Triple R, your story looks good so far. Kyon sounds in character, the plot is interesting, and the story moves smoothly. Nice work.
To go off-topic, I wrote a story awhile ago and I'm plugging it here. Don't be afraid to tell me what you think of it.
Being the Dominant One.
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Ein: “There’s nothing. Dreams are illusions. All they do is interfere with reality.”
Superman: “You know what, Ein? Dreams save us. Dreams lift us up and transform us into something better. And on my soul, I swear — until my dream of a world where dignity, honor and justice becomes the reality we all share — I'll never stop fighting. Ever.”
“Phantom: Requiem for the Phantom” and “Superman vs. the Elite”
(Mostly accurate dialogue, but with a little editing to make it mesh better.)