Part 4: Almost Confrontation
“S-shamal isn’t here right now, you know.”
“Oh?” Nanoha looked at her hand, which was covered by a bloody handkerchief. “It’s nothing; a little nick. You know when she’ll be in? She always makes the cleanest heals.”
“Um… she’s on her lunch break, so she’ll probably be back soon.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll wait then.”
Hayate watched as Nanoha sat down on the edge of a vacant bed, her eyes looking more vacant than Hayate had ever seen them. She was returning Hayate’s gaze either.
“Hayate?”
“What?” Hayate winced at the sharpness of her own voice and amended, “What is it?”
“Why are you here? Don’t you have work? Or are you waiting for Shamal too?”
“Ah… no… I just like it here. It’s… peaceful, when no one else is here.”
“Oh… I guess I ruined that for you today. Sorry.” Nanoha didn’t sound at all sorry, but she didn’t seem all that happy either. Nonchalant. That’s what she was. Nonchalant. Blithe.
“No, no, it’s okay, really.” Hayate took a deep steadying breath and sat back down at the nurse’s chair. “So… how did you get inj-“
“I was careless in the last fight.”
“’The last fight’?” Things had been quite recently. Unless she meant… “The practice spar you had during the morning training? With Fate?”
Nanoha looked over at Hayate then, sending a chill down the latter’s spine, as if daring her to say that name with that sort of affection again. Hayate bit her lip. Nanoha looked away with a sigh, absently fingering the cut through the handkerchief. “No. Fate and I… we fought. Last night. We made up, more or less, before we went to bed, but I stayed up. Couldn’t sleep. How can I sleep knowing, no, wondering what I did wrong? She wouldn’t tell me, but I knew she was hiding something.”
If Nanoha noticed the way Hayate’s body seized up, perhaps with guilt, she made no show of it.
Nanoha sighed and continued, “No, we’ll be all right, I’m sure. I mean, Fate’s entitled to her own secrets, just like I am to mine. It’s not a big deal… I just wish she wouldn’t look so… guilty about it if it didn’t matter… or that she would tell me if it did matter.”
“Nanoh-“ Hayate choked on her words when there was a sudden knocking on the door. She froze like a child caught in the off-limits parent’s bedroom when she heard the voice that went with it.
“Hayate? Are you there?”
Nanoha’s eyes began to focus as curiosity and confusion started stirring up trouble in her mind.
Hayate jumped up from her seat and hurried over to the door, opening it quickly to reveal Fate.
Fate broke into a smile upon seeing Hayate, at first not noticing Hayate’s panicked expression. “Hayate! Good, you’re still here. I have to tell you… why are you…?”
It was then that Hayate stepped back and let the vision of Nanoha answer her half-asked question.
“Oh. Hi Nanoha.”
“Hi.” It was a bit perkier than before, but there was the cold chill of suspicion in her voice. “Did you have plans to meet Hayate here? I suppose that is a conference of sorts…”
Hayate swiveled her eyes from Nanoha back to Fate. Her eyes spoke volumes. ‘You lied to her?’
”It just slipped out, okay!” Fate bit her lip as she made a show of checking her watch. “I was just stopping by to see if Hayate was still haunting her usual lunchtime haunt. I wanted to ask her… something.”
Nanoha got off the bed, and Fate froze in place. Nanoha brushed past her, saying, “I’ll leave you two alone to your ‘asking’ then.”
“Nanoha, wa-“ Fate bit her lip as Nanoha shook her head and continued on her way.
“That went well.” Hayate met Fate’s eyes, and smiled that endearing, You’re hopeless but I can’t hate you for it smile. “You better do something nice for her tonight.”
“I will,” Fate promised. She took another look down the hallway, wondering if she should go with her linger conscience telling her to run after her girlfriend. She glanced at Hayate, and that small resolve crumbled to nothing. “Can I come in?”
“Hm? Oh! Oh, yeah, sure, of course.” Hayate stepped back to let Fate in, checked the hallway behind her, and shut the door. As she turned around, she started, “So what did you want to as-“
And suddenly, Fate’s lips were on hers. Memories of what felt like a thousand years ago came rushing back. For both of them.
Hayate whimpered as Fate let her go and crossed the room, putting distance between them just as Hayate had been ready to fully respond. “Fa-“
“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Hayate. I love you. Still.” Fate paused in her pacing and looked up at Hayate with such a pained expression that it broke Hayate’s heart to pieces just to see it. “But I also love Nanoha. I always have.”
“H-How?” Hayate shook her head and answered her own question. “No, I know. But… do you love us in the same way?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know!” Fate stopped in front of the chair and sat down, burying her face in her hands. “I’m starting to spiral downward, Hayate. I’m losing my grip on living. I have to set this right again!”
Hayate moved to touch Fate, but at the last moment, decided against it, stopping just in front of Fate. She kneeled down beside her. “What do you want from me, Fate? Just tell me. If I can do it for you…”
“Tell me you don’t love me too.” Fate’s eyes were stained with tears as she looked at Hayate. “Tell me that the way I feel for you is wrong. That you also believe that I should be with Nanoha. That there is no future in loving you the way that I do. Tell me that cheating on Nanoha is the worst thing I could ever do. That only I can stop this.”
“Only you can stop your pain.” Hayate lifted her hand and gently wiped away Fate’s tears. More fell as if as a result of the gesture. “But I won’t lie to you, Fate. You don’t deserve to be lied to.”
Fate was silent for a long moment, burning a hole in the ground with her fixed gaze. Finally, she choked out a single sentence.
“Will you go with me?”
Hayate’s heart nearly stopped. She had been waiting for those words for six long months. “Go where?”
There was a sad, resigned smile on Fate’s lips. “Go with me… to tell Nanoha that she deserves better than what I would be able to give her anymore.”
Hayate hesitated as she followed Fate’s lead in standing up. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
Fate closed her eyes, clearing her thoughts of all but the most necessary. She opened her eyes and smiled a true smile, one that had been a long time in coming.
“Yes.”