[lildevilinhell]

Just posting something I wrote in another forum.

This was practically an essay lol ._.' ... I'm too emotionally vested in this show. =_='

Spoiler for Episode 12 Honoka's feelings:

I felt myself sympathizing with Honoka throughout instead of criticizing her.

The whole main reason for her to become a school idol was specifically to prevent the school from closing down. Even when they tried to earn a ranking for Love Live, it was to ensure the school's future. The moment that school was announced to accept applicants again, her main goal for being an idol has been accomplished for the time being (there's no guarantee next year it's going to keep it up).

Of course, gradually, trying to go to Love Live was becoming more than simply saving the school, but something she wanted to go perform on stage with everyone. However her determination and energy backfired on her and resulted in not only ending the live prematurely, but also leading the chairwoman and the group to withdraw from the participation to Love Live. Honoka, despite being a optimistic carefree character, she has a strong sense of responsibility. She was crying in front her laptop screen after seeing µ's taken down from the list, because of her own recklessness. She was overcome with anguish, remorse, and self-loathing.

The 3rd years manage to briefly push Honoka's back forward again so she gradually seems to be back to normal. But we see that the consequences of her actions have left quite an impression in her when Honoka becomes concerned about the health of everyone when they were talking about being able to continue club acitvities. She begins to see everything around her more clearly, including Kotori's worries, that Eri informs her that Kotori has been down even before the live.

When Umi took action to reveal Kotori's choice to study abroad, Honoka was most likely angry at first. The most notable part was the expression she looked at Umi with, it was out of the feeling of betrayal and being left out of the tightly knit loop the three had together. The excuse that they didn't want to worry Honoka while she preoccupied with the live was marked out when Honoka received a confirmation that Umi knew it before the live. But Kotori's words and tears changed that anger to shock and pushed Honoka back to her self-loathing that she just slightly recovered from.

We see Honoka regretting her lack of consciousness of her surroundings, and her lack of moderation. Her foundation for why she wanted to be an idol was to save the school has been accomplished. Her newfound goal aside from saving the school to go to Love Live with everyone was crushed by her own blunder. One of her best friends since childhood has kept quiet about her studying abroad the whole time, because Honoka herself was too preoccupied in her excitement to notice anything wrong with Kotori. Honoka most likely kept feeling self-loath throughout that night she sent (? maybe not?) that text message.

Her depression carries on to the next day, where Eri ends up talking about holding a "last live with the 9 members of µ's". That was twisting a knife in the wound, though it wasn't Eri's intention. Honoka's demotivating/insensitive words toward the group was an accumulation of all her negative thoughts that gathered the night before. It might have been actually not intended to be directed to the group, but actually to her own self. Honoka's attempt to leave the group seemed like an attempt to run away from the "last live" that she thinks she caused herself.