Some slight nitpicking on the actual lines in the translation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Revan
The rules we set forth to govern this closed space has conditionally set out to capture the girl who sacrificed herself.
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Here, Kyubey said : "A closed space formed itself, that was ruled by its own internal laws, the guiding of victims and their capture". He's just explaining the first time he has seen a witch's field. No mention of sacrifice, just of "guiding prey and capturing it", and the laws belong to the closed space.
Quote:
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"At that time, the barrier you created had no choice but to change her form back into a living being. To that end, us Incubators were finally able to get what we wanted and observed the true cause behind the disappearance of magical girls upon their demise."
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Kyubey said : "And now, with all these constraints in place, if the "Law of Cycles" still tries to reach out to you, Akemi Homura, then it will have to materialize in this world, as a 'victim' you invited in your barrier. Enabling us Incubators, to finally identify and observe this mistery: what causes magical girls to disappear.
Quote:
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"Due to your assistance, we've been able go on endlessly in our research."
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Wrong, here Kyubey says that Homura spilled the beans and saved them the trouble of even looking for it, since Homura called the "Law of Cycles" by the name Kaname Madoka in front of Kyubey. (Though to be fair I'm not 100% sure which line this is based on that English version)