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Old 2012-12-04, 01:22   Link #11
Boo, you whore
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Originally Posted by Vexx View Post
Still seems a lot like a sketch/outline where you're just trying to get ideas onto a blank page (in other words, it looks a lot like some of my early "sticky note" barrages when trying to decide how a chapter should go).

As a prologue, it lacks any introductory description of characters (what they look like, etc) or a setup on why any of this matters. They seem to spend a lot of time worrying about what type of car, we don't know why he was supposed to meet her on top of a building (to jump together? what?). What is she to him? If he knew she was thinking of jumping he seemed remarkably unconcerned?

It might work better as a flashback after the reader knows the information? Please don't take this badly ... I'm just marking where I think it needs clarification, explanation, or expansion. I'm looking at my latest three chapters with a really jaundiced eye today (returns to chainsaw and mallet whacking of my own text).
Honestly, yeah, you have a point; I just randomly wrote it to kinda get over "writers block" for a bit. I probably will insert this chapter into the story sometime later when the characters are a bit more...developed.

Ugh, I need to get my mind off of things for a while...

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