Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiemi
I will admit I tend to forgive easily and sometimes, can easily forget about the bad things. Even my fiancé says I'm too nice.  He doesn't want me to change in that sense, but sometimes he says my niceness is too extreme to the point of thinking of others more than I think about my own self. He has been helping me in trying to be a little selfish from time to time. 
But yeah, I won't say a thing myself, but will see how I can still let my ex know at least that I'm moving. Yes, I can put closure and have a new life with my fiancé, but I cannot deny my ex contact with his daughters and he will probably want to travel to see them and send them stuff as he has done till now. (That is one other think I have to work on because I have no intention of having him know where I'll live. He will only get a P.O. Box address for sending stuff.) It's like my oldest once said when she was 5: "I know he made you suffer, but he will always be my father." |
And note I didn't say that you should cut the link with him and your kids. I said to RB that the relationship between him and the kids won't change, I know you'll let them keep in contact over webcam, etc and you're already thinking of getting a P.O box for America when you move.
That's fine. You've forgiven him, great.
Now concentrate on your wedding and leave him out of it. I don't see what difference it makes for him to know, cept for him to potentially screw things up for you
before the wedding (and I wouldn't put it past him).
Should you get married, settle in, the kids still keep in contact, it'll only be until he wants to send something and needs an address that the topic will come up and sure then you can say:
'I've left PR now, got married and settled in the US. As you've noticed, nothing has changed with you and the kids so there's nothing to discuss, except giving you a new address so they can receive items from you.'
You really have to stand your ground Sheimi.
It isn't being extreme and cutting him off so your kids don't hear from him anymore, but it's keeping him in check as to not disturb your happiness and future.
You
do not owe him anything, so whether he hears it now or later doesn't matter, nor should he flip out as long as the relationship and access between his kids remains the same, which I know you have no issues with.
That's about it, it doesn't become a complicated issue unless you wanna make it, lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam
What's so bad about forgiving easily? |
Forgiving easily is one thing, but allowing a negative force to remain in your life
after forgiving is where it gets stupid.
Sadly for those who forgive easily, they also just 'continue as always'.
Why is it bad?
Cause humanity has a tendancy to prey on the weak and good, so basically you'll be used, abused, chewed and spat out.
It needs a balance.
You can be kind natured, non violent, polite, sweet and kind, but you also need to know how to hold your ground, when 'enough is enough', when to say 'no' and
when to be strong.
(Speaking emotionally and mentally here)
The toughest thing is being strong as many women (I'm speaking from a female p.o.v) are afraid to speak out or retort, or let their own lack of self confidence whisper negative thoughts in their minds and believe they have zero worth.
Within dating, this could also apply in terms of following your instincts if something feels wrong, or if one person is moving too fast and you feel uncomfortable, you tell them (or someone) about it, rather than freaking out and falling into a dangerous situation.