[mindovermatter]

It's hard to find romance anime with a strong willed lead because the "ideal" Japanese women is young, nieve, pliable, and very girly.

People have mentioned Toradora. That one is good, though near the end the main (Tiga) becomes just like any other stock Shojo character.
A few people have said Clannad, but unless your willing to sit through a lot of unrelated episodes (Fuko ark = first 5 episodes) it's not for you. It's got a lot of life lessons, but the main girl is very girly. The lead guy character is ok though.