[Hayate22]

Blue text under your translation is a possible corrections/suggestions or possible wording context change corrections/suggestions you might want, Password-san. It's to help with the flow of the translation into the English language. The corrections/suggestions I'm putting forth are done from both the text in question as well as the way the vocals sound during these scenes. The way one says something in Japanese due to tone, emotion, etc also effect how the sentence may sound and how it was implied to be said.

Nanoha:
It's almost one week after the "Book of Darkness
Incident" ended.
"The darkness of the Book of Darkness" had completely disappeared,
It's been almost one week since the 'Book of Darkness Incident' has ended.

なのは：
はやてちゃんと
守護騎士のみんなはもちろん、
Nanoha:
Hayate-chan and
all the Guardian Knights are a-ok,

なのは：
リインフォースさんも、
今は八神家で、元気で過ごしています。
Nanoha:
and even Reinforce-san
is now living in good spirits with the Yagami household.
Hayate-chan, the Guardian Knights, and even Reinforce-san are all living in good spirits at the Yagami household.
(strongly suggest you change that to this one because of the whole fact that 'mochiron'(romanji sp?) is actually a conjunction to add Reinforce into it due to the pause.)

なのは：
高町家とリンディさんご一家、
すずかちゃんと忍さん達、
それから・・・・・・
Nanoha:
The Takamachi family and Lindy-san's family,
Suzuka-chan and Shinobu-san's group,
and...
The Takamachi family, and Lindy-san's group, Suzuka-chan and Shinobu-san and everyone there, and...

なのは：
闇の書事件か無事に終わって・・・・・・
なんとなく決まりかけた自分の夢。
Nanoha:
The Book of Darkness incident ended without trouble......
It's like a fading dream of mine somehow.
The Book of Darkness Incident ended safely...

なのは：
レイジングハート・・・・・・
私はどこまで・・・・・・
どれくらい飛べるのかな。
Nanoha:
Raising Heart......
How far......
How long can I fly?
How far can I...
How long can I fly?

クロノ：
－－すまない、頼めるか。
Chrono:
--We're sorry for this, please do.
Sorry about this, please do.

ヴィータ　（？）：
誰だ、てめェは？
Vita (?):
Who are you, bitch?
Who the hell are you?
(My interpretation since I don't usually link the whole 'bitch' part to Vita's character in general for now. And due to her voice's tones and what not at that time. Also in given the situation at the time. Vita would have responded with a bit more of the cautious fashion rather than insulting due to the fact at that point that Vita for the first time met Nanoha. That and the fact that the word 'teme' I believe is the romanji spelling, is I believe one of the few forms of saying "Why, you..." when used alone. The word that's generally been heavily implied to be used as "You bastard/you bitch" is generally kisama or teme depending on character personality and wording choice. In this case it wasn't that. As stated before, Vita was cautious for that short moment before her temper went off.)

なのは：
ちょ・・・ちょっと待って、
どういう事！？
W... Wait a minute,
what thing!?
W...Wait a minute, what do you mean by that?

リンディ：
さっき、本物のヴィータと連絡が取れたわ・・・
偽者が出たって聞いて怒ってた。
Lindy:
I was able to contact the real Vita a little while ago...
She was angry to hear that an imposter came out.

リンディ：
それから、
なのはは無事か、って。
Lindy:
And,
Nanoha, are you unhurt.
She got mad when she heard her imposter came out and wondered if Nanoha was alright?

闇の欠片シグナム：
知らぬ顔だな。
管理局の魔道師か。
Dark Piece Signum:
Indifferent, huh.
Are you a mage from the Administration Bureau?
A face I don't recognize.
Are you an Administration Bureau mage?

闇の欠片シグナム：
だが、成すべき事があるのはわかる。
我が友や同朋達も・・・泣いている。
Dark Piece Signum:
However, I know there's something I need to do.
My friends and companions... are weeping.
However, there is something that I do know.
My friends and companions...are still sad.

なのは：
ヴィータちゃんやシャマルさんたち・・・・・・。
それから、リインフォ・・・・・・
闇の書さんですね。
Nanoha:
Vita-chan and Shamal-san.......
And, Reinfo......
Book of Darkness-san, right?
Vita-chan's and Shamal-san's group......
And, Reinfor-....
Book of Darkness-san, right?

闇の欠片シグナム：
知っているのか。
Dark Piece Signum:
You know?
"You know them?"
(Heavily suggested due to context and how she sounded.)

なのは：
泣いてた友達だって、
今は・・・・・・・・・。
Nanoha:
Even your weeping friends,
right now..........
Even your sad friends, right now they are....

闇の欠片シグナム：
もういいか？
私は行かねばならん。
Dark Piece Signum:
Is that it?
I have to go.
Is that all?
I can't afford to stay here.

なのは：
すみません・・・・・・
ダメです。
Nanoha:
I'm sorry......
You won't.
I'm sorry....
I can't let you.

闇の欠片シグナム：
断る。
我が前に立ち塞ぐのなら、
斬り伏せて進ませてもらう。
Dark Piece Signum:
I refuse.
If anything stands in my way,
I shall cut them down so I could proceed.
I refuse.
If anything stands in my way, I won't hesitate to cut it down.

闇の欠片シグナム：
子どもを斬るのは、
気が進まんがな。
Dark Piece Signum:
I am in no mood
to cut a child down.
I'm in no mood to cut down a child.
Version 2: I do not feel like cutting down a child.

<Version A>
レイジングハート：
Raising Heart:
Excellent!
（お見事です）

なのは：
ほんとのシグナムさんだったら、
こんな風には勝てないよ。
Nanoha:
Had that been the real Signum-san,
I wouldn't have been able to win like this.
</Version A>
If that had been the real Signum-san,
I wouldn't have been able to win this easily.

闇の欠片ザフィーラ:
そこの魔導師。
貴様か、ヴィータ達を討ったのは。
Dark Piece Zafira:
The mage there.
You! I'll avenge Vita and the others.
You there, mage.
You are the one who defeated Vita and the others.

闇の欠片ザフィーラ:
貴様は、なんのために戦う？
正義か、大義か。法のためか。
Dark Piece Zafira:
why do you fight?
For justice? For a cause? Is it for the law?
What is the reason that you fight?
Is it for justice? Is it for a cause? Is it for a king?
(Heavily suggested to change to this. The last question is Zafira is using 'king' since back in his past, there were kings who would use the Book of Darkness previously.)

闇の欠片ザフィーラ:
いずれにせよ、
おとなしく封じられるつもりもない。
Dark Piece Zafira:
At any rate,
I have no intention of being sealed submissively.
I will tell you this,
I have no intention of being sealed quietly.

闇の欠片ザフィーラ:
盾の守護獣の役割、
貴様を止めて、果たして見せようッ！
Dark Piece Zafira:
The Shileding Guardian Beast's duty
is to stop you, I shall show you!
The Shield Guardian Beast's duty is to stop you, which I shall do immediately!

闇の欠片ザフィーラ:
この拳が、この牙が・・・・・・
あとわずか・・・届いていれば・・・・・・！
Dark Piece Zafira:
These fists, these fangs......
Just a little more... If I can reach her......!
These claws, these fangs...
Just a little more...If I can reach her...!
(Could be argued depending which form one believes Zafira spends most of his time in. Though since he is a Guardian Beast, I went with claws rather than fists...)

[Well that's all my corrections/suggestions to your translation Password-san. You can take any that you like to use. I just played through Nanoha's story mode up to the save point after I just beat Zafira. I'll help you out with translations if you want.]