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Hagoshod · 2011-02-22, 01:29

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6764651/...isine_Critique

Spoiler:

Charlotte decided a new strategy was needed to defeat her triggerhappy opponent. Suddenly, from the pink doll's small body emerged an enormous black caterpillar with a head that resembled the face of a playful clown. A very hungry playful clown.

Mami's overconfidence was abruptly interrupted by the sight of her opponent's new form. She could only watch frozen in terror as it quickly loomed in the air over her with its grinning mouth agape. Before she could even let out a final scream, Charlotte's jaws snapped shut around her head and lifted her by the neck.

Charlotte's prey went limp almost immediately after the caterpillar's razor teeth began slicing through her throat. The doomed fighter's final movements only consisted of her legs making a few grotesque twitches as they dangled from the monster's mouth. This caused Charlotte to think of Mami as a witch being hanged for her sins, and the cursed creature felt this was a fitting end for her opponent.

Charlotte squeezed her teeth together further, finally breaking through the hard candy shell that was blonde-haired girl's skull. Mami's lifeless body then briefly flashed in a golden light, and her elegant Puella Magi costume changed back into her plain school uniform. Charlotte found this event to be somewhat odd, but ultimately shrugged it off as she didn't mind what kind of wrapper her treats came in. She only became concerned when the final threads of bloody muscle fiber and nerves keeping Mami's mutilated head attached to the rest of her dangling body gave away under her weight, allowing her decapitated corpse to escape Charlotte's grip and plummet to the ground below. Charlotte was dedicated to finishing her meal, however, and quickly swooped to the ground to begin gobbling away at her victim's remains. To her, little girls were the most delicious thing next to cheese. Mami had passed her ideal ripeness somewhere in her teen years, but she still possessed a youthful sweetness that the hungry caterpillar found quite delightful.

When all that remained of Mami was a red jelly staining the white floor of the room, Charlotte used her tongue to clean away the small mess that remained on her lips. She then raised her still smiling face and peered toward the two huddled figures that would soon become her dessert.

I hope you like this story. I enjoyed writing it. Maybe a little too much.

2011-02-22, 01:29	Link #8
Hagoshod Banned Join Date: Feb 2011	http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6764651/...isine_Critique Spoiler: Charlotte decided a new strategy was needed to defeat her triggerhappy opponent. Suddenly, from the pink doll's small body emerged an enormous black caterpillar with a head that resembled the face of a playful clown. A very hungry playful clown. Mami's overconfidence was abruptly interrupted by the sight of her opponent's new form. She could only watch frozen in terror as it quickly loomed in the air over her with its grinning mouth agape. Before she could even let out a final scream, Charlotte's jaws snapped shut around her head and lifted her by the neck. Charlotte's prey went limp almost immediately after the caterpillar's razor teeth began slicing through her throat. The doomed fighter's final movements only consisted of her legs making a few grotesque twitches as they dangled from the monster's mouth. This caused Charlotte to think of Mami as a witch being hanged for her sins, and the cursed creature felt this was a fitting end for her opponent. Charlotte squeezed her teeth together further, finally breaking through the hard candy shell that was blonde-haired girl's skull. Mami's lifeless body then briefly flashed in a golden light, and her elegant Puella Magi costume changed back into her plain school uniform. Charlotte found this event to be somewhat odd, but ultimately shrugged it off as she didn't mind what kind of wrapper her treats came in. She only became concerned when the final threads of bloody muscle fiber and nerves keeping Mami's mutilated head attached to the rest of her dangling body gave away under her weight, allowing her decapitated corpse to escape Charlotte's grip and plummet to the ground below. Charlotte was dedicated to finishing her meal, however, and quickly swooped to the ground to begin gobbling away at her victim's remains. To her, little girls were the most delicious thing next to cheese. Mami had passed her ideal ripeness somewhere in her teen years, but she still possessed a youthful sweetness that the hungry caterpillar found quite delightful. When all that remained of Mami was a red jelly staining the white floor of the room, Charlotte used her tongue to clean away the small mess that remained on her lips. She then raised her still smiling face and peered toward the two huddled figures that would soon become her dessert. I hope you like this story. I enjoyed writing it. Maybe a little too much.