|
deathcurse-this response is kind of late, but I also noticed the suicide. I just didn't mention it because, well, a tragic end to one of your stories...yeah. It mainly stuck out that she didn't actually light the stove because you mentioned so many other mundane details in her daily life that when there was no mention of her going back to the stove, I realized what was up. And her head ache while making the phone call was a big tip off. I don't know how much you are planning on changing, but one of the things I really liked was how subtle the moment was. I've dealt with suicidal people before, and unlike what is often depicted in the media, sometimes there is no big tearful "don't try and stop me!" moment. Sometimes they are just so sick of suffering that when they decide to off themselves, they are eerily calm. Especially when they feel as isolated as Hayate must.
Tiresias-when I write longer stuff, a time-line isn't necessary because I tend to go chronological, but I do make sure that the characters are completely fleshed out before hand, so I know exactly how they think and would react in any given situation.
|