[felix]

Originally Posted by lordshadowisle

The history and background were interesting to read, though I think you can still make it sound more like a textbook. But it's also possible that it's not a textbook, since the contents are only referred to as "trivia". A book title would make things clearer, eg "Historical Perspectives from the Great War" vs "100 Facts from the Past".

Yeah, I had it more technical and methodical initially. To get it within limits I had to trim some things off. I'll give it some time and do a pass on it later when I can take in any errors or miswrites better. Incidentally it's suppose to be a extract from a magazine but I think I may re-phrase it to be something else that makes more sense.

Originally Posted by lordshadowisle

Regarding the barriers and the Velocity-Altering technology, I think it's good that you mentioned some obvious ways to subvert the fields and how these methods were unsuccessful, hence warfare regressed to primitive methods. It helps a lot to make the setting believable since the nagging doubts are preempted. Though personally, I don't quite think people will regress to swords and steel; from my own point of view tanks are still viable weapons; no amount of spearmen can possibly destroy a tank! No firepower is okay, we'll just use them as land ironclads, run over any resistance, and if there's another tank we'll duke out with ramming speed.

My history knowhow is a little shady, but as I recall tanks were initially developed as exactly what you describe: armored tractors that could run over defense lines such as barb wire, and trenches, spearheading troupes. They were initially used in WW1 when trench warfare and defensive emplacements were the new way to wage war. Anyway as far as I know, after the initial scare factor they gad died down, people found any idiot could walk to a tank (since they were and still are relatively slow) and just throw a grenade inside it, or gas the occupants or throw fire at the exhaust. The cost to fail ratio is not so good. Anyway, in WW2 when this started to happen what you had was either soldiers near the tanks or relatively early on tanks started to sprout machine guns. You had the usual side ones and the iconic one at top.

Anyway back to the setting at hand. Take the machine guns away and the tanks have their old early WW2 and WW1 short comings, so technically they're not cost effective. But even if there was some way to make them viable, you can be sure I would just write it to appear it's not viable.

My intent with the setting was fairly simple. First, I wanted to make things interesting and accessible. Things flying at mach nine and launching a missile from 100,000km's way is not as interesting as say giant flying robots accelerating to supersonic speeds only to get slowed to normal speeds when entering each others fields and clashing swords midair. Similarly with the skill factor, any idiot could point a gun and push the trigger, I wanted something where you could have the status of a ace and not just the typical green or veteran skill difference. And secondly, I needed something to make the setting have it's own flavor, so yeah I could bring in tanks somehow I just don't want to in a way they are no different then they are now. Personally I'm happy at the moment with the VAT system. It certainly opens up a lot of possible story directions and closes a lot of cliche or boring ones.

Originally Posted by zebra

Just like with papermario's "*pant*" I don't like the inserts like "(sarcastic)". I'm traditional like that, I guess It's a matter of style but it personally always breaks the fourth wall for me so I don't like it unless it's a script for a play or something.

Point taken. It's removed now. Though I'll keep things like noises or very subtle gestures; unfortunately they are very short compared to the alternative action tags.

Originally Posted by zebra

If "sight" is meant as sighing and not looking, it has to be either "sigh" or "sighs", I think.

Hehe, one of my many common typos. Fix'ed.

Originally Posted by zebra

Other than that I like how you continue the story, but! I don't like how long the first historical part is. Again it's my personal preference, but the chapter kind of read like another introduction instead of a continuation. I felt like the chapter ended where it truly began. I personally waited for the plot and characters to get on, but it ended right when it seemed like I'd get that. It was fine like that in the previous chapter, but this time I felt dissatisfied by it.

However, I still like the details and the way you decribe the world. I saw some scenes very vividly in my mind, so I enjoyed it. I'm just one of these people that need plot and characters first before I get interested in the world they play around in.

Yes, however unfortunate, the part had to be told to complete the previous one (ie. the introduction to the world), so I just got it out. Sadly the limits are what they are, as much as I don't like it, so the second part ends up being cut short. Oh well, I'll need to try harder next time; but with the setting complete I can get on with the story with out worrying about throwing random explanations—I'm not a fan of the whole deus ex machina style of story telling where you just throw out information when it's convenient.

Continuing a story from a previous one is a little bit harder then it looks. But even with the bumps I'll just carry on. I guess some things you can't get right until you get it wrong.

Originally Posted by zebra

Totally unrelated, but I had to chuckle about that you named the librarian Isolde XD An old friend of my late grandmother was named like that. It's a rather old fashioned name, but I kind of like the contrast it creates with the futuristic setting on second thought. Specially since I mostly hear the name in context of medieval stuff. Might be totally unintentional, but it has that effect to my german ears

It's a very old name indeed. I borrowed the name from the play "Tristan and Isolde." The name means "fair lady" which fits well with the character. I wanted to have a princess like character to rub some good into the main character, since part of feedback I received last time was the main character came out a tad too much of a brat. I've fixed some of this in the re-writes on the old one as well.