[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Byakou

I was reading some stuff about japanese culture and how things work and I'm wondering if the following is true? :

-When talking to someone, there's always someone "superior" and someone "inferior".

尊敬語 【そんけいご】 (n) honorific language
謙譲語 【けんじょうご】 (n) humble language (e.g. itadaku)
In the sense of using sonkeigo and kenjougo, yes.
Customers are 'superior' so shop assistants will use polite language on you.
Teachers are 'superior', we should use polite language to them.
Naturally for formal occasions, both parties may speak to the other in sonkei and refer to themselves in kenjuu

-Bow: The inferior one needs to bow at 30 degrees and longer, the superior one can bow more quickly at 15 degrees, or just nod. The superior gets the cool endname suffix, and the inferior gets an ordinary one or -chan at the end as an insult(you're a child).

There are rules with the bowing, i forget them all, but they're mainly used in formal/business occasions. But naturally, the deeper the bow, the more respect is shown. On extreme cases, let's say if a corrupt CEO was discovered and had to make a national apology on tv, they bow right down to the floor, as in they get on their knees, and place their head on the floor.
Complete and utter submission, in a 'im not worth' sense.

-Japanese never say what they're really thinking because they want to avoid conflict, and remain polite at all times. If asked "Would you like tea or coffee?" they answer "Either is fine" because otherwise it is impolite, and can only say which they really want if then asked "Which one do you prefer?" "Tea"

I can get away with just choosing, lol.
Can't say i've noticed that, shall pay attention from now on, but yeah.
Honne (本音, Honne?) refers to a person's true feelings and desires. These may be contrary to what is expected by society or what is required according to one's position and circumstances, and they are often kept hidden, except with one's closest friends.

Tatemae (建前, Tatemae?), literally "façade," is the behaviour and opinions one displays in public. Tatemae is what is expected by society and required according to one's position and circumstances, and these may or may not match one's honne.
more info on wiki
This is very much a pain in the ass for westerners and i have been bitten by it before (ironically when i was in the UK tho)
but naturally in most countries, people tend to confide in those they trust more.

-They look for hidden meanings in everything that's done and said, cause they never say their true thoughts.

Perhaps so? I dunno. as a gaijin, i do by default since i learnt 'a smile is not just a smile when in japan'
In london, when you see a bright smile, it means positive things, we take it for what we see it as.
In japan, we need a manual to consult to most days.
I know that the longer you live there, you begin to develop a 6th sense on how to read smiles, perhaps the japanese already have this and know how to deal with it better.

-Men are expected to be aggressive and rough, women are expected to be submissive and gentle.

heh heh, same thoughts in england 100 years back, look at what's happening now
That mentality applies to most countries, if not all over the world. Young girls are rebelling though, mainly through language, since japanese is gender sensitive, that's one of the biggest changes i've noticed this decade.

-When they're polite, they don't actually mean it, it's just an automatic reaction.

hmm... "nihongo wo jouzu" is. That's definitely an auto reaction, and speaking personally, it took a while for me to not get offended by it, even if they are being sincere and sweet, its so damn patronising, lol.
So now i just do what the romans do, i say 'it's not that good, i need to study more' and that usually ends it.
(helps that i actually believe what im saying tho)
- I think rather its an auto reaction to being polite, but most times they are sincere about it.

-Sometimes they refuse gifts because they think there are strings attached.

i can't help but think that way too, lol.
Every favour accumulates a debt of sorts, but you learn to return the favour whether it be treating someone for a meal or coffee or helping out with something Vexx said it best, it kinda balances itself out.

-<insert million of things ppl are supposed to do otherwise they're considered rude>


...

From what I've read, life in japan is some sort of un-fun constant paranoia. So, is it true?

*looks at herself*
I guess it can be xD
As a foreigner tho, we can get away with breaking a few social rules simply cause we are foriegners, it's our 'get out of jail' card. I sometimes hear stories from my japanese friends and think they're more trapped within their own society than we'll ever be.

This post is but only my opinion, perhaps others will have slightly different experiences and replies for you

edit: while i was writing this, i noticed 3 replies shoot up before me, so this is just my own 2 pence.