when it was her own fear of rejection that stopped her. Note the long duration that she spent wth violin boy prior to changing and not a peep on liking him because she wanted him to tell her instead and thus be free from rejection.
Fourth choice: Lying to herself that she is better than the other Mahou Shoujo (other than Mami) and an ally of justice even after Kyoko tore her mask off with her "break the boy's legs" speech, showing that her basic wish itself was for a selfish motive
Final choice: Lying to herself that she is rejecting Homura's help because she is suspiscious rather than that she has given up on herself and waiting to die.
None of this is due to the magical despair vs hope balance. This is simply the result of self deception. Compare and contrast Kyoko and Homura (both more popular than Sayaka).
Kyoko saw her wish blow itself up but she did not give up on herself because she admitted she made a mistake in her way of thinking and tried to rectify it. Not that her ultra selfish thinking was correct but it implies she understands and admits her initial mistake and thus faces the truth (ie i fuc*ed up)..
Homura is even more obvious. Every timeline she fails, she thinks on her mistakes and tries again. If she was Sayaka's personality, she would have blamed the entire thing on Kyubei, hid in a corner crying and kill herself by charging Walpugis Night in a "glorious" final strike